


Beastial

by matsumototaka



Category: Dir en grey, the GazettE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Attraction, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Blowjobs, Bonding, Consensual Sex, Cum Fetish, Different species, Fantasy, Fluff, Frotting, Hurt/Comfort, Killing, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Neck fetish, Psychological, Rape, Romance, Self-Harm, Skin Hunger, Slavery, Soulmates, Survival, Trauma, Winged Character, age gap, dark minds, handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:14:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 115,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25861144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matsumototaka/pseuds/matsumototaka
Summary: “I love you,” the words flowed out of his mouth easily like a gentle breeze. He felt Kyo's thumbs at his waist, his black shadows that swirled and embraced him.What defines a beast? Coldheartedness? Exploit of power? Violence? Deprivation of innocence? Self-righteousness?What happens when two broken souls divided by species and war find out they have more in common than they thought? What happens when they are forced to fight to stay true to one another in a world of prejudice and contempt that would seek to tear them apart? How will the mind cope to stay alive?This is the story where beauty is tarnished and the beast is the foulest of them all.
Relationships: Kyo (Dir en grey)/Ruki (the GazettE)
Comments: 101
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

He makes his way slowly onwards, the fog so dense he can't see ahead any longer than his arm could extend in front of his body, mindful of each step, making sure he doesn't nudge them. 

At first he hadn't been able to look down at them but there wasn't anywhere else for him to look and he knew he needed to move. No matter where this place was and what he'll find out here, no matter if it's something good or something bad, he needed to move forward, so he plants his feet carefully between them until he will find it.

All of them wore thick covering robes suited for colder weather, too poor to be anything but peasants, but oh, their faces. Twisted. The skin grey. No eyelids. The balls of their eyes seemed to stare blindly at him, their mouths stretched too wide with jaws locked in unnatural positions. Their spindly fingers stretched as if they had been clawing at the soil, begging for someone to help them, the ground between them darkened by dried blood and shredded wings.

They were all so stiff. So unmoving. 

There was no smell. No flies. He wondered how long they'd been lying here and why they looked so much like frozen ghosts. 

Knowing it was important he reached whatever he needed to reach he swallowed thickly, ironed his nerves, and stepped on through the unknown land.

A sound disrupted the silence suddenly. It was like a continous steady tapping against a hollow tree-trunk. Like a sleeping giant. Something alive. Natural and yet not. And then silence resumed. 

After a long while the fog began to clear little by little until he could get a better look at this field, a breath getting stuck in his throat at the sick immensity of it, the mass of grey bodies. The landscape was vast, open, he didn't see one tree—nothing at all, but those sprawling bodies, their numbers stretching on and on as he walked between them. And then, as the fog cleared more, he saw one single form that wasn't lying on the ground. It was a small black speck in the distance and he made his way towards it. 

The lone figure. His destination. 

They were sitting in a slumped position perched on their knees with both hands lying limp on their lap, palms up and fingers curled, the wings were hanging down their back and their face was hidden from view. They were alive and breathing and there. Real. 

As if the own heart had been dead and was now brought back to life he hurries towards the figure. Lungs filling with air and his body becoming lighter and lighter to carry he runs the last bit, jumping over twisted ghosts until he reaches the figure that still hasn't responded to his presence, and throws himself down before them, causing their knees to collide together on the dry ground but the figure still doesn't give away any sort of reaction.

He couldn't bring to mind how the two of them knew each other, what the figure's name was, but he knew with every fibre of his being that there was something in his body that knew all too well. A pull. 

“I found you.” 

He lifts both hands to that face, urging it gently to lift so he can see those eyes. 

“I found you.” 

They don't comply and shrinks further in on themselves. 

“Hey, it's me. It's me. Look at me,” he tries to coax them softly, stroking the warm cheeks with his thumbs. “I'm back, we're back!”

Slowly, they tilt their head up. 

His soul leaps at the familiar features. The mouth, the cheeks, the nose, brows. The stern and the soft. His own lips stretch in a fond smile, heart doing a merry flip. 

“Come on, look at me,” he lightly scratches his scalp and touch his hair, as if he's waited years to be able to touch this man again, taking in his whole appearance. He looked okay, no visual injuries, though the tip of his left wing looked like it had healed from an old injury. “Are you okay? Look at me,” he says again in a whisper. 

Finally the eyelids flutter opened.

Black. 

No pale grey. No white. No pupils. Only black. 

They take him off guard for a moment, not seeming quite right, having expected pale ice and warmth. These eyes were black—the whole eyeballs, that is, but they still feel familiar and safe. 

As if the man can't speak there's a row of short rattles and rumblings bubbling from high inside his chest—not in threat or warning, but careful, almost playful friendliness. They all softened at the end before he produced new ones. 

Attraction. Like calling to like. 

Smiling at him he leans in to wrap his arms around his frame, receiving more of those sounds, noting how they prolonged and deepened until it was now a steady purr. 

“I found you.”

***

He was caught.

Wolves, a small pack of them, stood between him and his return to his campsite, the ongoing burning around all of them roaring, the air toxic to breathe in.

Ruki isn't far from passing out, an overbearing headache threatening to cleave his skull into two pieces, his bones ready to give up on him, he coughs into the sleeve of his hand, not letting his attention stray from _them_ for a second. It's all he can do to keep himself up on his two feet at this point, but he'll be damned if he collapsed with those vicious eyes on him. That ominous, wicked smirk.

There were four of them. One red, one silver-haired, one light-haired, and one black. They weren't actual wolves—but winged beasts. They merely felt like wolves because himself felt like a fawn in that moment.

“Thought you'd get away did you?” The silver-haired taunts.

“He's a pretty little one,” the red one muses, his golden eyes roaming along Ruki's body.

The silver-haired tsk's, “so scrawny. Didn't feed you, did they?”

“Them humans. They don't even take care of their own,” the light-haired chuckles, hands resting on his hips, as if Ruki's poor condition was a testimony to his conviction of human badness.

The red closes the last bit of distance between himself and his prey, pushing himself into Ruki's personal space, grabbing a handful of his dirty jacket and forces him to stand up properly, before touching a hand to his cheek.

He can't stand another second of this, doesn't want to become another pile of torn flesh and broken bones in a pool of his own blood like the others of his species. He still manages a glare despite his exhausted state, his headache and nausia, the taste of bile in his mouth, and despite all he's seen and the images his mind produce of what they might do to him next, he's got enough fight in him, little as it is, to not evade his eyes from this one. He hates them too much. Wishes he was strong enough to wipe out all four of them, right now. Do to them what they'd done to this village. To his own village. Such evilness belongs not on this earth.

He's imagined this moment many times. The moment he'd be facing the winged beasts again. This situation differs so much from his fantasies though, because in them he was strong, invincible, and he would take them down one by one. Claim his revenge for all that they've taken from him. It didn't matter if it was these particular four who'd been the ones from back then or not—he'd kill all of them, rid the whole island of the beasts once and for all and finally put an end to this fucking war. In the real world however Ruki stands no chance at fulfilling his fantasy.

This is the first time he's seen them this clearly, hadn't had the time to back then. Since he was a kid he had always depicted them as monsters with claws and fangs, but what they actually looked like... was strikingly human... only with black wings sprouting from their strong backs.

The red one leers into his face. He's a tall one, strong. A soldier. That sharp jaw, those elegant features, and the flowing red hair would've made him attractive, but for his feral eyes framed by a generous amount of black paint. He's the one that makes Ruki tremble in fear because ever since they discovered his hiding-place this one hasn't let Ruki out of his sight once. The man-like creature seemed almost at one with the fire, the flying embers seemed to flow from his form and dance around him in the smoke. Like the flames nurtured and fueled from his power.

“Once he's cleaned up and naked he'll be just my type. I like them blonde and small. He's got a pretty mouth too, I'd love to make him use it” the red muses, unfaced by the received glare, as if surveying a product in the market.

Ruki has never been so scared during his entire life.

_Please no!_

Images flash through his mind; a young man with his pants down, blood-covered thighs, a woman being raped, screaming in agony.

The winged beast presses a finger against Ruki's bottom lip, forcing it to part with its upper counterpart, and Ruki fights with all his might to stay strong, to not give him the reaction he wants. To not show fear.

“I can never get used to your wingless kind. You look like half a man, limbs missing,” he sneers, “you can glare at me as much as you want, it only makes you look more like a lost little cub who's lost his mommy. I'll teach you what consequenses you can expect if you defy me once you're mine. Perhaps I'll cut you just a little bit, from your navel, across your belly and chest all the way to your throat,” sharp nails graze along his jawline before taking a steady grip, forcing his head to tilt back, exposing his throat. Before Ruki can swallow thickly he pushes him backwards to collide with the tree behind him with a loud bump, “–gauge your eyes out. Or perhaps I'll throw you against the wall and fuck you raw until you bleed. I could fuck you right now, that would erase that naughty little expression from your face, wouldn't it?”

“Don't fucking touch me,” Ruki gives him the most threatening voice he can produce, his pulse pounding loudly in his head, but his voice is barely more than a few rasping sounds, his throat coarse like sandpaper. His eyes wet and stinging from the smoke.

All the other man does is blowing some hot air onto his face as he laughs the way that only wolves do, eyes bearing a shine to them that tells him that whatever Ruki will do to protect himself will be received with amusement.

Ruki breaks all too easily when a hand suddenly sneaks between his thighs to firmly squeeze his genitals through his pants, it's impossible not to. He whimpers and jumps in shock and fright. Tries to jerk his body away from the intrusive touch, humiliated at the treatment and the laughter that erupts from the onlookers.

A big lump clogs in his chest, the surrounding tissue blackens and dies. He's imprisoned between the tree and the cruel hand that doesn't let him get away, only squeezes the tender flesh harder, and Ruki has no control over the loud wine that escape his lips. It hurts. He can't face the four of them now. Can't run away, nor can he fight, so with eyes shut tight he hides his face against the own shoulder, as close as physically possible. Hoping. Praying to any deity that might hear to save him from this situation and from any future torment that threatens him.

This can't be. Life can't be so cruel. Not this cruel. Not after everything.

He can't be tough afterall. Falls helplessly down the pit of resignation that overlaps with the blackened, dying bits, and freezes. Utterly helpless, he can't be nothing but a subject to whatever games they want to force him into. One of many nameless victims of war.

The red loves the reactions he's getting. How quickly he's defeated.

“It would be a waste to kill him right away,” one of them, Ruki doesn't know who, agrees with his comrade. “It's a long journey back home, maybe we should all have a few rounds with him on the way.”

His head is pounding. This is all too much. His health, the things he's seen, getting captured, inhaling smoke, and now this.

Feeling sick he leans forward and retche uselessly which leads to him to finally be let go of and so, he falls to a hunched position on the ground, only he's got nothing left inside him to vomit.

“No. As much as I'd love to see him take all of us he'd die before we even get back. I'm going to keep him. It's been too long since I had a human slave in my bed. It's the one thing they are good for. Vile, fuckable little creature. That's what you are.” The red stares down at his new toy, making up his mind and thereby sealing Ruki's doom. “I'm getting hard just looking at him, I can't wait to get home, clean him up and chain him to the bed and hear him scream.”

There's a snort from one of them. “You had one until just the other day.”

“Like I said,” the red answers, “it's been too long.”

A chuckle.

Ruki cowers on the ground beneath him, shaking in fright, defensless, feeling all of their eyes scrutinize him. A puppet entirely at their mercy – a human, which means the red can live out his desires without regard.

“You're so fucking disgusting, Die. Just kill him.” A grim voice says. The black one. What flicker of hope Ruki holds on to for that brief second is shattered in the next.

“You've got no command over this. I have the right to take a human slave, same as any man.” He kicks Ruki's wingless back so he chokes on the air, chest colliding with the grass, “freak of nature”.

The black one doesn't speak against the red again. It's the last thing Ruki hears before an impact to his head knocks him out.

“Hey, vestorian.”

A booted foot nudges Ruki's limp leg, making him flinch and shy away from the touch. The red laughs at him. Always laughs. Always taunts.

“Just checking you weren't dead yet,” he says before sitting down by the fire, a skinned animal roasting above the flames.

Ruki was located a little to the side, not wanting to be too close to the beasts. With an effort of willpower he sits up, leaning against the tree behind him, head spinning a bit, taking in the appearance of them.

They were all athletic and fit, dressed in tight black fabrics revealing their muscled bodies. Their shirts all have high collars and are open in the back, leather boleros covering their arms, held in place with straps over their chests. They're also heavily armed with multiple weapons strapped to their legs and at the hips with belts. Soldiers.

He gets a good look at their wings as well, folded behind their backs. Feathery. Raven-like. In the sun the feathers shifts slightly in color in hues of dark green and silver.

“You should take care of your pet, Die,” the black speaks so softly Ruki almost can't hear the words that comes out of him. His hunched over way of sitting makes him look even smaller than he did erect, almost half the size the other three and yet he still manages to be the scary one out of their group, his gaze directed at the flames before him, not looking at Ruki which he's thankful for.

His master, takes some of the meat roasting above the fire and walks over to him, holding it out for him to take. At first Ruki only stares faraway, ignoring him and the offered food, wanting nothing from these bastards. He'd much rather starve.

“Either you eat by yourself or I force it down your throat, what's it gonna' be?”

Not wanting to risk the humility of being force-fed on top of everything else, Ruki silently accepts the food as well as a leather waterskin. It smells so fantastic his stomach aches.

He waits until the red returns back to his group before taking a small sip of the water. He's so thirsty but he resists the urge to swig it down in one go, knowing that his body might not let him keep it down if he does, taking small sips and swallowing carefully before taking another so as not to shock his body. He was dehydrated and hungry. Once he started drinking he couldn't stop.

He enjoys a few more glorious sips before placing the skin on the surface of the rock beside him, using the same method with the heavenly tasting meat, taking small bites at a time and chewing slowly, no matter how much his stomach growls right now. He knows not and cares not what kind of meat it is, it's the best he's ever tasted, he thinks, licking grease from his fingers, feeling as pain shoots through his stomach, shocked at being properly fed after so many hours of going empty.

“Good boy. We are two more days from reaching our destination, I'd rather you didn't drop dead before then,” his master says. Ruki regrets accepting the food.

Head spinning even worse, he lies back down and shuts his eyes because he doesn't even have the energy to stay sitting, feeling sick, the pain coursing through him repeatedly. How will he ever get out of this?

He knew where they were taking him. North.

This island he called home was divided into two very crudely and closely divided sections; the South, and the North. The South belonging to the humans and that was everything that was good and peaceful, while the northern kingdom was home to the “winged folk” or simply “winged” as the humans called them in nicer terms, “beasts” being the most common everyday term. As little as he knew about the North he knew it was dangerous territory—all humans knew that. He's most likely never getting out of there once he's crossed the invisible line.

On top of everything else, his lack of experience and knowledge definitely lessened his odds to just over zero. And then there was his complete lack of fighting skills and muscle that pushed the odds down to utter hopelessness.

The next time Ruki regains consciousness he finds himself alone.

He wakes slowly, shuddering from cold despite that it was still late summer. It was his starved body, always being so fucking cold.

He scans the area where they'd taken a break from their journey and oddly can't find anyone else around.

Acting on instinct, his body fills with adrenaline, senses sharpening, as he throws away his blanket and carefully ease onto his legs, still on the look-out for the others, stifling a tired groan he almost lets out, takes a few deep breaths, and carefully moves a step. Shit, he was so weak.

Taking another few steps while searching for beasts and possible routes to take to get himself out, he's thinking that maybe, just maybe, he can get away. He's not about to question why he's been left alone, it might be his one chance to slip away before they reach the border and he's not going to waste it.

He can't believe his luck when he's managed to get himself several feet from the reststop. It heightens his hope and fills him with possibilites. Despite not being quite human those guys weren't animalistic enough to be able to smell him and track him if he actually managed to flee, would they? They probably would. That didn't mean he wouldn't try.

Ducking behind a thick tree-trunk for a breather, the hard material giving him something to lean on and a sense of safety at the little shelter it provided, he's managed to leave the reststop behind but he had a long while to go to be able to actually hide, his eyes lifts to take in the path before him. Only to find his path once again blocked and his heart stops. Body instantly tensing over, he feels as hard as the tree he was trying to mold into.

The black one.

He hadn't at all heard him coming. Seen him. Felt him. But he was very much there. Right in front of him. And for several moments he can do nothing but stare at him.

They both assess each other silently.

The black one was much shorter than his companions, about Ruki's height if one didn't count the wings, but somehow he seemed larger. The way he holds himself and the way that even though he's smaller – his folded wings tower over not only the own head but the wings of the others as well. He differs from the rest in ways Ruki can't put his finger on.

He's got a ridiculus looking hairstyle, cut straight off at the same length all around the head. There were silver piercings adorning one ear, and a labret under his bottom lip. He makes an imposing impression, walking towards Ruki with a heavy, lethal gait, as if he's carrying too much weight, but is still strong enough and ready to pounce at Ruki should he try to escape. His eyes locked on him with irises an icy, pale grey shade, encircled by a thin black line – his stare is as cold as the color of his eyes, it sends a shiver down Ruki's spine and he immediately averts his own.

The beast stops several paces away from his tree. Ruki, completely frozen over, can feel his stare.

This one hates him more than the others do. Unlike them he hasn't been bullying Ruki for amusement, for a laugh, no, he was all pure wrath. No games, only bloodlust. Ruki can feel his rage rippling from his form, the air seemingly thicker around him, and he knows that if the red hadn't claimed him already this one would've killed him so fast he'd already be rotting by now. It's impossible to stop himself from trembling all over, struggles to keep his last meal from rising to his throat.

He's only heard him speak twice and given his state he could barely sum up the memory of a voice. What sounds he produces now was nothing like normal speech and not really human, but low, deep rumbling and growling, that whole wolf-thing actually started to make sense. The sound started in his chest and rolled through his stucture, all the way to the wings; they flared a little behind his back, catching some of the light that managed to penetrate through the thick forest, making their darkness iridescent with silvers and purples. A predator through and through. Fixed on him.

Absolutely still save for his trembling, Ruki is glued where he stands. Thinks he can feel the air vibrate with those sounds. He shouldn't have tried to flee. Of course they wouldn't leave him unwatched, he was their property now.

Slowly so as not to provoke him, he raises his hands in front of his body in signal of resignation, the limbs trembling pathetically.

“Don't– don't hurt m-me,” he says in little stutters, flinching when those wings make a sudden flare before stilling again. Keeps his eyes by the winged beast's feet to not lose him but is unable to look straight at him. “Please.”

Crazily, he wasn't sure he was talking to a man or an animal.

“I'll–... I'll go back.” _Please don't grab me. Don't come closer._ His instincts roars at him to keep that one as far from him as possible. He'll do anything to prevent the space between them from closing.

He can swear those freakish pale eyes drag over his body then and he instantly wants to cover himself but makes himself stay put, his palms still held out in front of him and trembling more violently.

“You don't belong here, 'pretty one'.” He drawls those last two words.

The voice startles him. That voice. Lethal softness. Low, almost quiet.

“I'll go back,” Ruki repeats in almost a whisper, accomodating to the tone the other set, “on my own. Don't touch me.”

The beast angles his head the tiniest bit. And Ruki despises him. Despises him for having such power over him, hates how helpless he is in his presence.

“Such a pretty little one,” he muses, still with that tone. As if he didn't need to raise his voice to invoke fear. The words combined with that voice chills Ruki to the bones. He wasn't sure if he was being mocked or what else.

“You're a fucking monster,” he spits.

A humourless snort.

Out of all the reactions he expected he didn't expect that. He wasn't the least bit offended nor did he seem surprised by the term, like he was told that daily.

He looked old somehow. Like one who had walked the earth too long. Had lived past his time. Or perhaps belonged somewhere else entirely. The air around them, around Ruki, appeared to be singing in a minacious song that was beautiful to the ear but although there were no words that he could detect he knew the song was anything but beautiful. No doubt to lure prey into false safety. As if the black's presence made the wind come alive, or perhaps enforced the way Ruki was able to percieve it.

Ruki doesn't know where his courage comes from—if it was courage at all but deep desperation, “I'll make a deal with you,” he breathes out, “let me go now, pretend I got away from you when you're asked, and I'll disappear–”

Deeper warning-growls, that muscled body hardening, stretching.

Instantly shutting up, Ruki involuntarily flinches. His backside pressing against the tree.

“Don't you see? You can't run. You'll never make it. I'll make _you_ a deal – scurry back to where your master expects you to be when he returns any minute now.”

“Or?”

“Or nothing.”

“That's not even a deal!”

“You are in no position to make one. You have no other choice. If you run – which I doubt your body is capable of – you'll only make your situation worse for you. He's going to punish you however he sees fit. He doesn't have a heart, and you'll be far more broken than you are now, but he won't kill you. He wants to enjoy you first. Go back, please him, live another day, save your limbs.”

Please him.

Slave.

Live another day.

Slave.

“I will still die, won't I?” He says lowly. He'll die a slave. Sooner or later.

“Yes.” Simply.

“Why are you telling me this?”

A shrug.

Ruki lets his hands drop along the sides of his body.

“Scurry back, so I won't have to force you.”

When Ruki does nothing, the beast takes a threatening step in his direction, growling again. His wings stretching out on either side of his body, dwarfing it with their massive wingspan, the limbs so large they should technically be no more than useless nuisance to the creature that bore them but still managed to use them with grace, flapping only once, sending the air rushing like a brief hurricane—not to take off but to relieve some of that hate he harboured for Ruki. To keep himself from launching at him where he had no right to.

The feeling was mutual.

“Go.” A guttural growl and a promise. As if he'd sensed Ruki's growing anger. Successfully bringing it down.

This was his last chance to avoid being physically dragged away, or worse—not trusting he won't slay him if provoked too far.

Perhaps he should provoke him into killing him. He didn't want to die, but he'd rather have that than what awaits him.

“I don't want to.” As much as it pains him to show fear, Ruki whimpers. “No!” He slides away from the tree to hide behind it as the black draws nearer, still avoiding looking at his face. He was too much of a coward.

A thought comes to mind.

Perhaps he hadn't seen this one at the campsite because he'd watched him from afar, knowing he wouldn't be able to control his thirst for Ruki's blood if he'd stayed near him.

Snapping twigs, grass crunching, the harsh wind and sweeping of feathered limbs close in on him from behind. Not wanting to die, not wanting any more pain or humiliation, he doesn't even think about it, he just pulls away from the tree and runs, legs barking in protests, his lungs burning in no time, but he doesn't stop.

Naturally, Ruki is not accustomed to flying which is how majority of the days until they reach their destination is spent. The sky seemed to stretch on forever, away and away to distand lands. Most of the time the hours would drone on in silence with nothing but the wind in his ears and the powerful flapping of wings at his sides, or him trying to block out any conversations between the beasts he didn't wish to hear, any taunting sent his way.

It was terrifying to find himself so high above the ground in the arms of a stranger, as well as incredibly awkward to be pressed too close to another man. Ruki always valued his personal space, had never been very comfortable with touching, not even hugs unless it was with someone he'd first established trust with and even then it had almost only been towards females. It was unusual for males to be close to each other where he comes from but he's not so ignorant as to not know that same sex couples were more common otherplaces. The defect in Ruki's situation was something else entirely...

He's had many hours to imagine what's in store for him once they've reached court, he supposes it's a good thing that the scenarios in his head are all so horrific he can't believe they'll actually come true. That he's in denial. That somehow things won't be so bad afterall.

The further they flew the colder the weather became. In the southern regions of the country the warmest season of the year was slowly coming to its end and was still comfortably warm, but it seemed the northern regions were in a much bigger hurry for autumn, the air already turned crisp and the forests golden, an almost unnatural contrast based on how closely the two parts lay. Like two rivaling twin sisters that had nothing in common but the womb they once shared. Unfortunately for Ruki who was still sporting his summer attire. Unlike him the winged men seemed unfaced by the dropping temperatures.

The forest beneath them became thicker, different, not like home. It was wilder somehow. Older. Making him feel so far from everything known and familiar, which of course, he was.

He had no idea what to expect of the North. What it would look like, smell like. Doesn't know what he had expected the winged king's court to be like, hadn't really thought about it before, but if he had it never would have been this.

As they finally reach their destination Ruki is met with something incredibly intimidating. It's a place of blacks and greys and yellows. A large expanse of green coniferous forest covered all the way from the snowy peaks lining the horizon, and to the gold surrounding him. The court itself was an enormous construction scupltured out of grey stone, the most striking feature about it being the endless number of sharp towers stretching towards the sky like black spikes adorned with even more spikes all over their grim walls. So many towers were there that he couldn't possibly count them if he tried, and the lit up arched windows like a thousand stars making it look like a living, breathing city. It was haunting. Beautiful. Partially concealed in an ocean of untouched golden trees growing and clinging around it, splashing the stale architecture with brisk color. Some of the trees were the largest he'd ever seen, didn't know they could reach that high above the ground. The Lord of Earth must be strong here.

The sight steals his breath away. This was the grand castle sprung from the pages of a dark, poetic fairytale, something you thought only existed in books and myth. It really did appear as if it had grown out of the earth and was growing still and would continue to do so until it reached the moon. The towers reminded Ruki of black obsidian for they shone and sparkled in the sun like glass.

This place told of strength and durability. He was certain it had been designed to show off power, and invoke deterrence in an unwelcome stranger daring to cross its path—much as it did to himself right now. He had no doubts these walls would keep him inside once he breached their doors. That they would swallow him and digest him slowly until he had no idea how to get out again.

This was it. This was his doom and end. He's come here to suffer and die.

He's come here a slave.

“I'll report to the king,” a soft voice proclaims to the others before soaring higher and out of sight, while the red steers Ruki right for the tree-tops and towards a platform that emerges between the golden leaves, located high in the center of the building that seemed large enough for a hundred people to be able to fit on it.

They land on the stone.

By the platform is a tall doorless pointed arch leading into the belly of the building that Ruki supposes it to be the main entrance. He wobbles when touching the ground after having been airborne for so long. Has barely regained his balance when he's immediately handed off to a couple of females along with the simple instructions: “he's mine. Take care of him and send him to my rooms.” And then his master too has flown away.

Ruki didn't feel like a man as the two women approached him with displeased expressions, both taller than him, he felt rather like nothing and no one. They lead him inside through the arched entrance, down hallway after hallway, up and down winding staircases with curved handrails. Everything seemed to be crafted to imitate nature and nothing was really completely straight or perfect. He passes plenty of windows too, many of which don't have glass which he finds odd. It must get terribly cold during winter. He's fast confused by the maze-like route they take him through until reaching what appears to be a public, empty washroom.

The room was large and naturally lit by the sun shining through tall, painted glass windows, there's a large pool to his right and several shower stalls to his left. It's the most elegant and luxurious room he has ever seen, all of it had been carved in white marble; the floors, the walls, even the ceiling! His momentary stun is cut short however, when ungentle hands rips his jacket off and reach for the shirt underneath.

“No!”

He protests but it goes unheard. These two are stronger than him and easily holds him in place when he tries to move away from their intrusive hands as they proceed undressing him. There's little he can do before the situation makes him freeze and shut down.

“Don't fuss, it's no use. You will get cleaned weather you like it or not. I advice you to not make this harder than necessary,” her tone laced with a mix of bore and irritation, as if given the task of cleaning Ruki is beneath her. It probably is. She doesn't look like any kind of servant, her tight fitted outfit reveals a strong body fit for a warrior.

Ruki wonders if the winged folk even have servants.

“You're so disgusting and dirty,” the same woman mutters while ridding him of his shirt, revealing his skin as pale as the marble, his torso with prominent ribs and slightly hollowed in stomach. “You must be the pittiest creature he's brought home to date,” she continues.

“Yeah. But that's exactly what the twat likes, isn't that so?” The other, up-until now silent woman agrees, grasping one of Ruki's arms as he self-consciously tries to shield himself from view.

He doesn't want this. He doesn't want any of this!

When she buttons up Ruki's pants and pull the zipper down, the hurried and rough motion is felt by him against his crotch and Ruki closes his eyes tightly, burning in humiliation. Wishing himself to sink through the floor, down down, until he's buried deep beneath the earth between the roots of the gigantic trees outside. He can only endure as his pants are pulled down along with his underwear.

Now completely bared and vulnerable, he steps out of the pool of garments at his feet. As both women withdraw a little, staring him up and down, he uses the one free arm to cover the most private part of his body with a hand between his thighs.

“Pitiful,” the woman clicks her tongue before grabbing that same arm harshly, yanking it. “Come on, I've got way more important things to do.”

Ruki shrinks. If that isn't a hit below the belt he doesn't know what is. Like many men Ruki has always felt self-conscious about his body in general and particularly about his small stature as well as his private parts. Being stripped of his dignity in front of two women who cares nothing for him is the most humiliating thing he's been forced to experience.

They steer him towards one of the stalls. A brass handle on the wall is rotated to make water pour out from the shower-head above and there's a surge of relief for a brief moment, he can't help but sigh at the feeling of clean water streaming down his body, washing away the filth, he tilts his head back to let the water spray against his face so gloriously.

Of course, his momentary bliss doesn't last for long. He keeps his eyes closed towards the shower head while the two women busy themselves with scrubbing his skin so harshly he's sure it's turned red, refusing to make any noise.

Once Ruki thinks they are finally finished, turning the shower off and drying him with a fluffy towel, the silent woman steps behind him to prepare the entrance to his body, catching him completely off guard, he jerks away forcefully with a mewl he's not able to contain.

What the hell?! Why?

The cleansing of his entrance is the final blow. This is real. This is actually happening to him. He's now a pleasure slave. Every inch of him has been cleaned and prepared for... for...

When they are done his skin is flush and clean and bears a faint floral scent from the oil they smeared on him, his hair is clean and soft to the touch and they've painted his eyes with black choal and given his lips a tint of red. They've dressed him in a thin, black silky robe that reaches down to just below his knees and is tied with a knot at the waist, a fancy lace black collar around the neck. It looks more like a dress than what he would consider a regular robe.

“There, all done! He actually cleans up well.”

Ruki is only half aware of the two as they make a bet on how long they think he'll last, his mind is occupied as he glances at the full length mirror before him. They've managed to make him look healthier. Prettier. To satisfy his master. A doll.

A fuckdoll.

If his family and friends could see him now they would turn in their graves.

Their only son. Bringing shame to the family name.

In the last few days Ruki had actually managed to sink even lower than before, no longer starving in the woods, but a fuckdoll to the very beasts that had killed them. What a disgrace he was.

Later, Ruki finds himself inside a tacky, tasteless apartment in one of the many towers with his left wrist fastened to a long silver chain attached to the wall close to the huge circular bed he's currently sitting on. With no chance of escaping there's little else for him to do now but wait. There is absolutely no way for him to mentally prepare himself...

Hours passed until he hears footsteps from outside, nearing closer and closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :) I don't think I'll ever be able to do this story justice so I figured I'd just start posting it the way it is now. I'm struggling alot to learn about writing, so please bear with me.  
> This is a beauty and the beast story but it's also much more than that and it has a twist.  
> There will be mentions of rape but there's only one scene that actually involves rape and that one shows up in chapter two, I'll place another warning at the top of that chapter.  
> Anyways, I hope you're curious to see these precious boys fall in love!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't one of those beloved pretty dolls one took care of, he was one of the creepy disfigured ones that got thrown against the headboard until his ceramic face cracked and pieces of it fell off, opening holes and revealing the hollowness that distinguished a doll from a real person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, this chapter includes rape.

Why has the world become so ugly?

His lips let escape a small whimper out the hollowness that was his chest, lying in a heap of white fabric, his skin now marred with vicious bruises a visual reminder of the wrath he's been subjected to, but it is nothing compared to the pain he feels underneath the thin layer of abused organ, or to the damage of his soul. His wrist is red and irritated from the cold iron it's been enclosed in for so long and desperately pulled at numerous times in frantic desire to break free. He's long stopped trying though, at this point.

It's morning, he concludes without even opening his eyes as he wakes from another night of restless slumber. Hates waking up to this sick world, his new hellish reality. To be so far from home. His torment is real and will continue to torture him again and again and he is powerless to stop it. The infinate hopelessness and the knowledge that it will go on still, this day, tomorrow, and all the days to come, is more than he can endure. The soft warbling of ravens and the faint rustling of the wind through the trees outside the open balcony doors are all mocking him with their cheerfulness.

His violator is never home in the mornings, always shows up in the evening and then leaves again before dawn breaks. Sometimes he likes to have a quickie during the day inbetween whatever it is he spends them doing, but mostly Ruki had the whole day by himself.

This morning, as he stirs on the filthy oval bed, there's an even bigger piece of himself damaged beyond fixing than the day before. He's been losing pieces of himself with each passing day since he came into service. How long has he been here exactly? A week? Two weeks? Longer? He can't seem to find any recollection of time anymore, for all he cared it might be just the one single day. The timeline that exists in his mind now consist of before, and after _this_.

Heavy eyelids rise, regretful that they still open, his eyes falls tiredly on the linen curtains, flowing gently in the wind not far from the bed.

The balcony is frequently used as an entry and exit instead of the actual front door on the opposite side of the spacious room. It's more convenient for one with wings to fly in and out of their home, which means his master can show up at any second, any time of day, and more often than not a bird or two would come inside to mock him. Ruki himself has not left the apartment since the day he arrived, isn't allowed to, no, he's a locked up prisoner inside a tower in the sky. Despite the crackling hearth, the chilly weather makes the temperature too cool for his comfort, those times one of his limbs escapes from under the covers at night the ache in it will disturb his sleep, not that he slept well either way.

Comfort.

What an alien word. It holds no meaning for him.

He moves his chained arm to cover himself more with his robe, feeling the weight of the metal as it clinks with the movement.

He's in constant pain because of the bruises and cuts littering his skin, never getting a chance to heal, receiving new ones more often than he can keep track. His master loves and gets off on torturing him, loves the power of it, however, the pain below his waist from repeatetive intrusion without care is overwhelming and overshadows that of any other injury. He doesn't know how bad it is exactly but he can't imagine he's not got a few tears, has bled from there too, the blood now dried on the insides of his thighs, he doesn't get up from the bed anymore, the chain isn't long enough for him to get very far from the furniture, but he knows that if he did he wouldn't be able to walk properly.

The more he yells 'no' or tries to escape the more his master enjoys himself, it made him break down in despair the first days. The ruthless monstrosity of that beast is unfathomable. Ruki bites his lip in exhausted contemplation. This is what he spends his lonely hours doing, thinking. Or just lying. A dead weight. Sometimes he spaces out too, for long periods of time.

He can't take this anymore. He can't. If only he'd jumped out of his master's arms on their way here.

He remembers the morning after that first night with his master, how he had looked into the mirror as he'd been allowed inside the bathroom, and what his reflection had shown him. A battered doll. Dead red eyes stared back at him, smeared with the make-up that had almost managed to hide his ugliness the day before. Tousled hair. A split lip. Fingerprints covering his neck. And that scorching pain below the waist that's never ceased since. He wasn't one of those beloved pretty dolls one took care of, he was one of the creepy disfigured ones that got thrown against the headboard until his ceramic face cracked and pieces of it fell off, opening holes and revealing the hollowness that distinguished a doll from a real person.

He had realized in that moment, staring at his own reflection, that he was not the same person that he had been hours earlier, but forever altered. It wasn't that he'd been beautiful and good before... and after, well... if all the ugliness, hate and disgust in the world could be collected inside one vessel – that would be him. That's what he is now.

Sullied. Dirty. Used. Foul.

Let it end. Ruki had prayed. Just let it end. No more...

Without thinking he had locked the bathroom door to keep himself safe from ever being touched again, so desperate to be let alone, but the servant-person that was with him of course got him out again and beat him for it. That same evening his master had been very displeased by his behaviour for making someone else lay a hand on him.

He hasn't even been allowed to wash because this is exactly what his master wants. Ruki covered in both their grime to humiliate him, to demonstrate the power he has over him. Oh, does it work! It was a damn powerful weapon and Ruki was powerless to fight him.

He can't bear it.

But he thinks he must deserve all this. Why else does he have to endure it?

Hand shaking slightly, he runs it through the strands of his hair, grabs some locks and they easily fall out as he pulls, his once thick hair was now matte and falling out. There will be nothing left of him soon. All of him is changing against his will into something he can't recognise. Can't even think of his family anymore and the shame they'd feel if they saw him like this. Perhaps if he forgets about them altogether, they will never know...

A sudden noise from outside the main door immeadiately makes him tense up, one of the ravens that was accompanying him made a sudden shrill call. His eyes stops blinking before shutting so tightly it hurt, fearing even the slightest of sounds, his heart that should give up any moment now trembling frantically while he clutches the bedding. If only he could disappear somehow, if only he didn't have his body anymore, was able to leave it behind.

Anything that happened that wasn't part of the routine in this hell made him sick. Sometimes food would be delivered for him but he usually can't bring himself to eat more than a couple of bites here and there, but it was still too early for breakfast. He listens. Thankfully no one enters and when he doesn't hear any more sounds he tiredly goes limp against the bed. Drained.

He wants to die already. Please, please, let him die.

Pain floods through his everywhere. He doesn't even remember last night, but he knows it happened. Soon though, there shall be no more pain, this horror will surely end. He's dying. His days are numbered.

The atmosphere was noisy. Drunken, exuberant people being drunk and exuberant. The air smelled of wood and fire and sticky sweetness, with loud laughter and cheers erupting frequently from the pit.

Resisting to grunt out loud, Kyo finishes his glass of wine with a sigh. These late night parties had never been his thing and he failed to see the need of them, yet everyone around him considered it one of the heights of their culture, and even though this was a smaller one compared to greater, yearly celebrations such as the summer solstice, the crowds were enjoying the most of it.

'To keep up their spirits', his sovereign said once, though Kyo recognised that the king, like himself, preferred work over parties.

Only attending because it was expected of him, he'd leave as soon as it was socially acceptible, after he's played his part and done his duty, he knows the festieves would continue until dawn without him. He didn't need to celebrate little or large victories with drinks and fooling around, to him it seemed more fitting to stay sober and train harder and continue their work because only the final victory would be the one to hail, and until then there was no reason to act lazy and stupid.

Among the crowd were slaves too. They were there to entertain. As whores, as whipped hounds forced into the pits. As whatever ways men and women saw fit to proclaim their retaken status as lords of the island—falsely, but it gave them confidence and strengthened their faith that the enemy would one day fall.

Kyo didn't participate at all and talked to no one. Even as a young man he had never found any interest in watching the fights. As dear as this place was to him, as much as he'd give his life to protect it, he could never get his head around and appreciate these celebrations, and he certainly didn't enjoy seeing people fuck humans in public. He was bored. There were better ways to celebrate success than this, but his people wouldn't agree with him. They loved this.

A young slim-waisted woman dressed in the tightest piece of a dress he's ever seen, falls without grace near him, knocking the air out of her, obviously intoxicated. She laughs and straightens up again with the help of another woman.

She then threw a glance his way and grinned and he almost narrowed his eyes into slits when the female walked up to him, her soldier's body strong and fit but her hips so wide, she was one of the finest specimen of her gender and she knew it. Behind that gloss of drunkenness in her eyes she was confident cockiness.

Despite her recent fall she strode over to him in strong strides, placing a hand over his chest, leaned her face closer to him, with green eyes like molten gold in the light of the fire, and darted her tongue out to lick his neck. Most men during a night like this would have caught her waist and pulled her closer and fought to dominate her, her wild scent and full lips able to ensnare just about any available male.

She sniggered and patted his arm that hadn't made a move on her before walking away, like she'd known he wouldn't be interested. He heard both women laugh as they left him. He didn't care.

Deciding he's had enough for tonight he makes his leave to scout the area. It was more meaningful than getting drunk even if the court itself was the safest place for them to be, with guards all around.

The air was fresher away from the festivities.

His master enters through the balcony late that night, a smirk plastered on his face, and Ruki knows his master can't wait to dig his claws into him. Literally.

This night his master appears different though, is sluggish and unsteady on his feet. As he comes closer Ruki feels the distinct reek of alcohol on the beast's hot breath.

Drunk.

Ruki has never experienced him drunk before and is instantly alarmed.

The winged beast smelled of booze and wickedness—he can't describe what wickedness smelled like, but if it had a scent this is how he imagined it would smell like. He can already feel the pain sharpen just from his appearance. Wants to beg him to leave him be, to please let him have one night of rest to heal.

Instead he only sits up on the bed, following his master's movements through the room as he rids himself of his boots.

“I fucked some of your kin tonight,” his master says, getting on the bed while fumbling to unzip his pants. He had broad shoulders and a hard, muscled body, his red hair flowed down his torso, his eyes as always was framed in black. The bone structure in his face alone would have made the women in Ruki's village pine after him.

Ruki felt so small in his sultry presence that always made him think of fire. No doubt this man was kissed by the Lord of Fire. He had no idea which Lord out of the four had kissed him. 'You'll know when the time is right', his mother used to say.

Quickly dispersing the thought of his mother before the memory of her utterly shatters him, he lowers his head before his master, heart either hammering away against his bones, or trembling before finally succumbing, he can't be sure. It's all the movement he can manage, is well past the point of thrashing and throwing himself against his chain. The closer his predator gets the more he shrinks and shakes. In his head he begs for mercy but the words don't make it to his mouth anymore.

“And now I'm going to fuck you.” His master's hand grabs his chin sharply, digging his nails into his face. Only after Ruki has glanced back into some spot in his does he push him down on his stomach. “You know, we're celebrating a great victory tonight. Your lot aren't as tough as you think you are. This time we overthrew you easily, like crushing beetles with one's boot, and then we took as many of those beasts as we were capable of.”

Indeed, his master's drunken state proves devastating on Ruki's already so damaged body, for he's especially rough and impatient this evening—wasting no time before forcing him down and casting aside the fabric he wore to bare him without even undressing him. Touching him. Thrusting harshly into him, forcefully stretching already torn tissue, ripping him apart as he pushes himself in and out ruthlessly, uncaring of Ruki's pain as he cramps around him. There is no moment of adjustment or even a chance of taking a breath.

It's so painful he can't breathe.

A fruitless attempt to get away earns Ruki a hard slap on the cheek from a heavily jewelled hand, splitting the skin, the loud smack reverbrates through the room along with the slapping of skin on skin where their hips are joined, and the grunts of his master.

Ruki's head rings painfully, thrown for a moment from reality with that hit. Can feel blood trailing down his cheek. It stings badly but he's only momentarily distracted from the much greater pain that is so persistently being forced upon his lower body.

His master's voice overlain with lust sludders on words of how he's going to fill him with his seed, how pretty Ruki looks all painted red, and how he's going split him apart so that he won't ever be able to stand or walk again. Wrapping up his little rant with a disturbing laughter as he thrusts particularly hard into him to prove the sincereness of the words that has him lose some of his balance for a split second and Ruki squeals quietly from the sharp angle before the beast catches himself.

“Stop... please, stop. Just...” _don't. Don't touch me. Just stop touching me, please._ “No...”

Ruki's voice is weak and muffled against the pillow beneath him while he struggles still to breathe but it's like all air – thick with the nauseating odor of sweat and sex and his own unwashed body – is pushed out of him with each thrust. Feeling like he's going to faint, he tears at the fabric beneath him, desperate to crawl out of reach and take cover, but his arms are weak and legs useless.

“Oh, dearie I'm not nearly done with you yet!”

“Stop,” he whimpers in misery, squeezing his eyes shut when the unwanted heat of the red's body leans over his back to nuzzle nose into his withering locks.

No one heard him. No one was ever able to hear him. He was voiceless.

“Whore.” The offensive word is breathed into his ear, ignoring his pleas.

Whore.

Whore.

Whore.

“Human filth. You're so disgusting, you know that don't you?”

Ruki knows. He's disgusted by his very existence.

He nods his head as well as he manages, giving his raspy agreement, while drawing a shallow breath that barely keeps him conscious, knowing that he must else there'll be consequences.

Alone. He's all alone.

His master resumes an upright position and slaps his butt-cheek, satisfied with him, and continues sliding in and out of his body.

_I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die._

He can't take any more. He's burning. His body is burning. An overwhelming need to scream pushes up his chest and out his throat in a strangled cry. It's the loudest noise he's made in a while and it takes an insane amount of strength to conjure it leaves him shaky. He wants to die. But he doesn't want to die. He wants. But he doesn't. Not like this.

“I'm going to die.”

A shuddered whisper, drowned out by other, far sicker sounds.

His master laughs above him, “you're not going to die for a long time yet.”

Ruki makes one final pathetic effort to crawl away from his violator, unable to stand the endless pain, so desperate for relief even though he's not sure he knows what relief feels like anymore. What happiness and painless feels like. But me must try to find them.

The hands on his hips are unrelenting as he knows they would be, the winged beast behind him might be drunk but Ruki is no match against a warrior. So he just stops... he stops pulling, stops gripping the fabric, hands going limp on either side of him, and he stops seeing.

He cries out in pain one more time, thinking it might be his last – what a scary and at the same time comforting thought – it takes him a couple of moments before he realizes he's been relieved of his torture. His body hurt so much on its own and his master never stopped before finishing unless he wanted to shove himself down Ruki's throat, yet no hands grappled him to do so.

It didn't make sense.

Kyo shouldn't interfere, has no right to, and normally wouldn't even care, but even so he's trespassing and the sight and smell that greats him is a very unplesant one, blood and sweat and cum, he finds his kin brutally raping that human into the bed.

The little fellow is barely recognisable from the last time he saw him. Back then he'd been unhealthy and thin, yes, but this creature before him is broken, a bleeding, miserable fraction of his former self. He's amazed for a second that the boy still lives and struggles against his abuser.

Disgust wash over him, watching the youth trying to crawl away but is held in place by one much stronger, screaming in agony with torn voice, begging to be put out of his pain. Needing the sounds to die and for that disgusting act to stop happening before his eyes, he crosses the distance towards the pair.

He knows Die is aware of him by now but his kin still doesn't stop. So, using the man's distracted awareness to his advantage, he tears him from his victim and has him pinned against the opposite wall before the sick man even registers what's happened and before he can turn to him to take him on. With Die in a secure grip around the throat, he bores his eyes inte the slightly stunned and very amused golden of the other.

“That's enough Die!” He snarls.

Addressed man recomposes from the shock of his intrusion quickly and grins, unfaced by his anger despite that he was entirely at Kyo's mercy.

“That's fucking enough!”

On the bed, Ruki curls on himself, gulping much needed air into his lungs and tieing his robe tight around the waist in attempt to cover his dignity despite being long lost already. What's going on around him is little more than a blur.

“I don't recall inviting you. Now that you're here why don't you join in, which end would you prefer? Once you've aquired a taste for it you won't be able to get enough. He deserves it anyway. I tell you, he's a good one, better than most of the women I've had. Tighter.”

Kyo doesn't dignify that with a response.

“Come on, I know you need it, I know beneath that cold heart of yours you're desperate for release!”

“You know nothing.”

“I know more than you think. I got under your skin, huh? It would do you some good man, lose some of that tension,” he smirks. “Frigid little shit–”

He tightens his grip, cutting off the man's ability at speech along with his airflow comepletely and still, that infurating grin doesn't waver. No hands comes around his wrist to fight him off, the man just lets Kyo push him into the wall.

“If you didn't drink and whore your way through life then maybe you'd've been man enough not to let yourself be overthrown in your own bloody home. If you'd made yourself useful you could have risen higher by now, instead you shove your dick inside defenseless boys. You're fucking pathetic.” He lifts the man's weight off the floor with just the one hand at his throat and Die finally struggles against him and the loss of air.

Once Kyo is satisfied that his smugness is wiped, he tosses him to the side, watches silently as he falls to the floor, gasping violently for breath.

“Bastard. I'm useful enough,” Die rasps, struggling to get words out inbetween draws of air, “the king is satisfied with me. There's more to life than killing, you know.”

“No there isn't.” He doesn't resist the urge to grimace. Fuck, that abominable stench!

He turns his attention then to the shaking form still on the filthy bed that flinches under his gaze, takes in the chain closed around his wrist and follows the length of it all the way to the wall where it's mounted securely. It's not a thick chain, strong enough for the little human to not be able to flee, and Die himself couldn't break it if he tried.

He looks back to the hunched over figure, tensed and shivering from his plight. It's a revolting sight. The smell was turning fouler by the second.

Taking a few steps to reach the bed, ignoring the way that the human almost jumps off it in fright, he lifts that stupid chain with both hands, and tears it apart with some effort, delighted at the protests from his kin sitting on the floor, his hand still at his throat.

“Hey! You have no right!”

The chain falls soundly to the floor. A piece of it was still connected to the human's wrist but he's free at last. Kyo's eyes clash with the wide orbs of the one he adresses but they instantly look away, offering him a choice.

“Stay, or come with me, what's it going to be?”

Plain and simple. Come with him, or die—perhaps not tonight, but he will die eventually should he remain.

The black one steps towards the balcony and turns around, facing him once more. This is his last chance before it flies out into the night and Ruki takes it. He doesn't know what lies before him if he comes with him, but he knows what happens if he stays so it's not really something he needs to contemplate.

“I haven't given you permission to leave, slave.” His master warns from the floor, successfully making Ruki hesitate and curl up for fear of punishment, but where is mind falters his body does the work.

With great effort he scrambles into a sitting position. Every move hurts, his entire body is sore. His very bones vibrating with pain. _Don't leave me here_ , he pleads silently with the stranger—the black one—a most unexpected saviour but he's not about to question things. _Don't go._

Ruki is slow in his movements as he plants his feet down on the cold floor and stands for the first time in days with a sharp intake of breath. With his lower body on fire, every step is excruciating. He scrunches his face as he hobbles on unsteady legs and it's humiliating how poorly he walks, knowing that they're all aware of what caused it, but still his body moves.

The pain is almost unberable and he has to pause and lean against the bedframe for a moment and he's worried he'll not make it. He has to make it.

With a hoarse cry he keeps going until he reaches the waiting, stoic figure by those linen curtains who wastes no time to wrap him to him, pressing him tight against his body and lifts him up with ease. Instinctivly the own arms go around the neck of his unexpected savior, holding on to him for wretched life.

“You know I'll get him back. I'm his master.”

Kyo throws one last glance at the man across the room before stepping out onto the balcony, placing one foot on the railing, spread his wings, and take off. The being in his arms gasps and clings to him.

With difficulty he tries to ignore the nasty dirt covering the young human's skin. There is temptation to let his light burden go right here to fall to his death, tear those filthy arms from around his neck and leave him in the sky. How satisfying it would be. To watch those eyes flick with panic, before plummeting helplessly to their death. He can feel every ragged breath as the human stuggles to fill his lungs with air, face pressed against his shoulder, no doubt panicking from the flight. The proximity threatens to make him gag.

He can't believe he's aided a human.

If he vomits on his shoulder he's definitely letting him go.

This moment Ruki is struck again by how the black one is about his size and yet there's somehow more of him than his eyes can persieve, it's why he became so afraid of him the first time they met.

He's graceful. A steady, powerful force against him, but at the same time moves heavily, as if burdened with the weight of the world. He feels it clearly as the muscles contract against him with each wingstroke, as if not only the wings, but the whole unit of him worked to stay aflight, pushing them smoothly into the air, and he fights the rising bile in his throat. He might've screamed but his mind was too blurry and thick he wasn't able to.

Ruki doesn't open his eyes for the entirety of their journey which thankfully isn't a very long one, and soon finds himself swept in through open mahogany doors and entering a circular, dimly lit, elegant room. The pain and exhaustion blinds him from registering its interior other than the whitewashed walls and high ceiling. If his head had been clearer, if he'd still been himself, he would have reacted with surprise by how it was anything but that dark dungeon covered in cobwebs and bloodstains that would have been more befitting of this man-like monstrous creature.

He's discarded ungently, like the elegant room's owner can't stand being close to him which he can't blame him for—still, it hurts terribly to crash onto the floor, being treated so harshly over and over again. Confused for a second at feeling crinkled paper under his hands—no leafs, he scrambles to cover himself with his clothing when it reveals too much of his nakedness underneath, feeling extremely out of place in the fancy room.

Now that he was here he wondered why he'd ever agreed to come.

The winged beast is obscure in the corner of his blurred vision. Wearily, he looks up to find him standing by a gap inbetween dark built-in wooden bookcases, stern features drawn in a face of disgust, most probably asking himself how he winded up with a human whore on his hands despite that he himself had brought him here.

Ruki wonders too.

He has no idea what the black wants from him, what's going on or why he's here. There was no reasonable explanaition to this.

Wordlessly, the beast nods his head in the direction of the gap that lead to a hallway, and Ruki knows exactly what he wants, why he's here. He's been taken from one beast to another. He's gesturing for him to go inside his bedroom. He's going to hurt him. Put a new chain on him. And tear him apart.

With that insane strength he must possess to be able to tear his old chain apart, Ruki immeadiately regrets coming with him. He can't go through this again. He can't. Can feel the last shards of who he was fall off him like broken jagged glass that crashes soundlessly to the floor in hundreds of tiny pieces around him—pieces no one would hear. His sense of self ripping away like losing one's memory to become an empty shell with cracks in his body. The black one is going to be much, much worse. That pure hate, those abnormal eyes, his impossible strength. Ruki can't even imagine the damage he'll do to him. He can't imagine experiencing more pain than he already is.

So he can't move, is shackled where he sits. He knows the rules: obey or there will be consequenses. And yet he can't move an inch to save his life. His voice is shaky and barely audible when he manages to form the words.

“Are... are you going t-to take me?”

The world stills and fall silent for a moment. All he can do is wait. Wait for the other to start laughing, to launch at him, or in any way confirm what he already knows.

“I don't want scraps of someone else's whore.”

His voice is surprisingly soft just like back in the forest, but low and vicious. Hateful. It's a punch to the gut for Ruki and he flinches in response, the words stung no matter how much he hoped they were true. That he didn't want him.

“So... you're going to kill me then?”

The other is silent for a while and Ruki thinks he can hear the gears turning inside his skull, contemplating doing just so and why shouldn't he? Again, he can see no reasonable explanaition that he sould be let alive and untouched. If the black spoke true and doesn't want to fuck him then he's got no use for him...

“There's the bathroom immediately on your right, go clean yourself up, I can't stand the smell.”

What?

Not understanding, Ruki stares at the carpet beneath him without being able to register its pattern, still unable to move from his position on the floor. It's most probably a trick to lure him into a false sense of security before tearing it away.

“You have nowhere else to go, nobody here will help you. I'm the only one that stands between you and your master and anyone else who'd take advantage of a human walking around on his own, and believe me, most of them wouldn't hesitate. You're worth nothing, they will use you until you drop dead. Now get on with it, I haven't the time nor patience for this.”

Yes. That's the truth isn't it, why all this has happened to him? He's worthless.

“Now.”

Ruki gives a harsh shake at the much sterner tone. Head lowered, he forces himself to walk slowly towards the winged beast despite every instinct screaming at him to run in the opposite direction, until he halts beside him, waiting for an unwanted touch.

When nothing happens he wills his head to rise. There's an opened door before him—it _is_ a bathroom. He doesn't feel relieved though for he knows he's not safe, knows this is all a game. A trick.

“Take your time. If I'm not still here when you're done don't worry, no one comes into my chambers uninvited.”

Ruki doesn't even remember getting inside the bathroom and the tub, but he has a long overdue bath and finds the grim beast gone by the time he's finished and re-emerge inside the oval room, dressed again in his black robe, and is instantly unsettled.

What was he supposed to do with himself now? He hasn't been given any instructions.

He stands in the room awkwardly to wait for the black to get back. The black one is the last person he'd want to anger in any way, it would be very improper (more like a death sentance) to venture around touching things inside his home. He's worn and tired though, standig becomes increasingly difficult by the second, a slicing pain pounding in his middle.

How long could the beast be away? What was he supposed to do in the meantime? He doesn't manage for long and sits down on the spot, all the while fighting not to fall into the abyss that beckons him, roaring at him that he's spent.

He wants desperately to sleep. Sleep forever.

What will happen tomorrow? Will his master find a way to get Ruki back to him? Will he punish him? Kill him? He'd pick the last option any day. Not that anyone cared what he wanted. He doesn't know how much time passes as he sits there worrying about what shit was in store for him next, he's fallen into a deep, much-needed sleep by the time the black returns.

Kyo sighs heavily.

Ponders again throwing the boy out the balcony because he really doesn't need this nuisance in his life. Instead, he lifts him up from the floor.

He gently lays the feather-light burden down on the bed in the spare bedroom he never thought he'd have use for again, and halts for a bit, stands over the unconscious form, considering him silently.

The young human looked anything but peaceful, features drawn in a pained frown, like his entire being was in constant readiness for hurt. His body lean and small, bordering on too skinny—doesn't look like he's got much muscle on him—curling into a fetal position on the bed while Kyo's eyes drift slowly from body to face. Taking in the fair skin of his youthful face where it wasn't disrupted by damage, the long black eyelashes resting against cheeks, an elegantly shaped nose with rounded wings, full colorless lips and finally, long and wet, messy strands of gold framing the head against the sheets, not concealing the silver piercings adorning his ear. He can't really tell what age he is but guesses he's not yet turned 30.

Those wounds though. It was impossible to not focus on all those wounds covering his body as so much of it had been exposed for his eyes to see when he found him on that bed. Too many to count. Bloody and angry, some no more than a day old. They were on his legs, on his arms, his back, even his neck and face and he'd glimpsed a few on his chest between the flaps of his clothing. Cuts. Scratches. Bitemarks. Bruises too.

They didn't shock him in the least. That sick, sadist fucker had had many slaves over the years. When one died from his vicious games he found himself a new one. This one was just his type: frail, young, ivory skin. But in such bad condition Kyo wonders how he's made it this long.

He should kill him right here. Smooth and clean while he's resting.

The human shivers in his sleep. Doesn't wake when he wraps the cover around him. No doubt exhausted from his endeavours. Kyo lingers for a bit before retreating, closing the door behind him.

Clenching his teeth, he shakes his head once. He was going to regret this, he was sure of it.

Ruki wakes briefly in a room he doesn't recognize. He scans it for danger, listens for any concerning sounds. The bed beneath him smells fresh and clean it was intense on his senses, and aside it there's not much else inside the four walls but a small dresser and bedside table with an oil lamp on it. There's also a small window with dark grey curtains drawn closed but he can see that the sky outside was not as dark as it was last time he was conscious. Relieved to be able to see all walls with no openings, no one else inside, he's mercily drawn back into the gentle arms of dreamless sleep in no time and does not rouse again for a long while.

His bladder is what compells him to leave same room several hours later no matter how reluctant he was to step outside the door. He knows not where he is but it felt much wiser and safer to stay right where he was, than finding out what awaited him outside.

Moving his arm, he realizes that despite that it's still chained it hasn't been connected to something, that he's free—as free as one could be while inside a cage. He hesitates for a moment longer before doing it, finding a dark narrow hallway outside lined with two doors on both sides, the one right opposite to the one he's currently peaking his head through clearly being an opened entry to a silent kitchen he strongly suspects someone's used to make coffee recently. At the far end of the hallway he recognises the circular room from the night before. That's where most of the light came through from.

Good thing he remembers where the bathroom is for he does not want to sneak around opening doors he's not allowed to open. It's located right beside the room he slept in, so he sneaks inside to do his business.

When he carefully shuts the bathroom door, intent on getting back to bed to hide beneath the covers again, he's met with a feminine voice and just about refrains from jumping out of his skin in shock right there, not having expected it. It comes from the large, circular room.

“Hi there. Oh, I'm very sorry for startling you. Please, have no fear of me,” the voice adds at Ruki's too strong reaction.

He lingers in the shadows of the hallway while finding the source of the voice in a winged woman sitting by the dining table at the far end of the room with a book in her hands.

“I've been waiting for you. I'm Ami,” she smiles. She looks friendly but Ruki isn't fooled that easily.

When she rises from her chair, his side collides with the wall on his right out of sheer instinct, ready to run at this point, with senses on high alert, watching her every move. Her gender does nothing to make him feel like he's in any less danger than he would be with any of them, she could be as fierce as the rest of her kind, her smile surely an act. In response, she lowers her voice and holds her hands up to signal she means no harm – another move he doesn't fall for.

“It's okay, I won't come closer to you, I just wanted to introduce myself. Kyo isn't home right now, he's busy a lot, he asked me to look in on you. If you want I'll leave but I shall come back later with some food, for now here's your breakfast,” she motions to a silver tray on the table, “although it's way past breakfast-time.” That smile again.

She studies him for a moment, waiting for some kind of reaction but when he doesn't give her one she closes her book.

“I'll see you later—oh, and you should know, Kyo is your new master. He arranged it with the king last night.”

Ruki's gaze only follows her until she reaches the front door, walk through, and it clicks shut.

He's rooted for a moment longer before releasing a breath, his hands at his sides squeezing the fabric once he's able to will his muscles to move again. What follows is not conscious, he doesn't intend to eat the offered food, his mind is deatched, almost like he's left his own body, taking just a couple of steps through the doorway and into the elegant room.

And snap.

He wakes as if been struck, his mind and soul locked inside his body again, trapped inside that painful flesh and skin that hurts too much, that he wishes he could leave forever.

The balcony.

Right there on his left.

A wave of terror plunges through him, stopping him from taking another step, from running back to that room he woke up in. Aside all that pain he's confined inside, there's the breeze of outside air. There's sky. So much sky and nothing but sky outside those huge open doors leading to a rounded balcony with its curved rail, night-sky blue heavy curtains framing the massive opening.

Can't look away. Like he's been petrified and shut down save for staring at that sky, waiting for it to haul at him, the clouds reshapen into wings and rushing right at him. Their feathers sharp like blades, cutting him everywhere, even through him. And needles. Needles dig into every inch of skin halfway, the tips shaping into hooks to keep him from being able to pull them out.

Make it stop. Make the pain stop. _Please._

That balcony is just like the other one. But he's not there anymore—he needs to tell himself he's not there! This is somewhere else! He needs to get his mobility back so he yells at himself to believe that he isn't there anymore. But even so his fiery master could easily come through those doors and pick him up. He's got free entrance!

He stares and stares, completely frozen over, feeling that chain enclosed around his wrist, expecting it to hinder his movements if he was ever able to attempt to tear himself away. It's not even an option to reach his breakfast if he wanted to, it's a good thing he's used to going hungry, it might be poisioned anyway.

He's got no idea how long he stood there or how he finally managed to get back to that room he slept in, finds himself curled beneath the soft covers of the bed back inside the little sleeping chamber that had four bare walls and no openings and no people. Doesn't intend on leaving again anytime soon. The pain in his body intensify by the minute. So much so that he quievers uncontrollably, grabbing two handfuls of sheets.

Does every home here have a balcony? Do they always keep them opened?

When Ruki still hasn't touched any of the meals she's brought him, that Ami person leaves a tray of breakfast on a stool right outside his door on the second day. There's also a gift. A bottle with a tag wrapped around its neck that says 'ointment.'

He takes a gulp of the water she's given him and a plum tomato, it's juicy and sweet. Despite not having much of an appetite—poison be damned—he shoves smoked ham and bread into his mouth and wince at the painful punches in his stomach, shocked again at being fed.

Later, still inside the sleeping chamber he refuses to leave unless absolutely necessary, he relishes in the cooling effect of the ointment as he rubs it gently over his cuts, starting first with his face and then the arms, working towards his torso and at last his legs. It was a small relief but a welcome one. Some of them are gruesome and cringeworthy, the old him would've freaked but his current self is too far gone to react. His left areola has a gash from a knife in it, just barely missing the nipple. Ruki doesn't even recall getting it.

He takes in his appearance. It's not recognisable to him and the feeling of no longer being himself returns full on. He looks ghastly. His hair might grow back but he'll be left with plenty of scars for the remainder of his life.

He dips his finger into the creamy substance once more and rubs it against his entrance, fighting against the sting in his eyes, scrunching them shut.

He can still feel it on his thighs, on his belly, on his back – even though he knows it's been washed off, he can feel it. Remembers the sticky warmth of it. The way it would dribble down his inner thighs, mixed with the own blood, after _he_ had-... inside him. So many fucking times. Again and again. He remembers intrusive touches. Caressing him everywhere. Slapping him. Wrapping around parts of him.

He's in flames. Burning. It starts down below and grows, slowly seeping through his insides, licking his organs, sweeping through the meat of his thighs. Reaching higher and higher until it reaches his chest and all the way down too, to his curling toes. He cries a rough noise. Struggles for breath.

It's not real, he tries to tell himself but it doesn't stop. His flesh remembers.

He grabs the blanket from the bed and throws it over himself so he disappears under the fabric, feeling an insane urge to bathe but it would be a big waste of effort and ointment to do so.

It coats him. Inch by inch. Can even feel it in his mouth. Thick, salty. Disgusting. Choking.

Can't swallow. Can't breathe.

The hands. The destruction. The hate.

He bends forward until brow collides silently with the floor, palms pressing against the hard surface, and moans in agony.

When he encounters the black one day in the library-room something nudges in his brain, some piece of information that's been pushed aside, half forgotten.

_“Kyo is your new master.”_

His master. He's his master. Had arranged for it days ago, he thinks.

Ruki bows in respect and submission, the gesture robotic and automatic, not seeing the eyeroll of his new master as he does.

“What services do you want of me, master?” His voice is hoarse from little usage.

“She told you then. Cut the bowing crap.”

The winged beast sits in a beige comfortable-looking armchair, legs thrown casually over the armrest, clad all in black from the shiny high-heeled leather boots to the frilly collar snug around his neck, his skin where it was visible pale as snow against the black shroud, and a dagger, Ruki notes, rests on the small table in front of him.

Neither look at the other.

“I'm your new master because it was the only way to keep Die from bothering me about you, he still does, to some extent, but he knows he won't get you back. He's furious of course, hates it when his things are taken from him.” He takes the dagger and twirls it leisurely in his hands.

Ruki keeps himself absolutely still.

“Listen. I want no services of you. I don't spend much time at home but when I do I want to be left alone. The room you've slept in is yours for the remainder of your stay here, you are free to use the bathroom and the kitchen. You do not go inside my room – it's the one opposite of the bathroom – you do not sneak around nor touch anything or I will cut your fucking fingers off. You do not pry. This situation is temporary until I figure out what to do with you. And remember, never bow to me again, I hate it, you're my slave in nothing but the name.”

“Yes, master.” Ruki replies, not failing to understand the threat in those instructions.

“I said cut that bullshit.”

That soft, lethal voice again.

“Sorry.”

“You're a simple one aren't you? Of course you are. You were so easily caught back at the village, I know you weren't from there originally. It was an idiotic move to come there but I suppose you've figured that out by now.”

Ruki knows he eyes him then, feels an ice cold shiver rush down his spine the moment those freakish, pale orbs clash on his figure. He doesn't need to see it to know. There's an uncomfortable silence as the beast scrutinize him from head to feet.

“I'll ask Ami to bring you some proper clothes, that dress you wear is pathetic and you still smell.”

Ruki manages a “thank you”. He'd be very glad if he could be rid of this robe. “A-and thank you for...for helping me.”

The corners of his new master's mouth twitch upwards not into a smile—more like a grin, and his hands still on the knife.

“Don't thank me yet.”  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's Ruki's story? What's Kyo's story?  
> To be continued :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You're a bold thing,” the beast mutters, his posture changing to a hunched tired one showing of his weariness, and Ruki release a breath. After a moment he lifts his painted face to Ruki still standing behind the threshhold. “Give me your hand.”

The fog creeps from distant snowy peaks over silent golden forests and curls among stony sharp towers, the air damp and humid. He draws in a breath contently with eyes shut. It was going to rain. Eyes re-open, sweeping across familiar surroundings, he lifts his arm, slender digits trying to capture the dreamy air in his grasp but can't. This moment was his. No people, no commands, no training and no fighting. Only him and the silence. Peace.

He rises and step out into the open air, allowing himself to fall down, down. Wings flare out widely, catching him before reaching the forest floor and carries his body upward, soaring towards the darkening sky at full speed and he feels a first drop of water land on his brow. It isn't long before he's soaking wet but he cares not. It's so liberating. To push himself to the very brim of what his body can do. He can't imagine a life where he didn't have the abilty to fly, to be bounded to the ground, like the humans.

The dark, cloud-filled sky rumbles like an old friend.

He turns for home.

In the couple of weeks that the human has been in his home he's behaved well so far and made himself scarce, it's almost as if he isn't even there except that he hears him crying every damn night.

Water drips onto the floor as he strides through the library, aiming for the bathroom to grab himself a towel, making sure, as always, to knock on the door first, just in case. There is no lock and he wouldn't want to trample inside if it's occupied.

Assured it's empty he gets that towel and start rubbing his hair with it just as he runs into the young human out in the hallway. He's frightened as usual by his presence, shrinking away in suprise. After all, they rarely run into each other. Utters a meek apology, avoiding looking at him. Always avoiding. Which is how he prefers it.

He suppresses the urge to grunt.

Ignoring the stupid apology, he enters through and shuts the door of his room, creating a physical barrier between himself and that wretched creature.

Ruki lives his life in a haze. Sometimes he flows. As if there's no ground. No floor. Sometimes he wades knee-deep through black mud. He hasn't drowned in it yet, he just wanders around aimlessly, dragging his legs in the thick substance searching for a way out but there's nothing else but this. No sunshine, not the hint of color from a flower or any chirping from birds, no other living creatures. No recollection of time, not even of life. There's no light. The world has become a dark and empty space and he's the only one in it.

Cold. It's so cold.

Sometimes he thinks he's doesn't exist anymore, that he died and went here to spend the eternity. When he screams his ears don't pick up the sound which must mean no one else hears him either. Everything is thick, heavy, black, hopeless.

What is real?

There is only one thing that feels real, only one thing that keeps him from completely losing himself. He pushes the red velvet material of his newly aquired pants down his legs, the marks on his thighs are now the only fresh ones, the rest of his body well on it's way in the healing process but these ones he's created by his own hand. He needs to do this. He needs the control. He needs to punish himself and he needs to feel that he's still alive. Still here.

The fire and golden taunts him, has its claws dug deeply into him, laughing, reminding him what a foul abomination he is. It just won't fade away.

Clasping the piece of glass in his hand – a shard of the glass he broke from dinner once, claiming that it had been an accident – it feels good in his hand, sharp edges digging into the skin. It gets even better as he slides it along his skin and for a moment he can breathe again. He repeats the process as many times as he wants. This is something he has chosen. No one else. No one is forcing him, hurting him, but himself. He carves his thighs and feels a little less lonely for a moment. Less dead.

Sometimes. Just sometimes. He percieves a flickering in the void. Some faint pounding. As if there's someone else in the dark with him, keeping him company. It can't be heard, only felt, and yet it speaks to him. He's drawn to it and curls up against it but it always evaporates.

His master went away yesterday on some mission. He'd informed him before his trip—more like grunted at him and then left him so he doesn't know where he went or anything, only that he'll be back in a couple of days. They'd barely talked since that day—in fact, Ruki can't remember them ever talking to each other.

It makes him anxious to be left on his own. Despite everything, his new master has never truly hurt him and without him, knowing he's nowhere near, he feels utterly exposed and vulnerable, always staying inside his little room. He's pushed the bed along the far wall, as far from the door as possible so he can always keep an eye on it, but to this day no one ever came inside, and other than on particularly windy days that made the window creak, it was all very quiet.

He's still frightened that his old master will come for him, can only hope that he too went away to do whatever it is they're doing.

Perhaps they're burning down more human villages.

If so, Ruki couldn't care less...

“Hello.”

Gentle as always Ami greets him when she arrives with his dinner.

She's fair with her perfect golden curls, adorned with a delicate silver tiara resting against her forehead, her lean body clad in a black kneeshort dress wearing equally black leggings underneath, matching her feathers, her cheeks rosy on that smooth-skinned porcelain face, her narrow eyes and petite nose. That seemingly happy spirit that never fails to break into fake smiles.

He still doesn't trust her and he rarely speaks a word despite her efforts to socialize with him. Judging by how she keeps feeding him with nutritous meals, or never gives up on getting him to open up to her – she's very resilient. He'll give her that. Too bad he was a lost cause.

“How are you holding up?”

“...Spectacularly.”

She must surely know about his situation, afterall Ruki wasn't the red's first pleasure slave and for all he knows they've all kept them. Maybe she has one locked up inside her own home.

She doesn't seem to mind—glad even, that he actually acknowledged her with his voice, something which he rarely does. Ami proceeds to the dining table, placing the tray on it as per usual, mindful of keeping distance between them, “I made you stew today, with beef and carrots, potatoes, parsly. I hope you like it.”

He lingers in the doorframe, not hidden in the shadows as he used to but leaning cautiously against said frame, watching her. “When's my master coming back?”

This is a first and he can tell from the look on her face that she's surprised by the question and amount of words he's spoken today, and finds himself wanting to claw the skin off her face.

“I can't tell you. Because of my status and position I'm not kept in on the details of the soldier's missions, but from what I've heard downstairs they didn't travel far this time, so I expect he'll be back any day.”

“Why do you bring me food everyday, don't you have better things to do, did my master order you to?”

“He didn't, I do this of my own free will. I work mainly in the gardens with the crops and animals and help out in the kitchens when I can, I'm a trainee cook as of recently. When I heard you moved in with Kyo I knew he'd leave you to fend for yourself because from what I know about him he doesn't spend much time at home and even less time on cooking, so I was glad of the chance to practice cooking even more. I hope it's to your satisfaction, I'm not the best cook I'm afraid,” she laughs almost nervously.

He almost rolls his eyes and bares his teeth.

Why would she do this willingly? She must want something. Perhaps she's here to spy on him. Too bad for her Ruki has no information to give even if she'd use torture to get it out of him.

“Am I the only one here... like me?”

“The only human?”

Ruki nods, waiting for the answer.

“I'm not allowed to disclose such information. There have been others as I'm sure you're aware, but I cannot talk about them.”

Ruki isn't sure how he feels about that answer. It might've felt comforting knowing he wasn't alone, but at the same time he hopes he is. What does she think he'll do with the information anyway? Gather them up and start a rebellion? That's as likely as he'd grow wings on his back and horns on his head.

She's watching him from across the room.

“I'm sorry, those are the rules,” she says for some reason, as if she's got any reason to feel bad for him. She owes him nothing though. He's just a disgusting enemy whore. “I wish I could help you somehow.”

He wants to snort loudly, if he wasn't so broken he'd find her words insulting.

Lies.

“I understand your suspicion, we're strangers, but the atlennans you've met so far don't represent us as a group. We're not all the same. Trust is earned in time, that's my personal philosophy anyway– I'm babbling now, look...” She tries meeting his eyes but he's intent on staring at the wooden panels of the floor as if they were the most fascinating thing in the world. “...I just want you to know that you're not alone.”

He can't make sense of her and just wants her to stop lying already.

“I will never trust you.”

He can't handle being lied to, can't handle people. It's too late anyway, even if she'd been earnest he's too broken. No. He's on his own. Life is safer that way. There's only him and his darkness. No one can be allowed to touch what is left of his soul.

Damaged. Sullied. Foul.

 _“Disgusting little whore”_ His old master's words ring inside his head.

He feels the pain awaken anew, the aching revolting pain of being abused inside and out. He doesn't register any reply from her, or the door of the apartment being closed as he's left on his own again. Goes straight to the bathroom to bathe, dinner forgotten.

His master's return the following evening is a messy affair.

The beast lands with a heavy thump onto the floor with a grunt, so unlike the utter silence he usually was that was the only thing Ruki appreciated about him because it made living in his home easier. His sudden and distraught appreance, with the skeletal face-paint that makes him appear even meaner than before, startles him.

Wincing, the man throws the own shirt off, revealing a muscular sweaty torso heaving with strained pants. Once Ruki sees his back he finds the cause for his state. Wounded. Bleeding heavily from torn up flesh beneath the area where wings connected to body. Ruki had enough knowledge to think it was incredible that he managed to fly at all with that kind of damage so close to the featherd limbs. It can't be too deep then (but then again nothing about this guy appeared normal, he tore chains apart, afterall), however, it bleeds in a steady stream.

Door on ajar, he finds him inside his room, struggling to reach the wound and stop the bleeding but there's no way he's going to be able to properly clean and close that wound on his own.

“You need stitches.”

Kyo spins around and takes position to defend against his intrudor that jumps, but he halts as soon as he realizes who he is. He'd completely forgotten about the human for a bit.

“I know how to tend to my own injuries.”

“You can't reach behind your back,” he hesitates for a moment, standing behind the threshold. Is he really doing this? Is he really going to say it? He is. “Let me do it.”

“You'd like that wouldn't you, the chance to shred my wings and stab me to death without my being able to defend myself—no thank you, I'm not turning my back against you, human.”

“How would I do that when I've got no blade?”

Just as he says it both their attention land on the weapenry tossed away on a chair located between where he stands, and the beast. He ignores the chair and the weapons on it but stores the knowledge away in his mind, just in case a situation occurs for he's testing his boundaries right now.

“You're losing blood fast, I saw your pants, they're soaked. If you don't let me help you're going to bleed out.”

“You think you're clever, don't you? Do you actually think you can persuade me to fucking let you get close to me?”

“Now who's stupid?”

The man-like beast's reaction is immediate and hostile, straightening to his full size, wings flaring and muscles tensing as he takes a threatening step towards Ruki. He reminded him of his cat when she got pizzy and her fur stood on ends while her back curled high to make her appear larger and more menacing—it didn't work for her, she was cute as a button. This guy on the other hand.

“You've got some nerve, you should know your place! Show some gratitude at least, if it weren't for me you would still be raped and beaten,” he hisses. Wounded or not he can still bite and worse.

Ruki is scared to the brim yet he surprises himself by not backing down. One shouldn't run from a predator, right? No. One must hold their ground, never behave like prey. “Precisely... that's why you can't die.”

Silence.

“You're a bold thing,” the beast mutters, his posture changing to a hunched tired one showing of his weariness, and Ruki release a breath. After a moment he lifts his painted face to Ruki still standing behind the threshhold. “Give me your hand.”

“What?” Ruki staggers backwards, hand turned bone white with the hard grip he has locked on the doorhandle, his heart instantly convulsing in his chest, jerking blood through his veins.

“You wanted to help me didn't you? It goes both ways.”

“W-what?”

“Trust.”

Ruki's eyes drag up to meet smoldering pale ones laden with suspicion and his blood runs cold, can barely keep himself together seeing him fully for the first time since they met back in the forest, and he's initiating physical contact to happen between them. He can't bare physical contact.

An age passed as the two stared at each other for what seemed an infinate stretch of time. It is as unpleasant as it is unwanted by both—still, there's this mutual understanding that in this moment they needed to rely on each other. Just this once. As soon as it's passed they can forget about it. But they need some shred of trust to let the other near.

“Give me your hand,” Kyo repeats, holding out one of his own, waiting for the shaking distressed being before him to take it but the young human can't seem to take so much as a single step inside his room. “Then how can I trust you if you won't show me the same courtesy? How did you plan on helping me if you can't go near me?”

“But why...?”

“I won't hurt you, and you won't hurt me.”

The beast is right. How can he help if he can't go near him?

Ruki stares at the hand helplessly, wondering what he intends by joining it with his. If he doesn't overcome his fear enough to move and take it he risks losing the barrier the other holds between himself and all other beasts. If ever he means to escape from this place, if he wants a chance at a future, he needs that barrier to hold firm. The black hasn't hurt him yet, and it doesn't make sense for him to break the habit now that he could use the offered assistance.

So, rules thrown out the window, Ruki takes a step deeper into the room and then another, slowly, anxiously raising the own arm, reaching out towards the one waiting for him until they are close enough to touch.

“Your left hand.”

He does as he's told and switch to his still chained hand, it trembles as it touches with the black's calloused warm skin. His hand was bigger than his own, more mature, grasping him steadily but doesn't force him closer. Hand in hand, Ruki fights not to break the contact. Fights to suppress the fear gnawing in his head that if he tried to – the other wouldn't let him. The long piece of chain dangles from where their bodies are connected.

When nothing further happens Ruki looks up at the black's face searchingly, finding that he had been waiting for him to do so. The white and black make-up that gave him that skeletal look was dry and old and had started to crack on his face, some parts had been smeared from previous sweating. This close it hits him once again how everything about him feels intense and hard. Intimidating. Those eyes appear to look into him too closely and he doesn't like it, tries to clear his face from anything the other might find—he didn't even know what that might be, but he had the strong instinct to not reveal it all the same. They are relentless just as the energy the other seems do radiate, causing to him an overwhelming urge to seek shelter but at the same time keeps him in place.

A shudder involuntarily rolls through him. As intense as their lock of eyes are he feels the look that they share between them coil around his neck with every fibre of his being. He can't understand this. Are the winged folk not so human as they look to be? Are they sorcerous? Or is this primal, one species facing another so different from themselves that they can't comprehend their nature?

Once the black is satisfied with whatever he finds in Ruki he takes the handle of the chain closed around his wrist with both hands and pull.

It takes a huge amount of effort. He struggles far more than he had when he'd separated it from the wall, shakes from the strain on his already tired muscles and the bloodloss, feels it pouring more rapidly out of his back and down the length of his body. As the iron finally tears apart and rattle to the floor with a ringing noise, he's panting from exhaustion and it's not without difficulty that he's still standing, addressing the now chain-free human.

“Touch my wings and I'll cut your throat, got it? Fetch some alcohol from the kitchen – far left cupboard, bottom shelf, I've already got needle and thread in here.”

Ruki nods, massaging his wrist as he turns and heads for the kitchen, relieved to be spared any more of that touching and staring. Once back inside the bedroom the beast is waiting for him on the large four-poster-bed, a knife in his hand, the rest of the weapons cleared from Ruki's vision. No matter what he needs to make sure he doesn't touch those wings, if he does he has no doubt his master will hold true to his word and bury same knife in his throat.

He waits for him to lie down on his stomach, spreading his wings so that Ruki will have full access to his back without touching them, inhaling and exhaling before taking a seat at the edge of the bed, feeling the heat radiating off the body beneath him.

The black repeatedly punches the bed with his fist as Ruki cleans him but doesn't turn around to hurt him. During this brief process a wing flares close to his head but he manages to avert it in time to avoid any light collision. When the first part is over with he has to face the second, more daunting part: the stitching. For that he can't put off touching bare skin and he has to break even further out of his comfort zone and touch the other a second time.

He's never done this before. He's stitched fabric countless times in the past so this shouldn't be too hard, should it? It's the same principle, only... it's living tissue instead of fabric. Lords in hell...

“You've never done this before, have you?” His smooth tired voice is muffled by the pillow as the black seems to read his mind.

“I've done it plenty of times,” he finds himself lying, trying to reassure himself more than the one he's about to stick a needle into. Judging by the many scars already littering his torso he doubts he needs reassurance. _I've done this many times, it's just like sewing clothes. Just like clothes..._ “Besides, how hard can it be?” He gives away his nervousness with the tone of his own voice. _Sewing clothes._ The beast however doesn't appear concerned.

“Go on already.”

“Right.”

Once the human is finished wrapping his mid-section in bandage they're both equally sweaty and Kyo is ready to pass out. It took everything out of him to get home after that disastrous attack by the border. Already battle weary him and his band had been caught off guard on their way home by a group of human soldiers who'd ventured too far north, looking for enemies to kill.

The humans have grown way too bold. They'd massacered them all and kept the border safe but more will come. It had cost him and his men in blood but they'll be fine, himself had sustained the worst injury and now he'll recuporate thanks to a human. Oh, the irony.

He percieves the weight of him leave his side as the human rises from the bed, keeps himself conscious listening to the soles of his feet padding across the room, the sound of the door closing without a word, and now he can finally relax and let himself fall into some much needed rest.

The following day Ruki has his breakfast and bath as per routine, thinking back on yesterday and wondering if his master is alright, not knowing how long it might take before a wound could possibly get infected.

When he still hasn't seen or heard from him by lunch-time he startles himself a second time by knocking on his bedroom door, hoping he won't hear and give his permission to enter, unsure that them facing each other again was a good idea.

“What?”

Crap. There's no going back now.

Ruki bows in duty and respect, hoping the beast won't be too irritated with his continous intrusion. “I thought I could check your back, if you don't mind?” He makes himself small out of instinct so that he won't stir any harsh behavior between them.

“Fine.”

That's it? He's not mad?

So Ruki enters. Finding the beast atop the covers of his bed, wide awake and reading, clean as if he's had a shower, and dressed casually in a white shirt and black pants. For some reason – despite the library next room – he wouldn't have imagined him to be a reader.

He cautiosly and slowly walks towards the bed. How was it that he freely entered the predator's lair?

Sternly, the beast eyes him, closing the book and discarding it to the side and slips his shirt off while Ruki causes the bed to dip as he sits down at the foot of it just like yesterday. Either he doesn't deem it necessary to weapon himself this time around or it's slipped his mind, for the knife that had been used as a threat to take his life yesterday rests on the bedside table without so much as an acknowledgement. It seems odd.

The stitchwork obviously isn't proffesional, Ruki notes, but serving its purpose. There's no infection so that's good. It should heal, perhaps not very beautifully but he doesn't think the other cares.

“How does it look?”

Ruki stared at the back of him—or rather the reconnected broken pieces of skin that made up his back. The beast had obviously taken a whole lot of damage to his body over the years, Ruki mustn't have been clear enough in the head yesterday to take note of just how marred the surrounding tissue was.

“Good.”

“Good.”

“You know, you shouldn't sleep wearing make-up.”

The beast doesn't look at the one pillow that was smudged in black and grey among the many clean ones. “Somethimes the situation calls for it.”

“What happened anyway?”

The question just slipped out of him. To his surprise the beast answers his question.

“Attack at the border.”

“Humans?”

“Of course humans.”

“How did they do this to you?”

“You don't know?”

“No.”

“They always go for our wings. If we can't fly we are a much easier target. I was lucky the arrow that hit me was not poisioned and didn't damage me enough to take my wings away.”

Ruki sighs, muttering his words freely without realizing. “I hate this war... why can't everybody just stop fighting...”

The beast redressed and faced him. “It's not that simple.”

“Isn't it? It's foolish and unnecessary! What makes us so different from each other anyway, what divides us to the extent we wish to kill each other?” He should stop this rant right now, before anything happens, but he's too riled up. “Look at us, we're the same! We're both thinking, feeling beings who just wants to live our lives. I look at you and I see myself.”

A growl.

“Watch your tongue, we're not the same.”

“You can fly and I can't, so what?”

“Your kind doesn't belong here! This isn't your home country, you came here and decided you liked the place, settled down, and the moment you came across us you immediately started killing us. If we don't fight back we'll die, so tell me how can this war end? It won't end until one of us are wiped out. We'll never give up our home and our lives and you can't seriously expect us to.”

“That can't be the entire story.”

“It's the essential bits anyway.”

“I didn't personally do that, no one from my village did and yet they were killed anyway! Not everyone is killing winged folk. They didn't deserve to die, this isn't their—my—war.”

“But it was their war. It's our war, all of us. Where do you think your soldiers come from? They are born into regular families, lowborn, highborn, it doesn't matter, and they grow up and decide they want to fight for their cause. Our population have plummeted since you figured out how to effectively kill us, entire cities have fallen, our empire is dying, our culture disappearing. Once it's gone it's gone forever. But we won't let that happen. I won't let that happen.”

“That's not right... it isn't, but killing innocents can't ever be justified, even for revenge.”

“You spread like wildfire, we don't procreate nearly as fast as you do. If we don't kill you you'll spread to every corner of the world, and we'd have no chance. We'd be gone and forgotten.”

“We have to believe we can live in peace. It can be done somehow...”

“There was an effort, but your pestering kind broke it. There's nothing to be done but to keep fighting.”

“What happened?”

“Are you really so ignorant? Don't you know anything?”

“Suppose I am.”

“There was a peace treaty. The short version of the story is that the treaty created the border we now have. We allowed you to stay in the country and live in the south, while we kept everything north of the border. If either party broke the treaty it would be invalid. You can guess what happened...”

“Someone broke it.”

“Yes. Humans broke it. You're like a fucking decease. Blood-thirsty little half-forms.”

“I have one more question.”

“I thought I told you not to pry.”

“Sorry.”

“Ask and be gone after, I want to be alone.”

“Did you personally attack my village?”

“Where was your village?” Ruki describes it's location and scenery, using as accurate and descriptive information as he can give about it. To his horror the beast knows exactly where it was, and confirms the worst possible outcome. “I lead the attack.”

“No...” Ruki's breath got caught in his chest. He's absolutely mortified. He's living with his family's murderer! “No-no-no-no-no!” This can't be true!

“I told you not to pry.” Kyo gets up from the bed and towards the window and stare out of it.

On his master's bed, Ruki is absolutely sickened with horror.

“I change my mind. I agree with you, we are different, you're a monster. All of you are monsters! Killing and raping.”

“We're all killers. All of us.”

“Not me.”

“Yes you are. We all are.”

“I've never killed anyone and I never will!”

“You just need the right motivator.”

“Motivator. I can't believe I'm hearing this, you're trying to justify murder. I can't-! I can't believe this... You. You!” he exclaims violently. There wasn't a way for him to wrap his mind around all this information. On just how sick a situation he was in. “You fucking-!”

“Greed, money, protection, vengeance, love, fear. There are many motivators. Killing is survival. It's the climb we all must do. If you're not strong enough for it you become the killed.”

“I'm not a killer.”

“Then I hope you'll find content where you're at.”

“That's barbaric, I was brought here against my will!”

“It's the truth. I look truth in the eye. You run from it.”

“Don't presume to know me.”

“As you don't presume to know me?”

Ruki glares at him. “I don't know you, but I know what you've done, and I know you enjoy the power of taking lives. That's all I need to know.”

“Go on and leave then, I dare you. Discover how bad we can be.”

The beast goes silent by the window. Ruki can't bare knowing he just spent the last hours patching up his family's killer, that he's living with him! His eyes land on the knife lying on the bedside table and then flicks to the other.

“Why did you take me away from him? Why help me?”

“Perhaps I shouldn't have.”

“No, perhaps not.”

Making sure the beast still didn't look his way he pulls away from the bed, hurling himself at the human-looking creature. His skin might as well be made of leather, a demon's disguise, for he was no man at all.

“You fucking monster!” He punches and hits every part of his body he can reach, not caring if he'll hit him back. “You ruined my life!” He shouts hysterically. “You ruined everything, you-you-fucking-beast!”

It's only a matter of seconds before he's pushed away, the backs of his legs slams against the bedside table that would have toppled over if it hadn't been supported by the bed he has to stable himself by placing his hand back on it, before throwing himself at the other a second time and this time there's growling in response and he's diverted much faster.

“Get ahold of yourself,” he says. Ruki manages to not fall from being pushed a second time and he knows he's done with him now. But Ruki isn't done with him.

Panting, he waits until the beast is turned away from him, throwing one curse after the other at him to mask any other noise, and slips the knife inside the sleeve of his arm as discreetly as he can, holding it in place with a couple of fingers, and then storms out of there, making sure to slam his own bedroom door.

A life for a life. For many lives. For the greater good.

He spends the rest of the day planning on how he's going to go through with killing his monstrous host. It's got to be done in the night while he sleeps, it's his only chance to get close to him, knowing his weakened state was his one advantage. All he needs to do then is cut his throat and this time he'll gladly stick the sharp object deep into that skin. The beast won't know what's happened until it's too late and Ruki shall grin right into his shock-ridden face, look down at him as his life-essence pours out of him until the light leave his eyes. Ruki will be the last thing he ever sees and he will know then that killing humans had come at a terrible price.

Ruki doesn't forgive. Doesn't forget. He's going to kill that fucking bastard for taking his family away from him. It won't matter anymore, he won't need the beasts's protection for he doesn't plan on staying behind for long after the assassination.

Day morph into night as he waits inside his room, darkness falls and death comes with it. He's ready. He's so ready.

It's a starry night and the full moon shines through the window, the beast's deep breathing assures him he's sleeping, unawares of the danger lurking inside his lair.

Carrying the knife behind his back, gripping the hilt tightly, keeping an eye and two ears on the monster's form and breath, attentive to any changes, he slowly brings himself closer and closer to the massive four-poster bed. With help from the moonlight he manouvers safely through the room without knocking into anything, until he at last reaches the bed.

Raven-like wings rests comfortably, relaxed, against the bedrest. The beast's unclad, self-bandaged chest heaves up and down with deep inhales and exhales, soundly asleep. He moves closer, hovers above him, holding his own breath. Even asleep he looks hard and powerful. Crude and mean.

Fucking monster.

He's ready to do this. He was doing the world a favor.

The blade reflects the light of the moon as he draws the weapon out from behind his back and place it in the air right above the neck, he's just about to press down the last bit and into skin when the deep rhythm of breathing halts abrubtly, and in the next second veils rise and pale irises are snapped in his direction.

With cold blade a breadth from ripping his throat, Kyo rouses from his sleep. Bewildered, he acts more on feral instinct than anything else as he takes a firm grip around the armed hand before knife can slize through skin, pushing it away from his vulnerable neck with a growl, before quickly yanking the blade right out of the human's grasp and twirls it inside his palm. He easily flips their positions, raising his body off the surface, shoving his unexpected attacker against the bed right where himself had lain only a second ago with such brutal force the human's breath it knocked out of him as his body collides hard with the surface, pinning him down with knees over legs, and gripping both his wrists above his head with his free hand so he's utterly defensless, while pressing the knife against his throat.

It all happened so fast Ruki could do little more but gasp.

“Such insolence!” The beast snarls, breath fanning over Ruki's face.

“Go on, do it! You spineless beast!” Ruki answers strongly.

The motion of speaking pushes the blade deeper but it doesn't matter, his life was forfeited the moment the beast opened his eyes. It was too late now. He can't undo his choice even if he wanted to which he doesn't. The chance that his attempted assassination would end victorius had been slim from the start but he had been willing to risk everything for the prospect at avenging his family.

He sees the beast above him with sharp clarity and keeps his eyes locked on his. A cold-blooded monster, that's what he was. No matter how human he looked all Ruki saw was a beast. The eyes of him, they're as stunned as they are furious. Good. At least he surprised the bastard.

“You underestimated me,” Ruki's voice is hoarse from the pressure of the weight pressing his body into the bed and from the blade at his neck, yet he keeps his eyes defiant and unyealding.

It's incredible the bravery that even the most fearful person can possess when faced with death. In this moment there's nothing left to be scared about. He tried to render the world free from a tyrant, he failed and he's sorry, but he's ready to pass on and he will do so with his head held high. At least he won't die in his former master's bed.

Cursing the little human and his foolishness Kyo sucks in a breath, broad chest expanding and wings flaring behind him. To be so young and ready to die.

“I've never met someone so eager for death.”

The human's lips turn upwards, swallowing saliva, causing more blood to leak from the wound and trickle down the curve of his neck, painting the bedding underneath in crimson.

“I'm already dead.” A barely audible whisper. Eyes waver and gloss over when he hesitates. And Kyo stops.

_I'm already dead... I'm already dead._

Something sparks within depths he didn't know he still had and he falters. He tries to push deeper, to will his muscles to follow his command.

This was new. He's never hesitated to kill and here he is, on his own bed, with the human who only seconds ago had been dangerously close to murdering him, pinned down and eagerly awaiting his final blow, and he can't grant it to him.

He takes in the existence before him, the golden crown framing his elegant face lined with scars, the finely shaped eyebrows, the eyes waiting to turn to stone filled with moist, a tear slipping from ink-black lashes, his mouth, breathing shallowly. He percieves him tense up in discomfort when he gazes at his mouth.

Who is he? What's his name?

The whole thing completely throws him. His attention drags up to the kid's wet eyes again as if they could somewhow provide him with answers but all they do is plead with his to go on already.

“How indeed to live?” Kyo's own voice is a whisper but the human hears him clearly in their close proximity.

He can't do it. For now something has stayed his hand.

The blade vanishes from Ruki's throat as the winged beast discards of it, hearing it fall somewhere to the floor. Ruki is puzzled by the sudden turn of events, by the way that he had looked at him, the words he had spoken in such soft manner. This was making absolutely no sense.

Kyo inspects the damage to the human's throat. It's not life-threatening. When his hand lightly curls over his neck as he does so, the human seems to startle and panic and he realizes he's started crying, water dribble down his ivory cheeks. He squirms in desire to get away from his touch, arms thrashing, desperate for freedom but Kyo's grip is too strong.

“Why?” He sobs. “What the fuck is wrong with you, you hate me don't you? Go on! One human less to pester your world! I was going to kill you!”

Despairing now he tries to provoke him.

When the beast doesn't answer him, doesn't let him go—only stares at him with that infuriating unreadable, intense expression—Ruki becomes furious. Answer me, damn it! But it quickly gives way for fear, an emotion he's had way too much of. The beast's hold on him is unrelenting, crushing him, suffocating him. The temperature rises as his body remembers once again the pain that comes from being pinned down by monsters.

“No, not that! Please don't! Don't touch me!” Ruki's hands are released finally and wastes not a second to smash against muscled chest, trying to push the other away inbetween punches and slaps. “No! Let me go!”

One of his legs are either broken loose or willingly released, most probably the latter, and he uses it to kick him right in the groin but his foot lands instead across the abdomen, hard enough that he doubles over, arms crossing around his stomach with a pained curse.

“Don't hurt me!” At last free, Ruki crawls to the opposite side of the bed away from him, can't move fast enough to get away from the beast, repeating hysterically the words, “don't touch me!”.

He's so far gone in his head he clumsily falls off the edge and right onto the floor but is quickly back up on his feet and pressed against the far wall in seconds, panting and shaking violently, the wetness of blood trailing down his neck in little red tears not something he remembers. All that's on his mind is to get away, to fight with any means necessary to not let the beast hurt him like that. Anything but that.

Kyo on his side of the room pants as well, not from fear but from pain. Pain in his back, in his wings because of his back, and pain in his stomach. That had been a hard kick in a sensitive area, but he supposes he deserved it, the human's reaction was completely rational. On the other hand he had tried to kill him.

“Geez, you're a lively one,” he groans to himself.

“Don't touch me,” he says again. All of him rapidly losing in strength. Like he was so, so despicably tired.

“I won't, okay? I won't.”

Kyo straightens his back despite the pain, stroking his stomach with gentle back and forth motions, watching that bundled up body across the room trying to mold itself into the wall, exhaustedly losing its fight and struggling to keep the energy to fight or to flee. The young human whimpers those same words, looking as helpless as he most probably felt.

“Don't touch me...” Ruki slides down along the wall to a sitting position, hiding behind a chair as if it would make any difference but mentally it felt better if only by a fraction to have an object inbetween them, every ounce of energy well beyond spent, even his tears cease in their flow, drying on his face.

He should get back to his room... No... he wasn't supposed to ever go back there! He wasn't supposed to live long enough to get back there again. To sleep again and face another day. This was not how it was supposed to be, why did things never turn out his way?

Kyo lowers his voice to a softer tone he hasn't used in ages.

“I won't touch you. But don't go around trying to kill me again, you hear me?”

Next day the sun rises outside windows decorated with frozen dew, the wind sweeps through the open doors and into the library, carrying message that autumn was nearing its end.

Kyo didn't expect to run into Ami in his home. Greets her awkwardly, his discomfort with unexpected social situations apparent but she doesn't let it on. She explains why she's there and he finds himself surprised. He'd only asked her to come by once, never having expected she'd keep coming back after that.

“You didn't have to.”

“I knew you wouldn't take care of him,” she says. She was right of course.

“Yeah...”

He's curious if this strange human he can't kill speaks to her.

“He's very guarded, won't let me close to him. He doesn't trust in kindness. That's what he needs though – kindness.”

Kyo nods, wordlessly, not knowing how to respond.

She sends him a meaningful stare, searching his avoiding eyes. “I hope you're not cruel to him. Kyo? You're not being cruel to him are you?” It's as if she's reprimanding her bickering sons not to be too hard on each other. “He's fragile.”

He snorts. He's fragile alright, fragile and bonkers. Really though, who's the cruel one out of the pair of them?

“You care for him. Why?” He asks her.

“Because you know as well as I that he's innocent in this, and they used him. Who else was treated like that?”

Ami is the only one he allows to talk to him like that, to mention _her_ without bringing out the monster inside him, but he can't keep the anger from seeping into his voice. “By humans.”

“Not him.”

He observes her for a moment. “I don't know why I brought him here.”

“I do. You knew it was the right thing to do.”

“It doesn't make any sense. He's human.”

She smiled. “Because it was right.”

He sighs. “Not to me it wasn't.”

“He reminds you of her.” She adds carefully, not wanting to push him too much. “Help him,” she adds softly.

“It wouldn't make sense for me to help him, I kill his kin but spare him only?” He wished he could ask her downright what made this one human different. It had bothered him for some time now and since last night it was starting to really bug him.

She steps closer to him, head towering well above his. He meets her wise gaze steadily.

“We failed her. Not a day goes by that I don't torment myself for what happened, I can only imagine how you feel. But we can still do something to help him.” Her blue eyes are firm in their expression, “help him.”

The human never leaves his room that day or the day after. Kyo stays at home all this time to heal and can't help but notice the other's absence, Ami's words disrupting his thoughts whenever they drift to the human and deciding not to interfere. He was none of his business, he had no responsibilty over what happened to him.

On the third day his determination to do nothing to help, to not be kind, has reached him to the decision that he's not going to interfere. The human was already frail, going two days without eating is too harmful in his state. It didn't concern him in the least.

_I'm already dead._

What is it with this kid bringing painful memories of the past back into the present?

He's definitely not going in there.

Nope.

Why did he save him? Why did he bring him with him? Why can't he kill him?

It's not as if he can treat that stupid human kindly anyway.

No. He's definitely made up his mind.

It feels good. He's never going to see him again.

Kyo knocks on the door of the spare bedroom more out of anger that he can't make sense of any of this than out of concern. He knocks a few more times but recieves no answer.

He paces the library wondering what he should do. What can he do without hurting him but also not leaving him alone to rot in there? He doesn't know how to take care of someone, how to approach a person in this situation! What to say to him. How to make him eat and live. The human's lost everything. Kyo can't let him die. Something tells him he has to help him and it bugs him so fucking much he goes back and tries knocking a few more times but it's silent as a tomb in there.

By supper-time he can't put it off anymore. He's absolutely not going in there, he's made the right decision. He's never going to see him again.

He turns the doorknobb and opens the door slowly, not wanting to invade or scare him off, he finds the human in bed, the swell of his body buried under the covers and the mop of hair on the pillow the only indication that he was still there. Not straying from the door just yet he strains his ears, searching for a sign of life and finds it in faint breathing.

What should he say?

“Hey.”

No answer.

“Hey, human?”

The mop of blonde hair burys deeper inside the cover and then stills again but Kyo doesn't care that he doesn't want to be disturbed. He moves closer, trying to find a face in the mess of fabric and hair but it's hidden from his sight.

“Hey, wake up.”

“Go away.”

“No.”

“You've come to kill me?”

“No.”

“Then go away.”

“No.”

“Go pick up a dictionary, I'm sure you have one in that library of yours.”

“You've been cooped up in here for far too long, you need to eat and drink.”

“What do you care?”

“I don't.”

“Good. We share the same opinion for once.”

Kyo moves closer to draw the cover back just a little, exposing the other's face, curious to see what he'll find this time from gazing at him, expecting at least some small reaction at the gesture and closeness – a protest, a whine, a glare, but not this. Not the empty eyes looking right at him but not seeing him. He doesn't even flinch in front of Kyo's cold gaze anymore. He knows a broken spirit when he sees one.

“What happened to that bold person who attacks monsters in the night, hm?”

A moment of silence.

“He's gone.”

“He isn't. Now come on, get your ass out of there and eat something. I promise I won't touch you.”

“What do you care if I eat?”

“I don't.”

“Well then, neither do I. Goodbye.” And with those words the young human close his unseeing eyes, shutting him out.

Stubborn little shit.

Kyo returns to the guest room a while later with a bottle of fresh water. He sighs and inwardly shakes his head at the own inexblicable stubborness to keep this damned human alive.

This time he doesn't get so much as an acknowledgement when he calls for his attention and so he has no other option but to force him to drink. He takes a seat on the floor by the bed, his hand going around the back of the human's neck still stained with dried up crusts of blood, and palms the back of his head, supporting it and holding him in a good position before bringing the bottle to his dry lips. Carefully, only allowing a small amount of liquid to flow inside his mouth so that he might swallow some of it without coughing too violently, and that's when the protests start. The human's eyes are flung opened and he throws his head to the side, away from his intrusive hand.

“What is wrong with you?!” He barely shouts, his tiredness obvious, and Kyo allows him to get away from his touch, placing the bottle on the bedside table. “You said you wouldn't touch me!”

Ruki lies back down against the pillow, too exhausted.

“Stop behaving like a baby and drink and I won't have to!”

“Don't you get it?!”

“What?”

“There's been a mistake!”

“What mistake?”

“I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to exist. I'm wrong. Existing hurts. It hurts.”

Oh, why did he have to be put through this teenage angsty crap?

“Yeah, but you're here now. You can't just give up.”

“People give up all the time.”

“If you plan on dying go die somewhere else that isn't inside my fucking home. I don't want to have to shovel your sorry ass out of here once you're a rotting corpse.”

Damn this to hell.

He can see that he lost him right there, with his words. He's avoiding him. Broken. He's broken. Has been through hell and back and the one person who talks to him might be the killer of his family. Their situation seemed impossible. The human won't ever accept kindness from him, not after he learned the truth about the attack, and he'd be right not to.

“You're not wrong. Some people go through more shit than others. I know it feels like the whole world wants to crush you and beat you to the ground but you shouldn't let them win.What's happened can't be undone but you do have a say in what happens to you next, if you got endurance and will you can take charge of your life.”

Ruki struggles to form the syllables, each word that leaves him comes slower and slower. “You already won when you took everything from me, you can't ask me to be strong and endure. You got no right to say this to me.”

“You're right... but it's up to you all the same. They beat you down and they always will, they're all going to keep at it, it's the same for all of us, but we can't ever allow ourselves to be beaten.”

“Yeah... it's up to me.” He mutters.

Kyo sighs heavily, tempted to just let him be and decide his own fate but he can't suppress that instinct in his head telling him not to. The same instinct that had stayed his hand the other night.

“You're too tired to even form words properly. Your body is going to shut down eventually, believe me starvation is not pleasant, you don't want to go that way.”

He ponders on how life in court so far must have been terribly dreary (aside torturous). Weeks with nothing to do all day, unable to leave, unable to help his situation, that would make anyone feel hopeless.

“What do you like to do? Surely there must be something you enjoy, right? You could–”

“Get lost.”

Frustrated and exhasperated Kyo bumps his forehead against the edge of the mattress with a grunt and the other uncharacteristically don't even react.

They stay like that for several minutes: the human lying in bed, awaiting death, Kyo's head planted merely inches from his immobile existence, hoping wihout reason to turn his head around and will him to live. It comes unexpected when the other breaks the silence, sluring on a single word. A question.

“Why?”

_Why didn't you kill me? Why keep me alive?_

He doesn't finish the sentence out loud but he doesn't have to, Kyo understands it just the same. He considers the question. Doesn't know the answer himself but he must try to provide the other with something. Maybe he can reach him somehow...

“I find the answer in depths of despair, irreversible—I pray for it all to be a dream  
This is an inferno

You’re my enemy  
You show it when you destroy my reversible dreams  
Scary night  
Pain obeys my split mind  
I pray for a nightmare

I’m weakened; stretched too thin, my heart closes and surfaces in the darkness of unconsciousness  
Whose fault is it that nights sleeping in isolation are scary?

I find my reality in depths of despair, irreversible—I pray for it all to be a dream  
This is an inferno

You’re my enemy  
You show it when you destroy my reversible dreams  
Scary night  
Pain obeys my split mind  
I pray for a nightmare

Cut off from my destination, wandering,  
The boundaries of my mind tore, and my heart ended up breaking  
Without even a sound, they spill  
Full of yearning, innocent eyes close, once the intense emotion has passed

Our weaknesses overlapping, you and I rot in the bottomless darkness  
Sleep in isolation, oh weakness blossomed from solitude  
Now you simply need to take a step  
And you won’t waver anymore

You become my dream

Sleep in isolation, broken as you are

So captivated by the “end” that awaits should we jump,  
The panic bares itself too late—we’ll let go of our hesitation  
Should we fall into the ease of being controlled, won’t even death be better?”

Falling silent, Kyo observes the other as lids flutter opened, brown eyes finding his. “What does it mean?”

“Stay alive and you'll find out.”

Just as he hoped, the human's eyes transform from dead to irritated.

“There you are.”

“I hate you.”

“Good. Now lets get you out of this bed and clean you up and put some food in that belly, okay?”

“I'd rather stay here while you get me something,” he answers as if he's holding something back. Something shameful. But Kyo doesn't care what it is, he's not going to give in this time.

“Not happening, get up,” he tells him firmly, watching the other wince and draw his lips into a thin line.

Nevertheless he pulls the comforter away and slowly, so slowly, raise himself in a half sitting position. Dragging his legs over the edge of the bed. His arm shaking from the effort of carrying the weight. Undoubtedly he had detected the commander's tone in Kyo's voice and knew he had no other choice but to comply. The youth sat panting by the edge, feet dangling an inch from the floor, looking like he might start protesting again, or give up.

He doesn't.

Under Kyo's stare those feet land on the floor as he drags himself into a standing position. And Kyo can sense the strain. The effort. And he figures it out.

“You fell at one point?” He asks.

Hesitantly the human nods, biting the words, “I tried to use the bathroom.”

Kyo doesn't ask further, doesn't need to. “Do you need assistance?”

The other instantly flinches away at the suggestion, just barely staying standing, that defiant look returning to his eyes. “Don't fucking touch me! Is every bastard here so ignorant, do you not understand what I'm saying? Is it so foreign to you ugly shits to keep your hands to yourselves? If you're going to lure me into some false pretence that you're trying to help only to attack me in the hallway or something you might as well take me right now and be done with it-!”

“Hey–”

“Destroy me! Go on! Put your hands on me, there's nothing I can do about it. Shred me all you want, I can't stop you,” he bites his bottom lip hard. There were no tears in those broken eyes. Kyo takes a step back from him and then another.

“I don't want to touch you. I'll wait in the kitchen. Take your time wobbling, crawling, I don't care how you get there, but you will get there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, how will they ever move on from this? 
> 
> I don't love this chapter, but I was getting crosseyed from editing it so I'll just post it now.  
> I probably should have included Kyo wearing bandage when Ruki visited his room, but oh well.  
> Credits to HERESIARCHY@tumblr for the song translation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you hear something?” 
> 
> As if on cue the female of the group asks the others, and in that moment both beast and man halt their breathing.

A week had passed since that day the insufferable beast convinced him to hold on to life a little longer. It was midday and Ruki was sitting perched in an armchair before the hearth in the library, gazing absentmindedly at the swaying joyful flames, enjoying the smell of burning logs, the warm glow of the fire on his bare face. He had only recently started spending time in the library but he's still afraid that someone might fly in through the open doors.

The room was surprisingly homey (unless Ami or the beast were present). The scent of leather and dust and fire. The whitewashed walls ending in a large sky-painted dome with a chandelier hanging down right in the center, the dark wooden bookcases for walls surrounding him, the beige-patterned carpets, the elegant dining-set, and scattered-all-over-the-room beige armchairs joined by little round tables each carrying an oil lamp. As if the entire room were made for comfort and readiness for spontanious reading. If one happened to pull out a random book from a shelf they didn't need to cross the room to find a chair to start reading, but always found one close by. The main colors were white, beige, dark wood, blue, and brass. Brass lamps, brass candlesticks, brass chandelier. The dark blue curtains offered a nice contrast and feeling he really liked.

He was reluctant to allow himself to use any of the chairs—any objects at all, for that matter. It didn't matter whom the things belonged to, he could feel his dirt suck into them and rotting their core from the inside out. It was more of an instinct than a conscious thought. He was so fucking foul and bad and it constantly ate at him even when he wasn't aware of it. It was simply a part of things now.

It didn't matter if his master would so much as remind him every hour that he had his permission to use them, he couldn't know how truly disgusting he was. His master doesn't though. In fact, he doesn't see that much of him since he healed enough to spend his time elsewhere again.

Things are however different from what they used to be. The two of them now acknowledge each other's presence, usually with disinterest or dislikable behaviour. Ruki isn't sure if he preferred when they ignored one another.

He finds the whole situation extremly uncomfortable and infuriating. Wants to push the beast away, scream at him, hurt him, it was an urge that seemed to grow by the day.

Groaning in frustration, running a palm down his face, the book in his lap falls to the floor and he gasps in horror, reaching down to retrieve it, scrutinizing the cover and the pages for any distress. He must be careful with his mater's possesions if he wants to keep using them, fearing punishment if he in any way alters them. It was terribly odd of the beast, despite everything, to let Ruki use the library and read as many books as he wished. He remembers back on the day things had changed.

“What you spoke to me the other day...” Ruki had stared down in anger for the question he was about to ask. “...can I hear it again?”

The beast had raised his eyebrows. He was just about to leave after having given him his supper when Ruki's question halted him by the door.

“You liked it?”

Ruki noddeed, gazing at the floor. The other didn't asnwer him, he just ventured out into the hallway and disappeared.

He shouldn't have asked, it was too audacious. He wants nothing from that murderer! Pissed with himself Ruki turned to his food, grabbing the fork and stabbing a slize of meat with it.

The beast – with his ability to move so silently Ruki sometimes doesn't know he's there – had returned without him noticing, until a small leatherbound brown book appeared in his field of vision. That time, he actually managed to not jump away.

“It's in here.”

Puzzled, Ruki had looked up at him. “I can't.”

“Why not, can't read?”

“Of course I can read.”

“Then what?”

“You're allowing me to touch one of your posessions? You told me I wasn't allowed and you were right to do so.”

“I'm offering it to you freely, borrow it for as long as you like.”

“I...”

“Don't think about it, it's just a book.”

_Why?_

Reluctantly, Ruki had accepted the book, felt the smooth surface, turning the cover and a few pages delicatly, not wanting to ruin it, smelling the familiar scent of old yellowed pages. Either it had worn by time or the beast loved it because its condition was well used. At first he'd only stared at the first page for a long while, unable to draw enough energy to get into it, until the words he'd stared at for hours started to make their way into his head and he'd begun reading, finished the first page and then another. The excitement he'd felt at reading again sparked a little something inside his chest, a remembrance of who he used to be and a life bygone. He had loved stepping inside the pages of stories and let them take him places, getting to know the characters in them.

“I promise I'll be careful with it,” he'd said, but he wasn't there anymore.

He had read that particular book a few times before his master had told him to read something else, and that was when his world had opened up just a crack. Stories did that. They gave the reader a whole world to travel to as a wonderful escape. Imagination was limitless.

Now he spends most of his days not only bathing and wallowing in darkness, but within the pages of other people's adventures and thoughts, living through characters. It became his world. It was so effective and he was so desperate to escape that he managed to forget who the book belonged to because when he was experiencing its words they became his, the plot his own. It might even have become an addiction. Whenever he finished one he panicked and got desperate to start reading another one, and the thought of sleeping alone in his chamber scared him more and more.

A knock on the frontdoor startles him from his musings.

He knows who it is before she even opens it. Has gotten used enough by her presence though he wishes she would go away. She never fails to keep up her act towards him, even the times he ignores her or treats her with rudeness. It annoys him.

“Good morning.” Ami greets.

“Morning.”

“Beautiful day, isn't it?”

All faked merryness as always.

Ruki throws a glance at the outside world but this deep inside the room and because of how far up they are all he depicts is a blue sky. “It's cold.”

“Is it? I think it's just right.”

“It's really cold.” As if to amplify his words he shudders beneath his blanket, but it's more from the stress of wanting solitude than from the actual cold.

Ami walks around his armchair and towards the dining-table, placing his breakfast on it. “I suppose you find it colder than I do. What's it like, being that sensible towards the seasons?”

“...Cold.”

She laughs. He doesn't laugh with her.

“Your lot seem immune to any temperature... are those doors going to be open during winter as well?”

“Not immune, I assure you. I personally keep mine closed during winter, I don't know about Kyo. I think you need to make him aware, he probably doesn't remember to consider his guest isn't accustomed to–”

“I won't.” He quickly interrupts, feeling anger seep into his chest. “And I'm not his guest. That would imply I'm here willingly.”

“My apologies. You're right.”

Not wanting to lose him now that he's so actively talking to her, she quickly changes the subject, pointing at the book on his lap. “Is it any good?”

Ignoring her question he asks one of his own. “You speak of him so naturally, are you close?”

“Not close at all. No one really knows him. We used to- I used to have a close friend who was- or rather–”

Seeing her apparent struggle he rolls his eyes, “it's alright, it's private, I get it. Please, forgive my curiosity, it's not my place to ask questions.” Despite his wording, the tone he uses is cold and sarcastic. Unfriendly.

“It's fine, don't worry about it. It's just that it's difficult to talk about.”

“Fine.”

“You can ask me questions.” She beams happily at him, unfaced by his sour mood.

Ruki stares at her perfect oval face, not a single scar or pore in sight, like she really had been carved out of ceramic like himself, only she was whole and pretty. That pretty smile. Her perfect tiny nose and elegant eyes. Her slim, normal neck. She was so infuriatingly beautiful, and so happy he wanted to strangle her for daring to behave so lightly towards him, for having the nerve to try to fool him and trick him.

His body-temperature rises just a bit as well as his pitch.

“You're just a stupid bitch-servant.” He feels satisfaction at the look of hurt in her face. Good. He wants her to hurt. The whole damned world deserves to hurt.

“You don't mean that.” Taken aback, her smile falters until it vanishes and he soaks it in. Fueled by the frown in her eyes, wanting to keep hurting her.

The corner of his mouth tug slightly upwards. He wants to crush her. “Oh, but I do.”

“Hey! Don't take your anger out on her.”

He flinches at the sudden harsh voice, finding his master suddenly in the room, not having heard him enter. He doesn't feel afraid though, only angrier.

The beast bore black on his legs, a black armless vest on his upper body with only the puffy white arms of the shirt underneath showing, the fringed lace on the wrists falling over his hands. Strapped to his right thigh was his belt, the knife's pommel glinting with promise. He was strong. And Ruki had made sure he'd be that way. Alive and strong.

He was a fucking fool.

Pulse quickening, following him with his gaze as the beast steps close to the pair of them by the fire, his gait heavy, the withered leaves on the floor crunching under his boots, black wings shifting a little before folding behind his equally black-haired head, a tiredness on his face.

“Your quarrel is with me.”

The woman turns to her kin, speaking softly, “don't argue.”

Ruki tries very hard not to roll his eyes at her attempt. As if her sweetness could ever halt at least Ruki! He wasn't so sure about the winged man.

The beast gives her a cold glance or perhaps it only seemed cold because of their coloring for the female appeared not in the least offended, but looked at him calmly as he strode nearer. Ami then casts her eyes down silently.

Ruki rises from the armchair, chest fluctuating with his heavy breaths and so many words he wants to spit at them both.

“I despise you.”

Ami seems to have taken the hint that this was between the two of them and that her presence wouldn't aid the situation, for she makes to leave them to it without further word, gently clicking the door shut behind her.

Those cold eyes were on Ruki now.

“Fine. But why take it out on her, the only person who gives a shit about you?”

He laughs humourlessly. What a ridiculus thing to say!

“She doesn't. She deserved it.”

“You know she didn't. She wants to be your friend, you know. But you're so damn set on being destructious–”

“I have no friends!” He's shouting now. “How dare you?!”

“She had your back this whole time! You're standing here because of her.”

“I don't care about her.”

“She cares for you, you don't deserve it but she does.”

“You are both liars and I won't fall for it. I know you both laugh behind my back when I'm not looking. It must be amusing to have a wretched whore in your grasp. You must get something out of this, don't you? Do you feel powerful and big? Do you like knowing you have a helpless enemy prisoner in your home when you're away all day? Do your friends pat you on the back for taking me and making me your own, convincing me to live rather than killing me off, before you start doing things to me? I know you're faking... you're trying to trick me into thinking you're not bad—that you're kind even, so that it will be all the more funny when you start using me.”

“You're not mine, I don't fucking want you.”

“Sure you don't, that's all I'm good for!”

The other shakes his head with a sigh. “You are your own worst enemy.”

“No, you're my enemy.” Ruki inches closer to him, keeping his eyes locked with his. “Go on, tell me I'm right! Tell me!” He shouts, so provoked by the beast's calm and stubborn silence it makes him shudder. “Let me at least know for I can't bare this pretence! Stop pretending you're good and hurt me!” He shouts the last words, swallowing against the lump in his throat, his whole body on edge.

“I won't hurt you,” is all the fucker says and he let's out a cry in aggravation.

He wanted to scream into his face, spit in it, pluck his feathers and rip him apart. He can't stand this. Can't live like this.

“Yes, hurt me!”

“No.”

“You fucking asshole!” His eyes are wet and he hates them for betraying him. Lowering his voice he looks the other in the eye as he asks the question that always gnaws at his mind. “Why am I still here?”

“I don't know.”

“You don't know?”

“I don't.”

“Can't you at least tell me why you got me out of there?”

“No.”

Ruki paces the room.

“This is so fucked up, I can't stay here! It's wrong.” He stops and looks at him a final time, “why did you bring me here?”

“I told you, I don't know.”

“Fine! I don't care.” He storms across the room, “I can't stay here.”

“Where are you going?”

“Out!”

“You won't make it out.”

“I know, but at least I won't be stuck with you!”

“You're just going to get hurt.”

Glancing back at him, eyes moist and filled with hurt. “I'm counting on it.”

And with those words the young human flings the door open, pass through, and slam it shut. Leaving Kyo in silence.

“Good riddance, I've got my place to myself again.”

Exhasperated, he sighs, shaking his head. He walks over to the hearth, sitting down on the armchair with a low grunt.

Enwrapped with an unknown and yet familiar scent, he pulls out the book from beneath him he didn't notice at first, flipping it open to the marked page, staring at it for a moment. Closing it again, he rests his head against the back of the chair, shutting his eyes.

The human had been barefooted and lightly dressed when he left.

Kyo sighs.

It won't matter that his feet would freeze touching the outside ground because he's not going to make it that far and if he does he's got no one but himself to blame.

“Puny destructive human.”

Ruki finds himself in a dark, narrow space with nothing around him but dark bricks illuminated by a torch on the wall and stairs right in front of him. There's nowhere else to go so he stomps in that direction, looking down the railing. It's a spiral. Curling far down to somwhere he has no idea where. He doesn't falter though, too mad and sick of everything. He's so damn fed up with these beasts, this place, this pain. He's done.

No one was his master.

This isn't life. He will take charge of his own fate. And so, he plants his right foot onto the dusty black marble step, holds on to the curled branch-shaped railing, and delve downwards.

When he sees a light coming from a plateou in the stairs, before continuing downwards for however long, his anger fades, giving way for alertness, slowing down and searching with his eyes to be able to detect if there's any people around.

The light comes from torches on the wall but it appears empty and so he tip toes, breath stuck in his throat, before he's passed the empty plateu and continue lowering himself down the tower. Based on his memory of the towers from his first day here he expects this stair to go on a very long way down.

Passing stair after stair and several vacant plateaus lit by torches, he at last stumbles upon unintelligible voices having a conversation. Once he's sure they've gone, he reaches yet another plateau.

With a huff, crossing his arms around his midsection, he leans against the far wall, trembling, his feet covered in old dust and dirt and he's freezing all over.

He makes it farther then he'd dared to think he would, reaching so far as close to the bottom of the tower without any incidents. The only reason that someone would come up this way was to visit his old host which didn't seem like a frequent thing, so thankfully everything's gone well so far. At this point there's a steady light coming from below that was not created by torches, and he can see the end of the stairs if he leans over the railing and peak down.

Upon hearing new voices he hurredly goes into hiding, curling into a ball against the wall, making himself invisible in the shadows, straining his ears but he can't make out any coherent words.

When the voices finally dies he allows himself a moment while his heart hammers away frantically, his body high on adrenaline, before continuing on his way.

It was no use getting second thoughts at this point. He's chosen this and there was no going back.

An arched opening leads him to an adjoining grand hall, a stark contrast to the murkiness of the tower. Its walls were lined with very old gilded framed paintings, the floors so clean and shining the furniture was reflected on them where they were not covered by beige-patterned carpets. On the far wall from his position hung tall glass-covered windows flanked by thick, grey curtains in generous folds that were too long they were pooling on the floor, the outside world a soft clouded blue sky with only the hint of the sun lurking behind them. Though the windows were not opened he could almost feel the outside world and the crisp winds pour through them and he realizes that even though he's used to feeling fresh air every day, his senses were somehow more peaked because of that bit of sky right there. Like this one represented freedom. Freedom he would most probably not get to experience, but he would still try for it...

He can't go back.

All he could do now was to aim for that freedom, even if he'll only get a few seconds of it.

The room was empty of people but too open and he won't be able to blend in should someone appear suddenly. His wingless form would fool no one. So he searches the spacious room for potential hiding-places, perhaps if he could run quietly to that table and hide under it's cloth–

He flinches back, reacting too strongly before he can compose himself for he hadn't noticed them on time. The bulky winged man strode lazily into the room from a doorway on Ruki's left along with a black-haired woman and he was entirely visible to them if they'd look his way.

Utterly panicking, his head depletes and a gasp that would seal his fate pushed up his throat. But just as he's about to disclose his presence to the pair by ramming into the wall, stumbling on a flap of carpet, he's caught by strong arms going around him from behind and a hand covering his mouth. They press his backside against a firm body without a sound save for his own muffled gasp.

Fearful, he strains against the hold he's locked inside, his panic rising further and too out of hand—more than he could handle, while the unknown captor draws the both of them smoothly away from the doorway and into the shadows of the base of the tower.

“Shhh,” they whisper into his pierced ear, causing to him an involuntary shudder to run down his spine, while he desperately attempts to wrench himself away from them. “It's me. Stop moving.”

It takes Ruki a moment to catch up on what's happened, to locate the voice, connect it to a person, and when he does he stills against him.

While the two winged persons converse close by in the grand room, every second Ruki is pressed against that body he fights to suppress the strong need to break himself loose and create distance between it and his own, until another set of feet join the already present individuals in the next room.

“Hey, man. What's with that stunt you pulled at the arena today, it was mad!”

Ruki tenses upon hearing that familiar voice, instantly forgetting all about his anger. That voice. The one he'd hoped never to hear again. The very voice that haunts him day and night with it's hateful words, tearing him asunder with their spite and repulsive lust. Eating his flesh and licking his blood.

Despite himself, Ruki leans back against the chest of the beast behind him – his one protection. No longer eager to get away from him. Willing himself to disappear from this place, from that man only a few paces away with nothing but a wall separating them. Should his former master walk a few steps in the wrong direction and look their way he would find them. In this moment it didn't matter why the beast was there for him, he was only thankful that he was.

Kyo doesn't budge despite the other's frantic desperation against him, making sure he doesn't cause any movement or sound to give away their presence, not wanting a situation to occur if he can avoid it. When Die enters the picture he can almost feel the speed with which the heart of the human races as clearly as he feels the tremors that convulse his body, keeping them contained, until hopefully his kin exit the room without discovering them.

“Did you hear something?”

As if on cue the female of the group asks the others, and in that moment both beast and man halt their breathing.

“What?” The bulky man.

“Just now, I thought I heard something.”

“A gust of wind perhaps. You're always hearing things.”

“No, I swear I heard something.”

Ruki grips the beast's white-clad bicep, digging his nails into it, desperate to steady himself against the scorching pain that shoots through his every nerve and sinew, so that he won't move or produce any sound, watching the man-shaped shadow on the floor growing taller as it draws nearer. The shape is easily recognised. Not female. Not bulky.

Kyo pays no mind to the nails clawing him, scanning the surroundings for something—anything. He does not wish to be found out in this situation, with a human slave in his arms, hiding from them, to face their suspiscious reactions, or having to deal with the kid and Die meeting each other again. Doesn't know what he could do in that situation to prevent a nasty outcome. He finds their possible rescue in a pigeon perched on the windowsill.

Moving slowly away from the human, hand retrating from his mouth, catching his eye, while raising one finger to his own in a silent instruction to keep quiet, he leans the youth against the wall, allowing it to support him in replacement of himself, before he turns from him.

As silently as he can manage he reaches the window without spooking the animal, and scares the pigeon out of it's slumber, using his hand to make sure it takes flight in the right direction. Startled, it flies coo'ing across the space and out into the adjoining room.

“See, what did I tell you, Fuyumi? It's just a blasted pigeon.”

It was a gamble that could easily go either way, Ruki knew, pressing his backside against the wall. The tall shadow on the floor lingers a bit and Ruki that was still not breathing, still not moving, wonders for a moment if his old master can somehow sense that he's there, like a vampire smelling fresh blood. His eyes are utterly fixed on that shadow, heart thumping so loudly he was afraid it could be heard from miles outside his body. But then the shadow fades, walking away.

Ruki barely hears the male's laughter before the unmistakable sound of a punch.

“Ouch, come on, don't be so dramatic.”

“Prick. It could've been anything.”

“Yeah, a stupid bird.”

They bicker for a while but eventually their voices finally grow weaker until Ruki can't hear what they're saying anymore. He dares to breathe only once it's comepletely quiet and nothing but the coo'ing of the pigeon to disrupt it. He can't control his frantic panting then, the panic he'd tried to suppress now pushing up through his chest with force.

Long passed the ability of coherent thought he hurls his arms round the neck of the only person in sight, clinging to him with the pressure of his pain, needing not to be alone and cold.

Startled to say the least, Kyo only stands there as the human takes the liberty of holding on to him. Unsure what to do about it, feeling the being shake as violently as the hard-to-control heaves close to his ear, he does nothing but allows him to do what he needs to do because he'd rather deal with this than something worse.

“Thank you.” His tongue can barely form the words. Before, he would've never let himself express gratitude to the beast, but in the heat of the moment Ruki's so thankful that he's there. Always seems to be there when he needs him the most.

“Uh... yeah.” The beast steps back then, scratching the back of his head. Ruki is reluctant to but let's him go. “Still leaving?”

Ruki stares down at the floor, biting his bottom lip, shaking his head.

“What do you want?” The beast asks in such a patient way Ruki almost aches. No one ever asked what he wanted.

Why was he still trying to trick him, even after coming to his rescue?

“I don't know. I just need to be as far from him as possible right now or I'll disintegrate.” His voice was laced with the urge to find refuge, to be away from the monster who could still be lurking near by—could still come back here. He wasn't so sure his old master had been fooled.

He gazes up at the beast.

“Can you take me away?”

“Back to my place?”

“No... some place else. Outside. Just for a little while. Is that possible?”

“I suppose. Don't you dislike flying?”

“I don't care, please, just take me away from here.”

The human stares into his face, lips parted, breathing heavily, his chest still fluctuating.

Kyo looks from the distressed human and to the window he'd scared the pigeon from.

“Okay.”

Walking over to it, he opens it wide, stepping onto the sill. He doesn't have to wait for long before the other follows suit, re-entering his arms and let himself be lifted into the air, clutching hard at his clothing in discomfort but other than that is silent.

Kyo keeps a slow, steady pace to make it easier for him.

The weather was clearer than it had seemed from his readingspot earlier. The sun shining through wisps of white clouds. He's taken not very far away into the wilderness surrounding court to a highly located hill surrounded by vegetation that doesn't spoil the beautiful view of the valley stretching beyond.

He gratefully breathes the open air as the beast lands them gently onto the stone, taking in the scenery, the cool wind ruffling his clothes. The other doesn't let him go completely until he's sure Ruki won't fall on his ass, before moving away from him a little bit.

Upon seeing the world again after so long indoors he already feels a little better. In his absence the trees have become almost naked, few yellow leaves littering the jagged branches, he follows one of them as it let's go and floats away on a breath of air, going on its one travel before finding a place to rot away.

Ruki stands on the hill while he beast seats himself on a log close by.

“Your feet, aren't they cold?”

The other brings him back to the present with his question, pulling his eyes down automatically. Indeed, his feet are freezing.

“Very.” He turns to face the other. “Don't take me back yet?” Let him stay a little longer. “I want to feel like I'm part of this world just a little bit longer.”

Stunned, Kyo nods.

Gratefully, Ruki's attention shift, resting again on the nature sprawling around him. Not wanting to waste one second from enjoying it's tranquil beauty, not miss one phantom caress on his skin, especially since he's lowered himself so low as to downright beg the beast to let him stay. He needs to feel it all, see it all, so that he may stay awake truly, just this moment, before returning to the darkness once more when he gets back to the isolation of his bedroom. Not wanting the huge building to ruin this for him, not wanting to even think about being inside again, he makes sure the court is out of his field of vision.

“You sway.” That quiet voice muses.

“I sway?”

“Yeah. You shift from moody and angry to soft, from murderous to suicidal, very swiftly.”

“Mm... It's because I carry too much feelings for long periods of time. They bubble up to the surface...” He murmurs truthfully.

“Yeah, I see that. You carry them on your face as well.”

Ruki swings to the other. He doesn't say anything aloud, only ponders the beast for a bit.

When the human shivers Kyo sighs heavily, “here”, he removes his boots and socks, offering them to him with a grunt, avoiding his eyes.

Ruki's feet were red and aching by now he doesn't have much choice but to accept the offer or he'd lose his feet to the cold.

Gingerly, he takes the socks and pull them over his feet before putting the boots on after. They're a bit large for him but it doesn't matter, they serve their purpose and with them he's able to stay a little longer.

“Thank you,” he says softly. “I'm still mad at you.”

“Huh?”

“You've helped me more than once now, no matter why you did it – you did, and... I'm grateful. But I still hate you. I can't ever forgive you for what you've done.”

“I get that and I'm not asking nor wishing to have your forgivness.”

Time passes and Ruki trembles all over despite the numbness and his efforts not to. The sunrays that hits him feel good but it's not eough to hinder the tight grip the cold has on him, dressed as he was in his purple velvet pantsuit with nothing but a flimsy shirt underneath.

“Hey kid, this is folly, you're going to get sick.” Kyo can't ignore the other's obvious state any longer, feeling the cold seep through his own clothing. When there's no response he gets up and closes the distance between them, he doesn't get close before the human flinches away from him with a rough movement, feet spraying a gust of dirt in the air as he steadies himself to keep from falling, teeth clattering as he gasps.

“Don't touch me!”

Kyo raises his hands in the air in signal that he won't force his touch on him. “Fine, but you're cold as ice. I should take you back else you're going turn blue. That is, if you want to come back?”

“I have a choice?”

“Yes.”

With the options he's got it doesn't seem like much of a choice though. Sighing, shoulders slouching, Ruki stutters, “take me back.”

“Come here then,” Kyo opens his arms for him once more, inviting him in, wrapping them securely around the bundle of ice when it comes to him freely. “Geez, you've been outside for far too long, here,” he says and unzips his own jacket, helping the human's arms through the sleeves when they appear too numb to do the work efficiently.

Hurridly, Kyo zips him up, alarmed upon realizing just how sensitive he was to the low temperatures and how much it had affected him after only a short while outside, making sure the jacket is shut all the way up to the high collar of the neck.

“Don't freak, I'm going to warm your hands,” he tells him before grabbing his icy hands inside his own to rub them, “it's going to get worse while we fly but I'll try to get you home as soon as I can, okay?”

Not even waiting for a response he takes him into his arms, supporting him by the back and the knees, and take to the sky. Once back in his apartment he carries him to the fire, easing him back down on the armchair, throwing him the blanket as well as collecting a few extras for him before helping him to a cup of steaming tea.

“Drink. Your lips are turning purple. You should change out of those clothes as well.” He sighs, refraining from shaking his head. “You should have told me it was that cold for you.”

Ruki merely shrugs, warming his hands on the hot mug. After finishing his tea goes to grab his other set of clothes and makes for the bathroom to have a hot bath. As he emerges again, warm and dry, his nose leads his way to the kitchen of all places, disovering the winged beast with his back turned to him while working on something by the counter.

“You cook?” He hears himself say like it was the most shocking thing in the world.

The other doesn't turn to face him. “Is that so surprising?”

“Well, yeah, or... I suppose—no. I wouldn't know.”

He percieves his attention on him while he proceeds into the room, walking closer to see what he's up to. It's apparent the beast is unsure of himself while Ruki watches him going about the kitchen.

Once it's finished he sets the smaller kitchen-table for two – the white porcelian and the silver cutlery all aligned perfectly – and motions for Ruki to sit down across from him. He obeys without a word.

The silence seem to roar at them both while they eat, the atmosphere so awkward Ruki could slize through it with his knife. The two of them. Eating together. He hasn't shared a meal with anyone in a few months, it's odd and intimate and strangely normal. As if him and Kyo weren't on the opposite sides in an ongoing war, a war that seemed so faraway in that moment.

If anyone had told him three months ago that he would be formally dining with a beast in the near future he would have laughed his ass off. It was so damn bizarre.

The beast, he notes, has surprisingly good table manners, but he supposes there's no reason he shouldn't. That it's only the own prejudice mind that still expects the other to be monstrous with claws and fangs—he was monstrous, but not at handling kitchenware.

It dawns in his mind then. The neat rows of books in the library, the shining small oak tables and equally polished dining-set in the same room, the way the kitchen was always clean, no items out of place. If there were items on a table they were placed there carefully. As if the beast was hosting an exhibition in his own home. A perfectionist beast. Thorough and delicate in the things he performs. Like how he had chopped the vegetables in perfect thin slizes and seasoned them gently, as if treating each ingredient with respect. Or how every piece of meat was cut neatly and thinly.

Who would have thought?

Ruki eats slowly, aware of every taste and texture of the meal. Until his curiosity gets the better of him.

“You're stronger than everyone else.”

The other answers without looking at him, just as he hasn't looked at him ever since he entered the kitchen, chewing deliberately. “Yes.”

“You _tore_ my chain apart. How is that possible?”

“Good genes? No idea.”

“Your wings are larger than any I've seen so far.”

A hum.

“Are there any others like that here?”

“No.”

“Your parents, were they like that too?”

“Can't say. I never knew them.”

“Oh.” Ruki fixes his eyes back down to his plate. He knew when to shut up.  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staying silent, he follows his movements as the beast stands up before him, wings spreading, their span shielding the view of the horizon, making a large and monumental impression on him again but without intruding too closely, and Ruki doesn't sway from gazing at him questioningly, trying without success to figure out what just shifted between them. He was afraid he'd launch at him, but as he continued to look into his eyes he felt almost certain that he wouldn't.

“Can you take me back there?”

The question lingers awkwardly between them.

The human had searched him out this morning, almost as if he'd waited for him to wake up, appearing very intent on asking him this. He had managed to catch him in the library just as he was getting ready to leave for work. Everything about the human was very different from yesterday, his eyes were different.

“Take you where?”

“To the hill, where you took me the other day.”

“Um.” He doesn't really have the time nor will to grant his wish and the youth seems to comprehend as much.

“I'm desperate – _please_. It doesn't have to be the same place, just anywhere.”

He was downright begging him. This was definitely different.

“If I could just be outside for a little while... it might help. If I could just be in the real world.”

It might help ground him enough so that he won't downright drown in the mud. Ruki had had a terrible night with a horiffic nightmare that still gave him the chills hours after. He had awoken in the dark, gasping and sweating and he'd been so afraid he was about to jump out of his skin, pressing himself into the corner of the wall, staring around the room frantically. He hadn't been able to fall back asleep but had stayed like that until dawn. His thighs were still wet from when he had broken the skin several times, desperate to drag himself out of the dark and the pain. As soon as he'd heard signs of his host being awake he scurried out of his room to find him.

“I'm needed elsewhere,” Kyo replies, his tone final, throwing his open back leather jacket on, clasping the front buckles, almost ready to head off, but throws the human one last glance and feels unexpectedly a stab of... something... because of the way that he looks at him so pleadingly, so scared—of what, he has no clue.

“Just drop me off then, you don't have to accomapany me, I don't wish to cause you any inconvenience. I really, really need this.”

_You're already causing me inconvenience._

“Too risky,” he says, barely giving him any more of his attention as he finalizes his attire and weapons himself, deciding that whatever troubles disturbed the human was none of his business and that he couldn't care less.

“I'm desperate. I'm suffocating.”

That voice barely covers above a whisper, sharing something so raw and honest, and against his will Kyo turns back to face him.

There's something about those eyes, just like that night, they draw him in. Speak to him. Rendering him unable to hurt, and now they halt him in his tracks, stealing him from his duties just from the way they meet his. No longer avoiding, but gazing right at him like he needs him. He sighs, gesturing to his red velvet pantsuit.

“Don't you have something proper to wear?”

Brown orbs lit up with hope then, and damn it, he doesn't really have the heart to squash that hope now.

“I've got no other clothes but it doesn't matter, it's warmer today,” the young human replies, eager for him to agree. He must be really desperate then for his clothes weren't nearly good enough, too thin and he doesn't even own a pair of socks it seems since his feet are bare again. He must be truly desperate to not care about exposing himself to what had turned him blue yesterday. To not care at all about his own safety.

“It's way too chilly for what you're wearing, just,” he can't believe he's doing this, shakes his head in disbelief but the words goes out of him and he isn't sure he's even allowed them to, “I'll lend you something, okay? A jacket, a scarf, _shoes_. Would that be tolerable for you?”

The human doesn't hesitate to nod enthusiastically, so much hope rising to his surface.

It seems they're breaking some huge barriers these days. He's received a couple of 'thank you's, they're sharing meals and now clothes as well. It appears the human's anger has momentarily shifted and given way for something else. Something more imminently bothering him.

Kyo hands him a warm coat that himself usually wears for winter because the back can be closed around his wings with straps around the waist, and all the other attires he'll need so that this time he won't half freeze to death out there.

Once dressed like an atlennan in a thick black coat with the signature high collar as well as a warm scarf offering the neck additional protection from the weather, and some proper boots, the human willingly clings to him once more as Kyo takes them to the same hill as last time—and so, for the first time, Kyo has put off his duties for the sake of someone else.

_Who are you?_

Finally outside and arrived on the hill, Ruki walks away from the winged beast, needing some alone-time, not wanting him to be able to observe him.

Becuase he's wearing the beast's things though he's surrounded with his scent. It ceases to disturb him after a while. It makes him think about before, when he had used his crush's shirt so that he could enwrap himself with their scent when they weren't together, or when he was younger and his mother tucked him in with her blanket after a bad dream. To share someone's scent. It used to bring security and comfort. This new scent doesn't, but it brings back memories and he wishes he could find security like that again.

He smothers that sliver of his past that had managed to break through, refusing to go there, refusing to think about them, and trudges slowly towards the trees.

He observes a few atlennans in the sky far off in the distance, relieved that they don't come closer.

Kyo keeps his distance from that odd creature who'd managed to take him away from more important matters but he doesn't intend on leaving him altogether. If he did he would most likely never see him again.

He groans, burying his face against the palms of his hands.

He had been supposed to train the youngsters from morning 'til luncheon, he's going to be very late. Probably someone else is standing in for him by now. What the devil is he doing with this human, allowing him to make him stray from more important matters? Losing a couple of hours isn't the end of the world, but the source to why he's losing them... it wasn't right.

When he's ready, Ruki returns to the beast's side, observing him silently sitting on the ground with a far-away look on his face, not showing any visible signs of having noticed about his presence but Ruki knows he's aware of him. He was about to ask him to take him back so that he would be released from babysitting him when that smooth voice breaks the silence.

“I detected a faint, glowing ember of fight still inside you. It was only a small flickering light but it was there, and although I didn't know it then it was what drew me to you. Why I couldn't leave you with him.”

He spoke without looking at him, the words directed towards those distant snowy peaks so far away on the horizon that were almost seamless against the clouded grey sky, but the words were meant for him. And they stunned him greatly.

Speachless, there's but one thought that fills Ruki's entire consciousness upon hearing those words. He can't fool himself into thinking that they weren't sincere, he doesn't know how he knows it but they were.

Staying silent, he follows his movements as the beast stands up before him, wings spreading, their span shielding the view of the horizon, making a large and monumental impression on him again but without intruding too closely, and Ruki doesn't sway from gazing at him questioningly, trying without success to figure out what just shifted between them. He was afraid he'd launch at him, but as he continued to look into his eyes he felt almost certain that he wouldn't.

The following days are quiet. As if they've reached a mutual agreement to simply co-exist for the remainder of their union. To his stun his host comes home each day now a little earlier than previously to share dinner with him, and those moments too are spent mostly in silence. Aside from those times though Ruki lives in solitude. Reading. His agony constantly hovering above his head like a thunderous cloud.

He's done good job of avoiding it so far but one day he looks at himself in the mirror, seeing just what he expected to see: a pale and sickly image that is still not himself.

He traces the red scars on his cheeks, neck, the beauty-mark on his chin, runs his fingers through his thin hair. Ugly. Repulsive. He can't help the feeling that the world, everyone in it, even his own body, is trying to tell him to go to hell. They don't want him here. He's wrong. He wants to break completely, why hasn't he?

The beast was right, a tiny part of him still fights even though he shouldn't. Is that strength or cowardace? Because he can't take that last leap into oblivion?

Deep down he still has hope of a future, of a life. A fool's hope that needs to be diminished for his rational mind knows his hope is futile. That flickering light inside... he does not want it.

He brings his hands back to his face, nails sinking into the skin as he scratches them along his face, creating red streaks. The room closes in on him, the edges becoming abstract and murky. Black smoke piles around him. He wants to shout at his reflection, blurred through teary eyes, 'disgusting foulness, why won't you die?'

A sickening voice joins his own, bringing him to his knees on the tiled floor.

 _“You'll never be nothing more but a vile whore. You'll never be good, never belong anywhere.”_ It's neither male nor female. It just is. And it's the epitome of what a demon might sound like.

A throaty wail. _I know._

He doesn't remember how long he sits curled on the floor, crying and long after he's stopped, or how he managed to get up, finding himself in front of the mirror once more, a pair of scissors in his grasp. With it he cuts his hair shorter in the back and crops his bangs to about the length of his mouth unevenly, after that he jams the sharp edge of it at his skin, pressing it down hard along the length of his arm. Panting. Watching the blood gush out. Before throwing the scissors in the wash basin with a clank.

He smears the blood over the skin, coating his arm with it, brings his wet hand to his mouth, painting his lips with the red fluid and then trails his fingers along his throat, painting long streaks.

Injuring himself didn't help this time. It should ease his pain more than this. But it wasn't working. And he's still got too much blood inside his body.

Void of fear, Ruki steps out between mahogany doors and night-sky curtains onto the balcony, holding the railing.

 _“Jump.”_ His demon encourages. _“Go on.”_

Ruki grips at the black iron, looking down, the sinister voice spurring him on from every direction but is strongest from below, his eyes searches but he can't make out the ground. The knowledge that it was all about to end finally makes the pain almost easier to carry this last bit, as he wraps his leg over the railing.

_“I beckon you.”_

Kyo instantly notices the difference. He can't pin-point what it is exactly. It's a deep instinct. A change in the air. A different smell. It's not as bad as to alarm him, but he takes note of it.

His eyes look around the library but there's nothing amiss, so he goes to light an oil-lamp on the small table. Usually lights will be lit nowadays when he comes home, so that's the only clear evidence he can detect. He removes his jacket and opens a few buttons of his blouse, loosening the tight lace collar that kissed all the way to his jaw, before throwing some wood into the hearth to keep the the fire going.

It isn't until later, when his human lodger makes his appearance that he finds the answers. He looks terrible. It's not only the bloody scrapes on his face, the dark skin beneath his eyes, the cut hair or his overal tousled appearance that speaks loudest – but the eyes and his body posture. He looks like he's walking to the gallows. And he smelled like blood.

The human throws a fleeting glance his way before planting them down again as he takes a seat by kitchen table but it's enough for Kyo to be able to see.

Turning away, Kyo takes the fresh incredients he was reaching for when the other had appeared, moving towards the counter and the cutting board, staring at it for a moment.

“Help me out will you?” He says, his back still facing the human. It takes a moment before a raspy, low voice answers.

“What?”

“I need to prepare the meat, it's going to take while. You chop the vegetables.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want to eat before nigthfall, I could use a hand.”

“Are you ordering me?”

He turns around to face him. He's small-looking. Tired. But not from lack of sleep he suspects. “I am.”

The human is clearly displeased about it but still drags himself out of the chair and towards him. Kyo simply steps aside from the cutting board and the other only stands there for a while. His hands shakes when he lifts them, taking the knife and reaching for a vegetable. They continue to shake as he pushes the knife into it, seemingly struggling to add more force to make it go through. Pretending not to notice Kyo turns to the whole bird to prepare it.

After a while he comes back to the human to check on his progress.

“Is that all you've done? Come, get a move on, I wish to eat before nightfall.”

“I'm doing the best I can.” His voice a little shameful. Weak but bitter.

“Well, do better.”

“I told you I'm doing my best!” He lashes out defensively.

“I'm telling you to hurry up.”

“If you're in such rush maybe you should cut the damn veggies yourself!”

“I'm busy, as you can see.”

“Not busy enough to keep from bothering me it seems.”

“Go on with it then.” He turns back to his own work, the other muttering a 'fine' in response. After a moment longer he walks over to him. “You should cut them thinner.” That gets him a stronger reaction.

The human faces him with a spiteful expression. There's a short pause. Kyo keeps his stare, not twitching a single muscle, waiting to see what he'll do. The knife was held hard in the human's grip. He saw that his mind worked right now—considering.

They both knew any attempt in this moment would be futile and only end up with the human pushed away and potentially hurt if he forced Kyo to take things that far to protect himself.

Kyo waits for him, letting him make the decision on his own. Until that face twitches in an exhasperated expression, dropping the knife soundly on the board unnecessarily harshly before throwing his arms in the air.

“I can't help you!”

“Yes you can. You just have to try harder.”

“What do you know about my efforts? Perhaps this is the best I can do.”

“It is not. I'm ordering you to cut these items and I'm ordering you to do so thoroughly.” He stares the other in the eye.

“Should I say 'yes master' now? Am I suddenly your kitchen wench?”

“If you were you'd be too lousy at it for me to keep you.”

“Fuck you.”

“I'll let that slide, now go on with it. And remember, thinner slices.”

The younger mutters angrily but picks up the knife again. “Didn't know beasts were such perfectionists.”

Kyo is unfaced by the derogatory comment.

“Good,” he proclaims when the human has finished chopping, examining the results. “It's not how I prefer it but it's good enough.” He swears he can feel the other internally poking his tongue out at him, obviously boiling with anger just beneath the surface. He ignores it. “Now these needs to be seasoned and these needs to soak in cold water,” he goes on exlpaining while pointing at the different items lying on the counter.

“I know how to prepare daikon.”

“Good. After you're finished you can set the table.”

“Are you sure? I don't think I know how to align the cutlery or where to put the glasses. I'm not even sure what a glass is. Us humans aren't very evolved you see, we're more like trolls.”

Kyo rolls his eyes at his immature behaviour. “Then you have better learn.”

“Yes, master.”

Their combined efforts pays off and when everything is ready Kyo places the pot on a perfectly made table and sits down opposite the grumpy human who's leaning his marred cheek in his hand.

“Dig in.”

Ruki was sitting in front of the hearth, too distracted by his head to do anything but sit there staring at nothing.

The beast had made him cook today again which seemed stupid seeing as all he did was complain about how he did things—though he had actually praised him for his knife-skills this time which he couldn't help feeling a little victorious about. His hand had been steadier and his head a little clearer, set on proving he wasn't as lousy as the beast thought him to be.

Speaking of the devil, the beast enters the room with steady strides, throwing clothes at Ruki who flinches, startled.

“Hey!”

He inspects the clothes in his lap.

“If you're implying I should now start washing your clothes then you're out of your mind–” It was one thing to be invovled in cooking that fed them both, but washing his fucking clothes?!

“Of course not. Put them on.”

“I'm not wearing your stinking clothes.”

“Yes you are and be quick about it.”

“Why?”

“We're going out.”

Ruki blinks. “Out? Where?”

“You'll find out.”

“I don't understand.”

“It's not complicated. I'm restless, I want to go for a flight before bed and seeing as you look so miserable and bored over there I thought you could pester me by accompanying me. You can tire me out.”

“You're insane.”

“You like being outside don't you?”

“...Yes.”

“Then you gain something out of it too. Now get dressed.”

“It's dark out.”

“Does the dark frighten you?”

“No.”

“So why are we still talking?”

Sigh. “Fine.” Ruki takes the coat in his hand, standing to put it on. It's the same one he wore last time. It fits him size-wise and he has to admit it's a cool coat. It's black and reaching to his knees, slim-fitted at the waist with silver buttons running down the front length of it. He closes the flap in the back with straps around his middle like a waist-belt. If his purple pants didn't make him look so ridiculus this would be just his style.

He puts on socks and shoes after and turns to the beast when he's ready. He too was all dressed in black but lighter, wearing a thinner jacket, black lace foaming around his wrists, a choker with a large silver ring adorning his neck, and the regular tight pants. Seeming overly stylish for a monster going for a stroll in the evening sky but Ruki used to be like that too, dressing too fancy for a farmer's boy, so he couldn't really critizise him.

Ruki didn't know what was happening right now but instead of questioning it he decides to just go with it. Any distraction was a good one.

Up in the air and inside his arms he's feeling very uncomfortable. The beast his holding him by his back and knees while Ruki holds on to him by the neck—he found it impossible not to hold on—his chin resting on his shoulder, staring backwards but not seeing much, he keeps his head as far to the side, away from the beast's as possible. Their proximity is awkward and that's putting it mildly. He can't decide what he'd rather do; jab a knife in his throat, in his wings, or in his black heart.

“Relax.” The beast breaks the silence between them.

“What?”

“You're super tense.”

“So what?”

“It would make it easier for you if you relax. Try to get used to the height and the wind. It's not so difficult to breathe once you learn how to do it.”

“Very helpful.” He replies sarcasticly. Afterall the only thing that kept him from perishing was the beast's willingness to keep him in his hold. “Besides, I'm not sure I can get used to it. My instincts differ from yours in this regard. High altitude means death for me.”

“Trust me, you can get used to it.”

“I won't ever trust you, beast.”

This whole thing was freaking him out. But he was nauseated and stiff and the air seemed too thick to breathe in, leaving him light-headed. So he closed his eyes and tried to draw a deeper breath. It was hard, the air seemed to punch him in the face and he was struggling also, not to vomit or panic, but after a while of trying it got just a little bit easier.

“I'm not going to drop you.”

“What?”

“I won't drop you, you weigh nothing. Try to focus on the ride rather than clinging to me as if I'd let you fall.”

Easier said than done.

Ruki is beyond relieved when they touch ground again. Clutching at his stomach he gulps at the air, trying not to become sick. As soon as he's feeling a little better he scans the area. It's a new place this time. There's a stream rushing inbetween moss-covered cliffs and stones and plenty of trees surrounding him.

He sits down on one of the soft stones, the beast mirroring him a few yards away. They are both silent for a long while. It could be hours. But it was nice. As weird and awkward as this was he didn't feel afraid in this moment which was a huge relief. The sound of the water serene and calming.

“Why _don't_ you just let me fall?” He asks.

The beast is silent for a while, contemplating the question.

“There's something about you, I don't know what it is, I just can't seem to want to harm you. I'm not laughing at you behind your back or faking my behaviour because I want to trick you and hurt you. I'm many things but I'm not a rapist or a liar. You said I was pretending to be something I'm not but... I'm not pretending anything. I'm a monster. I've killed more humans in my life than I can count. Killing never felt wrong to me, it still doesn't, but that night when you came into my bedroom was the first time I couldn't kill a person, I trust my instincts and they tell me not to harm you. This is the honest truth. I don't play games. If I was going to kill you I would have done it already.”

“Okay... That's slightly disturbing coming from you.”

“Whatever.”

“I still hate you, no matter what you say.”

“I know.”

“But you won't hurt me?”

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Fine what?”

“Fine I'll believe you. I can tell you think carefully each time before speaking and you told me all that because you care about my knowing the truth. You didn't have to do any of this, you could've just left me to die many times, you could ignore me or hurt me. I'm utterly defensless and yet for some reason you treat me better than both of us would have expected. You even came for me the other day when I ran off. There's been so many chances for you to be rid of me and I've wanted you to take them and even then you didn't. You didn't go through with killing me. I'm not sure how to process all this, I don't know how to read you because I get mixed signals. But for now – fine.”

“I don't know what's real anymore.”

Him and the beast had been spending much time together in the last couple of weeks, discovering new places in the surrounding grounds of the king's court. Most of the time they didn't talk much, but Ruki had slowly started sharing some of his thoughts with the other. He was so desperate to speak and be listened to that the words seemed to force themselves out of him.

It was risky. Very risky. To bare some of his deeper thoughts, but he just had to voice them. He was going to die anyway, in this place, by the hand of some beast or by his own head, so it didn't really matter what he spoke to the only being who wasn't hurting him.

He'd never been able to handle long periods of isolation, not used to being completely alone, and seeing as the beast didn't object, didn't even push him away or get mad at him—he didn't say much back to him, but he seemed to listen and that's probably why he kept talking. They rarely looked one another directly in the eye, but he could tell he heard him, and he was dying to be heard.

He clung to it like a life-line.

It was dark as usual because they always went out after dinner. Today's location wasn't very interesting, it was a clearing in the woods. It was cold and quiet but he was accustoming to the lower temperatures lately and the cold seemed to comfort him. The beast was sitting close by on a rock, looking grumpy as he oftentimes did—as he always did, for that matter. He looked like a grumpy old dad.

Ruki continues.

“I don't want to forget myself. I'm not sure who I am, who I was, anymore. I'm just a ghost. The lines between reality and my mind are blurry. I don't feel real. I don't feel me. I'm standing here. I'm flying. I'm shivering. My heart beats. But I'm not... I'm not me.” Words flow. Dissolve. His voice swallowed up by the thick trees.

The beast close by shifts slightly where he sits, turning his head away from him.

“Trees old knows thruths long forgotten by man. They dream of olden days, yet stand strong in the present, their bodies sprung from the floor of soil and rot, rising higher as time passes by, branches flare and color and reach towards the light. Their dreams are only shadows, the past long gone, yet roots deep down dig, and the crown rise higher still, persistant, they make do.”

Ruki feels his heartbeat clearer, follows his inhale of breath filling his lungs before exhaling. Trying to feel a connection with the surface of the ground beneath him and his booted feet. Searching for some energy to link him to this patch of ground like he was part of it, like he could belong to it, dig down through the mud and also rise higher above it. But he was not persistant. He did not rise.

Sometimes he wondered if he was the only one. The only one who hadn't been kissed by any of the Lords.

Feeling refreshed, Ruki sits down on the floor close to the fire, relishing in its warmth caressing his cold body, carefully taking in the form of the beast beside him but ignoring his face, before turning back to the fire.

He hates the flying. He hates the inevitable touching that comes with it. But it's become the one thing in his life that might actually give him a fraction of that good old feeling of looking forward to something. To have something – no matter how small and uncomfortable – that kept being there at the end of the day, like he could rely on it, something other than withering away in loneliness.

“You're a thinker.” It was a statement to which the winged beast on his left only shrugs lightly. Ruki moves on to a different topic. “Why are you so freaked about someone touching your wings?”

“It's... private. It's as invasive and disrespectful as when touching other private bodyparts. It's not appropriate for anyone to touch them. Especially not humans since they like to tear them to shreds.”

“Wouldn't even couples touch them?”

“I suppose. That might be the only time when it's allowed. If the couple in question doesn't mind it.”

“I don't want to tear yours to shreds. Just, for the record.”

“I'm glad to hear it.”

Ruki rolls his eyes.

“So why don't you have a partner?” A daring question.

“Why? You think I should have one for some reason?”

“I just thought at your age most people would be married.”

“And what age do you think I am?”

“I don't know – 45?”

“Gee, thanks.”

Ruki shrugs.

“Perhaps where you come from,” the beast continues after a moment, surprising him. “It's not my thing.”

“Figured. You're too stony for anyone to put up with you. You'd just leave them to themselves, am I right?”

“I don't know what I would be like in a relationship.”

“You've never had one? Damn.”

“I take it you have then.”

“Once. A few years ago.”

“So why didn't you marry?”

“I didn't love her. Not strongly enough to marry her anyway. She wasn't the one.”

“So you're looking for the one, huh?”

“Not anymore.” It seemed a lifetime ago that he longed for such normal things in life. Hoped for things like love. “Besides, I'm never getting out of here.” Am I? But the beast doesn't give him the hint of an answer to what he's really wondering.

“Why not?”

“Isn't it obvious?”

“If they loved you they wouldn't be scared off by something that happened to you that wasn't your fault.”

“I think in this case they would. Even if they did manage to love me I don't think I could ever trust anyone. No, I'm doomed in this department.”

“If you say so.”

Ruki yawns.

“You should go to sleep.”

“Soon. It's nice by the fire.” He wasn't really in a hurry to go back to his room and to his nightmares.

Silence.

“What's your favorite, tea, cocoa or coffe?” Ruki asks.

“What kind of question is that?”

“Just wanted to throw you off.”

Barely a snort. “Lousy.”

“Yeah. But it worked.”

There was another pause that he didn't feel pressured to break from. The cooking, the eating, their late adventure outside, getting back and now sitting by the warm fire, all made him tired. It didn't take much to get him tired.

“Tea.”

“What?”

“Your question, stupid.”

“Oh. Alright. Don't call me stupid.”

“Okay.”

“Soup or pie?”

“Oh, come on.”

“Gold or silver?”

“Shut up.”

“Flying or running?”

“Flying.”

No surprise there.

Ruki's eyes were growing heavy, eyelids closing and closing again, until he can't pull them back up anymore.

Kyo tenses over when the human suddenly leans dangerously close to his shoulder, about to smack him for the audacity if he got any nearer or even touched him, but the other just lies down on the carpet next to him too close for his comfort. Kyo lets him be.

Perhaps he'll wake up any moment. He would apologize and hopefully go to his room instead. But he doesn't wake.

This was new. The human was willingly letting his guard down enough to sleep next to him.

When he's started snoring lightly he gives up on the hope that he'll rouse again, and although leaving him on the floor for the entire night was very tempting, he figures he has no choice but to take care of the situation, being stranded here all night was simply not an option, so he carefully lifts him up and carry him to the spare bedroom.

Surprised the human still doesn't wake, Kyo drapes the fluffy cover over him and an extra blanket.

The human makes a noise and his eyes drift to his face, finding those eyes tightly shut. He was sleeping like a rock, snuggling up against the fabric into a comfortable position, unknowing of Kyo's curious gaze on him, the bared arm marred with self-inflicted scars stealing his attention as he still doesn't stray from him just yet, wondering if he's made new ones.

He had some incling of what was going on inside that head. The human was opening up more and more lately he thought he was starting to see who he was, what his energy was. Captivity smothered him, he needed space to breathe, to thrive...

So young. So nosy and full of life despite everything. So much fight.

The innocent appearance as he lay snuggled up on the bed, producing little content noises now and then as the seconds flew by, didn't keep Kyo from seeing what lurked inside and it didn't surprise him in the least, he might even have always suspected it was so.

“You're fire.”

Kyo finds himself hoping he'll stay like this through the night. Serene and free of nightmares. It would give himself some peaceful rest.

A few hours later in the darkest hour of night, Kyo jerks awake back in his own room. It takes him a couple of moments before he realizes what had roused him but then he becomes aware of the crying coming from down the hall. The sound is muffled, far-away, raw and painfilled.

Pain. That fiery human was in so much pain.

Too awake to go back to sleep just yet Kyo lies unmoving, listening, as the other goes through another nightly episode.

“You're not dead. You're not dead.”

At dawn Kyo dresses himself before stepping out through the bedroom door. There, he halts.

He wasn't much of a breakfast-person, usually ate after he'd been up for a while longer, but recently the human had started using the kitchen to make breakfast in the early mornings, and a few days ago had even made Kyo breakfast before he left for work. He guesses it's his sleeping problems that makes him get up this early.

He decides to steer left instead of right, heading towards the source of the delightful smell in his home, hearing noises of cutlery, the sound not disturbing or annoying where his world used to be so silent. Upon reaching the end of the hallway and into the kitchen he finds the little human wide awake by the stove, his hair on one side of his head flattened and on the other side tousled, as if he'd slept on one side all through the night, seemingly unawares of his presence.

“What's cooking?”

“Fuck!” The half-tousled man flinches and braces a hand over his chest as he whirls around, a sour look on his face. He's still got bed-eyes, probably newly woken up. “Could you please make some noise when you move around so I don't have to jump out of my skin every time you show up?”

“Habit.”

“Well change it. Around me at least, it creeps me out.”

Unfazed by the direction Kyo only shrugs in response.

“I'm making an omelette,” Ruki informs when his breathing has calmed down slightly, watching the beast standing silently by the doorframe, feeling awkward with the sudden company so early in the morning. Raising a hand to his hair in effort to smoothen some wild strands, he asks, “should I make one extra?”

“You don't have to.”

“But I'm asking so... if you want one I'll make it.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Ruki waits to start eating until the second omelette is ready. Carrys the two shiny porcelain plates and an extra set of cutlery to the table, sitting down across the winged beast who's already seated in his usual spot. He feels nervous when he delicately cuts through the soft food with his fork and brings it to his mouth.

“It's good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

He was glad the beast didn't bitch about his work in the kitchen, didn't think he could handle it right now if he did. “Good.”

They eat in silence but Ruki could never stay silent for long these days.

“What are you doing today?” He combs at his hair self-consciously, using it to try to hide parts of his face.

“Training. What are you doing?”

Ruki raises and lowers his shoulders, “nothing.”

“You could wash the linens and dust the library like a proper little house wench.”

“House-wife.”

“What?”

“I think they usually say house-wife, and no, I'm not cleaning your fucking home.”

Kyo was satisfied that the other spoke back to him. He had attitude, it makes him wonder what he was like before. He thinks he must have been a handfull to the people around him. He wants to provoke more of that temper out of him even if it made him lash out at him.

“I don't remember getting back to my room last night.” His quiet voice disrupts his thoughts.

Kyo doesn't look up, focusing intently on chewing before answering simply. “Yeah, I carried you.”

“You carried me?!” The distressed tone draws his eyes to the man, hearing quizzically as he starts to apologize.

“What for?”

“For that!”

Kyo shrugs. “It's fine. You fell asleep by the fire and I don't know, I figured I shouldn't leave you there through the night seeing as you have a tendency to turn blue.”

“I didn't- I didn't snore did I?”

He almost grins at the question, the human was obviously dreading his answer. “You did.”

“Uh, fuck. I always snore. I won't do it again, I promise. Next time leave me there.”

“What's the big deal?”

“Just... you shouldn't touch me.”

“Why not?” Kyo answers nonchalantly, “we've touched before.” The human is turning miserable again fast and Kyo has no idea why. There was really no need for the strong reaction.

“Only because it was absolutely necessary. I don't want to be touched.” He adds in a whisper.

“Fine, I swear, I won't ever touch you again.”

Ruki stares down at his finished plate, chewing slowly on his last bite of food, noting it seemed to have no taste, like a bland, soft, tasteless something.

It's too hard. He can't talk about this. Can't hear the beast talk about it to him. Sure, he had brought it up himself but he didn't think before he spoke! He quickly grows a big fat lump in his throat and he can't face the other in such vulnerable state so he rises from his chair, excuses himself mumbling “excuse me”, and leaves for his bedroom.

He couldn't ever do normal things, could never laugh off a stupid thing like falling asleep and being carried back to his room, snoring like an idiot. Can never have a place anywhere or with anyone. Never have a friend. And he can't ever look the killer of his family in the face again. He can't bare knowing he fell alseep in his presence. He must never allow himself to relax in front of the other again.

If only he could be gone by the time the beast gets back so neither of them had to see each other ever again.

He hears the sound of running water and clinking of porcelain and feels bad for not doing the dishes himself. Another failure. A pathetic one. But they were piling up more and more with each passing day he was still living. A burden. He wasn't sure anymore if he solely hated the beast and was also sorry for burdening him.

The beast stops by the closed door, speaking through the wood a quick “see you later,” before heading off.

Kyo had lost him this morning. He didn't know what he'd said to make him crumble before his eyes, turning in on himself, but he had done something to provoke it. It didn't fully leave his mind throughout the day. When he finally returned home the air was dark again but he was determined to do something to change it. He knew so little about him. Didn't even know his name.

What Kyo finds today though is a mess. He had to search for him because he couldn't even find him at first, but then discovers the young human in the dark, pressed into the corner of the wall behind the dining table, trembling.

He remembers to make some noise this time to alert him of his presence, dragging his feet a bit across the floor, before crouching down before him.

He looks pale. He had barely gained some weight lately but he was still pale and too thin and seeing him like this, curled up against the wall like a shaking little bundle of a human, the word that strikes Kyo's mind is 'frail'. He can't be nothing but careful towards him in this moment, fearing he'll break if he makes one wrong move.

“Hi there,” he says, making his voice hushed and light.

For a moment there's no reaction, as if he didn't hear him, his arms wrapped around his knees, pressing them against his chest, face hidden inside them, but then he peeks up from behind his arms, his eyes slowly coming into view. They appear disoriented at first but then they lock on his. His voice is raspy when he speaks, muffled against the fabric of his arm, deeper than his own, almost too deep to match his appearance.

“Can you hear me? Can you see me?”

Kyo isn't sure what he means but he gives him the only answer available. “I can.”

“Am I here?”

“You are.” He bears in mind to keep his voice hushed, asking a question of his own. “What are you doing over there?”

“I–...” He shivers, stuttering the words, sounding confused. “I don't remember.”

“Okay. Do you want to get up?”

The human hides his face back against his arms, shaking his head.

There was no way he could leave him like this. He thinks even the coldest person in the world could not have left him in this state, in this moment.

“Can I sit with you?”

He waits for him to give him permission with a nod of his head and then joins him on the floor, sitting beside him in silence, careful not to sit too close. He's absolutely clueless in the situation but he could offer him company and he hoped that counted for something.

“I can't.” The human breaks the silence in a voice that tells him he's on the verge of tears.

“You can't what?”

“I can't.”

“Do you want to go outside?”

Shake of head.

“Do you want something else?”

“To die.”

Shit, he was in deep. He needed to pull him out. But how?

“I won't let you. Let's go out, hm? Just for a little while.” Another shake of head. “Look at me.”

“No.”

“Yes, show me your face.”

He does. His eyes are red and the outline of his lip wobbles, fighting back tears. Kyo ignores it and simply reaches his hand out to him in a silent offer, trying to convince himself that he's only doing this because he doesn't want him crying and dying in his library, but he's offering more than that. Support. A hand to hold on to and a shoulder to lean on. He didn't care for him. He just did it anyway because it felt right. Because the other might welcome his help.

The human stares at the hand and his tears fall.

“Don't touch me.”

“I want to touch you.”

“I hate you.”

“That's okay.”

“I'm foul and dirty.”

“No!” He's on the verge of saying something harsh but he quickly stops himself and aims for something else to say. “I'm a monster, remember? You can't dirty a monster because I'm dirty by default.”

The human starts sobbing, as if he wants badly to accept the support but can't allow himself to, his legs falls limp across the floor, arms slacken onto his lap, his chest moving up and down as he cries, head leaning against the wall. He was too far gone.

Staring helplessly at the creature, utterly lost but unable to leave, Kyo decides once again to try to lure out his old self, and so, he does something he's never done before. He tentively lifts his hand to the other's face, curling his fingers, feeling the own heart beat faster in his chest at what he's about to do.

“You can tell me no,” he says, his hand a mere inch from his face.

This was so foreign to him he almost stops and stands to leave but he wants the human to calm down, wants to bring him out of his hurt. So Instead he swallows down his nervousness and touch the young man's wet cheek very lightly with the back of his index finger, trailing it down the skin, wiping his tears. His skin was uneven because of the scars but so soft. Moist. Slightly cold.

The human flinches just a bit at the contact but then he cries harder. Kyo stops momentarily, ready to pull back, and then repeats the touch, moving up again to delicatly caress down the skin, does this for a few more times, not realizing he's holding his breath with each slow caress, staring amazed at the own hand, that he was able to touch someone this gently.

He does this long enough that his finger was useless to dry his cheek because it was as wet as the youth's skin now.

It gets even more surreal and he almost can't believe what's happening when the human leans into his touch, accepting it, panting heavily inbetween sobs and all Kyo can do for a long while is take in the sight, struggling to let all of this—this crazy situation—sink in. His own breath uneven in his chest.

The human seems to want this so he dares to press the knuckles of his remaining fingers too against his cheek, just holding the hand there against his face. This was madness. But because the other was okay with it he figured it was alright to keep doing it. No one would know about this but the two of them, anyway.

Kyo wants to ask for instructions on what to do next but it seemed inappropriate to ask, choosing something else instead.

“Did I cause you to feel like this?”

He shakes his head, the movement causing his cheek to press more into his hand.

“I'm Kyo,” he says, watching those eyelids pry open to look at him.

This was an official introduction. He was telling him he now had his permission to call him by his name, and that he wished to do the same. Opening up for the human to grant that privilage back at him if he wanted to.

Uncharacteristically he almost shies away at the intense connection of eyes between them while his hand is still touching that moist face that is still leaning into him, the human watching him with uncertainty, his cries slowing down until he's only panting. It felt too personal, too close. But Kyo holds himself in place. Internally shaken and stunned beyond belief at the whole thing.

This vestorian. He was different. It felt as if it would be groundbreaking if he disclosed his name for him. It would change things between them. Make them no longer two strangers living under the same roof, but something more.

He realizes the other is scrutinizing him, trying to make him out, to decide if he's worthy. Kyo watches as that plump bottom lip trembles with a shuddered breath as his mouth opens up a crack.

“Ruki.”

_Ruki._

It suited him.

Now that he knew it was like he'd always known.

“Ruki,” Kyo tests the name, letting it roll off his tongue. Ruki. He should hate Ruki. But his body seemed to have lost all and any harshness it usually possessed. He reacts instantly by trying to fight it, to unleash that monster he truly was, staring at the own hand so outlandishly curled in a soft touch where normally it should press against that neck instead, lock off Ruki's airflow until his eyes were bloodshot, smash his head against the wall with a satisfying crack of the skull. That's what he was expected to do, that's what his entire life was about.

Letting his hand fall off Ruki's cheek, moving it away enough to change its shape, holding the open palm up in front of him instead, staring at his face and giving up that internal struggle, wanting and not wanting to be rid of this new softer feeling just for now, but instead for Ruki to keep pulling more of it out and calm his rage.

Curious. He was curious.

“Won't you come with me and discover what this wretched world has to offer?”

“I don't know if my legs will carry me,” is the answered whisper.

“I'll support you—don't protest, you know it's not a problem for me. You won't weigh me down.”

Ruki's eyes stray to the offered hand. Tries to move his own arm to lift it and take it but it's so incredibly heavy it won't follow his command. Only manages a twitch of bones in his fingers. His chest and his limbs weighs a ton and he wants to cry again because he's so damn heavy and he wants to give up so bad but also wants to reach out for that hand, so patiently offering help, and he wants to be helped.

He remembers back to the day when he had screamed at the top of his lungs for someone to save him from his former master's clutches... and this man beside him had come for him. No matter why he'd come, he had. Maybe Ruki didn't need an explanation. Maybe it had been a chance encounter. It did not change the fact that he had been there for him and was with him still. Despite what he's done in the past and the things he might have done – he was here, and he was all Ruki had.

It takes him a lot of effort and cost him much pride (if he had any pride left, that is), but he does it anyway. He can't move but he can speak. No matter that his voice quivers, he'll try to speak so long as the other listens to him.

“Help me.”

The beast seems to understand him and it brings him such relief it washes over him and cause a dry sob to push its way out of his chest. He can hear him. Ruki's still here.

He tells him not to freak before nudging his hand between his back and the wall, his other hand going under his limp legs to the back of his knees, lifting the limbs off the floor. Ruki seems to be such a light weight as he scoops him up without effort and carries him away from the corner of the wall – but to himself he feels like he's crushing from the insane load tearing him down. A dead, motionless weight in his hold.

Feeling one arm steadily supporting his back as the beast carries him a few steps, the side of Ruki's face comes to rest against his shoulder much to his horror but he can't help it. His eyes flutter closed.

“Does this mean you want to get out of here? I won't drop you,” the voice adds, as if the beast thought Ruki might be worrying about it now that he was so helpless and boneless.

Ruki finds the other surveying him. All he manages is a slow nod.

_Get me out of here._

He's brought out onto the balcony and that's when he sees the stars glittering the black sky, the full moon shining over the forests, and the black contours of mountains in the distance, and he comes out of his stupor, clutching the fabric of the beast's shirt over his chest, feeling it moving up and down lightly in time with his steady breaths.

“I'm scared,” he admits before he can stop himself.

“Good, that mean's you're brave, because you're doing this despite your fear.”

Ruki felt immensely comforted by his words. No one had called him brave before. He never thought himself to be brave. And he finds that he wants to be.

“Let me get dressed,” he says, his hands freezing.

Next time when they're back on the balcony his arms are stronger as they wound around the other's neck. He percieves the black wings unfolding, spreading, large and majestic. This time is different from any other time they've flown together. The beast is slower—even stops sometimes to allow Ruki to catch his breath when it gets too hard to properly draw in oxhygen. They don't land but hover high in the air, the light of the moon collecting inside the beast's eyes, making them glow.

He knows the beast wants him to adjust to being airborne. He raises invisible arms towards that concern for a shield.

They fly aimlessly for a bit before Kyo stops again.

“It's snowing,” he says and Ruki looks around to search for any snowflakes but can't find any. He could smell it though, it smelled like winter.

Then Ruki sees it. Millions of white fluffy flakes falling from the sky slowly like a curtain. It starts light but then it thickens, more and more flakes falling, painting them both white. The first snow of winter.

Ruki doesn't think about it, he just does it; dares to ease his death grip on the beast's shirt, the other still wrapped around his neck, and stretch his hand out into the open air, watching in wonder his black-clad arm being covered in a white blanket of fluff. He was high up in the sky with nothing but the wind and the snow and this beastial man he hates more than anyone whose eyes glowed like the moon. In contrast to a moment ago he feels lighter. The fresh air filling his lungs. He tilts his head back, feeling the soft cold of the flakes melting on his skin.

Yes, the cold is kind and comforting, not harsh and cruel.

It seems his lips has not forgotten how to smile for they tug at the corners, pulling and stretching until he's smiling and warmth spread throughout his hollow ribcage. He doesn't appreciate that smiling does that, that it has that effect on the body.

For the first time in a long while he feels a spark of courage. It would diminish. Tonight. Tomorrow. The next minute. But in this moment he was brave, he was alive. And he knew who to thank.

He whispers since there's no need to speak louder in their close proximity, and because the world seemed so silent right now he could almost hear the flakes falling.

“You're not a monster.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why didn't Ruki jump? Why is Kyo so curious about him? They're getting closer to each other and they can't really help themselves.  
> I guess this chapter can be called "the awkward chapter", or "Kyo grunts and stares". It also got me thinking of the song "heavy in your arms" by Florence and the machine.  
> Thank you for reading! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acting before he can think he fast reaches out and grabs at the fabric of the beast's pants at the ankle and pulls with all the strength he has, rendering the other unstable and unbalanced long enough for him to rise and lunge at him to tackle him down on the ground. 
> 
> It was like slamming into a wall that didn't bend or curve, but fell under the collision like a timbre tree.

He was smiling. 

Kyo stared in awe when the being in his arms loosened his grip on him, trusting him to support him, and holds it out from their bodies as he tilts his head back, the snow landing on his face and melting there, his body relaxing a little compared to how tense he usually was. And he was smiling. 

He had never seen the human like this before and he thought he liked this side of him. At ease, almost tranquil. He had grown somehow from what he had been just a short moment ago, someone so lost and anxious he was unable to move. To this. That was his spirit, that was what Kyo saw in him. Someone who broke down and then picked himself up. A fighter. 

The snow was tumbling down now, thicker and thicker, he could no longer see the world around them. It was being swallowed up. Everything was dark and snow and the two of them. They were the only ones existing. 

He watches him. For a fleeting eternity, he watches him. 

The closed eyes, white crystals lying tenderly on black lashes, his breathing steady and calm, the outstretched arm now hanging limp at his side, hair blowing in the wind from his wingstrokes—almost resting in his arms and for a second it scares him. Not because he might drop him – he absolutely wouldn't – but because he was openly displaying trust in him. Trust he knew was fragile and hard-earned, and it was frightening. 

He knew the other was far from trusting him completely and he most probably never would, but this small ounce he was giving him in this moment was huge enough. Kyo wasn't sure he qualified as a person one could lean on in this way, but if the human was giving it to him then he would do his best not to let him down. It's not like he was trusting him with something major anyway. Only his life. And his fears and things like that. 

Damn. He hadn't realized how deep this had become. 

He sees the human flutter his eyes opened and closing them again because of the snowing in his face. His smile vanishes as he does that a couple of times before he suddenly gasps and his limp arm shoots up, tugging Kyo's shirt again in a vice grip as if something had snapped him out of his serene state and Kyo has no idea what happened. 

The human pants a little, hiding his face against his shoulder, murmuring an explanation even though he hadn't asked. 

“I got dizzy and panicked for a moment.” 

“Okay.” A thought comes to mind. “Did you eat today?” 

Thankfully, the other quickly calms down again.

“Aside the omelette this morning, no.” 

“Let me know if you want to head back. It's dinner time.” Such simple words but as he said them he realized how funny they were in an odd way. They had dinner. At about the same time every evening. Ruki and himself had a dinner time.

“Yeah. Is it tiring? Hovering, like, constant flapping in the same spot?” 

“A little, it's more difficult to generate enough force to stay aflight when completely still in the air and it acquires a lot of energy as well as focus, especially since I have to accommodate to both our weight, but I'm nowhere near worn out yet. I work out almost every day, it has its perks.” 

“Yeah. You're very strong.” Ruki internally winces at the own words and tries to cover up his stupid remark by rushing to continue conversating as a way to distract the beast. “What would it take to bring you down, I bet it's a lot?” He recalls how easily he had lifted his former master off the floor by the neck. 

“I'm not invincible. All one needs is a good shot, or stabbing me in the right area. Strength and speed is very useful but I'm not much harder to take down, all the attacker has to do is catch me by surprise or when I'm worn out, it comes down to getting me at the right moment, or the wrong moment for me, like sneaking up on me in my sleep. You should know, you came very close.” He adds that last bit with a hint of amusement. 

Kyo sees as his smile returns only fleetingly and much smaller before it was replaced by a scowl, but it came, and he didn't mind. He wasn't holding a grudge for what he'd tried to do, he understood why he had done it and he had failed so there wasn't any more to it. No harm done. In fact, he liked that he was a bit feisty. 

“Oh, come on.”

“What?” Kyo asks, mildly interested. 

“Either you're extremely self-conscious or you're extremely unaware of yourself.” 

Kyo stared into that face that rolled its eyes as if Kyo had just said something that was very obviously untrue. 

“I'm going to get you next time.”

“Are you sure you want to try again?”

“Yes. You're doing yourself a great unfavour by revealing this information to me.”

Kyo gazed at him while retracting his wings in an upstroke and then spreading the wing feathers, before bringing them down in another downstroke to keep them both from falling. “I believe I gave you no vital information that makes killing me easier than it was before, nor that my having called myself invincible would keep you from trying if I had.”

“What about poison?” Ruki continues.

“Poison?”

“You said humans use poison as a weapon, how much damage does it do?”

“Depends on the amount. I personally haven't tried it out as you can see so I don't know how much of it I could take, but I've seen more than enough people die that way so I can tell you it's very efficient at what it does. It's neuromuscular. Essentially it causes the victim much pain and for their muscles to go weak. It effects their mobility so, depending on the dose and thereby how fast it works, eventually they can't hold themselves up in the sky or even on their feet. The muscles will spasm and twitch and become severely or even completely stiff until the victim can't move at all, and by the end their air flow is cut off due to respiratory paralysis so they suffocate to death unless the enemy kills them before the poison does.”

“Has anyone survived exposure?”

“I know of a few but they were only exposed to extremely small doses and able to receive the antidote on time, some recover enough to live fairly normal lives after but I've never seen one recover enough to keep fighting. All of them sustained life-long impairment like paralysation of a limb or even of the whole body. The antidote we have isn't fully developed yet and isn't effective in all cases, it seems that the timeframe, individual factors, and the amount of poison play a big role in how well the person copes afterwards. I've never heard of someone surviving a bigger dose, or of someone that reached the stage where breathing gets increasingly difficult and surviving. We are way behind the humans in this regard. Some choose death rather than trying the antidote, to keep fighting for as long as they can rather than live a useless life. In many situations there isn't even any antidote at hand, or not enough of it that they'll be able to take any on time to save their life and they too may choose to fight for as long as possible.”

“What would you have chosen?”

“To fight.”

“Is it in liquid form?”

“Yes. It's injected into the victims body. The components of it aren't entirely known to me but the main ingredient is derived from a foreign and very poisonous species of snakes that the humans brought with them at one point from somewhere else.”

He digests the information shortly and snorts. The beast raises his eyebrows. 

“Well. I am by far no expert but I think you'd be very hard to take down.”

“Is that a compliment?”

Another snort. “More like an observation.”

“Sounds like a compliment, it means you've thought about it before reaching your conclusion.” 

“Whatever, take it however you want.”

“I made an observation about you as well.” He lowers his voice to a serious tone. The other looks at him with curiosity and apprehension, waiting for him to continue. “You don't want to die. You're afraid to live.”

There is a slight pause after those words so earnestly left his mouth and Kyo was very aware of him in the seconds that followed. The gentle weight of him in his arms, tucked close to his own, his smoky breaths mingling with his, the hand still gripping his shirt. 

The human didn't give much away at first but his eyes were sober, gazing through lashes covered in white crystals right into Kyo's as if they couldn't decide if they should run, and was yearning for something else. 

“You're right.” He whispers. 

He watches him carefully and Kyo doesn't waver. He brought it up and he can't stray from him now nor does he intend to. It was up to him to end the subject or not. So he waits for him. 

Ruki's voice trembles and with every word uttered he looks for any sign that the other doesn't want to listen to what he says, ready to instantly stop talking and shut the small crack in his opened door if the beast gave any incling of not wanting to hear. 

“I... You know what they say, it's not the dark that frightens us, it's the light.” 

“That is true,” Kyo says. “And it's not our weaknesses that frightens us, but our strength and power.” 

“I don't have any of those though, it doesn't apply to me I think.” The human pauses slightly. “I'm weary and ruined. My soul was severed and scattered into hundreds of pieces. My will and dignity ripped away. I see no future. No life. The world holds no place for me. Most of the time I don't know who I am anymore, I'm just wandering aimlessly, reaching towards a light that evaporates when I come near. Can't live. Scared to die. Drowning. In the night.” He stops, holding his breath. 

“Then I will sit with you in the dark.”

“Why?”

“Because I know there's a place for you.”

“You are very confident in your assumptions and observations.” 

“I'm not always but in this I'm confident.”

“Don't say you'll do things unless you're sure, because I can't take it–”

“I'm not. Besides, if you're at a point where you think you'll lose and vanish either way, perhaps it's worth a shot?”

Ruki eventually nods despite his instincts. He doesn't believe the beast, not in the long run. He will tire of Ruki. But he's lonely and desperate enough to accept the company, even if just for a little while, even if it shoots him in the back sooner or later and it will shoot him in the back.

“What do you say we head back? I'm famished.”

Ruki nods in agreement and glances at the thick snow still falling around them. This had been one of those nice moments that occur every once in a while in life. It shouldn't be very special, it was just another day like all of them, but it was special and he wanted to remember it. It had had a certain calmness about it and for a moment he felt better. He appreciated every minute of it and despite that he knows it won't last, for now, he feels better because of it. 

“I found something interesting in one of your books,” Ruki starts. 

They were back inside, sharing a dinner they had prepared together. The older man sitting across from him nods for him to continue.

“It was about a place called Norg. I've never heard of it before but it spiked my interest because it said that it's an old ruin from long ago, before humans came here and way back – I don't remember how long it said – but supposedly it was the place of the first civilisation in Varrdoth.” He speaks while chewing, not caring about his manners. “I'm quite interested in history, it would be cool to see it sometime,” he muses out loud. 

“Yes, the ruins are a sight to behold, place must have looked amazing in its days of glory.” Kyo notices how Ruki's eyes light up with interest. “It is very old and has been restored over and over again and used for centuries.”

“You've seen it? What was it like?”

“Grand. Sad.”

“Why sad?”

Kyo shrugs. “You can tell the greatness of that world from the stones, it's sad seeing it crumbled and uncared for these days. Despite that our history has always been important to us we can't be bothered with it during such critical times as these.” 

“You make me want to see it more now. I read that the norgiynians were a highly knowledgeable people who possessed knowledge long forgotten now. And they were strong warriors too.”

The beast hums. 

“What happened to them?”

“Time happened. The world evolves and people change. They moved from Norg eventually and raised this court instead, time passed and people moved on and forgot about the old empire. Everyone here is a descendat of the norgiynians. Well, you're not, of course.” 

“No. I'm a vestorian, a descendant of the human invaders originated from the western continent. Or 'blood-thirsty little half-forms',” Ruki echoes the words Kyo had used a while ago. He smiles lightly when Kyo looks up from his plate, meeting his gaze, but the smile don't reach his eyes. “I can't help where I come from.” He adds.

“I know.” Kyo answers. 

There was nothing more to be said on the subject because they both knew that between the two of them it didn't matter anymore. 

On the following day the beast doesn't leave early in the morning as usual, he's still at home after they shared another breakfast (Ruki always woke up early because of nightmares and it seemed stupid to wait for the other to eat rather than just sharing the kitchen-space together, he also couldn't help preferring some company before spending the long hours until evening on his own). After Ruki's had his usual morning bath and Kyo still hasn't left he questions him. 

The black haired man shrugs nonchalantly. 

“I decided to have a day off.” 

“Can you just do that?” Ruki says, feeling awkward. The beast doesn't answer, doesn't look at him, so he figures he wants to be alone. “I'll stay out of your way, I'm sure you don't want to spend your day off with me hanging around bothering you.” 

True to his word he moves to leave him alone when his voice halts him.

“Wait.” 

Half an hour later Ruki found himself buried to his calves in a white-covered puffy wonderland glittering in the sun. 

He was feeling rather ecstatic today for the first time in ages. Yesterday had been so painful, he can't even remember much from the time inbetween breakfast and the evening when the beast had returned and sat with him. He'd been in a very dark place but Kyo had pulled him out of it. He remembers their flight very clearly. He remembers feeling brave. He'd gotten a good nights sleep and woken up in a state of seeking something though he had no idea what.

Well rested and with the sun doing wonders for his mood he wanted to socialize but the only person available was avoiding him. He was sick of being lonely. That old beast was keeping his distance like always, brooding on a rock a few yards from Ruki, facing away from him. What did he have to brood about all the time?

Ruki huffs, burrying his nose inside the black scarf he was loaning, eyes flicking from beast to scan the area to the white powder by his feet. 

Leaning down he grabs some snow, cupping his hands to form it into a round clump, staring absentmindedly at the white ball as he smooths the surface of it, getting an idea. 

He looks back to the hunched over figure perched on the stone. It wasn't a too large distance between them, he could probably throw the ball and hit him without alerting him by stepping closer first. 

Ruki smiles internally. He takes position, pulling his hand back behind his head, aims, and sends it flying through the air, hitting the target at the back of the head. 

He suppresses his laugh with a hand over his mouth as the other shoots up into a standing position, brushing the snow from his hair, turning around with a stunned expression at his culprit. 

Ruki was trying to play innocent but he couldn't stop himself from smiling. This could easily go either way. 

“Did you just–?”

“I did. What are you going to do about it?” 

He was pushing it and he knew it. He waits with a madly racing heart, awaiting just about any response, as the beast stares at him from afar, the gears turning inside his head and he gets the feeling he's unsure how to handle the situation. What to make of it. 

“Nothing.” He exclaims at last, turning his back on Ruki. 

Disappointed but also thrilled because he wasn't angry, more at loss of what to do, so he quickly creates another snowball and throws it, this time hitting the base of a wing which makes himself gasp. 

“Hey beast, I'm bored!”

The beast ruffles his wings, the snow falling off him before he turns back around to face Ruki again. “What's that got to do with me?” 

He was relieved he didn't reprimand him for hitting his wing. 

“Everything.” 

“Then perhaps you shouldn't insult me.”

“How did I insult you?”

“It's very offensive to call someone 'beast' you know, I'm not an animal.”

“Boring.”

“Excuse me?” There was that lost expression again. Ruki folds his arms over his chest. 

“You're boring.” 

“I never claimed to be fun.”

“So what are you if not a terrible beast? A moth? Some kind of fay? You look more like the spawn of a giant moth and a raven with some ogre in the mix.”

Kyo looks at him then with eyebrows raised, seemingly at a loss for words for a moment before his face changes, growing softer, younger. His mouth stretched gradually. He's trying to prevent it but lips shape into a smile so wide that it reveals a mouth crammed with uneven white teeth, his eyes warms just a little bit and suddenly they don't look so cold and daunting anymore. He looks almost friendly. 

Ruki does nothing but stare at the transformation, his own mouth slightly agape. 

The other grows uncomfortable and his smile vanishes almost as fast as it had appeared, replaced by the usual frown. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.”

“You're staring.”

“I wasn't.” He bends down to collect some more snow to keep himself busy. 

“You were.” 

“Don't flatter yourself, you're not that interesting to look at.”

“No, that description of my looks was hardly one of beauty and I one-hundred percent agree with it, but it does sound kind of interesting.”

“Not at all, believe me.”

“Fine. Neither are you by the way.”

“Excuse me? Are you saying I'm not good-looking?”

“You're tolerable.” 

“Ugly brute.” He raises his arm a third time. 

“Don't–” 

It collides with the beast's face before he's finished talking and Ruki squeals in both terror and amusement because it looked so damn funny. 

“Oh, come on.” Kyo mutters under his breath, brushing the snow off before leaning down to collect some snow, shaping it into a ball with his hands. 

Ruki turns his back on him and runs but seconds later that same ball of snow collides with the back of his head. He shivers feeling some of the snow inching between his hair and scarf and reaching the skin of his neck. 

He quickly makes another snowball to throw at the beast but this one doesn't even come close to hitting him. He sees the man's eyes light up watching the ball fall several feet too short of its target, that smile he'd produced before still simmering inside them even though his mouth was hard. He was too far away for Ruki's range.

That beast has a huge advantage on him, being stronger and more sure in his aim. Ruki gasps when he's hit this time in the chest by a snowball he had barely had time to register shooting through the air before it reached him. 

“Not fair!” 

“Just as fair as hitting someone with their back turned!”

“That's not nearly the same thing,” Ruki speaks back, sneaking closer to the other with cautious steps. Kyo was watching him silently without moving and he felt like a silly kid trying to reach close enough to be able to hit him again, hoping he'll also be able to run off before he would hit him back for it. 

“You're not going to let this go, are you?”

Ruki smiles. “No.” 

“Go on, give me what you've got.” 

It was a dare. There was a spark of mischievousness in Ruki's chest as he slowly stepped closer, eyes locking with the winged man who continues watching him with bored interest. He was going to wipe that expression out, prove to him that he could be just as good with his aim. He sees the wings rustle lighty but otherwise he didn't move an inch, waiting for Ruki's throw. 

Eyes trained on his target, he raises his arm and produce as much strength into his throw as he can manage, hitting him not on his face but the side of his chest with a muffled sound all anti-climatic. 

That infuriating man didn't even blink in reaction. 

“Was that it? I'm severely unimpressed.” 

“Oh shut up, grumpy prick! So I'm not as strong as you or a big warrior–” he stops mid-sentence, turning hastily to run, when a big hard snowball is flung at him and then another one. 

He shrieks, running awkwardly and with difficulty on the snow-covered, uneven ground but he was much too slow to get away. Distance won't protect him anyway from someone who could tear chains apart, that dude could probably throw a snowball half across the country, so he darts behind a large stone, allowing it to shield him. 

“Now who's boring.” 

Ruki flings a new ball at the other before ducking behind the rock again. 

The next time Ruki emerges behind his shield Kyo was waiting for him and landed a ball of snow over his collarbone with precision, he gasped and threw his own without even aiming before hiding again with a laugh. 

They kept going at their little game for a while. Kyo was getting Ruki each time he threw a snowball at him but Ruki got in a few good throws himself inbetween his much more frequent pitiful throws that landed way off their target, but he didn't mind because they caused the beast's eyes to shine and laughter to bubble up from his own chest. 

He leans back on the rock panting, mouth pulled wide at the corners, then he looks up when he hears an alarming crunch of snow above him and feels the sudden eclipse as the sun seemed to have vanished, discovering the other standing above him perched on the stone with an evil grin plastering his face, and his arms wrapped around a huge chunk of snow. His black insane wingspan that was still spread wide from their recent flight was what drowned out the light.

“Don't you fucking dare! I will kill you!” Ruki warns, freezed to the spot, panicking at the amount of snow threatening to fall right on his face. “No!” He yells when the beast lets slip some snow on him. 

There's no time for him to get up before the rest of the snow has landed right on top of his head, cracking at the impact, half burying him in the cold, hardened substanse. 

“Fuck.” He groans and shivers, brushing violently at his hair.

Acting before he can think he fast reaches out and grabs at the fabric of the beast's pants at the ankle and pulls with all the strength he has, rendering the other unstable and unbalanced long enough for him to rise and lunge at him to tackle him down on the ground. 

It was like slamming into a wall that didn't bend or curve, but fell under the collision like a timbre tree. 

They both fall in a heap and cause a chilling smoke to rise around them, the world bright again. Ruki is astride him in seconds. He'd like to think he outmatched the beast but he knew that he was only in this position because he had let him. It was infuriating.

Kyo's black wings shimmering in hues of silver and purple was splayed on the ground on either side of his motionless body, so exposed, such a stark contrast to all that whiteness, his chest heaving slightly and pale eyes piercing Ruki's, clearly uncomfortable. Confused. Raging between staying put and attacking. 

Ruki was staring the dark right in the face, or that's what it felt like. Darkness in the form of a winged man whose eyes were the gates to hell. Perhaps if he'd squint hard enough into them he would get a peek, see what awaited him when his time on earth came to its end. 

He could imagine the gates as both terrifying and full of beauty. Just like those eyes were.

Those eyes.

The moon. 

No.

The freezing fog during the coldest nights of winter. That's what he saw. Clouded airy water-droplets that hovered over the lake away from the sun, waiting for a surface to cling to. 

He gets a good look. Not finding one fleck in that iris, only smooth, pale, icy silver that was almost whitish. A black circle lining. And the small dot that was his pupil dilating, fixed on his own, scrutinizing him right back. 

The body beneath him was hard. Rigid. Muscles clenching and unclenching over and over again in a cycle. An internal war to stay still. For some reason Ruki is willing to take the risk of getting hurt, shoved, hated, some too damaged part of him wants it even. He can't help throwing a glance at one of those exposed wings, admiring their beauty in the sun. 

The reaction is immediate. Growling, from somewhere deep inside. Ruki can feel the vibrations in the body positioned on its back between his thighs. The wing twitches just the tiniest bit but is unable to make any signifcant repositioning. That movement was not to get it out of the way, and it's a strange thing, knowing that that twitch was fear. That beneath all that anger, there was fear. He wonders what someone so powerful could possibly be afraid of.

What Ruki does next doesn't feel like it's him doing it, like he's watching the scene from afar. His voice doesn't quite sound like his either, it's sure and strong in a way that doesn't match his careful nature, and at the same time feels entirely him. Like a hidden piece of him that's lurking deep, deep within. He leans down, noting that the beast holds his breath as he brings his face so close to his.

“Oh, but you are a beast,” Ruki breathes into his face. The other holds himself absolutely still—not with ease, Ruki can feel his strain to refrain from moving, from throwing him off of him. Ruki breaks the moment by grabbing some snow and shoving it in his face before he gets off him. “That's for burying me in snow.”

He sees the other as he gets up, ruffling his hair and his clothes, wings flapping gracefully to be rid of the snow.

Kyo doesn't leave home the following day either, or the day after that, and it keeps going. 

At first Ruki is guarded in the face of this new change. Keeps an eye on the other. But it rolls off him bit by bit as the beast fails to alarm him in any way. He's still the same man that Ruki is used to, only that he's chosen to stay at home or have been dismissed from his duties, he doesn't know which. Most of the time the beast spends in their shared spaces like the library, wearing a grim face as always. 

Instead of avoiding him and locking himself up in his bedroom, Ruki carefully sits down in a chair on the opposite end of the room from him, drawing his legs to his chest, ears perked for any sign that he's trespassing. That he's intruding on his spare time that he'd rather spend in solitude. There's nothing.

If he didn't kow any better he'd wonder if the other was even aware of him.

“Have you got any papers?” He asks carefully. 

Kyo glances his way. “Paper?” 

“Yeah, blank papers. I'd- I'd like to sketch, if you have any papers lying around that you don't need.” He shrugs his shoulders. 

The beast doesn't answer. He gets up from his own chair, stepping towards him. Ruki's attention drags to his body clad in a loose-fitted, too large white shirt carelessly tucked inside black tight pants decoratively adorned with matching black suspenders, and a freaking strap tied around his neck into a bow, also black. 

It was a good look.

He makes himself stop the brief staring as the other stops close to his chair and gets up on his toes to grab something from a random shelf, and brings the item to him. 

“It's yours.” 

Puzzled, Ruki takes it and flips it open. A blank notebook. 

His eyes shoot up. He's about to decline the offer because it was too much, too extravagant. He didn't deserve a whole book, he'd had some wrinkled old paper taken from the garbage bin on his mind, not this. “That's not–”

“Don't protest. And here,” the beast also holds a pen out in front of him which he takes. 

Wordlessly, Ruki accepts the items, murmuring a “thank you” as the other crosses the room smoothly back towards his armchair.

They spent hours like that, in the library, not talking but keeping to their own business. Kyo reading or writing and Ruki drawing. There was this one moment when Ruki was heading back to his spot and just naturally stole a glance at the stack of files while the beast was working on something over by the dining table who immediately tensed up and covered one of them with his arm, making Ruki instantly look away and assume it had something to do with the war which made him uneasy and careful not to look again. Aside that one time it got comfortable after a while though and Ruki didn't mind the silence, quite the opposite, and he appreciated the company. His mind felt clearer and preoccupied, distracting him from other things which was just what he needed.

He missed it more than he thought he would when Kyo was away again. But the day after that he stayed home and the two of them took their usual spots in the library. During one of their days spent like this Ruki's curiosity gets the better of him.

“Don't you have things to do?”

“Like what?”

“Important things, like... like you used to be away all day when I came here, and then you started coming home earlier to have dinner with me, and nowadays you don't leave at all. Aren't you needed?” 

“You scared off the servant.”

“That's not an answer.”

Kyo shrugs, staring down at his book. “They can manage without me.”

“Do you have a high position? Are you the king's favorite or something?”

“Why do you ask?” 

“I need all the information I can get before I start my rebellion, I need to know who I'm going to kill first and whom to use to be able to get out of here.”

“How's it going with all that?”

“Great. I've collected so much information by now.” 

“Good.”

“I just wondered. Making conversation.” Ruki adds, focusing his eyes on his latest drawing. It sucked. He'll probably rip the whole page out and throw it away. 

“I'm a commander.” 

Ruki feels strangely excited that the other gave him an answer instead of pushing him away. 

“Isn't a commander supposed to supervise his unit and stuff?” 

“I placed someone else in charge, I don't have to be there at all times.”

“I see. Aren't you bored sitting here with me all day?” 

“It's fine.”

“Perhaps I'll make some assumptions then,” he lightly presses the end of the pen against the underside of his bottom lip, “I think you're waiting for me to ask you to take me outside so that you can have a chance at revenge for the snowball fight.”

“Think whatever you like, I can inform you though that the snow has melted. Make of that what you will.” The older replies, face unreadable.

“Oh. Too bad for you.” 

“Too bad for me.” The older hums. “You weren't much of a contender though.” 

Clicking his tongue. “I''ll show you one day.”

“Show me what? How skilled you are at hiding behind trees and ducking behind rocks?”

Smirking, Ruki says, “perhaps you could train me.” 

He could really use some skills in how to defend himself, learn how to use a weapon, where to aim it at someone to do the most damage. Build some strength and confidence so no one could hurt him again. 

“I don't train hopeless cases.” 

Ruki's smile vanishes along with his hope. 

“Asshole. I'll show you one day alright.” But he doesn't feel nearly as confident as he makes his voice to be. He'll never be strong, never be able to put up a fight. Will always be a victim.

“Looking forward to it.”

“What are you writing?”

“You're being very nosy. What are you drawing?”

“Won't tell because you're not being very nice to me.”

“Fine.”

“That's it?”

“What do you mean?”

“If you're curious about what I draw wouldn't you put more effort into persuading me to allow you a peak at some of my drawings?” 

The older looked up at him then and so Ruki gazed back at him from across the room. The beast eyed him silently for a moment before breaking the contact, shrugging his shoulders lazily. 

“I'm not that interested.” 

Rejection. 

“Then why did you ask...” He murmurs quietly, deciding on ripping the page, adding more force than necessary to rumple it into a ball and throw it in the bin. Staring at a fresh blank page, hovering the pen over the paper, pushing it down and letting it roll across the surface without knowing what he was going to draw, he sighs inaudibly at the mess of lines his mindless strokes created, having no idea what to draw next. 

Ruki throws another glance across the room. The beast was seemingly deep into whatever he was doing. 

“What's the king like?”

“He's a good king.”

“You're not very informative.”

“Well... he's a just ruler, he cares about his people, about keeping us safe.”

“How old was he when he took the throne?”

“Mid teenager.” 

“Young. What happened to his predecessor?”

“Murdered.”

“Humans?” 

“No.”

“Really? Winged?”

“Yes.”

“Who the fuck murders their king?”

“I don't know their name actually.”

“Are they still alive?”

“Probably not.” 

“Do you know him? The king?”

“I suppose.”

“Suppose?”

“We're not friends but I've known him since I was very young. We're about the same age.”

“How did you meet?” 

Kyo pauses then. “I can't talk about that.”

“Okay. Because it's against the protocol because I'm legally your slave, or because it's too private?”

“The latter.” 

“Oh.” He hadn't expected that. “Then I won't ask about that. Is he powerful?”

“Yes.”

“Like you?”

“No. A different kind of powerful.”

“Menacing? Smarts?” 

“I told you, he's a good king, and yes, he's smart. He's got armies and power. He's powerful.” 

“Alright. I'm just very curious.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you dislike talking to me?”

“No.” 

“Is anyone powerful like you?”

“Not that I know.”

His host keeps up the same pattern for the following week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to add a snowball fight. What's Beauty and the Beast witout the snowball fight? XD  
> Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was against the rules. This shouldn't be happening. Not between the two of them, not in this world.

_She smelled like daisies in a meadow. Or perhaps he only thought she did because they were surrounded by white and yellow flowers and he looked at her and decided that the scent suited her and that he would forever associate it with her._

_They chased each other across the fields in a game of tags. She always caught him because she'd always been faster than him. No kids would play with them, it was no fun, they shrieked, because the two of them were stronger and faster than the other children._

_She had just recently learned to fly and she absolutely loved it, would beg him to go flying with her, to race her. He almost never said no._

_How pretty she was. He can't remember their parents but she must have inherited the good genes. His legs were short for his age, she was younger and leaner and almost his height. He was awkward, she was graceful. The color of their eyes were exactly the same, but where hers bore warmth his were cold. His hair was black, hers were the color of wheat._

_They didn't have any friends but that was fine with him. Altough he knew she felt sorrow about it._

_He would let them stay out here for as long as they could without being punished once they got back because he couldn't allow more sorrow in her life. That was, until the day shaped into something horrid._

_She was picking so many her arms were overflowing, more than would be able to be put into the jars. He remembers the way she carried them, the way that they covered her ugly tunic and dirty arms as she held them gently as one would a tiny newborn lamb, strolling through the tall grass._

_The last thing he remembers from that day was that everything shifted very quickly. Perhaps there were gaps in his memory. One moment they were in a field of white and yellow flowers and the next the sky had turned black and his sister let out a srceam and the flowers scattered and fell._

_He remembers it as the last truly happy day before it all changed._

“Kyo!” Ruki exclaims shooting out of the chair and rushing towards the balcony and the winged man. He looked hurt again. Was covered in blood and Ruki tried not to look but there was more than blood on him. He was also limping as he walked inside the library, arriving home hours earlier than usual, until he halted as Ruki came up before him.

“It's not mine,” Kyo pushes out with a tired expression, moving away his wings and folding them behind his back.

“What happened?”

The human steps even closer to him, touching his neck and chest with his hands—examining him for wounds, Kyo realizes. The youth seemed not notice how freely he was touching him in what almost appeared to be concern for him, worry reflecting in his eyes but that can't be right, surely Kyo read him wrong.

“There was an accident. We were trying out new weapons but it backfired. The guy I was standing next to was obliterated and I took a hit in the back and stumbled a bad step. I'm covered in his grime and whatever else of him flew on me.” He grunts in explaination, rooted to the spot under those careful hands roaming different parts of his body, leaning all of his weight on one leg.

“Are you sure you're not hurt? You're limping.”

“Yeah, I took a really bad step and I'm tired but I'm fine. I'll just lie down for the rest of the day and I'll be good tomorrow.”

“What about your back? Gods, that could just as easily have been you blowing up!”

The reprimand in the younger's voice startles him.

“My back is fine. It wasn't bad, the impact threw me off guard so I staggered forward and landed badly with my left foot. At worst it's only a small sprain.” He felt the hands leave him, until a new touch told him one of them had only moved location, landing instead over his forearm.

“You really need to improve on safety measures.”

“I have them but accidents comes with the job.”

“Fine. But we need to wash the blood off or everything is going to be covered in blood and shit... remains. Damn, you're covered in it!”

We?

Kyo is too stunned he just follows the human as he pulls firmly on his arm, leading him to the bathroom. Inside, the younger man turns to him and reaches for the buckle of his leather bolero, fumbles with it for a bit before unhooking it and draws the item down his arms and Kyo stands absolutely still. Is he going to undress more of his attire? All of it? When did this happen—what was this?

What was he doing?

Instead of shoving the wingless man away he follows his hands with his gaze as they turn their attention to the buttons of his shirt next, rushing slightly to unbutton them and Kyo just lets him until his naked chest is bared between the open flaps of his shirt. Feeling it rising and falling when Ruki pulls apart the fabric and brush them over his shoulders and down the lengths of his arms. Never before had clothing grazing his skin been felt so clearly.

He was sweaty and the blood had seeped through the fabric of his shirt for he wore traces of blood on his skin as well, he notes.

“Let me see your back,” Ruki says and doesn't wait for an answer before he's stepping behind him, “oh you're going to have a nasty bruise here,” he sighs “your back is a mess you know, you're still healing,” his cold hand touches the area of the impact.

Kyo moves away from the touch, making the human face him again.

“I'm sorry, my bad,” Ruki says.

Even though the other hadn't growled at him Ruki felt the almost sound of warning rolling inside his chest and catches up on just what he was doing, seeing the beast's torso bared before him. It was he who had made him half naked before him. His own hands had done this. Why had the beast let him? He stares at the naked chest. This wasn't okay, his actions weren't allowed.

“I'm sorry,” he rushes to apologize, eyes widening, taking a step away from the body that suddenly seemed much bigger than him, his own body tense and alert, waiting to be punished. He's about to raise his hand to cover his forhead in a gesture of despair when another catches his wrist lightly.

Ruki reacts violently at the approach, not understanding, at first, what it was doing, but percieving it as about to hurt him. So he flinches away, raising both arms in front of his face to shield himself.

“Your hand is bloody,” Kyo says simply, ignoring his apology, letting his wrist go at the obvious fright the touch had induced.

Trying to regain himself, Ruki's attention shifts to his hand that now trembled – indeed, it's covered in blood. The hand on his wrist vanishes as quickly as it had appeared.

“I'm sorry,” he repeats.

“It's fine.”

“I just wanted to help, I swear I didn't mean to do something improper.” He explains, just about refraining from recoiling from the smallest movement of that half naked body.

“I didn't take it that way. Don't beat yourself up over it, nothing happened.”

“But–”

“I said it's fine,” Kyo interrupts him in a strangely gentle manner. “You did it because you cared and... I like that you cared. No one's cared about me before.”

Ruki stutters, eyes flicking carefully to meet pale ones. Finding no danger in them he tries to calm himself down, his cheeks heating. “Yes—no, I mean. I just- yes- okay- fine.”

When Ruki makes to raise his hand to his face again he repeats his earlier touch on his wrist to prevent it a second time, and now Ruki only reacts with a sharp intake of air, barely controlling his muscles from snapping to pull away yet again. Poor thing was in obvious distress over this but he really didn't need to be.

“Remember I told you that I never lie. I would have stopped you if you crossed a line.”

Ruki nods, avoiding his eyes and staring instead at his chest, finding a few old scars to focus on. He was sure the other would have objected if he had crossed a line, good thing he caught himself before he proceeded and did something worse than taking his shirt off so that he didn't have to. He wonders how he would have stopped him? Would he have shoved him away? Roared and yelled and kicked him out? He didn't know what temper he had but what impression he's got of him so far is of someone who changes quickly, someone who always seemed to carry anger on his face, someone easily provoced. He doesn't realize he's blatantly staring at that skin until his brain starts to register that some of the scars were words engraved into the skin across his chest. If he isn't mistaken the words says 'no future'. How extreme.

“I do need to wash off.”

The beast's words brings him back from his momentary contemplation, the pang of worry that startles him, and he backs a step.

“Right! I'll leave you to it.” He halts for a second, willing himself to stay put for a moment longer, eyes focusing on the dip between the man's neck and collarbones because he can't meet his eyes just now. “Are you sure you're not injured? I mean, I've stitched you up before so I know how to do it.”

Kyo's voice is quiet, as if he doesn't know how to respond to the situation he's in.

“Yeah, only a sore leg. I'm just tired.”

“Good.” Ruki nods as he makes to leave.

He hears the other remind him to wash his hands and so he hastily scurries over to grab the shower-head and spray water on them, feeling the other's eyes on him burning into his back, listens as the man shuffles behind him with taking off the boots he was still wearing, as Ruki soaps his hands throughly and rinse them. They might be shaking a little bit, he can't be sure.

When he's done he quickly walks out of the room, shutting the door closed behind him, leaning his back on it with a loud exhale. His heart was pounding in his throat which could mean he was either scared, or shaken up, or embarrassed. Probably a little bit of everything. His actions made absolutely no sense at all. He can't believe he walked out of that room still in possession of all of his limbs. He's taken such extreme liberties even though he of all people should know not to cross these lines!

What was even worse...

He must keep in mind what the beast has done. Not that he actually ever forgot, no, of course not, he just wanted to make sure he wasn't fatally wounded, that's all. About keeping him close by and on somewhat friendly terms for his own protection.

When he hears water flowing from inside said room he pushes his back away from the door and step back into the library, pacing the room, willing his nerves to calm the fuck down, for his body to stop trembling, as his eyes land on the bloody footprints the beast had left behind. It was as great an opportunity as any to do something useful to distract him.

Before the blood can dry on the floor he jogs back to his sleeping chamber and rummage through his almost empty dresser. There's a couple of folded towels in the bottom drawer so he grabs them to wet one in the sink in the kitchen before returning to the library, crouches down on the floor, and start scrubbing.

He almost gags as he works his way across the floor towards the balcony doors where the beast had landed, finding little plotches of what looks like pieces of bloody internal organs, saving them for last, using the wetted towel to finish his work once most of the blood's been cleared. He needs to run back to his bedroom to uncover one of his pillows to use the pillowcase to clean up the remaining stains where the towels weren't sufficent as they'd become too dirty. He doesn't think his host will be angry for ruining the fabric and if he is he'll sow him a new one if he has to.

Once the floor's cleaned up he throws the dirty fabrics in the garbage, shuddering in disgust, imagining standing next to a person one second and have their bodyparts flown at you in the next.

Feeling a little sick, Ruki thoroughly washes his hands again, longer than necessary, and then gives himself a once over to check for any more grease that might've stained him but it seems he was lucky enough to avoid it.

He decides to make some lunch to calm himself as a distraction from what had just occurred—no matter that he didn't have an apetite himself whatsoever at the moment. The beast had to eat anyway, get some strength back.

Kyo has done so much for him, there was no denying that. He's seen him at his lowest and he had supported him and been there. He had given Ruki his time, his care, spent his evening hours with him, taking him outside and listened to his rambles. Fed him. Forced him into doing things when all he wanted was to give up. Had even tried to help him adjust to flying where he really didn't need to do any of those things.

Maybe Ruki didn't owe him a second glance because of what he had done to him in the past. No matter what the man did for him it wouldn't ever be enough to pay him back, the damage was too great, too cruel. But still, there was something about all of this, about Kyo.

Ruki thinks it's because Kyo wouldn't normally care for him. Wouldn't be this considerate and helpful to any other human whore who crossed his path. He's pretty sure, with all that hate the man harbours for humans, that this was as new to him as it was to Ruki, given how always when they spend time together he appeared as if he was doing all of this for the first time in his life. And it was that thought that made all the difference. Why he too can't turn the other way.

Of course Ruki is going to kill him one day.

But for now.

So he rummages through the cupboards and storage to look for ingredients, trying to think of a meal to prepare, putting in his efforts to cook something good and nutritious for his host.

When the beast is finished washing and appears from his bedroom, casually dressed and clean, his hair ruffled and towel-dried, Ruki meets him up in the hallway.

He tries not to notice how imposing and strong he looks to him in this moment, despite that he was also giving him an impression of laid backness; a tired person who had just had a shower and put on some loose-fitting, stay at home-clothing. Like he wasn't a cold-blooded killer who could smash Ruki's brain into the wall without effort, but a regular guy. There was two very opposite sides of him, somehow.

“Have a seat by the fire, lunch is almost ready!” He throws the words at him before disappearing back inside the kitchen with his breath stuck in his throat, leaving Kyo staring after him quizzically.

“Alright.”

Kyo moves slowly as he follows the instruction and enters said room, sitting down in the armchair the human liked to use for reading.

Soon, Ruki enters the library carrying two white plates in his hands, handing out one of them to Kyo who takes it carefully with a silent 'thank you', before going to get one of the dining chairs and carries it over, placing it beside the beast in front of the fire but not too close. Sitting down cross-legged on it.

“No problem.”

His heart was beating much too hard again. Nervously. Hoping he'd done a good job with the food and that the beast would like it. He's always been shy about doing things for others for fear of rejection. He's helped out in the kitchen many times lately but this was the first time he had cooked a whole meal by himself for the other's sake that wasn't a simple omelette for breakfast.

Kyo stares awkwardly into the fire before focusing down on the plate, taking the fork in his hand.

The youth had done a neat job, the ingredients were beautifully cut and arranged seperately, the colours nice on the eye, and a crispy fried egg with it's deep yellow yolk carefully laid in the center. The human didn't lack technique when he put his efforts in. When he wasn't consumed by his head.

Delicate as always, he brings a small piece of meat to his mouth and chews it slowly. It had a nice texture and taste. He lightly pokes the whole egg yolk, watching the rich liquid gold flow over the vegetables, then he mixes all the ingredients with the red pepper paste.

Ruki was subconsciously eating wih the same amount of deliberation and silence, staring anywhere but at the other man, feeling his presence as if he was sitting closer to Ruki than he was, trying not to remember the blood from earlier. It was a challenge getting that egg and meat down his throat. At one point he held a few fingers over his mouth, struggling to swallow rather than spitting it out.

When they're both finished Ruki collects the plates and walks back to the kitchen, noting with satisfaction that unlike himself the beast had cleared his plate. He returns a few minutes later, this time bearing two mugs of steaming hot beverage.

The beast raises his eyebrows slightly in confusion, his question breaking the silence that had been everpresent until now.

“What's this?”

“Tea.” Ruki mumbles.

“You made me tea? Why?”

He sounds confused and bothered, as if he was highly unused to being served which Ruki found odd given his high status and living in the king's court and all.

Not meeting his eyes Ruki shrugs, offering him a large stoneware mug of hot liquid. “It's no big deal,” he mutters quietly, sitting down on the thick carpet on the floor this time because it felt more comfortable.

Kyo eyes him for a moment in silent question but doesn't ask further. “Thank you.” His tone is clean and polite.

Ruki only hums in answer, taking a sip with a hiss. Too hot.

“That guy you were standing next to... was he your friend?” He tries to start a conversation this time, wishing to break the awkward silence.

“No. He was a good man, ambitious, but I didn't know him that well. I've never had anyone I considered my friend.”

That last piece of information was probably unnecessary but it sort of flowed out of him, as if speaking had somehow become more natural for him lately.

“Oh, why not?” Ruki blows at his tea, taking another sip, burning his tongue for the second time.

“I'm not easy to like or easy to get close to. I've never had much talent for conversation or how to be around people in situations other than warfare. I seal myself off, so...” He trails off.

“Really? I think you're quite open – a bit reserved yes, but – you're sharing things with me? You talk to me?”

“Yeah, you must be an exception, I suppose. If anyone around here saw how much I was talking to you they'd probably be shocked.”

“I'm honored.”

“No one talks to me either so.” He adds.

Ruki sips at his tea with a 'hum', letting it warm him from inside. “Perhaps they don't know how to approach you. You give off this 'don't approach me'-vibe so I'm not surprised. But you're not that bad beneath all that.”

The older snorts.

“Most people are either scared of me or dislike me.”

“I can see why. I was afraid of you too. You have this aura, like, you want to squash everyone around you, you're quite intimidating.”

“You're not anymore?”

“A bit. I breathe fear, I don't think I'll ever be free of fear, but... you scare me much less than before.”

“I'm honored.”

Ruki dares a glance at the other's face before planting his eyes back on the fire.

“You are?”

“Yes. You talk to me, I like that.” The beast says. “It's not so bad being afraid,” he adds, “once one learns to handle it. It's actually more useful than most people think.”

“Not sure that I agree on that.”

Kyo's gaze drift from the flames to stare at the humans's profile as his mouth stretch into a small smile. He liked how smiling seemed to come easier for him recently. He wonders if before everything he had been a happy person. He seemed friendly. Like someone who wished to connect with others, given they treated him right.

“I think you're interesting.”

Kyo's eyebrows shoots up and he stares a moment longer before averting his eyes, not knowing how to respond to that.

“Interesting?”

“No one's ever said that to you before, huh?”

“Definitely not.”

They fall into silence again but it's not uncomfortable. Ruki finishes his tea before placing the empty mug on the floor beside him, taking his time before continuing. “I mean, you are cruel and vicious, but you're mysterious and deep.”

“How do you know?”

“I pick up on things. Subtle signs and the things you say, your reactions to things – or lack of reactions. The way you hold yourself, your eyes, they're all clues. It's kinda hard not to notice seeing as you're the only living being I spend time with.”

“Oh.”

“But even if there were others I would still have noticed you,” he adds without breathing.

“I wasn't worried. And I doubt that.”

“Who notices you depends on what sort of person they're drawn to. People who like loud and talkative people might not see you, well, in a room, away from the field. I personally like to hang with quieter people.”

“Why?”

“The quieter ones have more to say. They talk about things that matter and not for the sake of making sounds or to get attention. They're not as overbearing.”

“You're a tad judgemental but I see what you mean.”

Rolls eyes. “I'm starting to think you might be hiding a tender, sensitive personality underneath all that nasty scary exterior you keep up, like deep down you're not the monster you want everyone to think you are, but a love-starved–”

Ruki's speech is disrupted when a cushion is thrown at his head.

He giggles, feeling a rush of positive feelings rush through him that spurrs him on, he instantly picks up where he left off before he was interrupted. “–An ugly ogre who just wants some warm hugs and–”

He squeals when a second cushion hits him in the face, causing a small sting in his nose. He grabs it and throws it right back into the older man's face, Kyo's mouth twisting into a toothy grin and Ruki laughs openly, his chest rising and rising with pleasant sensations.

“I knew it! I'm right aren't I?” He says, throwing the other cushion at the man who captures it this time and place it down on his own lap which almost has him disappointed. “Fine, you're cold-hearted and couldn't care less about hugs.”

“You really need to work on your aim,” Kyo says but Ruki knows his throw wasn't that bad.

And also can hardly believe his eyes.

That beast! He was shy!

He was avoiding Ruki's face, staring down, and he was trying to suppress it but his mouth was pulling at the corners into a timid smile. A genuine, soft smile.

Who could have thought that this monster was so soft beneath all those stone-cold layers? He was lonely? Perhaps he too had needed someone to talk to, someone who listened without judging. Someone who was willing to see beyond his pale eyes that now seemed utterly harmless. In this moment he looked smaller, gentler. Playful. It was a layer of armor going down, revealing a peak of the real man behind it, right in front of Ruki's eyes.

Ruki's chest swelled because he had a feeling this was something hidden that few or any had been allowed to witness. Curious, he wants to coax more of the true man out. Wants to experience more of him.

He forces himself to look away from him because he knew the other was very vulnerable and exposed right now and Ruki didn't want him to feel uncomfortable to such extent that he wished to flee, either physcially by leaving the room or mentally. This guy had very thick armor he suspects and was unused to letting his guard down in front of anyone.

So he stares back into the dancing fire, a content smile on his face. He felt lighter. He felt normal. Like he was having a fun time with a friend, sharing a carefree moment where he even forgot about his fears and pain just for a short while. It felt so damn good to feel normal he didn't care about how wrong this was. He still sees him in his mind. His too many teeth, the wrinkles around his eyes as he smiles. The way his breath had fled him in a partly stifled laugh as if laughing didn't come naturally to him, his posture just slightly less tense.

This was nice. And he didn't want it to stop.

“You're welcome by the way.”

“For what?”

“I cleaned your fucking mess. Oh no, perhaps you wanted to save the mashed intestines you left on the floor for a juicy snack later? Should've asked beforehand, sorry.”

The beast chortled in amusement.

“Thank you?”

Hah!

“You look cute when you smile,” he says, continuing his teasing.

“Hey, don't call me that.”

Ruki hears the change in his tone. It wasn't angry exactly. It brought back his suspicion that Kyo was simply unused to people talking to him in a laid-back manner, to be called names in playful mockery.

“What? Cute?” Ruki feigns ignorance.

“Yes!”

“Aw, am I insulting your big bad monstrous masculinity?” He pouts his lips in his direction.

“Well, yeah.” He says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and it has Ruki laughing. “What's funny?”

“You are.”

“Why?”

“Because I see right through you now. Well, some of you.”

“Going to use that for your rebellion?”

Ruki sniggers. “Yeah. My biggest weapon against you is saying you're 'cute', it would totally throw you off and give me the upper hand.”

“And then you'll strike me?”

“No, first I'd make you help me.”

“You could try.”

“You don't know how cunning I can be, I'd have you wrapped around my finger easily. Once I'm done needing your help I'll find one of those right moments and kill you. There's more than muscle-power, you know.”

“True. Unless the muscle-power beat you down first, then no words in the world can save you.”

“But you wouldn't do that.” Kyo looks at him and Ruki smirks. “If you were you would have done it already, meaning I'd have plenty of time to use the power of my words.”

“You think you're all smug and smart.”

Ruki plants his hands on the carpet behind him, leaning back on his arms. “I think you want to play, you just don't know how to ask.”

His lips are drawn in a confident smile as he gazes meaningfully right into Kyo's eyes, and even though he was firmly looking at him without giving away any obvious signs he can tell he's struck something. He was bared enough for Ruki in this moment that he could actually tell the beast just might be liking his company. Probably just a tiny tiny bit—a tiny but not insignificant bit.

He wasn't sure how he felt about it. He felt a big jumble of things.

This was against the rules. This shouldn't be happening. Not between the two of them, not in this world.

It was unnerving that the other was so easy to get to for an insignificant human like Ruki who was nothing but an enemy whore whom he should've killed off weeks ago, that a closed-off beast like him allowed him to dig inside parts of his hidden depths and lay him out, make him vulnerable, where no one else was allowed to. But then Kyo did seem very uncomfortable with it too, almost as if he was battling his own fears, and yet the part that won was not the part that wanted to get rid of Ruki, but the one that looked at him as if he presented something meaningful that he wanted to keep. As if he enjoyed Ruki.

No. Could this really be?

Unsure, Ruki fixes his attention on the carpet waiting for a blow, for hurt, to be thrown out – it would have made more sense that way – but nothing happened. And he wanted to be able to have faith that things would stay that way. Afterall, Kyo was all he had.

There's a pull right beneath his skin, a hammering longing in his chest for something long gone that can never be had again and he has to fight not to remember his past.

“I won't hurt you.”

The beast's voice disrupts his thoughts before they can take him too far away into misery and he looks up, startled by the sincerity and softness in it.

“What brought this on?”

“I can tell sometimes that you're expecting it. I won't. I give you my word.”

For as long as Ruki dares he stares at the other. Until he can't. And breaks the connection.

Kyo rises from the chair and takes the two empty mugs out into the kitchen. When he had to lean down to get Ruki's one from the floor he almost gave in to his instinct to move away and at the same time the air seemed to have some sort of taste all of a sudden, or a sensation. It was silly really. But he just sensed the air for some reason, almost like a touch that was both warm and cold.

Kyo is well gone to the kitchen-area when Ruki is brutally brought out his thoughts by a sudden harsh row of tappings on the front door and he's immediately up on his feet in alarm. Since Ami stopped coming around no one had knocked on that door and he can tell it's not her standing on the other side of it.

He stares at it, frozen over like a marble statue, his body so tense he might be as hard as stone too.

He feels the steady presence of Kyo passing by him silently before opening it to reveal two men. One of them speaks to Kyo but Ruki doesn't hear, it takes every ounce of control he has to not shake and to not divert his eyes from them, when one of them catches his stare.

It was probably rude for a slave to meet the eyes of these men so he stops looking while they talk. He only breaks out of his petrified state when Kyo walks past him again, leaving him standing with those two at the door. He can't help a glance and fast regrets it.

They're checking him out. Their eyes takes him in from his feet and up. Smirking. Making him feel dirty and threatened and lower ranked than life-stock. The fact that they did that when Kyo was close by, the fact that they're looking at him like that inside his “master's” own home gives him a very bad feeling.

For a moment Ruki stares right back and something drops inside him.

He tries to walk with some dignity and self-respect, as if he hasn't just been looked at like a hooker in a pleasure-house, following Kyo into the hallway and inside his bedroom without asking for his permission to enter, needing his presence to brace himself.

The other looks up at him but doesn't throw him out or tell him to go and he's so grateful for that, but then he realizes he's undressing and that uneasy feeling rises to the rooftops. He's putting on the kind of clothes that signals he's leaving.

“Where are you going?”

“Attack at the border,” he calmly tells him, throwing on a black open-back shirt, fastening the buttons. Ruki hurries to speak.

“You shouldn't go, you're not well.”

Kyo is quick as he hastily dresses himself. “I'm fine, my leg won't matter much.”

“You should at least get it bandaged.”

“I can't be bothered with it.”

“What if you have internal bleedings?” Ruki argues. He had no right to ask him to stay, but he felt he might freak out if he left him now. Those two at the door had rattled him up, pulled him cruelly from that nice chat with Kyo and back to a place he didn't want to return to.

“I don't. I have to go. Stay here and don't worry.”

Clothed and armed, Kyo was already walking towards him to leave the bedroom, to leave the apartment. Ruki grabs at the fabric of his shirt before he can pass him.

“Don't worry? Remember what happened the last time there was an attack at the border?”

Kyo halts. Facing him by the bedroom door, feeling his hand holding on to his shirt. They were standing so close he could feel Ruki's breath, feel the heat radiating from his body. And that hand, persistant. His eyes, worried. That hand. That hand.

“You're protecting the humans, aren't you?” He asks, keeping his voice low and their exchange private from the guys at the door. “You're trying to stall me so that I won't kill them.”

Ruki's eyes widen. “No! I don't care about them, I'm protecting you.” He falters at the change in the other. His stern look had returned. His body is tense and blown up again, any trace of the soft playful person from earlier gone. “Don't leave me.” He pleads for that gentle side of him to listen, to stay with him. He isn't sure why, all he knows is that he's got a very bad feeling about this and that he needs him to stay.

Kyo hesitates. He actually hesitates.

He almost wants to stay. To talk some more in front of the fire. Just the two of them. Him, and this person whom for some reason was grazing against his thick walls, threatening to tear them down if Kyo didn't watch out. With his giggles and his soft blonde hair, his brown eyes, his small hands, his swaying mood that teased him one second and was shy in the next, who fussed over him when he was hurt and took it upon himself to care for him.

Kyo didn't move but for his head dipping down, taking in the sight of the hand at his waist, so lean and breakable, can almost hear the pulse in his wrist, and feels himself, his determination, slip. He wonders for a short moment what that hand would feel like in his own, their fingers intertwined together. It had been in his before, but he can't remember what it had been like, just like he can't remember what Ruki's body felt against his despite that they'd flown together many times, and he wonders why all of a sudden he can't remember?

He pushes the thought away before it makes him do something stupid like staying put. There were more important matters at hand. Urgent matters. He can't be let astray, especially not by a human boy.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

Ruki visibly trembles a little.

“Like how?” He says, voice barely even a whisper on his lips.

“Like you know me. And I don't need your protection. I will be back before you know it, bye.” He rushes past Ruki without looking at him.

Ruki's arm falls limp at his side as he stares after him and then stops looking. Listens as three sets of feet marshes across the library room until they're replaced by flapping as the three men take flight. Had he been more sharp he might've realized the missing detail in the scene.

Stupid. He was so stupid. Of course he couldn't ask him to stay. They meant nothing to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose this is the chapter where Ruki wants to move away from Kyo alot, let's see if that changes.  
> This chapter feels short to me with not much happening but it paves way for what happens in chapter 8 and is quite important for building that closeness and trust.  
> Thank you for reading! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severely outnumbered. Keeping his attention on the dangerous man still behind him, and the woman and Ruki several paces ahead of him, he's trapped in a very delicate situation where everyone is questioning his loyalty and if he doesn't play this right he loses either his people's trust, or Ruki.

Something's off.

Kyo doesn't throw the man flying on his left a proper glance nor to the man flying on his left. There's nothing obviously wrong about them. Still, something's off. His gut tells him so and his gut has never betrayed him before. It took him a while before he noticed, too preoccupied with the mission. Humans attack the border more frequently these days and he's been summoned to protect it many times, so there's nothing conspicuously odd about the situation.

Keeping sharp attention on the others he loses speed. They accommodate. Watches him too closely and that's the first clear sign. They're observing him too carefully. If there really was an attack they wouldn't slow down for anyone, not even for him. In this sort of situation they should rush head on to protect their world no matter what.

Yard by yard the forest beneath them rushes in a flurry of browns and whites as he flies farther and farther away from home, and it doesn't seem right in his head. He isn't protecting the border, is he? But what then? Why trick him? He's leaving Ruki vulnerable. He doesn't know how he knows it but he knows, somehow, that whom needs him now is not the border, the forest, or his people. But a little wingless human whose existence has come to mean something to him—more than something, he means a great deal. And right now he's all alone.

It doesn't make much sense to him that someone would go through such lengths as to break into his home and right out steal him, seeing as according to the law Ruki is his property and therefore untouchable without his consent. Besides, they respect him too much to do this.

This was folly.

Kyo halts midair, looking back towards court but it's far out of his vision already.

His throat starts to tighten—even his chest tightens.

No.

He needs to go back and make sure he's okay.

“Commander?” A man halts close to him. A youngster, perhaps about Ruki's age, and the expression in his eyes tells him more than the youth intends.

“You're wasting time, you should head for the border.” Kyo replies to the man and the hesitation in all of them in that moment speaks volume.

It hits Kyo to the marrow of his bones then.

Concern.

A raging, blinding concern for Ruki's wellbeing.

Ruki! He's in danger, he knows he is. They needed to get rid of Kyo to get to him and he fell for it like a moron!

They can't take Ruki away from him, he won't survive losing another person. He was more attached to him than he wanted, dared, to admit.

As Kyo flicks his attention back to the stretch of land separating him from that precious existence, just about to head back, the young man makes his move. He grabs Kyo to prevent him from flying and he would have thrown him off but shockingly to himself he chokes. Startled by how strongly his body reacts to being restricted while it is all shoved at him; just how much was at stake. How ardently he needs to go find Ruki. Being held back from doing what he needs to do – he can't move.

All he can think about is Ruki, hurting, perhaps this very moment. They will beat him, rape him, kill him, that's how much they hate him.

The sun was already dropping. If Kyo flies as hard as he can he might get there in time to prevent the worst. Ruki is already too traumatized, he's made good progress lately and Kyo is so proud of him, but he won't survive it a second time around. No amount of teasing, bickering, or moments outside in the snow could bring Ruki back should he suffer more abuse.

He feels his heart inside his chest come alive, as if it'd been dormant in its tomb, and now as it was dormant no more it began aching and hurting and tossing. The material around it cracks and splits, pieces of it falling away, the muscle pumping blood—beating—he gasps. He's suddenly much more vulnerable than before and he needs to reunite with the one who's very soul is breaking through his walls.

He's not sure why, but he needs to see Ruki one more time. Whatever was happening to him he can't not see him again or he knows he'll never know why he can't kill him, what makes him so attached to him.

He needs to know. And he can't know without seeing him.

“Let me go, I'm warning you.”

He doesn't have time for weakness right now, he must transform it to wrath so he can fix this.

He growls. Ferociously breaking himself loose from the youngster's grip, swings around, and kick him in the stomach with such force the man drops from the sky like a shot raptor, hugging his mid-section with a red face. Kyo had used too much force on him but the man had it coming.

Another man draws closer to him faster than he can react, securing his arms behind his back, preventing his wings from carrying him accurately, he doesn't fall from the sky only because he's being held up. The third man flings at him, throwing punches at his chest and face.

Fucking assholes, they've got some nerve!

He doesn't have time for this bullshit. No matter that attacking his kin might come at bad consequenses later on none of it will matter if Ruki will not be in that future, so Kyo kicks at the guy in front of him but he's too fast and evades with ease. A fist collides with his jaw, successfully throwing Kyo off.

“Hold him down!” The guy in front tells the one struggling to keep his arms trapped behind his back while unsheathing every blade and dagger strapped to Kyo's form. Their actions are hasty and sloppy in their intent to keep him under control, knowing they have very limited time and will have to beat him unconsious fast if they are to successfully hinder him from getting away before he regains the upper hand on them, nevermind the consequences they'll face for attacking their superior.

Light-headed, Kyo throws his head back to collide with the guy's nose and breaking it. It's enough to make the man falter and he easily tears out of his grasp. The guy in front of him doesn't even try to stop him. Now free he wastes no more precious time on these idiots but instantly shoot across the sky towards home, leaving them two tiny black dots in the distance in a matter of moments. He's too fast for them to catch up on him once he's reached top speed. He's not at his full capacity but he's managed way worse in war than flying after a few punches.

Every second that brings him closer to home heightens his anxiety. Is Ruki okay? What will he find once he arrives? Kyo's been away long enough for someone to get to him, he can only hope their plan was to torture him, giving Kyo more time to find him.

_“I'm already dead”_

A male and a female voice blended together resonates with the wind, penetrating his mind. As he tears through the air the voices cleave apart to one soft feminine voice, and a deep masculine one, repeating those same words over and over from different angles until only the deep one remains.

Please. Not again.

Let him be okay. Let him find him on time.

He remembers Ruki's eyes, his hand grasping his shirt, asking him not to leave.

The trees eventually grow larger. Black towers appear amidst them and he steers right to the one he calls home and through the wide doors, landing in the familiar library.

“Ruki!” He calls that dear name but he doesn't expect an answer and indeed there is none. Only dead silence.

There's clear evidence of a break-in and struggle. Flipped over chairs, the rug was misplaced, and a splotch of fresh blood stains the floor. He can only hope it isn't Ruki's. He had hoped to be wrong, but they'd actually stolen Ruki right out of his home.

Kyo runs inside the spare bedroom hastily, just in case he's there but unable to call back. He isn't. Not bothering to enter his own room to grab some weapons, he drags his hand and nails angrily into the wall as he strolls down the corridor for the library, ruining the wallpaper, snapping his wings behind his back, adrenaline fueling the limbs. They'd taken him.

The anger rises and he snarls. He couldn't stand knowing that Ruki didn't consent to any of this, and yet no one bothered to care.

Aflight again he circles around. Eyes and ears tuned, on high alert for anything amiss, anything that might indicate Ruki's whereabouts. Trying not to fall into frenzy because of how similar this situation is to the one from years ago. Searching the grounds and forests, the training area, the fields, even the gardens and erea of lifestock. His ears at last picks up on sounds of a crowd, shouting and cheering coming from the direction of the fighting pit so he steers right towards it.

They didn't take him there did they? If they did he might be too late.

Upon getting nearer he detects a large group of people in the arena forming a circle, surrounding two figures holding opposite ends within it. One of the figures is winged, a large guy Kyo's never liked, all muscle and one braincell. The other makes his heart clench – wingless, light hair, lean body clad in crimson velvet just as last time he'd seen him. Ruki. Alive and whole, thank the lords.

This was a popular entertainment during festieves or special dinners after a successful battle. Usually though the opponents would both be humans, forced to use any means to beat each other to death for the amusement of the people watching and betting on the winner. To his resentment the attendants are having a blast, cheering, laughing, urging their kin inside the circle, throwing him nasty propositions on how to hurt Ruki.

So, they thought they could lure him away long enough to entertain themselves? Toying with Ruki while he was away at the border, supposedly protecting them, only to return a fool and find Ruki dead? Is this the gratitude he gets for everything he's done?

Both opponents are armed with weapons. They've given Ruki a sword way too big for his stature, the tip drags in the ground after him, too heavy. Even if he manages to wield it against that warrior brute it will do him little good, that sword is just for show. Kyo is beyond relieved and angered at the same time. The human looks okay. From what he can tell Ruki appears physically unharmed.

He dives.

Landing in the center of the large ring right between the two opponents—separating them—with one knee and one hand braced against the ground, he lands so hard the earth shakes from the impact with his fury, and the crowd falls silent for a moment.

He doesn't see Ruki who's standing several feet behind him, for he's facing instead the asshole whom if he hadn't interrupted would've hurt this person Kyo's grown so fond of.

Recovering from the suprise of his appearance the guy smirks, appearing amused with his presence, probably thinking it will be way more fun this way. The crowd breaks into a cheer, wooing excitedly for a fight.

The man before him is a head taller than himself. Broader. Bigger. Kyo is unarmed, unrested, but he is fueled by madness. A solid shield between the one who dares threaten the one he protects. Right now war and species be damned – the whole world is his foe.

“You've got a new opponent now.”

Fists clenched, body ripped, adrenaline coursing through his veins, his weakened heart now pumping blood and oxygen to his muscles, he is lethal. Snarling. Daring the other to come at him. He's been given a second chance and he will not squander it.

“Relax man, he's but a mere human. This is long overdue, he's been a dead man walking ever since he came here.” The man laughs. “I'm surprised you haven't torn him to shreds yet.”

Kyo's eyes follows his every step with sharp clarity as the man circles the area, flipping a fighting knife in his hand, ready to catch the weapon with his own body should he throw it towards the young human still far behind him. He wants to turn around, he wants to make sure he's fine, tell him it will be okay, that he'll get him out of here. But he can't lose focus.

When the man's attention shifts, fixing predatorily on Ruki, Kyo growls in warning, eyes fixed on each movement. It would be very bad if he attacked one of his own with so many onlookers, they would take it as a statement and question his loyalty and then him and Ruki would be in even deeper trouble.

“He's not yours to torment,” _eyes on me, you fuck_ , “leave him.”

“Oh, cut the crap”, the man smirks but eyes Kyo then, “you've had him to yourself long enough, let us all have a piece! The fun was just about to start. We thought we'd see how badly he fares at swordfighting, before we rape him until there's nothing left of him, see if he is as soulless as all of them.” He says. As if they've run out of dogs to play with so they decided to take what wasn't theirs to take.

Kyo only internally reacts to the words. He knows they're not empty threats meant to agitate him. He's being tested. He. The one who would never betray them. They'll do all that to Ruki for sure, and he's expected to let them and if he doesn't–

He loses his stance only when an all too familiar voice whimpers behind him and he slowly whirls around.

A tall dark-haired female has ridden Ruki of his weapon and holds him in a firm grip pressed against her with one hand, and with the other she traces her long black nails along the pale skin of his neck, tracing the scar there and leaving a few marks of her own.

_No, don't mark him! Don't touch him!_

Kyo barely staggers a step in their direction before quickly finding composure again, willing ice onto his face in effort to cover up the fact that his body kept betraying him, his heart still beating up his chest in the most hot-tempered manner. This wasn't like him. He really must stop giving his emotions away but it was damn near impossible, seeing Ruki like that, far out of his reach, in life-threatening clutches.

“C´omon Kyo, you can't choose a human over your own people. You know what they've done to us. They're all heartless beasts. Let's have some fun with him.”

The woman is supported, surrounded by people who hum in agreement. Kyo knows that hate towards humans. But Ruki is innocent and he can't lose him.

He feels it with every cell in his body when his and Ruki's eyes meet for the first time. Every hair on him stands up. A flood of tingles rushing all the way from his raging lungs and out to the very tips of his fingers and toes. A connection. Bond waiting to be sealed. There's a loud crack as the walls in his chest split some more.

The way that those brown eyes look at him.

As if Ruki can't decide if he trusts Kyo to choose him over his own race, trusts him to get him out of here, and expects that he won't. If he could reassure him somehow that he won't let him go, but he can't in front of this crowd.

“Let him go.” A command.

“Nah.”

“Yes, right now.”

“I've seen him naked, he's as tiny as he is short, but of course you know that already, don't you?”

The presumption that Kyo hurts Ruki makes his skin crawl but he doesn't let it show. He tries to keep Ruki's eyes on his but they waver before scrunching shut, and the crowd laughs.

Severely outnumbered. Keeping his attention on the dangerous man still behind him, and the woman and Ruki several paces ahead of him, he's trapped in a very delicate situation where everyone is questioning his loyalty and if he doesn't play this right he loses either his people's trust, or Ruki.

“Let him go,” he repeats, voice dangerously low.

She clucks her tongue, “I don't think so.”

“I said, let him go.”

“Where's the fun in that?” Her hand wanders from Ruki's neck at a sickeningly slow pace – all the while smirking at Kyo, knowing he's watching every move – down across his chest, his belly, stopping right beneath the waistband of his pants.

Ruki is stiff as a board, not producing a sound, and Kyo knows this is well past the brim of what he can take. He wants Ruki to open his eyes, he wants to convey to him that he's going to be okay, that he's not alone. But he has shut him out.

Black feathers flaring, winged limbs spreading, spinal-chord stretching, “I'm warning you, drop this bullshit.” He extends his wings to their full length and than raise them briefly so the ends of his primaries almost points upwards in clear warning before flaring them again. He's falling right into her snare but he doesn't care. His position was too far from the pair to move on them before she would put Ruki's light out.

Hand pressed against Ruki's lower pelvis, she asks what they're all wandering.

“Or what?”

The man behind him is on the move, advancing. He tracks his steps with his hearing while drawing his wings close to his body but for the time being keeps his eyes still locked on hers. Her hand lowers yet and he snaps.

“Let him go or I will tear your arm out of it's socket and rip out your throat with my bare teeth, and after-” he turns towards the man behind him who stops at his threatening glare and arm stretched in his direction, knowing Kyo is stronger than him, “-I will snatch your stupid knife right out of your hand and push it into your eye!”

“You would betray us? For him?” Another woman calls from the murmuring crowd.

Kyo speaks to the whole crowd then, some thirty people who had come here to watch Ruki suffer and die. “You should know me well enough that I am loyal to the crown. Yet you decieve me by breaking into my home, abducting my slave – my property, which you have no legal right to – and now you try to force my hand to attack my kin by threatening same slave. Whom decieved whom?”

He focuses his attention back on the woman, trying to ignore how absolutely still her captive is.

“Set him free right now and I will let this go without bloodshed.”

“Perhaps,” the woman muses. Her voice sickeningly sweet, giggling not so innocently. Her hand returning to Ruki's neck who finally re-opens his eyes, fixing them on Kyo in fright, as she gradually applies more and more pressure, closing off his airflow. Kyo doesn't meet it. “But it is odd...” she pauses, lips stretching, dragging out her threat towards him and the abuse towards her captive, “how much you care for him.”

Ruki's body goes rigid, hands snap up to hers, tearing at it but she doesn't budge, lungs struggling for air.

Kyo's eyes turns black boring into hers, his voice deep and guttural. A clear and final threat before he tears the bitch to pieces. “Lay off my property _now_.”

“Fine,” she sighs, tossing Ruki away with a shove to his back.

Ruki falls to the ground the moment she lets go of him, heaving, clawing at his neck, drawing air into his lungs, his knees dug deep into the mud. The sight kills something inside Kyo. This boy deserves all the kindness and gentleness in the world, and all he gets is suffering. He remembers touching his cheek in the dark, wiping his tears.

_“Can you see me?”_

He wants him close now. To hold him. Take it all away.

_I can see you._

The woman giggles yet again, a few curly strands of her unruly hair that was hanging down the front of her face flowing from the air she let out.

Ruki's eyes soon finds him and Kyo holds his arm out in beckon for the creature to come to him, making sure his features doesn't give him away, knowing all eyes are on him. All he can do is extend his hand in silent order to have his play-thing back. To his sorrow Ruki hesitates. But it isn't long before he's dragging himself up on his feet and running towards him despite the torture on his deprived lungs, and everything that happens then seem like the most dreadful slow-motion sequence of his life, but in reality is only a few blistering seconds.

He was prepared for it and so, Kyo reacts in less than a painful heartbeat, before she's even raised her hand to throw it, sprinting to meet Ruki halfway, ignoring the barking protests in his ankle, pushing his body to move forward. Each urgent step more painful than the last, he defies his body's signals and wills it to be faster—he'll splint his damn ankle if he has to—as he watches the sharp tip of the dagger glint in the ray of the evening sun, flashing in its steady course right towards Ruki's exposed back.

Running faster than his legs was willing, Ruki dangerously slips as one of his feet pulls away from under him, jeaopardizing everything for himself and for Kyo. There's a horrendous stab of something in Kyo's chest that threatens to make something inside him slip too, knowing he's too far away to save him, and he's almost angered at Ruki for making him react this way. Thankfully Ruki manages to catch himself and recover in a split second in this critical race for life.

Reaching him just in time Kyo wraps his arms around his body, holds him securely, protecting the area where the weapon is set to pierce, and takes power over him as he swings them both sideways, narrowly evading its fatal claw.

Unwitting of the dagger, Ruki's arms go around him in return as Kyo plants his strong legs firmly in the ground to steady them, slipping one hand behind the younger's knees to secure him, before pushing into the sky with a rumble, a distinct female amused shriek of a laugh sounding from below.

That had been a close call. Way too close. But now his single priority must be to get Ruki away from here as soon as possible and back home so he can wrap him in a cocoon of warmth and safety.

High up in the sky his wings flattens out, soaring, at a more human friendly-pace as soon as they're at a safe distance.

Making sure they weren't persued, he directs his words to the bundle of tensed body whose arms were so desperately locked tightly around his neck.

“It's okay. Stay with me.” _Don't leave where I can't follow. Don't disappear_. He tries to soothe him, whispering little things inside his ear, willing him to stay with him. Worried. That Ruki is too traumatized to be able to cope.

Silent, the human does little more but cling to him, his shallow frantic panting and his face pressed against his neck the only consolation that he's alive, as he takes them closer and closer to home.

“You're safe. You're safe. I promise. Stay with me you hear me?”

He noted the strained back his own arm was pressed against. How had he ever forgotten what Ruki felt like?

“Try to gather a proper breath, Ruki, you need it.” He tells him. “Just a little further okay? Bear with me.” Can't have him panicking and hyperventilating in the sky.

Home at last Kyo eases them down with much care onto the library floor, and then slowly brings Ruki's lower body down to stand on his own, ready to support all of his weight in case his legs won't carry him.

Not built for flying and terribly shaken up, Ruki clasps at him tighter and Kyo is more than eager to return the fervor, holding him around the waist. He'll do anything in this moment if it can ease the other's agony. Anything. To wipe out his pain and keep him from ever getting hurt again.

Jagged gasps of warm air hits the sensitive skin of Kyo's neck as Ruki tries to hide himself from the dreadful world by pressing his face against the crook there.

Their desperate embrace is as much a reassurance to Kyo as it is to Ruki. That the other is still here. Alive. He'd found him on time. Kyo hadn't failed completely in protecting him.

He shifts his wings carefully so not to startle him, going around Ruki. Forming a dark soft shield around himself and the one he wants desperately to keep safe. Hoping it will give the being in his arms a sense of safety no matter how small. Kyo's biggest fear right now is that he will never get to witness those lips stretch into a joyed smile ever again.

It was physically impossible for two bodies to press any closer than they already were, but that didn't stop Kyo from trying. Now that Ruki was in his arms he wondered how he had gone his whole life without him. Having Ruki's body against his own felt good. Careful not to put too much strength into holding him.

“You're okay. You're home.” Home. Because this was Ruki's home too. “Did they hurt you?” They did mentally hurt him of course, but he needs to know if he's sustained any injuries. When there's no response he tries a different approach to reach him. “I want you here.”

The reaction is immediate though small, but because of their closeness and how the own senses are so attentively focused on the other, he hears Ruki's whimper and feels the way he grips his shirt just a little bit harder, clear as day.

“I want you here. You're fun, intelligent, beautiful. You make me as happy as I'm able to be.”

Honest, his words are sprung straight from his beating heart and he knows he's gotten through to him when a sob erupts from deep within his frail chest. Kyo cradles his head gently.

“Did they hurt you?”

Ruki shakes his head, pressing himself against Kyo's strong body, afraid to be let go of. Right now the only thing that keeps him from losing his mind is this man. This embrace.

Kyo threads his fingers between blonde strands. Feels every tremor that runs through that tense body and he wonders, how much fear can a human take? How much, before they are too damaged to come back?

It tears at him to hear him cry out from the pain weighing him down. “Shh”. He tries to ease him as well as he can, still touching his hair with feather-light precision, not knowing what else to do. Can only hope that being there would be enough for Ruki to keep fighting. “I'm here.”

Ruki whimpers. Tries to focus his full attention on those fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp. To direct all awareness on the invisible patterns they draw there so very gently, instead of on the overbearing stress from having experienced a life-threatening situation moments ago. It's so difficult and it takes time but Kyo is there with him. If Kyo wasn't there he'd be entirely alone in a world where everyone hated him. Kyo saved him.

He feels the man's other hand that is pressed flat against the small of his back, warm and calming, holding him against Kyo's body. Not forcefully. But to offer comfort and as much strength Ruki needed to draw from him.

Kyo. Kyo had come for him. He's safe with Kyo.

When Ruki's breathing slows down to a more even rhythm and his hold around his neck loosens a bit, Kyo retreats his wings from around them and folds them neatly behind his back. He carefully eases himself from the other who is very reluctant to let him go.

“I'm just going to close the doors,” he assures him.

It's the first time since Ruki's been here that the balcony doors are being closed.

Kyo finishes by locking them and drawing the curtains, darkening the room and concealing them both from the outside world so that Ruki might feel a little better. He turns back to Ruki, gazing at his face blotchy and messy with tears.

“Do you need anything?” He cringes inwardly, probably a stupid question.

Ruki's red swollen eyes meets his. He looked so small, so miserable. He doesn't speak but Kyo thinks he can read the expression from the way that he's looking at him.

“Come on,” he motions him towards the opening inbetween bookcases.

He doesn't give away any reaction openly when timid fingers grasps the sleeve of his shirt even though it causes so much guilt inside him, because this was the second time Ruki gripped his clothing. It was like the two of them had a mutual fear the other might slip away again.

With that hand there, he leads the way to the own bedroom because it's the one closest, taking slow steps all the way there in silent apology, and because it was the only way he knew how to tell the human he didn't mind his hand there. That he won't shake it off again.

“Go, lie down, if it pleases you, of course,” he gestures awkwardly to the own bed.

Blankly, Ruki lets go of his sleeve and lies down silently. Curling into a ball. Flinching from time to time.

Unsure of himself, Kyo lies down away from him on the opposite end of the bed facing him, keeping a good amount of space between them because he doesn't want to impose on his personal space and make him uncomfortable.

He can't leave him yet. Not like this.

To his surprise Ruki unfolds and inches closer until their bodies touch again, trustingly hiding his face in the crook between his neck and shoulder, wetting the skin with tears. Kyo feels relieved with him being so near, allowing him to comfort him. He wraps him up in a blanket, making sure he's not cold, and settles for drawing circles on his back, mindful not to go too low towards the waist, all the while listening to his breathing so close to his ear, the way it hitches from time to time, and he wonders what horrors are being re-lived inside that mind. Horrors he could have prevented from happening to him.

They stay that way for a long while.

“You're hurt,” a barely audible whisper, hoarse from crying.

“I'm fine.”

“You came back.”

“I realized something was off. Hey, you should get some rest, we can talk tomorrow.”

“I can't.”

“You're safe, I give you my word.”

“I can't,” he repeats.

“You can. I'll be right here.”

“I'm afraid.”

“I know.”

“Don't go anywhere?”

“Never.”

“Promise.”

“I promise. I won't leave your side. I will still be here when you wake up.”

When Ruki doesn't relax against him he brings his hand to his head, massaging his temple with his thumb. He continues the light ministrations for a few minutes, then moves on to drawing patterns against his scull and playing with his hair and then back to massaging the temple again. Noting the fresh scent of soap and how soft his hair was.

Eventually Ruki's breathing become heavier as he gradually loses his tension and calms down. At last he manages to fall asleep and Kyo watches over him.

Kyo is slung from his sleep when the man in his arms start thrashing violently, landing a couple of hits to his already sore jaw.

He groans in pain, prying his eyes open to find Ruki whimpering with eyes closed and his face contorted in a panicked frown, apparently having a nightmare.

“Hey, wake up,” he tries to coax him back to consciousness, shaking his shoulder but he doesn't wake, only pushes his palms onto his chest. He makes a second effort using a firmer voice. “Ruki. You're not in danger, come on, wake up.”

Kyo barely has time to register the eyes of the other throwing open before the body in his arms rolls away as fast as it can with a loud gasp. Kyo watches him as he stops at the opposite end of the bed, chest fluctuating rapidly, his gaze filled with terror, and quickly tries to soothe him.

“It's okay, you had a nightmare.”

Ruki grasps the sheets beneath him, gripping them tightly, flinching repeatedly as if someone was hitting him. He was absolutely frightened. It was painful to watch.

“You're okay, Ruki. You're safe.”

The human wails, scrunching his eyes shut tightly, twisting where he lies. It wasn't normal behaviour and it alarms him. Was he hurt afterall? There seemed to be something wrong with his body. He wants to reach out for him and examine him but he's very reluctant to push his touch on him in a moment like this. It would only do more harm than good. He wants to build trust, not tear down what little trust he's been given.

“What's wrong?”

Ruki cries out in pain.

“Hey,” he calls for his attention, raising his voice when he doesn't get it. “Hey!”

Ruki throws his head one way and then the other before his eyes swing open with a sob.

“What's wrong?”

Ruki seemingly struggles to form the words, sobbing them out. “It burns!”

The human looks at him but he doesn't appear to fully comprehend who he is. As if he's flicking between somewhere far away, stuck inside his mind, and himself. He squirms again, tearing at the white fabric so hard that it groans.

“Ruki. Wherever you are, whatever you see, it's not real. Follow my voice, come back to reality.”

“It hurts.”

He's talking to him so he must be somewhere inbetween here and whatever his brain is showing him. Good.

“What hurts?”

“All of me!” He shouts.

It's difficult to stay on his end of the bed but it's still not safe to move closer.

“Ruki, do you know who I am?” The younger snivels, flinching again. “It's Kyo. You can trust me, I need you to know that. Can I come closer to you?”

“No!”

“Okay, if you don't want me to then I won't. But then I need you to tell me what's wrong.”

“Who are you?”

“I'm Kyo, remember?”

“Too many.”

“Too many what?”

“Too many of you. Voices.”

“Focus on mine. I'll help you.”

“No one can help me.”

“I can.”

“He tells me to die.” Ruki's voice lowers slightly, shaping into a whimper. “He's hurting me.”

“Don't listen to him. I don't want you to die.”

“It hurts.”

He was starting to sound more sad than panicked but still evidently hurting very much. Kyo conjures what he hopes is a kind, supporting tone of voice.

“I know.”

“I can't...”

“You can't what?”

“I can't! I can't.”

“You don't have to. Just focus on breathing. Take a deep breath, okay?”

“He's laughing at me,” Ruki says brokenly.

“You're stronger than you know, Ruki. He can't hurt you unless you let him. Now take a deep breath.” To his relief the other takes a shuddering breath of air – shakingly, but he does it. “Good, and breathe out.”

Ruki breathes out with a pained expression. Kyo instructs him to repeat the little breathing exercise over and over again until slowly, his inhales and exhales become deeper and steadier and his tensed body gradually loosens and stills.

“That's it. You're doing great.”

He's with him through every step of the way as Ruki slowly comes out of his woe, breathing heavily in and out, his hands slacken their hold on the sheets, body going limp, the panic in his eyes dissolve to give way for devastation, tears pouring out of him and Kyo finally dares to move closer.

He's careful about it – keeping an eye out for any protests or negative reactions but percieving none – so he lies beside him onto the mattress, still keeping a small respectful distance to not push his luck too hard.

“Are you okay?”

Ruki only shakes his head, trying to stifle his cries, raising his hand to wipe his nose.

“What happened?” Kyo asks softly.

“I can't tell you.”

“Okay. If you change your mind I'm here. It's not yet dawn, you should try to get some more sleep.” Kyo adds after a moment.

“I'm afraid to...” Ruki tries to suppress it but he starts crying again. He's so, so tired of everything. He shields his face with his hand as he weeps. He weeps for he doesn't know how long, and the other just lets him. He's abashed about his behaviour. Can't believe Kyo saw him having one of his nightmares. He actually had to have one this particular night when he wasn't alone, didn't he? Fuck shit.

It's painful to listen to his cries. It affects him so much he doesn't know how to handle it. He hates this. He hates seeing him so afraid again and in so much pain. If only he hadn't left him alone yesterday. All he can do is keep him company and hope that it offers some shred of comfort. Kyo's own voice surprises himself by how thick it is.

“Does this happen regularly?”

Reluctantly, Ruki nods.

The seconds tick by, turning into minutes. Minute by minute, Ruki cries silently. He cries until he can't cry anymore. Reveals his red, messy face to the other when he's done. He can't look at him but he can feel his gaze on him. Last night he had hugged him and Kyo had willingly hugged him back. He almost wants to curl up against him and fall asleep, just like then. Feeling an ache to be held and comforted just for a little while. It's been so long since someone held him. Actually held him in an embrace. But he can't. Shouldn't.

Ruki can't not take note of the positions of Kyo's arms and decides to close his eyes in attempt to stop feeling him—not that they were touching anywhere but he still felt him and he didn't want to. He shivers when the other man's voice, so close and soft, tells him to go to sleep. All energy has been sucked out of him, he's so tired his body betrays his will and does just that.

_The floor is ice cold and it's dark save for a small rounded barred window too high up for them to be able to look out. They've been enclosed in this cell for weeks. Alone. With the rats._

_He holds her tightly with the shared blanket wrapped around them. They're both shivering miserably, hungry._

_They're fed once a day. If one could call what they were given 'food'. It was chewy and bad, and he gave most of it to her. Being the older sibling it was his duty to take care of her and make sure she was okay. She'd always been strong, but these conditions had her deterioating and he was worried about her._

_“It's okay,” he whispers, trying to offer comfort. “We have each other. Everything will be okay.” It had to be. They had to be okay somehow. He would make sure of it._

_He glances at the strong bars surrounding them, they were too thick for him to break them, especially in his current state._

_“Why do they do this to us?” She says, head resting on his shoulder. He rubs her back for warmth._

_“They're scared of us.”_

_“Why? We're just kids.”_

_“I don't know why, but they are.”_

_“Tell me about mom and dad,” she sniffles and he closes his eyes regretfully._

_“I told you, I can't remember them anymore. I'm sorry.”_

_She stares at the floor and he wishes he could tell her the stories she wanted to hear._

_“I'll get us out of here, I promise.” No matter what, he would get them out._

_A couple of weeks later things took an ever worse turn. They took her away from him._

_It didn't matter how hard they held on to one another, they were still not strong enough to overpower the hands of the men that tore them apart._

_He lashed out at one of the men, biting his arm so hard his teeth tore through skin and flesh, seriously wounding the man who screamed and fought to push him off but he wouldn't let go. He clung to the man's arm like a snake. The blood flowed out of the arm and into his mouth and he sunk his teeth in deeper, growling._

_It took two men to finally break him off from his victim and to throw him against the far wall of the cell._

_“You little freak! Fucking animal! I should kill you right now!” The man growled at him behind clenched teeth._

_He spit some of the blood from his mouth and hissed. The blood was pooling down his torso but he didn't care. He stood back up, wings flaring and flapping, running towards the men to rescue her but they were already closing the gate, locking him up in there alone._

_She's screaming for him. Screaming in fear. Her eyes round and terrified. Her arms reaching for him but he can't get to her. They carry her away until he can't see her anymore and the sound of her cries fades. He calls her name, gripping the ironbars tightly._

_They returned her to him later. He'd been waiting all day and he was so relieved that they brought her back that he didn't fight them when the door was opened to let her in. He took her in his arms and sighed her name._

_She whimpered in pain._

_He looked at her in alarm and found her back was wet. She was pale as a ghost. Sick-looking. Her eyes bleary with agony. When he realized the full extent of the situation he inwardly broke down but he tried not to show it to her. He had to be the strong one. He had to take care of her._

_“You'll be okay,” he tries to soothe her, wrapping her in their blanket._

_He vowed never to let anyone hurt her ever again. Ever._

_“I'll get you out, I promise. I'll give you the best life you can imagine. I will make you happy. I'll get you out of here. No one's going to hurt you again. I will kill the monsters who did this to you.”_

_She was in so much pain she didn't speak._

_“As long as we have each other, we'll be okay.” He combs his fingers through her hair._

_He made sure she got through the injury and the pain, but there was nothing he could do when they came for her the second time, and this time she never came back._

Kyo stands straight-backed and head held high in the throne room, staring ahead but not looking, his stone appearance not giving away what he was on the inside.

He was itching to get this over with so that he could return home. After Ruki's sudden waking from his nightmare early this morning they had fallen back to sleep for a few more hours. The next time Kyo had woken up Ruki was already awake, calm and quiet, but not in a good way.

There had been something dead in his eyes, his face devoid of expression, but Kyo knew that under that he was battling an emotional turmoil. He wouldn't talk and he wouldn't move, so Kyo hadn't moved either. When he tried to talk to him there wasn't much of a response, and when Kyo had been summoned to stand before the king Ruki had vanished behind a curtain in his mind.

It frightened Kyo. And he needed to get back to him.

He could only imagine what was going on inside that head. He hoped that among all the bad thoughts he still wanted to live. That even if that will was burning smaller and smaller, suffocating in all that dark, so long as it was still there he could still be alright.

There was something about him that made Kyo want to help him. If only he knew how to.

He'd come so close to failing him, so close to losing him, and he feared that risk was still very dangerously looming close by to take this lovely person away. As strong as the human was Kyo didn't trust in that flicker of hope in him to stay burning much longer. Not on his own. It might go out any moment.

He couldn't let the devastation of Ruki's situation eat him up so that he lost sight of what he needed to do. He couldn't repeat his past mistakes a second time. No. This time would be different.

Familiar clanking of heels against stone floors alerts him and he turns his attention from his worries and to his regent. Bowing deeply in respect, adressing him accordingly, as the king appears from the shadows and takes his seat on the throne. The seat was carved out of stone, a grim-looking thing that certainly spiked power and even induced fear in some. Kyo wasn't one of them.

He hears him sigh while gesturing them to rise.

“This isn't how I like to spend my early morning. Let's get this issue over with. Explain.”

Kyo could tell the king was bored already and most definitely had better things to do than dealing with this nonsense. The man on Kyo's left, the muscled man from yesterday, starts talking.

“Your majesty,” he starts, waiting for permission before continuing and Kyo can see the lazy wave of the king's hand without looking directly at him, “commander Kyo here threatened to attack some of his people for the sake of a slave. He said he would rape me with my knife and push it into my eye, and that he would tear out the arm of another and rip out her throat.”

“So?”

Kyo inwardly smirks. This was a trifle thing indeed, the guy on his left was only making a fool out of himself for bringing it to the king.

“Did you bring this to me because someone threatened you and that made you scared?”

“No, sir. I brought it to you because this man's loyalties are in question.”

“What slave?”

“Excuse me, sir?”

“Who's slave?”

“If I may, your majesty?” Kyo speaks up. With the king's permission he continues. “My slave was taken out of my home without my permission when I was absent. They took him to the grounds and played games with him with the intention of taking his life. They had no right to hurt him, I only went to retrieve what is rightfully mine. No one was harmed.”

“Did the slave harm anyone?”

“No, sir.” Kyo states simply.

The king's evidently displeased by the whole situation.

“Then why was this brought to me? Unless the slave injured an atlennan there's nothing to be done about this.”

“If I may, sir,” the muscled man says, “commander Kyo has neglected his duties lately and has reportedly been seen on more than one occasion spending his time with this slave. If a slave interferes with our work he's no longer a mere slave, but an active enemy to be taken out.”

“That is true,” the king speaks.

“Those are assumptions. An inferior should not question his superior and reach his own conclusions. And he should not go behind a commander's back and steal his property and use that property for his own pleasures and expect me not to do something about it. The slave doesn't interfere with my work nor does he interfere with my loyalties and what I do with him on my free time is no one's business but my own. I merely retrieved him yesterday when he was stolen from me.”

“You attacked a warrior. You wounded him so hard he fell and is now in critical condition.”

“He attacked me, I pushed him off.” Kyo says calmly.

“I declare this business finished,” the king sighs, “and don't bring such trivilities to my table in the mornings again. You are dismissed.” He directs those last words at the man on Kyo's left who bows and retreats.

“Thank you, sir,” Kyo says.

“A slave, huh? The same one from a few weeks ago? Never thought you'd keep him this long.”

“I wish to keep him, sir. He's done no harm.”

“I suppose even you couldn't not fall into temptation eventually. He must be something if he managed to catch your eye. Is he interfering with your judgement?”

“I assure you, he does not. No one believes in this war more than I.”

“Good, keep it that way, you know I need you. I will let the slave live for now, but the moment I suspect he's getting in your way he's dead.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now,” the king says, “tell me about the execution plans for your next operation.”

So Kyo talks to him for a while longer before he too bows and leaves. Outside the brute is waiting for him and he resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“That was stupid, even for you,” he tells him.

“Perhaps, but I'm not so quick to brush this off as the king, he didn't see what happened yesterday. I know there's more to this.”

“Think whatever you want but keep it to yourself, no one's going to believe you.”

“I'm not the only one, many has noted your behaviour. You put a fucking human before us.”

“I didn't.”

“You did. I can't prove it, but I know that if it had come to that you would've put him first and fought us.”

“I can clearly see where your loyalties faulter,” Kyo says and takes to the sky. What a waste of time. Waste of the king's time, no less. That guy should be ashamed.

He doesn't get very far before he runs into another, far more disturbing plague. The redhead smirks at him confidently, a form made of black and red and flapping wings, tauntingly flying close to him, tempting him and challanging him as always.

“So, his purty blonde ass finally turned you around, eh? I knew you couldn't keep your hands off him. He's good, isn't he?”

Kyo doesn't asnwer.

“I hear rumours he's so good you even turned against us yesterday, is that true?”

“Of course not,” he says blandly, bored.

“I see. I see.” The other nods in an overdone way. “You must've shredded him by now. Tell me, does he bleed? I loved the way he bled all over my cock. Does he swallow? I could never get him to swallow for me but his mouth was nice to fuck, I loved how his tears flowed when I did that, how he choked and gagged around me—ah, the vibrations when he choked, I came so hard each time!”

The words made their impact. Kyo was burning with anger. He had to fight very, very hard not punch Die in the face.

Even if the king had dismissed the whole issue his attention had been brought to Ruki and that made the situation more delicate than before. Kyo most probably has a few eyes on himself after this, so he mustn't make things worse. But it was oh, so hard, to hear someone talk about Ruki like that. The images he got in his head tore at him. No one was allowed to speak about Ruki like that. No one was allowed to hurt him. He'd make sure Die would never lay a finger on him again.

“I do miss him. Why don't you share him? How about tonight? I've gotten myself a new one but he's not like him. I'd love to fuck that one again. We could fuck him together, wouldn't that be fun? I still fantasize about how much he could take before he dies from being fucked so hard.” The redhead grins.

Kyo uses his well practiced role as commander to make his voice bored, stern, and void of emotion. A tone he uses on his soldiers when they're a hairs breadth from receiving punishment.

“Declined. Now move out of my way.”

Kyo flies past him, finally heading for home, just barely retaining his composure. Die's words were infuriating, and they made him want to hold Ruki in his arms again, a feeling he certainly wasn't used to.

Back home Kyo shuts the balcony doors behind him and closes the drapes. He'd already made sure the front door was locked before he left but he still checks it by pulling the handle once, before he walks deeper into the apartment, announcing his presence by calling Ruki's name.

He looks inside his own bedroom first. Empty.

He finds Ruki back in his room, and all the harsh feelings and the anger washes off him merely from feeling the human's presence close again. The whole room smelled faintly of him. He hadn't realized how fond he was of that scent. Delicate. With a deep masculine undertone.

“Hi, just wanted to let you know I'm back,” he speaks softly to the unmoving figure on the bed, hesitating before walking inside. “Are you hungry? I could bring you something. Or I could get you something to read? Perhaps you'd like to draw?” He brings up every subject he can think of that might work.

When the other doesn't answer he sits down in front of him on the floor. He might be overly careful to move slowly and speak quietly, he isn't sure, he's years and years out of practice on being, well... nice. It takes a while before Ruki's eyes drag from staring at nothing to look at him, and another couple of seconds for his eyes to focus.

“Are you in trouble because of me?” His voice is quiet and distant.

“No. Everything's fine. Don't worry about it. You don't have to worry about a thing. I'll keep you safe. And you haven't done anything wrong, none of this is on you.”

“As soon as you're gone they can come back.”

“They're not going to repeat that mistake, I spoke to the king just now, everything's fine. Tell me how I can help you.” He adds, looking at Ruki. He was so fragile. People kept punching him and breaking him. “Let me help you.” He was pretty much begging him, he realized.

“I don't know. I'm really low right now,” Ruki said weakly.

“I know and that's okay. Just... let me help you through it.”

“I think I need to be alone at the moment.”

“Are you sure? Because I don't mind keeping you company, we don't have to talk or anything, I could just, you know, be here?”

“Maybe later.”

“Okay. I'll come back in a while with some late breakfast, is that alright? I'll check on you. And if you need anything just tell me, I'll be home all day.”

The younger closes his eyes and nods. Kyo takes the hint and leaves.

He stays true to his word and checks up on him regularly and brings him something light to eat. The other doesn't speak much and he seems to be pushing Kyo away again but he won't have it.

A few hours later he's stocking a pile of books on the bedtable in the guest-room, a few titles that were mere guesses but mostly he chose ones on historical topics, grunting in gesture at them to those blank eyes, waiting by the bed for a moment. There was no response. He stares around the room as if searching it for help.

The room had no personality, no indications of who lived there. No decorations, no personal belongings. But then he gets another idea.

He strides back to the library, confident that he'll find something that works, picks up the notebook and a pen and retrace his path back to Ruki's room, hoping he'll light up at being able to draw again.

Just stepping over the threshold, he opens his mouth to speak while raising his hand holding the items in the air, practically begging the four Lords to make that face light up just the tiniest bit, that he will find some of that personality he knew he possessed return to it—but stops. His mouth falling shut instantly.

Ruki was nowhere to be seen. The only indication of his existence was the big lump beneath the covers and blankets. Something in his chest drops. Hard. Deep. He walks slower and carefully inside, place the things ont top of the stack of books, and leaves.

In the evening though he forces Ruki out of bed to join him for dinner in the kitchen. He tries everything to bring him out of his shell. Talking, start a banter, but he runs out of topics to talk about way too soon.

At least he manages to make Ruki help him in the kitchen by setting the table, but he feels so bad watching his slow movements – almost dropping several items weakly, like he's lost all strength – he doesn't ask him to help chopping vegetables like he'd planned to.

Ruki was slumped in his seat, forcing his hand to raise the fork to his mouth, struggling to eat. Kyo thought he probably lacked apetite and would rather crawl back into bed.

“This is not my home.”

Kyo pauses raising his own fork to his mouth, observing him. He's not looking at him as he repeats his statement. And Kyo doesn't know how to respond. The words stung. Being pushed away stung. But of course the youth would feel that way. This wasn't a home to him, but a prison-cell.

Night was nearing and he was worried about leaving him alone the entire night. So, he proposed an idea to him that made himself nervous out of his pants but he said it anyways.

“I want you to sleep in my bed.”

Ruki paused and looked at him and he hurried to explain his blunt statement.

“You can say no. But I want you to. I just thought... so you won't have to be alone, you know. I would be there if you get another nightmare or... I just thought it might feel better for you... with company, I mean. We could build a wall of pillows and blankets in the middle of the bed if it makes you feel better about... sharing... I would never harm you,” he adds.

“Um.” The other was at a loss for words, focusing down on his plate uncertainly.

“It would be completely safe, you'd have one end of the bed and I the other. I don't move around much so you will have your space and privacy but I'll still keep you company. If it doesn't work out you can walk out without a word, no explanaitions needed. Why don't you think about it, but feel no pressure!” He shoves his own fork inside his mouth.

Kyo sighs in hopelesness. Ruki hadn't said anything to him after dinner. It had been a bold proposal but he'd still hoped he would accept his offer. Maybe it wasn't proper? Maybe it was crazy? Afterall, no matter what Kyo did it wouldn't change that he'd ruined the man's life, proposing that they sleep together was simply insane.

He stops abruptly upon his senses picking up something strange. A very much familiar presence inside his own room. Curiously, he opens the door that was slightly ajar, and is utterly stunned at finding the human there, standing by his dresser of all places. The other instantly tenses up and his eyes widen in his direction.

“I'm sorry!” He rushes while slamming the top drawer shut like a burgler caught performing his crime. “I'm sorry, please don't be mad! I didn't want to- I didn't mean to- I thought you were in the kitchen,” he stutters.

“It's fine.” At least he thought it was fine. “What are you doing?” The human seems to ease a little from the lack of anger in his tone but still tensed, his head lowered in shame rather than fear.

“I was... My feet are cold. I wondered if I could borrow some socks.” His voice whispered shamefully.

“Take as many as you like!”

“Huh?” Ruki glances at him seemingly with surprise.

“Feel free to take whatever you need.”

“You're not angry?”

“Why would I be?”

“Because I snuck inside your room, tried to steal your socks instead of asking.”

“They wouldn't go very far, would they? I really don't care. Of course you should take them—and anything else you need.”

“You're very weird right now,” the younger says very quietly.

“I am?” He scratches the back of his head. When Ruki didn't move he took a careful step closer and opened the drawer.

“Will you not look at me?”

“Okay.” So he plants his eyes into the air while Ruki's hands peek down his drawer again now with his permission, hunting for whatever he needed.

“I overstepped my boundaries.”

“I invited you in.”

“To sleep.”

“Using my socks is included in the offer.”

“Weirdo.” The tone was hollow but Kyo still felt hopeful at the remark. Hopeful that Ruki could get better.

After the other closed his dresser gentler this time, Kyo again came to think about the guest-room and how it looked like no one lived there but that wasn't true. Ruki lived there.

“Come.”

“Where?”

“Please?” Kyo asked and waited until Ruki nodded.

Ruki followed him first into the kitchen, standing by while Kyo opened the broom closet and retrieved a bucket and a few other things, and then out across the hallway and inside Ruki's bedroom.

He only had one color. He'd used it ages ago to paint the cupboards in the kitchen. It would have to do. So he sat himself down on the floor by the wall and opened the lid, stirred the contents around thoroughly under the other's stare.

“You decided to repaint right now?” Ruki asked.

“No. You are.” He gazed up at him. “You can paint whatever you feel like. On the wall, or the dresser, do whatever you like.”

“You'll need to sandpaper the dresser first.”

“You want to paint the dresser? Because I can go get some sandpaper.”

“No.”

“Okay,” Kyo said awkwardly. “The wall?”

There was a slight pause.

“I don't want to,” Ruki whispered silently.

“Okay,” Kyo replied, placing the lid back on the bucket.

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay. I'll leave it in here in case you change your mind, okay?”

“Fine.”

Kyo wasn't sure what to do, so he strode past the human, not even knowing where he was going.

“Hold on.”

“Yes?”

“Can, um...” Ruki fumbled with his hands on his socks. “Can I?”

To his suprise Ruki had accepted his offer, and a couple of hours later they were both huddled in his bed, a wall of pillows between them that Ruki had told him wasn't necessary but he'd made it anyway. It was quite early to go to bed but neither had anything better to do.

Kyo was lying facing in the other's direction—it didn't seem polite to invite him in only to turn his back on him—although he couldn't see much but the contour of his form. Aware of him. The room around them dark and quiet until Ruki's whispering voice breaks it.

“Are you going to be away tomorrow?”

“I can stay.”

“You don't have to.”

“But I will. Perhaps I could take you outside?” The chances of him accepting were slim at best but he still wanted to offer. He couldn't allow Ruki to disappear inside himself.

“I can never go outside again.”

“Yes you can. I'll be there with you.”

“No. What if they find us. What if there's ten of them, there's only one of you. Honestly I don't know how to live anymore. I'm sorry for being so negative, but I don't know if I can get through this. I see no point of anything. Of me. It's all fucking useless. There's no place for me, I'm sure of it.”

“Does it have to be a place?”

“What do you mean?”

“Does it have to be a place? It could be a person.”

The conversation dies when Kyo doesn't get a reply, and he doesn't know how to go on after that. The silence takes over again with nothing but their breathing disrupting it. Until he gets another idea.

“What do you say we went to Norg then?”

“Norg?”

“Yeah. It's been abandoned for centuries and there aren't any villages too close in that area.”

“So, you're just going to take me all the way there just so that I can get some fresh air? It would take hours just from here to there woudn't it? Don't be silly.”

“No, we could stay there for a few days. I could show you around, we could sit by a fire and sleep under the stars, away from everything else. It would be like a holiday. And you'd get to see the ancient ruins for real, it's what you wanted right?”

“Um...” He appears speachless for a moment. “We shouldn't.”

“Why not?”

“I can't let you do that for me.”

“I want to do it, for you and me also, I could use a break.”

“No.”

“I insist. Come on, Ruki.”

“It's... it's not right.”

“It can be if you want it to be. How is it any worse than being locked up in this place? Allow me to help you.”

“There's no point.” His voice was barely audible.

“Hey,” Kyo doesn't know what to say, was too bad at these kind of situations. But he won't give up. Ruki needed him.

“Do you think it's too late for me? Look at my situation carefully and give me your honest opinion.”

Now that was something he knew how to respond to.

“My honest opinion is that you're the strongest person I've known. You're a survivor, you hear me? Most people couldn't have gone through half the things you did and not lost themselves in the process. You survived more horrors in a few months than most people experience in a lifetime. The scars on your body tells of your prevail, not your demise. I know it doesn't feel like it. I know you feel powerless and destroyed. But you're still here. Your story isn't over. I know you can do this. I'm rooting for you to show them—life—that it couldn't break you.”

“They already broke me...” A whisper.

“No. You're not there yet and I won't let you get there either.”

“You're not mocking me, are you?” The way his voice spoke that question. It was so, so sad. So tired. So lonely. So close to the abyss. He almost wants to hurl away the wall between them but he had no idea what he would do after, he just knew he wanted to do something. Something that would make a difference.

“I'm not.”

“The strongest person you've known?” Ruki says thickly, like he doesn't believe it but wishes the words to be true.

Kyo's voice is firm, leaving no room for doubt. “Yes.”

“I don't feel strong.”

“As someone who views you from the outside I can tell you that you're much stronger than you think.”

“I'm not sure I can be that strong.”

“You told me recently you didn't have any strengths but you do, and if you don't know what they are yet then you must put yourself through finding them, we all have our own personal strengths in different forms. You were also right when you told me there's more than muscle power, and the fact that you speak back to me and share your opinions is something I think you should keep in mind as one of your strengths. You don't have to discover more of them them now or tomorrow, think of it as taking one day at a time. You don't have to wake up tomorrow and conquer the world, you just have to wake up. Don't push yourself too hard, if all you can manage is breathe then that is already a victory. That's all you need to do. If ever you want to break down and give up do it, for a while, cry and scream as much as you need but don't disappear. Stay alive.”

“If you'll be there I will try.”

And Kyo knows this was the vital part without which Ruki would fail before he'd even started. Kyo doesn't have to consider it, he answers without hesitation.

“I will.”

Ruki is quiet for a moment.

“Okay,” he whispers.

“Good. So, Norg tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, Kyo needs Ruki.  
> The king will be properly introduced later on.  
> And yeah, Kyo's people are quite deceiving and wicked.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stared into Ruki's eyes, his heart fierce again, and for some reason his lips parted as if he needed to draw something in, or draw himself towards something, but instead of, he had to make do with tasting the air, and his tongue moved inside his mouth. There was a sensation across his scalp too, that spread to his eyelids.

A man enters a hallway where his friends are waiting for him. The dark-haired woman pushes away from the wall she'd been leaning on, searching his eyes expectantly.

“So? What did he say?”

The others too turns to the newly arrived man who smirks at them.

“It's done.”

The woman breaks into a satisfied grin.

“Good. What else? Is he sending someone after them to kill the whore?”

“No.”

“Oh, come on! How much more proof does he need that that prick has gone soft? He left without notice this morning, took his slave with him, and ran. Seriously, that's some bitch-crazy move, it's unheard of!”

“Don't worry, king Yutaka is mad alright. It's only a question of time. He won't give up on his precious monster that fast.”

“So what then?”

The man shrugs. “He says to leave them be for now, and when they come back he'll order some guys to watch him. One wrong move and he's in deep shit. Yutaka will break him. We all know what happened last time.”

Everyone nods.

“The king is way too easy on him,” the woman crosses her arms over her chest, blowing some air out to reposition her curly locks of hair that had fallen in front of her face but they just settled back down again.

“He is,” the man agrees. “But I've got a shot now,” he winks and she grins with a shake of her head that further ruffles her wild hair.

“Better you than him.”

Ruki holds on to him, chin resting on his shoulder, eyes looking back, as Kyo brought them further and further away from court, taking them deeper into the North.

He'd slept decently last night but not deeply and had awoken many times. It's not that he was having nightmares, actually, he just couldn't find rest. He utterly lacked content to be able to do so. And today it seemed he was having one of those days where no matter how much rest he got there was no cure to his exhaustion, this deep feeling of lacking in both content and security. It clung to his bones.

At first break of dawn they were already fed and packed for their trip because Kyo had wanted to leave before the rest of the court would awaken, so that Ruki wouldn't be put through any situations by risking confrontation. He couldn't deny he was damn grateful towards him.

They had packed very light, only the most essential things, including an ultralight tent folded into a small package he wondered how it was supposed to be set up and if it'd be spacious enough for both of them, not that he cared enough to worry though. Ruki hadn't had anything to pack save for the one outfit out of the two he had, the other of which he wore on him while they were preparing for their journey.

“That's not going to protect you from the elements.” Kyo told him, refering to his outfit.

It was true, the fabric of his clothes were not suited for camping in the woods.

“It's all I have.”

“Where did you even get them?”

He shrugged. “Ami. She asked me what I liked and I wanted something comfortable so I asked for this fabric.”

“Okay. We don't have time to get you something new of your own so you're going to have to borrow some of mine, okay?”

Ruki nodded, “fine, I don't care.”

He'd been given some very sturdy and protective clothing of Kyo's. Real clothes. He wasn't wearing one garment that wasn't his, that's why he had insisted upon bringing his notebook with him (not that the other had objected). He had tucked it inside his warm coat before buttoning it.

They'd been flying for only a short while. The sun was rising over the horizon, dimmed behind the mist, when Kyo took them down for a break. He's thankful touching solid ground again. Wobbles before he regains his balance and strength back in his legs and only then does Kyo's supportive arm around his waist let him go.

Kyo took care of everything. He made a fire. He provided them with food.

Ruki felt bad. All he did was shiver and huddle close to the fire. He was bad company since yesterday but there wasn't much he thought he could do about it at the moment as he was fighting to stay sane at this point.

Breathe, he reminds himself, that's all he needs to do.

“Here, it's hot.”

The older sits down beside him, giving him a mug of something warm for him to drink.

He sips on it silently, enjoying the warmth against his hands, doesn't even notice when his vision goes blurry and the mug falls out of his grasp and his head dips, knocking into Kyo's hard shoulder. He's so drowsy it doesn't hurt him and it takes him a moment to realize he was losing consciousness, leaning his weight on the man, and he wonders why he doesn't move, doesn't say something. Not even to scold him about the spilled drink he'd prepared for him.

Ruki catches himself and jolts away, mumbling an apology, rubbing the daze from his eyes.

Kyo simply leans down to pick up the mug from the ground.

“Don't worry about it, I know you're tired.”

Something very strange happens then. He scoofs closer to him, closer than was necessary but not enough to initiate physical contact. Something burns inside Ruki as he struggles to figure out what he thought of this, how he would react. If he'd react at all or pretend like he didn't notice or cared.

He can feel their proximity. The body. The person. Sitting right beside him. It was a stupid thought but what he noticed most clearly was how alive the man was, how real. As in radiating warmth. As in Ruki can hear him breathe. As in he was flesh and blood and chest and hands and shoulder.

Ruki can feel the silent offer.

Vastly afraid of being pushed away, he carefully leans a little to the side, every sense on high alert for deception, until his cheek comes in contact with that shoulder once more, gently this time. They don't touch anywhere else, they don't look at each other, and he assumes the other too is trying to pretend like this isn't happening. But they both stay in place. And as the minutes goes by Ruki finds his body gradually loosening, becoming heavier from fatigue when that shoulder stays steady and alive and there, supporting him, and soon his eyelids finally drag down, unable to keep them up anymore.

He never looks down while they fly. Never. It would most probably make him puke. If he didn't look down he was fine with flying, especielly since Kyo was going so slow and not too high for his sake. They don't pass any villages or towns.

Even up here he almost falls asleep again.

Before sunset Kyo finds a good spot for them to make camp for the night. Ruki insists on helping with setting up the tent.

“How much further is it?”

“Not far. We'll get there tomorrow.”

They could've reached it in one day, he's studied Kyo's maps enough times to know that. They hadn't because they went so slow and took many breaks and he realized the beast was caring for him. Seemed to always keep him in mind and adjust everything to make things as comfortable for him as they could get. He didn't ask Ruki questions, he didn't bug him about anything—he didn't ignore him either. Sometimes Ruki thinks he catches him throwing him a glance as if to check on him, but whenever Ruki looked at him his eyes were cast away.

Ruki makes it through dinner without further incidents and straight after, with a full satisfied stomach, he curls up inside the tent, wrapping his blanket tightly around himself. He's wearing the warmest clothes Kyo owned. A coat, mittens, even a thick scarf, but he's still freezing.

Soon after he listens as Kyo enters through the opening and closing the flap of their little shelter, before lying down on the opposite end from Ruki. No wall between them this time. Only empty space.

The forest is silent. Everything is silent. It's pitch black so he couldn't see him if he'd turn around to face him.

“Kyo?”

“Mm?”

For a long while after Kyo's reply Ruki doesn't speak further but tries to fall asleep. Willing himself to embrace the cold and somehow not be bothered by it, rubbing his hands along his arms, moving his legs to his stomach and rubs them too, making sure his blanket is snug tightly around him, trying to fool his brain that he isn't cold and maybe it will send signals for his body to stop shivering. Nothing works. He can already picture himself in the morning with a soar throat and fever.

Ruki's teeth clatter as he speaks, wondering if the other was still awake.

“I can't sleep.”

“What do you suppose I should do about it?”

Ruki doesn't answer.

Kyo can easily hear him shivering on his end of the tent. He sighs.

“I can offer you bodyheat.”

The younger hesitates for a while but then starts shuffling around in the dark. Moving closer. And then Kyo can feel him lie down in front of him so close they're just barely touching. Can feel Ruki's ragged breathing hitting his neck as he continues to shake like an aspen leaf. His own body rising in temperature in a matter of seconds. At this rate none of them would get a peaceful rest.

“Sorry,” he mumbles close to his neck.

“If you say sorry one more time I'm leaving you here at dawn.”

Kyo's voice is annoyed but the wing he lifts to curl around the human to protect him from the low temperatures says otherwise. He just wishes he would stop apologizing because really, he wasn't a bother to him in the least, nor did Kyo find touching him disgusting.

The young human gasps then pauses his breathing for a few seconds.

“Kyo?”

“Mm.”

“Your wing is touching me.”

“Yeah.”

Ruki didn't elaborate. Probably stunned that he was tucked beneath the feathered limb that Kyo used to threaten him with death if he touched it.

“I'd like to get some sleep tonight and if this is the only way to make you stop shivering. Carrying your ass around for a whole day is exhausting.” But the human doesn't react. “Feel better?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Now that's what I like to hear.”

“Brute.”

Kyo can't help his lips pulling into a smile. He was glad they were doing this, that he'd done the right thing by suggesting this little trip. Ruki had been weary all day but he seemed better since they'd left. Just faint, barely there signs Kyo had been able to pick up on.

Time passes in silence and Ruki's shivering gradually ceases. Kyo on his part is trying to relax and find his sleep but all he can think about is the way Ruki smelled.

“How's your face and your ankle?”

“Sore but nothing to worry about, thanks for asking.”

“You're so polite sometimes. I'm sorry I hit you.”

“You remember hitting me? You seemed so... far away.”

“Yeah. I remembered afterwards. I'm not usually violent.”

“Don't worry about it.”

After a pause Ruki's voice breaks the evening air again.

“You came back for me.”

They hadn't talked about it yet but Kyo had expected it would come to light at some point. “Of course I did. I couldn't let them hurt you, could I?”

“Actually, you could have. I can't believe you risked so much to get me back. Did they manage to secure the border? How did they react when you left them to handle the situation without you?”

“I never arrived there. There was no attack.”

“What happened?”

“It took me a while. I got a bad feeling in my gut, things didn't feel right, and the others gave themselves away. I could only think of one reason for why they'd done it, there couldn't be any other reason than that they were after you. I just knew. They tried to restrain me from going back, I threw them off and searched for you until I found you.”

“A trick? Why? Why did they want me?”

“To be honest I don't know.”

“But... Your high position. Why would they ever do something like that?”

“It's our brutal way of life. We challenge each other all the time.”

“I can't- I can't believe what you did for me. Why are you kind to me?”

“Isn't it obvious?”

“What is?”

He's nervous. Not used to the way his heart kept beating. Wondering how Ruki will react to his words. His tone is careful but clear.

“I like you, dumbass.”

“Huh?” Ruki goes still against him.

“Yeah. It hurts me every time I see you hurting. I want to keep you safe. To think I almost lost you if I hadn't figured out their deciet in time to go back and find you. It was and is very difficult for me to process.”

Kyo wishes he could see Ruki's face. His silence was unnerving but he seemed fine judging by his breathing and in that he doesn't move away.

“I want to make it clear that I don't think of you as my property or anything like that. I just want you to be safe.”

“Oh.”

That simple response is a caress to the sensitive skin of Kyo's neck. He wasn't sure if Ruki was touched or bewildered or freaked.

“I didn't think you liked me that much to be honest—liked me at all, but then you did say I was fun and intelligent.” He adds and Kyo is relieved to hear the trace of lightness in his voice that might've been a smirk.

“Fun, yeah. I'm not so sure about intelligent, might have to take that back.”

“Hey!”

Kyo chuckles.

“You are pretty dumb sometimes,” he says in amusement when Ruki lightly slaps him on the chest.

“You're not the brightest star in the sky yourself, you know.” His tone grows more serious, “I'm grateful though.”

“No problem.”

“Won't they be angry at you?”

“Yeah. They'll get over it.”

“What about the king?”

“I told you, he's a good man. Everything's fine.”

“Alright.”

Kyo pauses for a while before he asks carefully. “Did they hurt you in any way?”

“They weren't exactly delicate. They pulled on my arms and pinned me down. I almost had a panic attack when they rushed inside your home to get me, before I almost passed out when they moved me. It was nothing like flying with you, I was so close to passing out. You know what happened after you arrived on the scene...” The tired defeat was back in his voice.

“Why was there blood in the library?”

“As one of the guys came at me I didn't think, I was scared out of my mind, so I took one of his knives at his thigh. But before I could use it another shoved me away and all I managed was to slize that guy's arm instead, before the knife was janked out of my grasp. He thrusted me up against the wall. He looked so mad I was sure I was going to be punished greatly for it. It seemed like they had no intention of hurting me while still inside your home, so they took me out of there.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through that, it should never have happened.” It really shouldn't have. But he was glad Ruki had fought back. And relieved that it hadn't reached the king's knowledge.

“Because I'm your property and they had no right.” He mutters.

“According to their stupid rules, not to us.”

“So, if I told you I was going to leave in the morning you wouldn't stop me?”

“I don't own you, I wouldn't stop you.”

“Wouldn't you even try?” Ruki whispered.

“Yes,” Kyo answered truthfully. “I would try.”

Ruki evades a branch with his hand before it can hit him in the face, stepping carefully between roots and rocks. There was almost no trace left of the snow on the ground and he was glad of it. Out here in the wild he preferred it to be snow free.

He was collecting firewood and had walked further than he needed from the campsite to get it because it was a good opportunity for a nice walk in solitude.

This is the first time in months that he's free to move around as he wishes. He's left that place. Left court. Was no longer in a tower that he couldn't leave alive, but in the wilderness, alone. It felt great.

The forest was a thick labyrinth of tree trunks and naked undergrowth. He'd strayed from the path a short while ago so he had to be careful so that he didn't get himself lost. He moved as silently as he was able but he bets if Kyo saw him rummaging in the bushes he would have a laugh at him. That brute was far more elegant and agile than he ever was, could move almost completely without making a sound.

He didn't know what animals dwelled here but he wasn't too concerned. Kyo hadn't objected to him wandering off in any way so it can't be too dangerous.

In honesty he had also wanted the time alone to think.

He hadn't dreamt last night, but felt that faint pounding again and this time when he leaned against it – it hadn't evaporated as it usually did. It had stayed with him and kept the nightmares at bay. It was impossible not to draw a possible link between his restful sleep and the fact that he'd had company.

They'd slept together before but not quite like this. That first night he'd been so scared after what happened to him, and the second night had been awkward and not the same as what they'd shared last night.

After, he was wondering why he'd never freaked. Never flinched away even in his sleep from being so close. But perhaps it made more sense that he hadn't. There was something calm and soothing about Kyo. The way he breathed almost unnaturally quiet. The way that he was so warm. So still. Never grabbing or intruding. The way he smelled. And the way he was simply there, for weeks now, beside him, making sure he was okay.

While being that close to him in the dark he couldn't see him if he tried so he felt like he'd seen him instead with some internal eye. And what he saw was calmness.

He'd stirred inside his arms (and wing) in the early morning. The way that Kyo had held him. Almost as if he wanted Ruki close to him. Holding him without force.

Gentle.

It was the gentleness. The stillness. He realized Kyo had always had that sort of energy about him and that's why Ruki was able to accept him.

Their nearness had been uncounscious. They'd moved closer in their sleep and instantly parted when they awoke. But it had given him a lasting feeling of what they'd shared that he couldn't seem to shake off even an hour after—he knew what the feeling was, he just didn't want to spell the word out to himself, even in his thoughts. But it was everything he wished for. Everything the flickering light of hope in his chest survived on.

Kyo had taken it away once, and now he was bringing it back. Ruki fought him on one hand, and reached out for him with the other.

He hates him. But he doesn't.

He should hate him. But he can't.

Being close to Kyo was chasing away the cold and the loneliness that seeps back whenever they are apart.

He was so conflicted and confused about it.

“Fuck,” he mutters to himself, furrowing his brow without noticing, picking up a few thicker sticks from the ground, only partly paying attention to what he's doing. His body shivering from the cold air, his breath coming out in little clouds of smoke. “You're fucking confusing, beast.”

He moves through pine trees, walking further and further inside the forest as if to get as far away from the subject of his confusing thoughts. Trying to clear his head. But Kyo keeps coming back to him. He almost stumbles when his chest flutters in reaction to remembering his arm around him. And then he smells it.

Smoke.

He's instantly alerted.

There's a strange sense of deja vu. He's been in this situation before. Lost in an unknown forest. Smelling fire.

He freezes and takes in his surroundings. Lightly and without sound, he lowers himself to place the firewood down on the ground to find out which direction the smell originated from.

He finds them soon enough.

A group of human men gathered around a campfire, three tents. Just what he had been looking for back then but instead he'd run into Kyo and his lot.

He observes the scene carefully from his hiding place. They've got weapons. His eyes fixes on the arrows.

There's no way for him to know if they're poisioned but they could be, and that's all he cares about—what else would a group of humans be doing so far up north if they weren't hunting? And what more effective way was there, than using poison to weaken their target? From what he's gathered, that poison was what slowly but surely was killing off the winged species, perhaps to complete extinction. A very effective weapon indeed.

It would weaken Kyo, rob him of his freakish strength, and take away his ability at flight too.

This is the chance he's been waiting for.

Kyo was out hunting for breakfast and could be anywhere in this moment. Ruki was standing at a crossroads where he had to make an important decision. A chance at going back to a normal life in the south, at avenging the deaths of his family.

With these guys and their weapons, they would surely help him take down Kyo as soon as he let them know about him. For a hateful human Kyo was the ultimate target. The person who managed to take down the strongest of all atlennans, one who had killed countless humans during his years and would kill countless more, would be hailed a hero and further their rampagings by leaps. Only the king himself was a higher prized target than Kyo.

He can imagine how valuable Kyo was. It would mean a massive blow to his world if it lost him.

Ruki could use himself as bait, Kyo wouldn't be alarmed, based on the last few days he'd be vulnerable enough to Ruki's betrayal. An opportunity like this might not present itself again. He had to choose between what was right, and what he wanted.

Ruki rushes slowly and silently through the woods. When he finally reaches the clearing of their campsite he doesn't need to scan the area for he finds Kyo immediately sitting by the put out fire, legs braced against his chest, hugging his knees like a toddler. A strange sight. Especially with that threat not too far from their position.

Ruki makes his way over to him, watching him stand up and gazing at him as he does, a distressed expression on his face that Ruki doesn't understand.

“There are a group of humans over there, don't fly!” He whispers upon reaching him, pointing in the direction he just come from.

“I know,” the older speaks back lowly.

“There could be others around, you shouldn't fly for a while, they might see you.”

“I won't. We'll have to walk from now on, at least until it's clear.” Kyo sighs. “Some 'holiday' I brought you on.”

“It's fine, don't worry about it. We have each other, right?”

Kyo looks at him.

“Yeah.”

There still seems to be something bothering him.

“What is it?”

Kyo's eyes falter, flickering from Ruki to the surroundings and back.

“I thought you'd be gone. I thought you would go with them.”

“Of course not.” He tries to sound convincing as he says it. He mustn't give away his plan.

“They're your people.” Kyo says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

“They aren't. I don't know them. You are my-” he pauses briefly. My what, exactly? “Person. I want to stay with you.”

Kyo looks relieved at his words. Like he'd actually worried.

Maybe Kyo really did like him?

He walks closer to him, pushing on until he's stepped inside his personal space, raising a hand to rest on his cheek, feeling how tense he became, meeting his intense gaze turned lost and uncertain. But unlike the day of their snowball-fight when Kyo had fought not to hurt him while Ruki had pushed himself on him, he seemed to welcome it—well—in a strange 'I'm still considering lifting you into the air and tossing you half across the country to be rid of you, but I also might not do that, and I don't know why'.

Ruki focuses on his eyes, drawing them in so that they don't stray.

“Fear not, if something happens I will protect you,” he says softly, and slowly lifts his free arm to draw one of Kyo's daggers from the belt around his hips. He sees when the other realizes what he's doing. Something rattles in his eyes, smile fading.

All one needs is to catch him by surprise. One good shot. That's all it takes.

Ruki, who shouldn't stand a chance against him has come close to hurting him not only once but twice now, because Kyo had let his guard down enough for him to get this close and unsheath a knife right from his body without him realizing what was happening until the blade was already in his hand. Had Ruki been quieter and quicker about it he most probably could have fatally hurt him because of the way that Kyo was so thrown off by their proximity and the skin to skin touch. He could've pierced the dagger into the side of his abdomen. That's how vulnerable Kyo had become for him.

But this new Ruki wouldn't use this as an advantage to hurt him. He didn't intend to leave his side. That last bit of strength he would've needed to be able to part with him has gone, he certainly can't kill him—he had thought about it but he knows he wouldn't have done it. Kyo was too valuable to his own little world. And those humans were strangers in the woods. He knew better than to trust strangers, wings or no wings, it didn't matter.

Knowing now the extent of Kyo's care for him made it all the more impossible to leave him. Hoping for a second that he might need him even, but he quickly shuns that thought.

Kyo stays in place, keeping their lock of eyes, the startled worry reflecting in his pale eyes disappearing almost as soon as it had arisen.

How was Kyo so warm? Whenever he got close to him he was warm. His cheek so soft and gentle-looking.

He didn't think for one second that Kyo was afraid of the small group of humans, but Ruki was new to this type of situation and while there might've been a hint of playfulness in his words, he had meant them. In case of a situation his race might come in handy and if it didn't, he'd cut the bastard who tried to hurt Kyo.

“I want to stay with you.”

It was true. Kyo was the only person in this world whose company he wanted to keep. The other had proven his honest intentions towards him more than once, so despite everything he's been through, how scattered and hurt he was, how he couldn't possibly trust anyone ever again, Kyo might be the only one he wished to have some form of closeness with. He was drawn to the hope that he might understand some bits of him. He couldn't put his finger on why, but whenever Kyo was gentle towards him he felt better. Safer. Had he not been there he'd been lost already.

Kyo didn't move away or protest. Didn't laugh him in the face or claimed he didn't need his protection. He gazed silently at Ruki's face with the hint of a smile and something else that he couldn't read.

Ruki didn't need to ask if he wanted him to stay because he saw the answer in the way that he looked at him. So. He decides to be brave once more and take the leap.

“You are _my_ beast, and no one gets to touch you without my consent.”

It was a statement and a question.

He held the dagger limply along his thigh, searching his face, waiting for Kyo's answer. His heart beating in his ribcage. He could feel the skin of Kyo's cheek so vividly against his palm. And the movement. As he nodded.

Ruki mirrored the gesture in understanding. Kyo was accepting. They were both in on this.

Quite the odd pair they was. Their friendship forbidden in the eyes of most.

“So what's the protocol here, we stay low?”

Kyo's voice was lower than usual, his skin almost burning against Ruki's hand.

“Either I go over there and kill them,” Ruki's eyes narrowed, “or we stay low. We keep an eye on them and keep the fire out. We'll head on our way in the morning by foot.”

Ruki let his hand fall from the other's face, giving him a determined look. “I'll track their movements and make sure they don't come closer.” Kyo's expression changed at that and Ruki had to bite back his scowl, knowing what was coming.

“I'm quieter.”

“I'm human.”

“No.”

“I'm useless back here if they catch you. They'd kill you, I can't just let that happen. They wouldn't kill me if they found me which they won't. Give me more credit, I can be silent if I want. I'm smaller than you and I've already been over there, the forest is very thick, I can manouver through it way easier. Besides, they didn't notice me then and I'd be even more careful this time.”

“I don't like this.”

The softness on Kyo's face told him he was already caving but at obvious displeasure.

“I don't care and I don't need your permission. I'm a grown man, I'm capable of making these decisions on my own.” He had a feeling he could comprehend how important this was to him, how much he needed to stand on his own and contribute and be the one helping after so long of being powerless it had nearly consumed him.

“I know, that's not what I meant–”

“I know. But I'm doing this, alright?” Ruki interrupts with determination, wanting the older to agree which he does albeit reluctantly.

“Fine. But if anything happens I'm coming for you. The moment you're in danger I need you to scream at the top of your lungs and I'll come, you won't have long so don't hesitate to scream even for a second okay?”

“Fine.” He lifts the knife between their bodies. “Now tell me how to stab a person.”

He didn't complain.

He huffed and he stumbled a couple of times and he looked tired, but he never complained.

Those legs of his must be aching, not used to the exercise after he'd lived so long on the edge of starvation and a long while in isolation. His lungs were raging too, Kyo could hear it on his breath. It made him admire him more. And that's not even mentioning how bravely he'd handled their situation yesterday.

Ruki had paid close attention to Kyo's instructions on how to handle a knife, where to stab, where to hit a person stronger than him if he'd somehow lose the knife in an attack (even if Ruki wouldn't be able to do much in the long run to those men that were most likely well trained in combat, he could buy time for Kyo to come for him). Worked ambitiously during their little training-session they'd had to help him get a hang of the movements well enough that Kyo dared release him from his sight again. He'd tried to teach him as much as he could take in at such short notice, which wasn't much, but it was something.

Kyo had had to really control himself to not sneak after him and make sure nothing happened to him where Kyo was too far away to save him. He'd stayed put. And Ruki had stood on his own.

Although he hadn't had an ease of mind until they were both tucked up inside the tent for a night's sleep. There had been hardly any food in their bellies. They'd both consumed mostly water and what food they had that didn't need cooking. But nothing bad had happened. The humans were at a safe distance. And Kyo's companion that had willingly stayed with him, was lying so close he could feel him almost as clearly as if he was holding him, safe.

He had worried yesterday that Ruki would avoid him after he'd held him in his sleep the previous night. His body had betrayed him during his unconscious state, and he'd been horrified as soon as he awoke. Was sure when he discovered those humans while Ruki was away on his own that he wouldn't see him again. That he'd crossed a line and driven him away.

He'd let Ruki keep the knife.

“How are you doing?” Kyo turns to said man that was strolling behind him.

“My legs are killing me.” He pushes the words out.

“Break?”

“Yes.” The younger slumps down on the spot with a puff, right on the roots covering the ground, it looked comical but it wasn't funny.

“Don't push yourself too hard.”

“I know but it feels so good!” He exclaims, adjusting to find a more comfortable position.

Kyo can't help but chuckle at his heightened spirits. His face bore a healthy flush and his eyes were clearer. “I'm glad this trip is doing you some good.”

“I feel so much better compared to before. I feel more alive.”

“That's great. You know, we've walked further than we need, we can fly the rest of the way if you want. They won't be able to see us.” Actually, they could have flown long before now, but he'd put off bringing it up because of the way that Ruki seemed more energized now. The way he was now reminded Kyo of that day of his breakdown and after, how he had relaxed in the sky with him for the first time. The first time he smiled.

Ruki thinks.

“There could be others.”

“Could be. But that's always a possibilty no matter where we go. Flying would get us there quicker.”

“I want to keep walking, if you don't mind? It feels so good to stretch my legs. But if you're in a hurry because you need to get back home I totally get it.” He adds the last part solemnly but without hesitation.

“If you want to walk, we'll walk.”

“Really? I know how important you are back home. You're a commander afterall.”

“Really. Can I tell you something?”

“What?”

“Try to forget about going back. I know you can't completely but try. We're doing this to get a break from everything, right? I won't take us back just like that before you're ready.”

_What if I'm never ready?_

“I wonder what you're like with your people,” Ruki contemplates out loud instead of answering.

Kyo's eyebrows lifts. “What do you mean?”

“I don't know, you're a leader type but you're not very assertive towards me. I've seen you truly angry, it still gives me the chills when I think about it, but other than that. What are you like with others than me? I'm curious.”

The older shrugs. “Like you've said yourself, I'm cold, unfriendly, don't speak much.”

“But are you stern? Do you shout orders to your soldiers and punish them when they fail?”

Kyo snorts. “I keep them on a tight leash you could say. I train them hard, perhaps too hard sometimes. I push them to their brims and punish them when the situation calls for it but I don't cross the line. Some people break too easily, they come to court as ambitious youngsters who can't wait to show off as heroes. Most of them realize it's not as glorious and cool as they thought it would be. But I toughen them up.”

“I bet you do. But you don't shout. You speak to them in deadly calm, because that's all you need to do. That's how you're most intimidating.”

“Most of the time.”

“I wonder how someone so hard can be so tender. I can't see you do that to me.”

“That's different. You're not like them.” Kyo says. “You're not under my command.”

Ruki wants to ask more. Ask how he's different. He knew he differed from Kyo's soldiers, but he wondered what kind of different.

“Before you were a commander, what did you do? Where are you from, where were you born?”

Kyo doesn't look at him.

“You're hesitant to talk about yourself.”

“Yes.”

Silence.

“Is this allowed?” Ruki says after a moment.

Kyo knows what he's refering to. He's talking about the two of them. “That's up to you and me.”

“So is it?”

“Yes. You?”

“Yes.”

The younger makes to stand but Kyo won't have it, it's too soon.

“Stay down, you're going to burn yourself out.”

“I'm not as fragile as I look, stop pestering me!” Ruki lashes out harshly.

Unfazed by the spit in those words, Kyo walks over to him, handing him a water which he takes with a sour face, drinks too fast and cough.

“I'm not treating you like you're fragile, but your body is not as strong as you want it to be—not yet. It's entirely normal. It's good that you push yourself but you need to conserve energy. Pay attention to what your body tells you. There's a time to push on and a time to rest.” He says to him patiently, gently. “It's not worth exerting yourself until you faint. Let's have a break and eat a proper meal, okay?”

“Fine.” The younger wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. “I'm not helpless.”

“I know you're not.”

“No. I am,” he says bitterly. “all people do is run over me. I'm easy to run over.”

“Forgive me but I'm inclined to disagree.”

“Don't patronize me.”

“I'm not. I just won't listen to you speaking about yourself in this manner when I know you're wrong. I hope I don't talk out of term so tell me to stop if you want and I'll shut up.” He stares silently at Ruki for a short while, observing his still heaving chest and the tousled hair hiding his face from view. “Hey,” he starts gently, “I get that you're mistrusting of people and I don't blame you, but I meant what I said the other day, I think you're hell strong and I respect you for that.”

“I wish I was.”

No. Don't go deeper into there.

“Ruki.” The use of his name succesfully makes him look up at him from his position on the ground, following his movements as he crouches down in front of him. “I'm your friend. I want to help you. I'd like you to try and stop clinging to all those thoughts constantly running through your head telling you all these bad things, they're just thoughts. I don't mean to diminish your feelings or anything like that, I just want you to also listen to what people who cares about you has to say. I don't want you to hurt. If I may advice you now, stop listening to your toughts for a moment and give trusting me a go. Trust me while we eat, trust me for five minutes, one minute. Because I think you need a break. I think you need someone on your side. I'm on your side. Is it okay for me to say this?”

Ruki nods deliberately. “You're so kind and patient towards me. Why?”

“I know what feeling helpless is like. I know... a lot of things.” He wants to tell him it was up to Ruki to not let people run him over, but he knew that was the last thing he needed to hear. “I won't let anyone run you over.” It does the trick as the creases between Ruki's brows disappears.

The way that the air felt so at ease between them almost startles him. He would have expected at least one of them to protest or feel weird about this, but all that lingered was a sense of understanding and acceptance. Like they'd both needed this too much to put up a fight.

Kyo made them a much needed meal. The peace as they ate made him swirl with panic and serenity. Two sensations that seemed to twine around each other into a tight knot in his chest—such opposing sensations, but they were both as intent on filling him.

Once fueled and rested their journey continues.

“Did you have to learn to control your strength when you were younger? Did you accidentaly hurt the other kids because you were stronger?”

“I had to learn that they were weaker and I should be more careful when we played, yes. Not that I often played with other kids for that same reason.”

“They were scared of you.”

“Yes.”

“Did something bad happen?”

“I seriously hurt a boy once. His parents were furious, I think they even moved. All kids feared me after that. I couldn't go anywhere where not even adults took diversions to avoid me. I wasn't allowed into most public places. I even had people throwing things at me sometimes—don't ask me what.”

“You didn't grow up at court?”

“No.”

“Who cared for you?”

Kyo doesn't answer.

“Do you want me to stop asking questions?”

“No.”

Ruki steals a glance at the beast's profile.

“Did something bad happen to you?” He asks carefully.

“Yes.”

The first thing Ruki saw was the rays of the sun shining through broken windows of a tower. He shields his eyes better to see. It's structure was failing, bricks had crumbled, but it still stood.

He then scanned the entire area but it was too big for his eyes to take in the entire ruin in one glance, his chest sparked with excitement. Overall it was in better condition than he'd imagined it to be despite that it looked so old, older than court.

“Wow,” he was slightly breathless from the wandering and from the sight. Kyo stood slightly behind him, calm as ever and not nearly as sweaty.

If he thought court looked like a city this looked more like a real city. Not jammed into one building reaching towards the clouds, but several buildings stretching on and on over a vast piece of land, disrupted here and there by large gardens with fountains—it was still tall and obviously designed to be entered both aflight and on foot. Nature was climbing on it, growing around it, reclaiming it. The structures bore some likeness to the court but this place looked less spikey, less hard. More of gentle curves. But the familiar arches were there. The towers weren't black but more of a yellowed tone. Bridges connecting everything together so that any part could be reached on foot.

“How is it possible that it's this preserved?” He asked out loud, eyes sweeping everywhere he could look.

“It was cared for and used for different purposes, long after. But not so much these days. Noawadays people usually stop by to rest and find shelter during their travels. There are a few towns not far from here and because of the closeness, because Norg has always been part of their lives, they still value it and wishes to keep its integrity from disappearing. I hear during the summer people come here to celebrate midsummer as a way to keep the old traditions alive, even though there is no host here anymore.”

“It's an old tradition to be invited to celebrate midsummer here?”

“Yes. Apparently it was a big deal. Atlennans still celebrate it, but only the people in the surrounding villages come here still to celebrate.”

Ruki found a statue of a gargoyle near the roof of one of the closer building's. The grimness of it strikes him as the closest link between this and the design of the current court.

Despite his weariness he steps down to investigate further like an explorer. His companion following suit.

He explored and explored the structure, the statues, the windows, some of which still bore pieces of glass. He found a large gateway to the courtyard and immediately strode through.

There were so many traces of the life that had once lived there. The cobblestones he walked on were smooth from years and years of wear. He could imagine people walking here, doing chores, going to the stables, feeding the horses, kids sparring with wooden swords, their laughter bouncing off the stone walls. There were wrecks of wagons who'd transported people and food, obviously younger than the buildings, probably used by merchants and others who'd traveled through here during the years. He wondered who they'd been, what kind of lives they'd led, what hardships they'd faced, what happiness. Wondered about their culture.

“There's something lingering here. I think when building's die they never forget their past. Like the souls remain behind even long after the people've been forgotten. Like ghosts. Dancing and whispering in the ruins of their great halls. The same goes for shipwrecks. The ship dies but something is still there, because of the tragedy that sunk it, and the people that perished left traces of themselves as it went down, so that it all lies buried at the bottom of the ocean for the rest of time.” He turns to the winged man a few paces away from him, half expecting him to laugh at him, a little embarrassed that he got carried away with his words. “Do you think I'm crazy?”

The older caught his eyes, speaking softly.

“I think you're intriguing.”

Kyo smiled back when Ruki didn't even try to smother the widening of his own mouth at his words.

“So you're saying, we're surrounded by spirits right now?”

“Something like that. It's hard to explain. I suppose I like to think that there's life in death, in a way, like a mark or a trace. It doesn't go away, not completely.”

“Perhaps they cling to something,” Kyo says.

“Cling to something?”

“They refused to leave, they wanted to stay behind. With their family. Their castle.”

Ruki contemplated.

“Want to see the great hall?”

Ruki's eyes shone.

“How do you know so much about this place?” He asks as he follows the older man as he leads the way.

“I don't know all that much, but I know where the great hall is. I've stopped by here a few times over the years.”

Kyo stops and gestures for Ruki to enter through a couple of huge doors first.

“Oh wow!” Ruki exclaims.

It was completely intact. It was dirty and covered in spiderwebs. A chandelier had fallen and splintered on the floor, but it was magneficent. Huge enough to fit a very large party of people and guests. He thought the floors must have shone when they were clean, and the pillars supporting the roof still bore traces of gold.

Judging by the intricate patterns on the pillars, on the floors, the walls, even the cielings that were covered with damaged art, he was amazed by the beautiful detail and richness. Back in the day it must have been over-stimulating on the senses to spend hours in this room. Perhaps they'd dulled it with simple fabrics for curtains and table cloths etc.

“Do you think people danced in here?” He asks.

“Absolutely.”

“Yeah, it looks like a ballroom worthy of kings and queens. Imagine how many couples danced in here, it must've been a glorious sight.”

Kyo chuckles.

“We're standing in the past, can you feel it?” Ruki goes on enthusiasticly, like a miner who's dug out a huge chunk of gold.

Kyo just gazed at him when the other turned to face him. He looked like something he didn't have words for.

By evening they had set up camp and made a fire in the courtyard.

Ruki had explored the ruins all day, whenever he appeared he only stayed for a short while before he disappeared again. Kyo had mostly stayed back to give him some space and time for himself. Besides, someone had to do the hunting to keep them alive.

The young human was already making huge progress, the glint in his eyes had returned. His personality. But Kyo knew it was fragile and easily put out.

Later that night Ruki didn't ask before lying close to him, as if he'd forgotten for a moment to be careful around him, and Kyo folded his wing around his form like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Thank you for this,” he whispered closely.

“No problem.”

This morning when Ruki stirs from his sleep he doesn't scoot out of Kyo's arms that had once again wound around him in his sleep as he usually did. He was too weak to. Was so warm and comfortable and surrounded with a scent that makes him want to lean closer.

The beast was still asleep, breathing deeply. He was clad only in a high-necked white shirt on his upper body, the one with the frilly collar, a choker with a stainless steel ring adorning his throat. As opposed to Ruki who was sporting his coat. He almost didn't need it though, the temperature hotter.

He notes the position of his own body where his unconsciousnes had brought it, feeling every inch of skin, every limb resting on the surface. Stares at his own hand curled against the firmness of the beast's ribs. One of his thighs were gently touching along his. He feels the wing wrapped over him protectively, though he couldn't feel the feathers directly on his skin, and he finds himself very curious to know what it would be like. He felt calm. Safe almost.

Kyo's chest was close to touching Ruki's nose with each inhale of air.

And he couldn't move away.

Ruki stayed where he was, shutting his eyes, letting himself be lulled back to a sleep so deep that when he awoke hours later he'd feel so well-rested he was unused to the sensation.

There was frost covering the earth. The grass crunched under his boots and the sun was shining.

Ruki had left the tent late this morning, served himself to some leftovers from yesterday's dinner before heading out. Finding a good spot on an iron bench with a nice view of the nature and ruins around him.

When he was tired of this particular spot he ventured on.

The place was huge. It was impossible to walk through the interior in one day, even more so because (despite his good sleep that night) of the low amount of energy he currently possessed. Which was just as well for that meant he could enjoy the place longer, exploring every nook and passageway and corner.

At first he found himself on a mission to find every gargoyle or statue around the place, which took a lot of time and he was sweaty by the end of it he gave up on the silly mission. After that he made his way to the outskirts of the crumbling city, on the far sopposite end from their little camp, finding an open landscape and a large, glittering lake. When he looked backwards he saw the highest building had been perfectly placed all those many years ago, so that its windows would overlook the most stunning grounds and also the main road that lead up to the gates.

He scans the area and gets an idea.

Despite that he's already panting he scurries back the same way he'd come, hoping he won't run into Kyo. To his luck he hasn't spotted him anywhere by the time he reaches the campsite.

Feeling sneaky, he rummages through the other's bag inside the tent, looking for what he needs, knowing for sure he'd seen him pack it.

“There it is,” he murmurs quietly, grabbing the wire from the bag, closing it and putting it back exactly the way he found it, snags some bread too, and returns to the lake.

Body aching by the time he gets back, he ignores it and searches for a large and strong enough branch, finds one, uses the bread for bait, jabs the hook into it, and completes his fishing rod. He then locates a good spot and makes himself comfortable.

He didn't even like fishing. His dad had made him do it when he was a kid as a way to get some “boys-time” for themselves without mom who had him all for herself most days while dad was working. His dad loved fishing.

Ruki regrets now that he'd refused to come along once he became a teenager, protesting that it was a stupid way to spend one's time, just sitting, sometimes for hours, waiting. He'd had no idea that all those moments spent with his dad would save his life later on. He might not know how to hunt, but he catched a few fishes from time to time during his time alone after the attack.

A smile almost tugs in the corners of his mouth when he thinks back on his earliest teenage years. How his dad had used their “boys-time” once – the fishing having been replaced with mending the fence after Ruki refused to come along anymore – to bring up the subject of girls. Telling him awkward stories about the proper ways to court them. Being so young he'd been nothing but extremely embarrased, especially when his old man got carried away with the details.

The memories of his childhood were painful and bittersweet.

He actually enjoys fishing this time. The solitude, the peace, the gentle clucking of the waves. The time. To spend thinking about memories.

All those weeks of suppressing thinking about his parents, his friends. Of living in shame. He can't not think about them anymore. It pours out slowly, quietly.

The two hadn't seen each other for a couple of hours, not since lunch, when Kyo found Ruki in the great hall. Ruki had surprised him then by bringing fish, giving them a bountiful feast together with the stuff they already had.

He purposefully walked with some noise so he could hear him coming. There, he stopped. Taking in the sight of the young man leaning against a wall with a calm, thoughtful look on his face Kyo is apprehensive to disturb him.

“What are you doing?”

The man shrugs, not looking at him.

“Thinking.”

They stood in silence for a while and Kyo felt lost in the situation. After a moment longer he makes to leave.

“You don't have to go.”

The words halts him instantly as if his body was compelled to comply.

“Oh.”

Kyo turns back around, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his pants, not knowing what to do with himself. Staring down at the floor.

“I'm thinking about the past. I know nothing of those hundreds of years of people using this place, who they were. But I like to imagine and make up stories. I like to visualize where I'd be if I'd been here back then. What role I would've had, and the people whose lives I would've touched.” Ruki shares out loud, making Kyo wonder too. Images of Ruki walking around these great halls enters his mind.

Ruki loved stories. He loved books. He loved history.

Kyo makes mental notes of all these pieces of information, storing them away in memory.

“I have an idea,” the youth strolls over to him.

“Am I going to like this?” He replies, watching Ruki's face appear before him, eyes glowing with mischievous excitement.

“I hope so,” Ruki smiles, “dance with me.”

“What?”

The other took a few steps closer to him. Kyo didn't move.

“I-I don't know how.”

“Me neither, we'll figure it out. Give me your hand.”

He should decline and walk out of here right now.

Mental notes: Ruki searches to connect. For moments to share. Ruki searches Kyo's company.

He doesn't want to walk out on him.

Kyo watched Ruki's hand lift as if to wave so he took it carefully, gulping. He waits for a couple of moments but Ruki doesn't tell him what to do next, so he finds himself gingerly placing his other hand on his waist, bringing him closer when there's no protest. He wanted to but couldn't look him in the eye.

Only you, he thought to himself.

He felt Ruki's other hand touch his shoulder.

“Lead me,” was all the instructions he received.

Kyo did. He was rigid and he didn't know any steps, but he didn't lack grace or determination to give this thing a hearty try.

He wasn't a dancer, that much was clear, but he lead his partner through the room, swirling them through the dirt, past murky, broken mirrors and pillars, their shoes echoing on the floor. After a while he increased the tempo a little bit and Ruki followed.

He wondered if Ruki could hear music and what kind of music that would be. Violins? A soft piano? Cellos? He decides on a deep and fast, dramatic cello.

He imagined Ruki dressed for a real ball. How happy he would be and have a wonderful time. He had the feeling he'd be wearing something bold and flashy bordering on ridiculus that only Ruki could put off, which made him stand out in the crowd. He'd be the one everyone wanted to dance with. Fathers would introduce their daughters to him. While Kyo would have plastered himself to some wall, wishing to go home.

The real Ruki in his arms was just as happy, just as striking all on his own. No special costume or hairdos or make-up was needed. Kyo thought no matter what Ruki would wear he'd always prefer him natural. So he gave him everything he had to be the best dancing partner he could be for him.

“Admit that you're having fun.”

Surprisingly, Kyo smiled everywhere, though he didn't let it show. He kept his head high and proud, focused on leading him confidently across the dirty floor.

“I admit that I'm having fun.”

And he was. For once in his life he felt himself having genuinly fun. A foreign concept now understood.

The kind of fun that spread through his body like a warm caress and gently tickled certain areas. The kind that opened up his chest and throat and made them feel lighter than usual, dispersed of all that heavy stuff he hadn't been aware of carrying until now. Like a dense fog clearing and clearing. It was an unfamiliar sensation, but a pleasant one.

He wants to share this sensation with the other, although he has no idea how to, other than to keep dancing with him.

That hand in his own, that waist in his other. It dawns on him that all these nice sensations starts in his hands and flows through his arms and inside his body.

The younger sniggers.

“I'm a fun guy. And you're totally into this. See, I told you we could dance.”

“You did.”

“Look the hall is golden again,” Ruki whispered so lowly it sent a shiver down his spine, and he looked around the grand room. He didn't see what Ruki saw.

Instead he dared a glance at the other and his eyes fixed there, unable to look away. Ruki was the light of this room. He was its life-giver. Its lord.

He couldn't read the look Ruki gave him when those brown eyes gazed back and it strikes him as unsettling to not be able to understand. That he can't predict him. That he has no idea how to move forward from this.

All he knew was how to stab and dig inside people's bodies. Tear and break. He had little referens on how to be with someone he cared about. Drawing as much as he can from a past he's tried to shun and forget, now trying to remember a time before all of that. To find his way back to a self he thought too long gone and buried by now he wouldn't be able to be that person.

When Ruki truly lets himself go, his hand leaving Kyo's that confuses him for a moment, and then he realizes what he's doing and smiles. He's twirling. A carefree laugh bursting from his chest. And Kyo stupidly feels jealous of all those people Ruki danced with in his mind. Wishing he'd spare just one curious glance in his direction to where he was hidden and pathetically alone over by the wall.

He pulls Ruki closer again at the waist, unable to miss the gasp he let out—even had a cavallry of soldiers marched by right outside at that moment to beating drums, he wouldn't have missed it or Ruki's shining cheeks.

Ruki recovers and finds his balance quickly thanks to Kyo's steady leadership and in no time they're dancing together, more smoothly now as they've had some practise.

“In a fantasy, in this room, at any time in history, where would you be?” Visitors they may be, Kyo wants to know where Ruki imagined himself in this room. He wants to know.

In answer Ruki tilts his head in the direction of the big table at the far end of the room. The royal table.

Kyo smirks.

“King?”

“Yep.”

“Where would I be?”

“You'd be my personal bodyguard and advisor. Or you could be king too.”

“Two kings in one kingdom?”

“It's a fantasy, anything's possible,” the younger shrugs.

Kyo grinned. Fun. He was having so much fun right now. It was intoxicating. He'd had no idea his body was capable of feeling this light, so not like the burden it usually was.

“Or”, Ruki adds, “my assassin. The most feared and notorious assassin in the land who's only loyal to me. And my dancing partner.”

Kyo almost gulps on the air. More warmth flowing from where their bodies are connected, tickling his arms in their wake.

“Your assassin and dancing partner,” he muses thoughtfully, as if considering an actual offer, making sure not to let the pleasant sensations in his body seep into his voice as they are close to doing. “Sounds like you think I'm a good dancing partner.”

“You're tolerable.”

Kyo's brows lift. “You've been waiting to say that.”

Ruki grins.

“We'd be partners. Partners in crime. In dancing. You name it. I'd even honor you the seat beside me at the head of the table.”

“What about the queen?”

“I told you, there's no one like that for me. I suppose I would be stuck with my assassin, which in the end is more useful, so.”

“Who'd bear you heirs then?”

“I don't care about that. I don't care what happens to this fucking world when I'm gone. So what do you say?”

“Sounds like a decent deal. The monster and his ruthless king, quite the pair of rulers. I like it.”

“So long as you still know your place, of course,” Ruki adds.

Kyo snorts. “This might become a problem though. We both possess the leader quality. We're going to clash.”

“I don't think it would be a problem.”

“Why?”

“Because you're a softie,” Ruki says confidently.

Kyo has no response to that. Ruki goes on after a moment.

“I give you the world to do with as you please, I give you as many subjects as you wish to command over, you'll be superior and free, so long as you answer to me and stay by my side. You're my one friend and partner, I only want your loyalty and your protection while I rule this land into the abyss. We're both leaders.”

Kyo is speachless, taking in the words. Even though it was only an idea in their heads he liked the sound of it. Liked it a lot. What he liked most was the confidence in those eyes, and the ruthlessness behind those words.

He stared into Ruki's eyes, his heart fierce again, and for some reason his lips parted as if he needed to draw something in, or draw himself towards something, but instead of, he had to make do with tasting the air, and his tongue moved inside his mouth. There was a sensation across his scalp too, that spread to his eyelids.

“Your eyes are remarkable,” Ruki murmurs casually, “I've never seen eyes like yours, I've never seen anyone like you,” he continues. “I used to think they made you look scary, but they're not scary.”

Ruki slowed down. Kyo accomodated until they were standing still.

Kyo gazes openly and long at him, can't seem to drag his eyes away from him, not when Ruki stared back. Then a shadow crossed over his face, and Kyo waited.

Ruki's smile fades into a frown. He backs a step to better look at him before fixing his eyes lower, their hands still linked.

“Did you do it?” He whispers.

All those pleasant things inside his body, all that warmth, stayed. Mixing with heaviness. With ache, yearning, and most of all, regret.

“Did you kill- did you kill t-them?” Ruki pushes out weakly, thickly.

“I don't remember.”

He didn't like the feeling that something was slipping. He wanted to be Ruki's friend.

“Try to remember!”

“I can't.”

“Try harder! Why can't you remember?”

“I'm sorry-”

“DON'T! You don't get to say you're sorry, don't fucking say you're sorry!” Those piercing pools bore into him. “I need to know that you didn't kill them.”

“I can't. I won't tell you what you want to hear because I will not lie to you. No matter how accurately you describe them I can't remember any faces. Believe me I wish I could, I have tried to, but I can't remember, and even if I didn't do it I'm still the cause—so yes, I did do it either way.” There's another one of those cracks in his chest again. A big one. “If I could go back in time and undo everything, I would, I wish I'd never attacked your village. I would change it all. I would have prevented everything that happened to you even if it meant that we'd never met. I'd do anything to take back the wrongs I've caused you, anything for you, but I can't.” His own voice drops at the end. He felt the small of Ruki's back against his hand, Ruki's hand in his. “I wish I could take all your pain away.”

Ruki sobs out a sound of disbelief, of distance, but then clutches a handful of Kyo's shirt at his shoulder, whimpering, soften, “Kyo. Why?”

He doesn't know what he's asking. But it makes bleeding occur through the cracks in his chest. His hand is still on Ruki's waist, wanting to hold him tighter. Closer. More. Closer.

The way his name sounded on those lips.

Ruki's head dips to his hand at Kyo's shoulder, sniveling, tearing hard at the fabric but Kyo doesn't mind. The younger takes a few deep breaths in effort to regain himself.

“Tell me you didn't do it. Tell me it wasn't you.”

“No.”

Ruki laments. Breaking his hand out of Kyo's and lays it over his chest where he was most warm, and so, so chaotic.

He couldn't begin to tell him how sorry he was, and he knew that he never could apologize. No matter what he says it won't make it okay. But he wants so much to have his friendship. Despite the cleavage between them, and that they would never mend. Never fit.

“Hit me.” He tells him, voice strained. Hand still awkwardly standing in the air for a moment before he lowers it against his own thigh.

“No.”

“Yes, hit me.”

All Ruki does is claw weakly at his chest with his hand, his other still pulling at Kyo's shirt. As if he wanted to both shove him away and press himself closer to him. “I want to hate you but I can't.”

Kyo closes his eyes, lightly nuzzling his nose into Ruki's hair as much as he dares to, smelling his being which made the remorse stronger.

“I won't fight back, hurt me.”

“Stop saying that!” Ruki wails in protest to his low whisper.

“Ruki.”

“No. I can't hurt you.”

Ruki was panting inbetween restrained sobs.

Kyo dared to allow his hand to embrace his waist properly, adding just a little pressure without pulling him closer, the touch still light enough for him to easily break away from it should he want to.

The younger's voice was barely audible, it was breathy and raw and honest, bearing so much pain.

“He used me.”

Kyo's eyes scrunched tightly shut. He pulled his lips into a thin line, clenching his jaw, yet he managed to make his voice soft.

“I know.”

He felt so damn powerless. All he did, all he could do, was to wrap his other arm around Ruki's precious existence and hold him closer in a real embrace and to his relief he didn't object, but pressed himself against him. Tightly. Wetting his neck and the collar of his shirt. Feeling so right. So right. Inside his arms.

Ruki stayed against him, his shoulders jerking. Wanting to be held, Kyo notes. Until he moved away, and Kyo regretfully let him go.

“Give me a moment. I need some time on my own.”

“Of course.”

They don't speak for the rest of the day.

Later that same night in the tent, Ruki curls up close to Kyo as usual.

Ruki sat perched on the stone sill of a tall, arched glass-less window, one of many in a long row, leaning his back against the frame, fully focused on his work. Following the smooth lines, drawing, changing and perfecting his design without raising the pen from the paper. Changing it as he goes along. Until it starts looking like something he may wish to create.

He sighs through his nose, staring at his work. The first one he's come up with in months that doesn't look completely stupid. His first serious attempt after all that time when he didn't think he'd ever be able to create something again.

Slowly, himself seemed to be returning more and more. The hole in his chest filling. Remembering who he was. Coming back.

He was coming back.

If only his hair would grow back too. He hopes it is and he just doesn't see it yet.

Leaning his head back, surveying his work, he bites his lip. It still needs some modifications but the more he looks at it the more he likes it. He misses wearing nice things. He misses working with his hands, spending hours upon hours alone, his brain in creation-mode. How he'd forget about trivial things such as eating and using the bathroom or sleeping.

He misses it.

It feels good to miss.

But each time he remembers about going back to court his body instantly drains of energy and life, and all those things he misses doesn't mean a thing to him. He wasn't allowed to miss those things anymore, because he can never be like that again.

Eyes stray from the notebook, pulling mindlessly in some direction.

“What the fuck!” He exclaims, his whole body jerking so violently he loses his balance and falls from the window down onto the floor with a wince.

As he rubs his elbow after having crashed onto it trying to cushion his fall, the winged man hurridly rounds the corner and crouches down in front of him.

“Don't creep up on me like that,” he jerks his arm away when Kyo reaches for him, “it's creepy you know.”

“Sorry,” Kyo says, carefully picking up the book from the dirty floor.

Ruki brushes his clothes as he rises to a standing position, accepting his items when they're extended to him. “How long have you been staring at me?”

The beast shrugged lightly, “not long, just a few minutes. I didn't wish to disturb you, you looked so preocuppied.”

Ruki rolls his eyes, “well, next time say something. Don't spy on me like a creep.”

“Got it.”

“Good.”

He scanned the book, quickly making sure there were no loose fallen pages or anything, stuffing his pens inside the pocket of his pants – ones he stole from Kyo right before they left but if the other noticed he didn't let it on.

He thinks he catches the other man observing the book curiously with interest and he almost wishes he'll ask about it.

“Did you want something?”

“Well no, not really.”

“Then I'll see you at dinner.” He starts to turn away.

“What time is dinner?”

“When I say it is,” he winks at him and the beast snorts in amusement.

Ruki's eyes involuntarily falls on that shoulder, remembering the dance, and as he walks away, knowing Kyo can't see his face, he doesn't stop himself from smiling broadly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story may not be 28 chapters anymore because I keep jamming chapters together to make them longer since I prefere long chapters.  
> Anyways. Kyo is Ruki's beast! I thought that was pretty cute. And of course, they danced.^^


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He loved his eyes, the structure of his face, his lips, the corners of his mouth that may be his softest feature of all, his stupid haircut that he managed to make sexy, his strong body, the too large wings. He wanted no more to explore any ruin or other ancient place, but place his hands and eyes and mouth on him. Wander with them along every inch. Kiss every healed injury and know their history, and leave his own gentle mark.

Ruki was sketching in his notebook, a thing that had become more frequent lately, when almost silent footsepts reached him. He smiled to himself without looking up from his drawing.

“You know this place far better than I do by now, I had to look for you,” Kyo says.

“Have you come to ask me for a dance?”

“Perhaps another time. I was coming to tell you that I'm going away for a bit.” He heard Kyo smirk.

Ruki didn't need to ask why he was going away, understanding that he was going hunting.

“Consider me informed.”

Kyo lingered, observing Ruki for a bit.

“What are you drawing?”

Ruki looks up.

“I thought you weren't interested.”

“I changed my mind, I'm very interested.”

“Really?” He answers as if he wasn't at all surprised, then closed the book and stood up, stepping closer to him. “If you're nice to me I might show you.”

Kyo's eyebrows lifted innocently.

“I'm always nice.”

“Not always, but you have improved a great deal that's true.”

“I let you persuade me to dance yesterday. Dance. I just don't do that with anyone – no one, in fact. Only you. I'd say I'm plenty nice.”

“Okay fine, but you may only see what I show you, no flipping the pages!”

“Cross my heart.”

Ruki scanned the pages for something to show him, decided on a page, and held the book out for the other who took it carefully, nervously chewing his bottom lip while waiting for a reaction.

Kyo stared at the two sketches, taking too long to react for his comfort before he finally spoke.

“First chance I get I'm going to buy you proper art tools.” Ruki's stomach fluttered excitedly as Kyo's gaze focused back to him. “This is awesome, really. You're very talented.”

“Thank you.” Ruki smiled at the approval, relaxing his shoulders. When he was handed the book back he flipped to another drawing to show, feeling more confident, and again Kyo held the book carfully as he took his time surveying his work with interest, and now Ruki liked that he took long to look.

“I love this one,” Kyo said. “Will you draw something for me?”

“For you?” Ruki closed the book this time and hugged it to his chest. “Um, yeah, I suppose I could do that. I'll think of something.”

It was a common reaction people had when they'd admired his work. Often it would annoy him because he didn't draw for others, to please others, only himself, but this time it made him feel warm.

Ruki halted at the look Kyo gave him then. Kyo was looking at him. Into him. He hadn't realized how close they were standing.

“Can I ask you something?” Kyo says.

“Sure.”

“A while ago you told me I gave you mixed signals, what did you mean?”

“Oh um, well.” The topic threw him off, not having expected the question. “Back then I struggled to get you. It's been a while since I said that but I guess I still feel that way. I meant that you seemed angry and hateful and overall gave me a scary impression, but you also gave me the very opposite impression. Since then I've watched your softer side grow more and more...” He trails off, considering for a moment, changing his mind. “I take it back, I don't feel like that anymore. I know what hate you harboured for me is no longer there. You're very kind and gentle. You like me.” His voice fades by the end, struggling to keep looking into Kyo's face.

It felt a daring thing to say even though the other had blatantly told him those exact words very recently. It was also a question because he couldn't help wanting to hear it again. To want confirmation that Kyo still liked him.

Kyo's arm moved, using only the tips of his fingers first to make light contact with Ruki's cheek, following the own movement with his eyes like he was amazed, the digits shaking just a little as if he'd never done such a thing before. As if his hand had moved before asking permission from the brain, confusing its owner. As if he was afraid of touching him wrong.

Letting it happen Ruki held himself absolutely still, instantly tempted to let his eyelids close from the gentle touch, his head and face exploding with sensation, of both magnetizing pull, and withdrawal impulse. The former easily overpowering the latter, his instincts wants only to examine more of this winged mans hand.

After the fingers had explored the sensation of skin on skin contact for a moment, the rest of the hand pressed gently against his face for more contact.

His hand. On his cheek.

The light touch shocked him as much as Kyo seemed shocked by it. Like everything else about him it felt warm, calloused and tough but the touch soft.

Kyo looked at him, touched him, almost as if he mattered.

His heart clenched.

Gripping his notebook tightly Ruki didn't move. He was aware of breathing, of existing, of feeling, and that was it.

_Do I? Do I matter?_

He took in the details of Kyo's face that was so close. Watched him swallow. Watched the expression in his eyes, not sure how to interprate them. Letting his attention trail to his nose to his cheeks to his eyes to his brow and finally down, to his mouth.

His lips looked impossibly soft. Sinfully soft. There was a spark of want in his chest. Want. To touch those lips. Want. To touch forbidden bits.

Feathers. He needs to feel feathers. As well as hidden places beneath clothes. All forbidden to him. But he needs to give in—oh, if only he could.

Before he can stop himself he's leaned his own face closer, heart racing in a kind of nervousness he hasn't experienced in a long while. So intense, in fact, he thinks he's never had this before at all.

He notices when the other realize he's moved, that's when Kyo's eyes finally search his. They look confused. As if he might run away from him but he doesn't. Nor does he try to stop this, whatever this was.

Ruki has no idea what to make of this odd situation.

Why would Kyo look at him like that? Why would he even want to be this close to him? The whole thing was wrong, yet he didn't care about wrong.

He hadn't been able to forget the dancing and body to body connection from yesterday, the glaze in Kyo's eyes and his smiles as he lead him tirelessly. The way he'd embraced him and smelled him. Ruki had almost been too nervous to sleep next to him last night.

The hand on his cheek moved very slowly to his nape as if to bring him closer but did not add any pressure to do so, Kyo's breath picking up more speed, hitting his own face with gentle warmth, stimulating the sensitive skin of his lips. It made Ruki feel weak. The look in Kyo's eyes causing to him an ache to be touched more.

The look in Kyo's eyes.

As if Kyo cared about touching him without harming him. As if it would be safe to be even closer than they already were.

There's a gasp that could've come from either of them and Ruki's gaze stray back to Kyo's mouth, feeling himself pull in that direction, and he realizes it was Kyo who'd gasped. The older looked affected by their proximity and Ruki wants to ask why. Wants to shake the answer out of him.

Their noses touched briefly and he focused solely then on Kyo's nose, and the trail of sparks that started in his legs and rushed all the way to his throat and settled there. He made the tiniest move, bumping their noses together and stilled. The way Kyo's breath felt on his lips threatened to make what had settled in his throat to come out of his mouth as some sort of sound. He felt both the need to breathe heavier and the need to stop breathing altogether, sensing the heat of Kyo's face, and the barely movement of his finger over his neck, deeply wanting a bigger caress.

He felt almost like they were kissing, even though they weren't. That's how intense his lips felt inside. He could imagine the kiss. And he couldn't.

Eyelashes. He saw Kyo's eyelashes. As Kyo's lids slid almost shut, leaving a sliver of almost white and some black visible. Like the lids were heavy, like his own were. And so his own dragged down too, half way.

Pulling away just a little he takes one last look at those lips, needing to remember them and their breath, thinking how good they would taste and feel, making attempts to clear his head. Knowing he's already allowed this to go on too much and too long, he gets a good look at them. Closing the own mouth that might've been showing too much of the impact this whole thing had on himself, pushing and pushing down the stirr in his chest with great effort. Smothering what was not allowed.

Because Kyo can't possibly want this.

Ruki has already gone too far allowing the two of them this close. So he pulls away before something bad can happen. He takes the pain. And he walks away.

Frozen on the spot Kyo stares into the air where that presence had been seconds ago and was now empty, absently listening to the sound of retreating footsteps growing fainter by the second as the other creates a growing distance between them.

He runs a hand through his hair and holds on to the back of his neck, wishing to stable his mind and his fucking heart. There was so much going on. Everything was chaotic and he didn't know which tought or feeling to fix on. Had no past experience to guide him, no knowledge whatsoever on what to make of this, what to make of Ruki. It was like as soon as it had passed he couldn't quite remember how and what had brought their faces so close.

Whatever he'd done though he had crossed some sort of line, with Ruki and himself also, and he wonders will the other hate him now? Use it against him?

Hunting. He was supposed to go hunting. It was as good a distraction as any, hopefully he'll be able to clear his head while he's away.

_Do I matter?_

They had almost kissed, he hadn't imagined the whole thing, his mind wasn't that fucked up. He knew what had almost happened. Couldn't forget it. His body couldn't forget it.

Even if his mind played tricks on him his body didn't. He could still feel the sensations their almost kiss had provoked. There were sparks and pulls and fluttering. Above all there was longing. Acute longing.

Subconsciously to him his eyes falls shut. Lips parting very slightly.

He needed to get a grip on himself. He couldn't ruin things between them. Their relationship meant too much to him. Kyo meant too much.

Kyo.

Kyo.

His wings spreads across his inner eyelids.

Harsh-featured he appeared before him in gallant grace, wings wide behind his back, his eyes intense – dark at first glance, but at closer inspection tender and safe, just like in real life. In that way that made Ruki wonder if Kyo was aware of the manner in which he looked at him. It was that look that made Ruki pull even more in his direction, the shallow flesh just beneath his skin quivers to be closer, especially his thighs and hands.

Ruki wanted to look away but he couldn't, couldn't break the contact he wanted. Knowing this wasn't real. Yet even fantasies were dangerous because he could not let his emotions run wilder than they already were, couldn't allow himself this delight even in his head for it would make it harder and harder to defy in real life.

But Ruki wasn't strong enough when Kyo stepped closer and closer, his gaze so intense it seemed to pull Ruki to him by some magnetic force. Like there was a call, and a link, between them, that would never cease to bring them together.

'Do I matter to you?' He tries to ask those eyes, searching the unreal Kyo's face for an answer to a question he can't ever ask him for real.

Kyo was in charge, he knew what he wanted, but would never use his strength to be forceful.

Bare, Ruki could clearly see his strong shoulder, the vein in his neck, wanting to place his face there and have a taste, remembering both the neck and nose that had already been inspected by him, wanting a closer look. Longer. He wanted them longer and thoroughly. Against his face and mouth.

Their bodies connected gently.

And then Kyo's eyelids grew heavy again, so heavy they started to tug down. Ruki could once again feel his breath hitting his own mouth and his skin tingles, a moan pushing itself up his throat but he manages to suppress it.

Please. Kiss him.

His eyes flutter open with a gasp while he moves a hand to the front of his pants, feeling himself through the fabric. His cock was swelling. He hasn't been hard, hasn't touched himself in so long.

Panting, he moves his fingers experimentally, stroking them along the swelling flesh. The head strained against the confinement as his cock grew to full hardness.

He keeps touching himself over the fabric, his lids closing again and instantly there's a clear picture of Kyo above him, Kyo's hand on him, his weight settling down over him, their hips rubbing, creating friction. He touches himself with more pressure.

_Show me I matter to you._

He keeps going until he needs more and slips his fingers below the hem of his pants to tease the sensitive tip. It was already leaking. He gathers the drop of moist and lets his finger glide over the head to tease himself. He could see Kyo's slender fingers wrapped around him, the veins through the skin of his hand. His skin was so course and good, gently gripping his sensitive flesh, thumb teasing the tip to make him moan. A small sound erupts deep in his throat. And the bubble popped.

He snaps abrubtly from his dreamlike daze and come back to reality. And reality was harsh and unforgiving.

Whore.

He jerks his hand away, breathing fast in resentment. How fucked up he was!

His erection and arousal gone, there was only disgust. He was disgusting. Corrupt.

This was wrong, so wrong.

Fuck! The shame that takes over him for thinking about Kyo that way while touching himself is too much. Pleasure wasn't allowed, he could never feel pleasure. Could never have pleasure with anyone, let alone the man who knew what he was. He was too dirty and ruined.

“No.” He rolls onto his stomach, gripping two handfulls of blanket, pressing his forehead hard against the surface. “Stop. Stop. You fucking disgraceful shit...” He whimpers. “So fucked up.”

He must remember that there is no hope.

When next they cross paths because they can't avoid each other forever, Kyo feels the tension sit heavily in the air between them as he takes a seat next to the human on the log by the fire, keeping a good amount of distance between them. Placing himself as far from him as he can without falling off it.

His stupid heart was beating too fast again. He's absolutely clueless on how to be, what to say. Were they even friends anymore?

The silence seem to tick by slowly like a mute clock dragging its pointers and all he does is stare into the fire.

To his relief the other breaks the ice first, voice soft and timid it makes him think he might be overreacting, speaking to him as if everything was still the same and he clings to the hope that it was.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Since when do you ask beforehand, usually you just throw the questions out there,” he replies, trying to sound calmer than he was. Ask him what exactly?

“This is serious. I'm most hesitant to ask.”

That didn't make his pulse ease at all.

“It's okay, shoot.”

“Before me, did you ever have a slave?”

“No.”

“Have you... you know... taken advantage of someone?”

What kind of question was that and why ask now, after what happened earlier? Was he scared of him now? Thinking that Kyo would force himself on him?

“No,” he answers, jaw tight.

“I'm sorry for asking, I just... It seems quite common among atlennans, right?”

“I regret to say that yes, it is pretty common to take pleasure slaves. But I have never, I swear.” He sighs. Might just as well be completely honest. “I haven't been with anyone.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

Still staring into the fire, palms feeling wet and his heart seemed to have moved to a higher location in his chest. “I haven't. Never. Not with a willing partner or otherwise.”

“But you've kissed, right?”

“No.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

They're both equally intent on staring into the fire, anywhere, but at each other.

“Are you insulting me because of my age?”

“It's not an insult. I just find it hard to believe.” There's a pause, and then, “do you think we... if the circumstanses were different...” But he doesn't finish and based on those words alone Kyo has no idea what he had been about to say. What he's thinking. The youth seems to change his mind and get back on the topic of Kyo's lack of experience. “You don't look like a guy that wouldn't be able to find someone to lay with.”

“Maybe I didn't want to.”

“Oh.” Ruki said lowly. “I'm sorry I have to ask – don't answer if you don't want to – but why haven't you?”

“It's- I had better things to do. More important things.” It was growing increasingly difficult to get any words out, his body tensing over, like a stretched cord threatening to snap in half.

“I see.” Ruki's voice drops quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Do you think I'm pathetic?”

“No, not at all.”

“I had other things to do.”

“I got that.”

The tension between them only worsened, Ruki's questions adding to his confusion. His body was prickling uncomfortably.

When Ruki suddenly turns to him, reaching over to touch a hand to his shoulder, blurting something like “I can't believe you're actually a maiden,” his voice sounding so forced, he reacts fast and shakes the hand off and whirls his head in his direction, raising every shield of protection he can. But his heart wasn't so easily buried once it was already exposed.

“Don't presume to touch me!” He growls. “What do you want from me?!”

The rage is gone in an instant though and he deeply regrets his behaviour when Ruki flinches as if he had struck him. He watches him in remorse, every shield crashing down just as promptly as he'd put them up, muscles melting of their tension, turning utterly weak, as Ruki shuts down, crumpling under his stare.

Ruki backs away from him, clutching the own arms tight against his chest, his body giving a violent shake from Kyo's outburst, shrinking to make him appear smaller. A veil lowering in his eyes that seemed to lose their shine, his facial features drawing into a frown, as if their happiness had completely depended on Kyo's friendliness.

The younger won't look at him. Gaze snapping down to the ground as if in shame, his entire existence shying away in fear. His voice is hollow and low muttering an apology for something he really shouldn't be sorry about because it was all Kyo's fault. Ruki hadn't done anything wrong!

“I'm sorry.”

It punched him in the gut when that dear form got up, turned away, and ran.

He wants to reach out to prevent him from leaving, bring him inside his arms and apologize and hold him and feel him. To make everything right again. Erase that hurt expression and make him smile. Laugh at his joke. And only now does it dawn on him that it hadn't been fake, but an effort to bring them both out of their tense situation even though it took Ruki a lot of effort to do so. He'd even let Ruki laugh at him for what he'd come to learn about him minutes ago and he wouldn't mind, just as long as Ruki's eyes never lost their lively shine he could take anything. Just as long as Ruki didn't fear him.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't supposed to hurt. Not this much.

What had he done? He was the biggest dumbest ass on earth for lashing out at the one being who never deserved it, whom he didn't mean to push away. What if Ruki won't trust him anymore? Turn in on himself and shut Kyo out? He knew how distrusting Ruki was, how defiled and foul he thought himself to be, and Kyo had just hit that most sensitive nerve and shown him – wrongfully – that Ruki was right.

He was a fucking jerk.

“Ruki, I'm–” he starts, rising from the log, lifting a useless hand in his direction but Ruki isn't perceptive to him.

Kyo can only stand there like the fool he was as Ruki disappears from his sight running into the tree-line to get away from him.

_I don't matter._

Ruki ran. He ran until he was out of breath and his lungs were raging and his throat was burning and his legs gave out on him, his knees crashing painfully against the ground and he digs his hands into the dirt, chest heaving for much needed air.

Kyo had lied to him. He'd lied all along. He was false. Had tricked him all this time and he'd known it and yet had let himself fall for his deciet.

Kyo hated him. Everybody hated him. He was dirty and ruined and the other couldn't stand the two of them being close anymore and it hurt so damn much. It hurt more than he thought was possible to hurt. It hurt more than being abused. It hurt more than his nightmares. Than being humiliated in public. Than starving. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt.

He scratches at the soil, pushing his nails into it, grabbing handfuls of it.

His disgusting hands.

The shame of what he'd done this morning, touching himself in such dirty ways, imagining Kyo's hands on him, trying to get him off. It was almost as if Kyo had known about it, that's why he'd finally pushed him away, because he couldn't stand Ruki's filth and whoring. He was probably glad that Ruki had left, hoping he wouldn't ever come back. Had probably intended to leave him out here on his own. That's why he'd taken him here. Because this way he wouldn't have to deal with a rotting corpse inside his home or near the court grounds.

His chest hurt so much he could barely breathe, as if his heart had shattered despite that he didn't think he still had a heart to shatter. There was no comfort. No warmth. No faint pounding keeping him company.

The sky above him darkened. Leering. Pushing down on him.

A hand slithers across his back from behind. A disgustingly warm hand, almost blazing hot, and blood-red. He jumps away, wills his legs to carry his body, and hurls himself into a run.

He doesn't last long until he's forced down again from the loss of power.

He throws punches against the rough surface of a nearby tree stump until his hands bleed and tremble. He's never going to touch himself or anyone else again. He's not going to bother Kyo again.

Oh his scent. Kyo's scent was all over him because of the clothes he was carrying and it is all too much. He loves that scent. No matter how much Kyo hated him his scent was still kind and comforting.

If he'd known last night that it had been his last... If only he could curl up against him one more time.

He's so weak because he still wants him despite how much Kyo dislikes him.

Kyo didn't see Ruki for the rest of the day.

Hours past sunset and still no sign of him. He hadn't shown up to eat. To talk.

Kyo kept the fire going so that Ruki may find his way back in the dark. Waiting. Waiting for hours for a small figure to appear from the darkness. To come back to him.

He was worried sick because Ruki was out there all alone in pitch darkness. He was scared that the stupid mistake he'd made had cost him everything, that he will never see him again. He'd do anything for a second chance. To beg forgivness and set things right again.

He instantly perks up when the sound of rustling and breaking twigs alerts him of someone or something moving closer. He knows it's whom he's been waiting for before the human has stepped into the light of the fire.

He came back.

Kyo breathes a big sigh of relief when his eyes land on that dear figure, rises to greet him, to throw his arms around him (not that he would have the guts to), to say something. But when he gets a clearer look at him he's freezed to the spot.

He is not allowed near.

Ruki doesn't look at him but his body language tells him everything he needs to know: that he's not welcome.

He's hurt again. Kyo notices that his hands are bleeding, multiplying his regrets even more. He had caused that hurt.

“What happened to your hands?”

No answer.

“Ruki?”

Ignoring him, the younger crawls inside their tent and Kyo gives him the space, sitting back down by the fire.

When he eventually joins him inside and lies down at his regular spot Ruki is tucked inside his comforter as far away from him as possible, back turned. They're plunged in blackness when he shuts the flap of the entrance to the tent, but he can still feel Ruki's form, so far away and untouchable.

“Ruki?”

He carefully breaks the silence, desperate for him to acknowledge him, to turn around and scoot closer to share bodyheat as had become their routine. There's no reply.

He can't sleep. He listens to Ruki's teeth clattering, his shuddered breathing, all through the night. He'd lain his own blanket over Ruki once the youth had finally managed to fall asleep, it carried his own bodyheat and offered some warmth, but it wasn't sufficent. It pained him for hours that he was unable protect him from the cold.

Fuck. He should've protected Ruki, nurtured his trust. Answered his questions calmly without getting upset because of course Ruki would wonder about those things. He should not have tried to protect himself from him, that's not what he wanted. What either of them wanted. He could see that. Vulnerability was not what he should be watching out for, not here, not with Ruki.

In the early morning he's awoken by the moving around of Ruki's lissome body as he gets out of the tent. He'd finally managed to get a couple of hours of restless uncomfortable sleep and is instantly wide awake. The silence that's still lingering between them is deafening.

He stays for a while in the tent, searching for possible words to speak to make things better, before he too decides to crawl out to face the new day. Handling things like these was immensely more difficult than any challange he'd faced in his career.

Kyo finds him trying to get warm by the fire when he emerges from their little shared home. Ruki still pretends he's not even there. He notices he's pressing something to his chest, realizing after a moment that it's the notebook he'd given him shortly before their journey. He looks pale, still trembling. His lips colorless. There's no life in his face or the way that he holds himself. He must be hungry too.

Kyo slowly steps closer to the fire.

“Do you want some breakfast?” He tries. But Ruki only gets up and walks away and every internal organ, his heart—tear and bleed. “Ruki, please.”

He sits by the bank of the river, holding the book in his hands. His one possession. A gift from Kyo.

It held so much meaning to him. Even if Kyo didn't like him anymore he remembers how kind he'd been back then. How he had searched for Ruki's attention, not knowing how to ask for it. They'd spent hours in the same room silently because neither had the courage to reach out. The beast had stayed home, wanting to spend time with Ruki, or at least that's what he had thought, and he would always remember those days.

Remember how Kyo's face lit up when he smiled, how soft and gentle he looked. How gentle he was when he held Ruki in his arms as they flew. Remember the day he came back for him when he'd been kidnapped out of his home, how angry he'd been because Ruki's life was in danger. How tightly he'd held him and whispered words of how he wanted Ruki to stay with him. Told him he was funny and made him happy. That he was beautiful.

He had believed him back then.

He wants so badly to believe that Kyo had meant each word and that they were current to this day. He couldn't make sense of the change of character that had occurred yesterday because he truly thought him to be kind and that he'd genuinly liked him.

He would remember always.

Kyo was probably laughing at him right now.

Eyes sting with tears but he stubbornly keeps them from falling, touching a hand to his cheek and digging the nails into the skin. Clawing at his face. Liking the burn. Knowing there were red streaks forming along his already ruined appearance and he repeats the action, a lump blocking his throat. He deserves to hurt. To be ugly. Wants to ruin his skin everywhere so that he'll look as ugly and disgusting as he felt.

No. Kyo did still like him. He knew he did. He also knew he was conflicted because he was also disgusted with him and couldn't decide which emotion was stronger, so Ruki had to help him out. He wouldn't allow Kyo to fall into disgrace with him, he had to protect him and give him the chance to get back to his old life as it had been before Ruki walked into it. This was the only way that Ruki could protect him.

Opening the notebook, flipping through the pages of drawings, he finds his favorite. A roughly drawn portrait. Hard angles and softly blurred lines.

It was a very good likeness he thought, it was how Ruki saw him.

Kyo hadn't noticed when Ruki'd sketched him while he was reading during one of those silent stay-at-home days. Like he often was he'd been pissy at him and decided to pour it out on paper by drawing him, intending on making it a foul and mean portrait, but instead it had come out much more honest.

He'd drawn him just as he was. Wearing a scowl on his face but his tender side shining through. He liked that about him, the rough surface and the gentleness underneath, the hard angles framing the soft. Perhaps even more so because the other was so oblivious to just how much of himself he exposed right in front of Ruki's eyes. There was so much that was still hidden though, beneath that armour that were no more than a gauzy blanket because Ruki could almost see through it. He knew his secrets were there, he stared at that thin blanket every day, able to see the shapes and shades on the other side that were not for him to unwrap. Whoever managed to see through Kyo's cover one day, if Kyo ever met someone that made him open up, would find all the treassures Ruki knew he possessed.

He loved his eyes, the structure of his face, his lips, the corners of his mouth that may be his softest feature of all, his stupid haircut that he managed to make sexy, his strong body, the too large wings. He wanted no more to explore any ruin or other ancient place, but place his hands and eyes and mouth on him. Wander with them along every inch. Kiss every healed injury and know their history, and leave his own gentle mark.

Vision blurried, Ruki flips to a blank page and starts writing.

Once finished he rips the page out and place it on the surface of the still water, using his finger to push it down, wincing at the icy cold water, following it with his gaze as the paper soak and the words sink.

What he felt, what he wanted, all of it had to drown and be forgotten along with him.

_I don't matter to you._

He puts up his wrist, tracing the thin skin up and down the veins with his wet cold finger.

He should decide on a plan.

Hours. So many long hours droned on until he couldn't take it anymore. Kyo can't wait him out, he needs to make things right so that Ruki will stop avoiding him, stop hurting. He can't bare another moment of this.

He easily locates his hunched over figure by the lake.

The sight of him makes his throat contract and his mouth go dry. There he was. Right there. His hair glowing in the rays of the sun. The very one that makes his heart beat. He was so close and yet so far away.

The younger's back is turned to him but he knows he's aware of him when he stands up, listening attentively to his cautious steps as he walks up to him.

Kyo stops at a respectful distance, his voice bearing every ounce of calm sincere wish to reconsile with no trace of the fear that had lead them both into this situation.

“Please listen to me. I made a slip, a terrible slip and I didn't mean it. I felt pushed into a corner but it was stupid and sensless of me to feel that way because I don't mind you being close to me, I just reacted because I'm so new to this and I don't know how to handle it. It won't happen again–”

“It's fine,” Ruki interrupts him and his stomach instantly drops because he knew that soft tone in his voice didn't mean something good was going to come next.

No. He can't hear it. Can't take it. So he steps closer still, making sure to keep his own tone strong. To be strong for both of them. “Please, don't doubt the sincereness of my words–”

“I don't.”

“Tell me we can be fine again, tell me I can fix this.”

“There's nothing to fix.” Ruki whispers.

Kyo watches with painful beats of his heart, his pulse thrumming in his ears, as Ruki's profile is revealed to him, showing the shape of his plump mouth and his slightly arched nose-bridge, everything above hidden behind his hair, but he still doesn't turn around to face him.

There was some obstacle he needed to pass before he would let him back in. He knew this side of Ruki by now. The broken calm. It was his lowest, most sensitive side that had a hard time thinking clearly. When Ruki was like this he needed others to help him find his way back before he hurt himself.

“Our journey ends here,” Ruki says. “I've appreciated every moment with you, I shall remember them all with affection. I'm so grateful that I met you, so grateful, for everything you've done for me. Every word, every moment you opened up to me, every time you where there and picked me up, every time you pushed me away even, because each time you did you came back, revealing more of who you really are and that person is a man I like alot. But I can't stay with you any longer. I care too much for you to stay with you.”

His monotone voice starts to crack slightly, his true feelings seeping out but he regains himself and keep it steady so that he can say what needs to be said. For both their sakes.

“So I'm letting you go. Leave me here and go back home, forget you ever met me, go on with your life, it will be as if I was never here.”

The anguish. His own strength melting away, bleeding through his fingers and he can't stop it from completely pouring out of him, leaving him utterly vulnerable and exposed. Kyo didn't want to let go of the one person in the world that could make him dance, the one person that made him want to be the best version of himself. Learn how to be gentle. The one person who treated him nicely, cared about knowing him. The one and last person he'd ever hold in this life with both arms and wings.

“I can't go on without you.”

Years and years of repressed loneliness, of torturing himself for failing and losing the only person he ever cared for, and now he's failed Ruki too? It flows over him like a raging river; his unprotected heart. Pent up feelings of hopelessness. Of fear. Of losing the only person who'd given him a chance at companionship, the very one whom he had stomped on because he was too afraid to let him in. He would never be afraid of letting Ruki close again, never. If only he'd give Kyo another chance to prove it.

“Yes you can.”

“No.”

Ruki turns enough to look at Kyo at the evident sadness in his voice, facing him even though he promised himself he wouldn't because it made breaking away from him so much harder. And the sight of his deplorable face, the strongest emotion he'd ever seen that face make, breaks his soul all over again. The urge to fling his arms around his neck and take back his words and beg Kyo to take him back is crushing him with its overwhelming weight, but he has to stand firm and not give in.

Kyo continues.

“You can't do this, you can't be so selfish. I know you think you're doing me some sort of favor by pushing me away but you're really not! I'm not letting you do that! I can't leave you out here just because you think lowly of yourself because you're not low, not beneath. You're too good for me.” Kyo pushes on. “Is that the problem here? Do you think that you are lowly? Or are you afraid of me? Hate me? I completely understand your hatred, I do. I took so much from you and I can't give it back. There can be no forgivness and I know that. But I won't give up on you and I think that deep down you don't want me to.”

He tentatively reaches out, gently letting his fingers close around Ruki's slender wrist inside the arm of his coat, almost choking on his words from how good touching his skin felt his wings lowered just a little behind his back.

“This is my fault, I lashed out. I know I hurt you. I'm sorry.”

He takes a deep breath.

“If you want to part ways then that's okay, but I'm absolutely not leaving you out here. I will take you south and wherever you choose to stay I will spend the rest of my life making sure no one attacks that place, I can't make guarantees but I will do whatever is in my power. But I'm not leaving you here. I want to make sure you're a safe as you can be.” He pauses briefly. “If you don't want to see me ever again then you won't. But if you don't want to part ways, if you're saying this because you're angry with me, because you doubt me, because you doubt yourself, I really want to ask you to reconsider. I'm the one who's not worthy, but I'm here for you, if you want me.”

He can see Ruki's lip quivering, his body sunken. He goes on.

“I'm downright begging you to give me—us—a second chance. I will never snap at you again, never push you away, I just–... I need some time to learn how to behave, what to do, because I've never had this before, but I'm willing to learn. For you. With you.” He pauses again before continuing. “You're everything. Unless you truly want to leave me—please, don't give up on me.” He takes a careful step closer, searching Ruki's brown orbs for rejection. “For I won't give up on you.”

The human was panting as if he was up on a high cliff and Kyo was pretty sure he wasn't better off himself. He feels hopeful when he doesn't pull his arm out of his grasp or objects when he gets so close to him Ruki's shoulder and arm connected with his torso.

Kyo lowers his voice to a shaken whisper because it's all he can manage.

“I can't ever forget you. You underestimate my feelings for you.”

He dips his face down, nudging his chin playfully against Ruki's shoulder, taking a drag of his scent, pressing a small kiss to it, percieving the other tense up and swallow thickly.

“Can you forgive me?”

His exposed heart hammered as if its very life depended on Ruki's response and it did, because he can't go backwards from here, live the rest of his life as if he'd never met the man. Go back to how things were, his useless old life of fighting. Go back to a life where Ruki's heart wasn't beating steadily next to his.

This man was the force that pulled him in the other direction of everything known, pulling him with such force and persuasion into unchartered lands that no amount of strength in him could resist, and fears aside, he wants to be pulled. Wants it so much.

Kyo sighs in relief as the body against him fully turns to him and its arms go around his back, Ruki's face hurridly hiding in the crook of his neck and he holds him back tightly, gratefully. Overwhelmed once more by how right he felt in his arms his head was almost prone to lower before him. The feeling so strong he loosens his tight hold on him one moment without letting go, and reinforce the strength of his hold on him in the next, unsure even on how to hold him right. How much pressure to apply to demonstrate how he feels about him.

“There's nothing to forgive.” Ruki's voice reaches his attentive ear.

Kyo breathes deeply in and out of his nose, clinging to the hope that Ruki's behaviour meant what he wanted and needed it to mean.

“Does this mean you're staying with me?”

“It does.”

“Thank you.” Without holding back he buries his nose inside blonde locks, squeezing the body to him. “Can I ask something of you?”

“What?”

“That you won't threaten to leave me or try to make me walk out of your life again, that next time you'll give me the chance to sort things out instead of pushing me away. Unless you want to leave, that is.”

“I promise.”

He feels Ruki's lips brush against his skin with the movement of speach, making his blood thrum. Somehow this embrace felt softer than any other time they had hugged or been close.

“Thank you. Will you let me clean and wrap up those poor abused hands?”

“Later.”

“Okay.”

“I don't hate you,” Ruki says softly. Kyo clenches his eyes tightly.

This wasn't only about now, this was about all of it. The past. All of him.

“I hate what you did, but I don't hate you. I can't. Not anymore.”

Ruki feels the obvious tension in the other, so he raises his hand to his cheek, using his thumb to soothe him.

“Shhh. It's alright.” His fingers brush lightly through the short hairs at his ear and over the skin of his temple, thumb smoothing over his brow before lowering his hand to rest over his jaw, caressing the skin softly, not quite able to stop once he'd started.

Kyo then directed more of that heat from his mouth when he speaks into Ruki's hair. He expects him to say he's sorry and he doesn't want to hear it. But he doesn't.

“No matter how many times you injure yourself I will patch you up, no matter how many times you doubt yourself or me I won't give up on you, and every time you need to cry you got a shoulder right here. No matter how bad things may seem sometimes, no matter how bad you may feel, how low, I will keep you company. Okay?”

“Mm. And when I lose myself, lose my way, lose sight of you, come back for me?”

“I will.”

Ruki too relaxes when Kyo's gentle slender fingers strokes through his hair, tightening his grip on his shirt at his back, willing his soothing warmth to keep him in the rational world or whatever world this was so long as it was the one Kyo existed in.

“The reason why I haven't been with anyone–” Kyo starts but Ruki quickly interrupts him.

“You don't have to explain, it's private.”

“I want to explain.”

Ruki's heart flips.

“The reason is that I've been protecting myself from being vulnerable. There was never someone I could trust. Never someone who trusted me. And I'd never force myself on anyone, I'm not like that. I've been doing this for so, so long, since I was younger than you are now, I stopped being aware. I was stunned that you thought I gave you mixed signals because no one ever sees me as anything but mean, had fooled even myself but not you. I've changed since I met you and it confuses me. Yesterday I was feeling too exposed I lashed out in effort to push all those confusing things away so that I could go back to my comfort zone but I immediately regretted it. The regret for pushing you away was much greater and simply not something I could live with. You did not deserve that. Knowing I made you feel bad, bad enough to leave me, I'm so sorry. Don't stop asking me questions, don't stop being you, don't stop anything. I don't want you to leave. I want to be near you.”

Ruki gasps silently.

“I want to be near you too.”

“The way I behaved—I didn't mean it.”

“I know. I'm sorry I pushed you away.” Ruki presses his lips to Kyo's neck in barely a kiss, feeling the other shudder as if he was shocked by it and he wondered if he overstepped, but Kyo kept holding him.

“You've got nothing to apologize for. We're okay.”

“We are,” Ruki agreed, relieved. “It's okay to cry you know, It won't ruin my image of you being all strong and brave and a big bad warrior who would tear people's throats out to save me.”

Kyo chuckles at the little laugh erupting from that chest pressed against his own, glad of the attempt and that deep voice that was no more broken, but unmistakably and cutely heightened.

After a moment Kyo reluctantly pulls away from the embrace enough to be able to see the younger's face that was now open and relaxed, pausing shortly before swallowing down his nervousness, and touch Ruki's cheek just as he'd done yesterday.

“You've got a little blood on your cheek,” he tells him as he moves his thumb lightly across the scratched skin to remove the drop of crimson, refusing his instinct telling him to pull away because he'll be damned if he ever let fear separate him from Ruki ever again.

Ruki gazed back at him uncertainly and Kyo thinks there might be curiosity there too, and this time he didn't walk away.

Same night in the tent.

“Kyo?”

Ruki's careful murmur sounds from the other end of the tent, so quiet any other noise in that moment would've drowned it out. He was still in possession of both blankets because Kyo refused to accept his one back.

Kyo feels hope. The distance between them painful, unwanted.

“Yes?”

“Would you really have left me? If I didn't want you around anymore?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you, you know, for not forcing me, I mean,” he says softly.

When Ruki doesn't speak further Kyo can't stand it anymore.

“Come here?”

He's beyond giddy when the other wastes no time to scurry closer and snuggle up to him. Snuggle. The own skin instantly tingles in response to the intimacy.

“Here,” Ruki whispers, moving the two blankets so that they both shared them. His hand accidentaly and very lightly nudged his wing from inside the blanket as he thoughtfully made sure it covered Kyo's body, before he settled back against him, both hands trapped against Kyo's chest because they were so, so close to each other. “Is this okay? I don't want to intrude,” Ruki asks, taking some of the fabric of Kyo's shirt between his fingers.

It felt such a natural thing to do Kyo didn't question himself when he connected their foreheads together. “You're not intruding.”

He carefully holds him by the waist, feeling how relaxed he was, laying his wing over him, sighing in content. Everything was back to normal—no, more than normal. More.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the delay. Here's finally chapter 10!  
> So they obviously want the same thing and are both equally slow. Kyo is so far gone he almost bowed for Ruki.  
> I feel like this chapter was too emotional. The story overall is very emotional though. I tried to tone it down lest it get too boring and repetitive.   
> Thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was nothing between them now. The ease that had fallen over them after having disclosed both their darkest pasts, the way that it had brought them closer, was probably the calmest Ruki had felt in a long time. Like the two of them had been enwrapped with silk.

Ruki hasn't quite woken up yet when he leans closer to Kyo, his bruised hands that were now clean and wrapped resting on the man's chest, slowly gaining consciousness after a night's wonderful sleep he really needed after that previous horrible one. Searching for more warmth. More fluttering in his stomach that felt so good.

Sighing drowsily, eyes flutter half open before closing again, wishing morning away, for night to stay a little longer so that he didn't have to get up, didn't have to part with him and wait the full day to have him close again. And how close they were, in this moment.

No matter what his mind will tell him later on, right now he was helplessly inching even closer to that steady heat, wanting more. Feeling the deep ryhthm of Kyo's chest as it rises and falls gently in the most comforting way.

One of his hands moves to his neck, lazily caressing the silky skin there, only half aware of what he was doing, acting more on feeling than anything else. A hand falls on his hip in response and he gasps.

“Sorry,” Kyo's sleepy voice says.

“It's okay.”

It honestly was.

He can tell the winged man is falling back asleep so he contently allows himself the pleasure of lightly nuzzling into the white fabric of his shirt, aware of his arm that moves from his hip to wrap freely around his waist and press him just a little bit closer and he soaks it in. The simple action giving him more of that wonderful fluttering in his stomach, leaving him wanting more yet.

He thinks he dozed off for a few blissful minutes, so comfortable and secure inside his arms, before he slowly rouses anew.

One of the first things that comes to his wakening mind is the kiss Kyo had planted on his shoulder yesterday. It made him tingle each time he replayed it from his memory. The gesture had been so sweet, begging for his forgivness and of course he had given it to him. It makes the corners of his mouth tug upwards. Kyo was too cute sometimes.

Remembering that sweet gesture, the pressure of his mouth to his shoulder that he could barely feel through his clothing, and the hand so delicately closed around his wrist and still holding him firmly enough to convey his desperation; all of it flowed through his consciousness on repeat, waking his body in the most pleasurable way he can't stop himself on time. His own lips are already pressing against Kyo's chest somewhere over his heart, the shirt thin enough he can almost feel Kyo's skin to his mouth that makes his head explode again with pleasurable sensations, as if giving Kyo a delayed answer with that one simple contact and he realized, as he was doing it, that he was. This was his answer.

“Ruki.”

He stills and almost gasps a second time, finding himself abruptly wide awake.

Startled and embarrassed, his closed eyes scrunch tightly, face hidden against chest, hoping desperately that Kyo hadn't noticed his kiss.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“I was. I'm a very light sleeper.”

“Oh.”

The protective wing around him retreats to uncover him. He can't hide now.

His face most probably red, Ruki peers up at Kyo, heart trepidating and muscles ready to hastily move his body away at first sign, but he doesn't move away yet and seeing as Kyo's arm around him doesn't let go he assumes his position against him is welcomed.

“How did you sleep?” Kyo asks.

“Very good. You?”

There's pounding inside him, not faint but loud and hard pounding.

“Great.” Kyo smiles with soft lips.

Ruki finally moves away to see him more clearly without having to crain his neck, lying next to him, feeling with clarity that arm around his middle following his movements, the touch so light he's worried it might slip off.

“You look beautiful when you smile.”

The face Kyo makes at his blunt compliment makes his heart pang, like a child who's never known affection, but it quickly vanishes.

“Has no one complimented you before?”

“No.”

“You're very beautiful,” Ruki whispers honestly, unmoving, and still pounding so rapidly inside.

Kyo shifts closer to him, rising from the surface, supporting his weight on one arm so that he is towering over him, his eyes awake and locking with his while carrying a certain glint in them that makes Ruki want to reach out for him, his breath quickening as if he was bursting to say something important that he feared Ruki's reaction to. Like he was pushing himself to step across a line he'd never crossed before, venturing into the unknown, eyes searching Ruki's for an answer before his mouth has even slipped the words.

Silently, Ruki rolls onto his back to give him his full attention, finding such comfort and heat in this position. Kyo's voice speaks softly, carefully.

“I like you. As in I care about you and want to hold you and kiss you. I want you. As in I want to cherish you and love you and make you happy. I trust you. I'm myself with you—and you only. I don't care what others might think, I don't care that we're different because to me we are the same. I found myself in you. It used to frighten me but after yesterday I'm not scared anymore. You bring so much meaning to my life.”

Kyo had known for some time now that Ruki was different and made himself different simply by being who he was. The human man had changed his thoughts, changed how his body felt, drawing all of it—all of him—closer. He knew now he had developed feelings for the creature so trustingly seeking his warmth and he doesn't mind. Perhaps he should mind but everything that divided them and everything that told him this was wrong was a faint nothing at the back of his mind, it didn't matter to him. Nothing mattered. But that reassuring breathing grazing his skin, that mind, that smile he produced when he was happy or flustered, that abused body that he loved for its strength. His soul. His perseverance. Beauty. Something that felt this right couldn't be wrong.

Ruki felt damn right.

He was both weak and strong with the realization. He was weak to the point Ruki could crush him with the palm of his hand if he so desired and he wouldn't be able to defend himself. And strong, so strong. Because he could do anything in his name, do everything that was in his power to protect him and make him happy. He was attached. Staring into his eyes for a reaction, wanting him so much he can barely stand it.

As time passed and the other hadn't given him an incling of a reaction his heart drops thinking that he was probably scaring him. He can't live with that, can't have Ruki be afraid of him, so he makes to move off him with the intention of leaving the tent to give him some space, not knowing how to deal with the heartbreak but he will have to. For Ruki's sake. To salvage any form of relationship between them.

Instantly Ruki grabs his shirt over his bicep to stop him and his hope rises in a heartbeat, gazing into those brown orbs, letting that hand stay him. It loosened its hold after a moment to simply rest there, the warmth of it seeping through the fabric, reminding him, as he had come to know a few times already, that the human was more powerful than he ever was. His strength may be monstrous but Ruki – who was probably unaware of it – was able to control it, control him.

Ruki is utterly stunned.

There were no words. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't find any words to articulate a verbal response. All of him was pounding, he could hear and feel his heart everywhere. He felt the charged energy mingling in the space between his and Kyo's bodies and he wanted the space to close, wanted that energy to flow through him and cause a most wonderful shock as it went. He did not know how to allow himself to believe in Kyo's words and at the same time was desperately clinging to them, needing so much for them to be truthful.

Kyo's warm body hovers half on top of him as the man attentively stares into his face and Ruki shivers in want, tries to communicate his own feelings with his gaze. Hoping. Hoping desperately.

He inclines his head slightly, the gesture so small it was barely there, asking him to kiss him, silently giving his permission, his nails digging lightly into Kyo's arm. He'll go right out of his mind unless Kyo kisses him. Shows him he's not repulsed by him. Proves the sincereness of his confession. He can't fight against his feelings anymore. Can't resist how much he wants him close. Wants his kiss.

Kyo's finger starts tracing the line of the scar on his neck and he knows what goes through that thick head of his. Self-blame. He knows he's sorry. Sorry that he himself had caused it, had nearly killed him. The touch was more than enough to cause him to shiver and for his lids to barely close for a second before he re-focused on Kyo.

He tilts his head back, exposing his throat completely to him that makes Kyo groan weakly in understanding while trailing his fingers very lightly over his arched neck. Understanding all the trust he's giving him as he bares his vulnerable throat to him, pulsating with life.

“Ruki.” A whisper. A plea.

Kyo thinks his skin tightens briefly when Ruki shivers from his touch. As gently as he possibly can he bends down, planting his mouth over the scar first in a kiss and then another below his jaw-line, pressing down firmer over the raging pulse there, feeling Ruki's life hammer against his very lips as well as his breath hitching in response, sending an electric wave through him that only Ruki could induce.

He wants so much more. He wants to hear him moan, feel him shudder and tremble and arch up against him, his arms and legs go around him, bringing him closer, for Ruki to let himself go with him. He wants to taste him, cherish him, make him feel good, bring him over the edge. The want trickles along his skin. He wants everything. But not yet.

Lips linger, pressing a second kiss to the same spot and then another, his entire body on fire in this new intimacy and he wonders, if this is how intensely he feels from only this how would going further be like? Was it even possible to feel more strongly than this?

He nuzzles his nose against the skin, a satisfaction unlike any to have felt Ruki's increased heart rate from the way his pulse hammered onto his mouth, smelling his scent, storing it away in his memory so that he never forgets what Ruki smells like.

“Kyo.”

Oh, how sweetly his name sounded coming from that mouth, and that sound too is stored safely into his memory.

“Ruki,” he whispers back, his voice laden with his devotion. He brings his face up to meet his waiting orbs, they were almost black, pupils dilated.

Ruki's mouth was so enticing. The upward lift in the center of his upper lip, and the full richness of its bottom mate, was too much for him to resist. Kyo's gaze flicker from his eyes to his mouth and back again, silently asking – may I?

Ruki feels his own weight against the surface beneath him, his breath hitches again when Kyo looks at his mouth like that. His heart leaps when Kyo finally leans down, feeling first the warmth of him hovering just above him, and then the velvety surface of his lips ghosting close to his mouth, light dragging and bumping in the softest ways down the little slope between his bottom lip and chin.

Kyo continues in the same manner over his chin, giving it a kiss too, and then to the edge of his mouth before finally, his lips touch his in only a fleeting brush of lips. Explorative. A first feather-light touch. And it sends a shockwave of wonderful reactions from his deepest depths to the outer thin layer covering his flesh. Every hair stands on ends.

He's drunk already from that faint little kiss, the gentleness of it. Drunk on the feel of his body against his as he lowers himself close enough for their bodies to connect. His smell. The enthralled look in his eyes.

_Give me more. Kiss me._

They gaze at each other again, making sure they're okay, before lips seal a second time. Now they don't refrain but delight in curious exploration of this new sensation. And oh, was Kyo's mouth as soft as he imagined! Caressing him carefully his own skin tingled in delight. Pressing gentle short pecks and then linger longer, exploring Ruki's lips, applying different amounts of pressure as he learns what it's like to kiss.

Answering, Ruki releases a small sigh low in his throat that he can't fully suppress to let him know of his approval and pleasure. He's reduced to nothing but mush, really. Boneless. Weightless. He melts into the bed and against Kyo's heat. It felt so right, so good. His hand moved to place itself over his hipjoint—he was aiming higher but now that it was there it seemed like a perfect spot to hold on to so he didn't relocate it. Kyo is so soft and warm against him, so real.

“Kyo?”

Kyo looks at him tenderly, eyes shining with the kiss they'd just shared, and Ruki could soar from relief. Kyo isn't repelled by him.

He lifts his free hand to Kyo's cheek, delighting in the feel of him, his hot breath hitting his face, doesn't close his eyes when the older leans down to brush their lips together anew because he almost can't believe they're doing this.

Kyo wants him. Kyo cares. Kyo wants.

Kyo keeps his eyes on his, pressing his lips stronger on him with growing confidence but still so gently, so tenderly Ruki finally closed his eyes in pleasure.

He pours his love onto his mouth, capturing that maddening plump bottom lip between his own, discovering that the softer he kisses him the more Ruki shivers and wants more from him. He's absolutely breathtaking beneath him. He never wants to stop loving him, stop kissing him.

“You feel amazing,” Kyo says when they part.

Ruki's red-kissed lips pull into a smile, “So do you.” He lets his thumb trace over Kyo's lips lightly, remembering how good they felt on his, how they made his own tingle with their touches. “You're a really good kisser.”

Kyo mirrors his smile, leaning into his hand, “I am?”

Ruki nods. “Are you sure you haven't done this before?” He says playfully.

Kyo beams. Prideful and warm from the praise because he'd made Ruki feel good.

“I haven't. I just did what felt right.”

“Didn't know you were into men.”

“I'm not into men, I'm into you. Only you. You've awoken something inside me I thought long dead.”

Kyo was painstakingly honest in a good way. With Ruki he was stripped of the cold and stern, unarmed. A young soul bared. It felt so private, like he was the first to see him this way.

“Oh my god. You're going to make me blush.”

“You're already blushing.”

Ruki lets himself giggle, feeling the heat on his face, reveling in how safe he felt like this, how wanted, and how good it was to want Kyo.

“What are we going to do today?” There was no way he was spending this day alone, not after this.

“I'm going to pamper you.”

“Oh really? Not punish me?”

“Never. Besides, if anyone should be punished it would be I. I thought I'd stuff you with food seeing as you didn't eat yesterday.”

“Hm. Do I get to choose what you stuff me with?”

“Of course.”

“Then I want a big fat stake, filled olives, cheese, kidney pie and blueberry tarts. Oh, and wine!”

“Alright, but, your majesty, to get all that I'd have to find a town and a market and I'd probably be away for a very long while, are you okay with that?”

“If I am, will you do that for me?”

Kyo stared at him.

“I will.”

Oh lord.

“Really?”

“You want olives I'm getting you olives, and all those other things, I could get going–”

“Absolutely not,” Ruki quickly interrupts him, grabbing another handful of his shirt even though he hadn't moved. “Fine. Go get me some roots and bark and kill me a rabbit or something,” he sighs in faked exaspiration.

The older laughs.

“I'll get you something good, I promise.”

Kyo's hand gingerly traced the irregular surface of his cheek. It stung a little because of the scratches even though he tried to be as gentle as possible, the touch so warm and light he nearly forgets what they were talking about.

“Good. What else?”

Kyo's pale orbs stares at his features as if he too is about to lose himself in the touch, as if he too can't quite believe this, before clearing and meeting his own. “What else?”

“After you've stuffed me with food, how are you going to pamper me after that?”

“However you like.”

Ruki smiled inwardly because Kyo's inexperience with these types of situations showed, but he knew Kyo would stay true to his word and give him anything to make him happy.

“I'll think of something. But before you leave, if this is make-Ruki-happy-day then I say we stay here a little longer before you hunt down that rabbit for my breakfast.”

“Okay, what do you want to do?”

He lets his eyes drop to Kyo's mouth.

Kyo's stomach flutters in anticipation. He leans in slowly, angling his head, watches as Ruki's eyelids tug downwards, and touch his lips once more as softly as he can manage, feeling him reciprocate by pressing his lips firmly against his—encouraging him to keep the sweet contact.

He gives him sweet gentle kisses. Pressing against his mouth again and again, his heart beating wildly as he does. The human made a noise when he kissed him, a wonderful noise.

Ruki decided they spend the entire day together. When he proposed a stroll by the water with handholding and all he was sort of expecting some reaction, but all Kyo did was to intertwine their hands and give him this look that was the most sugary sincerely affectionate one with a pinch of salty unaccustomed face that made it feel like the best moment of his life.

He was fond of Kyo's faces now more than before, he looked worn and aged and at the same time so young, and the rapidly growing inability for him to hide himself. It made Ruki warm and walk very slow because he didn't want it to end, and when he made them take the same path by the lake three times over Kyo didn't say anything about it, he just tagged along and briefly squeezed his hand and Ruki squeezed back. They didn't talk much but he sensed they both enjoyed it that way. The easiness. The 'here we are, together, as allies'.

Eventually Ruki pulled him with him back to the fire to rekindle it before sitting down close to each other, missing Kyo's hand as soon as it let go of him.

“You know, sometimes people rest after eating,” Ruki says after a while, almost biting the inside part of his lower lip. Nevermind that it's been a while since they ate by now.

“Oh? You're tired?”

“Yes.” Nope. “Come on,” he gets up and takes a couple of steps towards the opening of the tent, needing to turn his back on him for a moment to not lose his nerve.

“Huh?”

“I can't rest without you. I'll be too cold.”

“Oh!” The older perked to follow him inside the tent.

Kyo was too innocent as he laid down facing him, he couldn't believe he was that easy to fool.

As he lied there, hiding his own face save for his eyes by resting his hand in front, just barely able to keep Kyo's gaze, it was a good strange. To have that soft gaze on him, that presence there, even though no part of their bodies were touching.

He can't fathom that they had kissed earlier. Him and Kyo had kissed! Kyo, who had never kissed before in his life! Kyo, with those strange yet beautiful eyes looking softer than ever and so safe, but also so piercing he was almost deterred—not because he was afraid of him, but because they were so attentive and wanting and planted right onto him, as if Ruki mattered more than anything. It was too much for him to wrap his head around just yet.

“Can I hold you?” Kyo asks.

Oh lord, the flutter in his body! Yes, please hold him!

“Yes,” he says quietly.

And then Kyo does just that. Starting by placing one of those hands on his back, and when Ruki moves himself closer it applies light pressure until he's lying against his body, and then just stays there in an embrace. The best embrace ever. He hides his face at Kyo's neck for the time being to give himself a chance to land for a bit and feel safe.

Damn, the way that hand made small movements on his back. As if trying out a new learning.

“Is this okay?” Kyo asked after a while.

“Definitely.”

Wanting Kyo was the best, it made him so light and strong and happy. Even more so because they were both equally silly and nervous around each other, he wondered how they'd ever been anything else but this. Only, there was one thing that needed to be settled or they wouldn't be able to move forward.

The beast was so open for him now, but there was still a lot of mystery surrounding him that he wanted to unlock.

After having spent a while on his own he found him by the tent and came up to him. Up there on the castle wall, leaned against a gargoyle with wings, he'd seen Kyo once in the distance, aflight, and so dear to him, he'd made the decision then to ask for more.

He stops before him.

“I want us to talk,” he says straightforwardly, “I want to know you, your story.”

Kyo looked tense at his words but nodded without even needing time to think about it. “I want that too.”

Ruki's affections might've grown a bit right there, glad that they were on the same level.

Kyo's eyes rose to meet his.

“I'm serious about you. I will tell you anything you want to know, listen to everything you want to share.”

Hearing Kyo say those things meant a lot to him. The willingness made him greatly excited to learn more about the man he'd spent so much of his time with these last few of months.

“Since when do you like me?” The question left his mouth before he'd realized he'd said them but he couldn't help wondering.

Kyo was still looking at him.

“I don't know to be honest. It feels long.”

Nodding in recognition and understanding Ruki walks over to the fire with Kyo in tow. He takes a seat on the log, “I don't know either.”

He averts his eyes when Kyo gazed too intensely at him, not knowing what to do with himself, picking at the bark beneath his hands.

“I do like you. Very much,” Kyo says.

His hand tingled.

There was a quiet that settled for a while. The beast joined him and as soon as he did he could feel that warmth again without needing to touch him and for a moment it almost infuriated him because he liked it too much, was too drawn, too dependant on it already after such short time.

He adds some more wood to the fire.

“I'm an only child. I was born and raised in my village,” Ruki starts after a moment, looking up to find the other watching him and encourage him to continue so he does. “My childhood was like, a normal childhood, it was happy, I guess. I had a best friend, Reita, who lived next door, I knew him all my life. My parents were wonderful, they were supportive and loving and let me pursuit my interests instead of trying to make me work in the fields like my dad. I was indoorsy, my room was stuffed with books, paintbrushes, fabrics, clothes and so on, I liked to write and create, I especially loved sewing my own clothes, I even earned some money on it. Some people appreciated my clothes, others thought they were inappropriate or useless for a people who lived in the countryside. I had a cream colored, black faced cat that I called 'devil' because she was pissy all the time, but sometimes she'd let me pet her which always ended up with my getting scratched for petting her a little too long. Most of the time she observed me while I worked, I really liked the company since I tended to get very absorbed for many long hours. Our home always smelled like freshly baked bread.”

Kyo's eyes were shining with interest so he kept going.

“Reita and I didn't have much in common. We played around with swords pretending to be knights like most kids, called ourselves the R&R, the saviours of the land. I would pretend I was the latest knight or worrier I'd read about in history books that hooked my fascination, it was usually one of those brave ones with lion hearts that went down after saving innocents but unlike the real ones I never died, while he was always himself as he told me he would be in the future when he grew up. To me our plays were only for fun, it was never real for me, war wasn't real. But to him it was always real, 'I'm going to be a knight one day and save us all', he would say, and I didn't know what he was talking about.

When we got older he kept being physically active while I didn't, our friendship stayed strong though, until I got together with my girlfriend when I was 18. He had a crush on her so we stopped hanging out. I was happy that we reconsiled after a couple of years. I was together with her for over three years before I broke it off. I thought for a while that maybe we'd marry, my parents certainly hoped so, they loved her and got along very well with her, but I couldn't, It didn't feel right, so I ended it.

My mother was a stay-at-home mom, even as I became an adult. She and I worked from home a lot. She did all kinds of things like watching other people's kids, doing people's laundry for pay and stuff like that, and I sold clothings—we weren't well off but comfortable. We had a really good relationship, all three of us.

I didn't know much about the war—close to nothing, in fact—they wanted to protect me from it. Wanted me to have the luxury of living happily oblivious of the horrors, I suppose, which might've worked out fine. I made myself oblivious too so it wasn't just them. Even when Reita told me about the war I still didn't want to grasp it, it was too big for me, too far away. I didn't want to think there was a war going on—I knew of it but I pretended not to. Nothing bad ever happened in our region anyway. All my parents fed me over the years was how the enemy were such ruthless beasts, killing every human they could get their hands on, their nature so extreme and brutish, and that the North was a place of death and decay. So I hated these beasts and wanted nothing to do with any of it. I thought they were more like large animals so I was really shocked when I ran into you guys and all that set us apart were a couple of extra limbs.

How tremendously I payed for my ignorance...

I remember it so clearly, the moment when it happened. There was so little time to register what was going on, I still remember that it felt like we were struck so suddenly and out of the blue, like the dark had descended upon my world in the blink of an eye. I was outside on our yard, had just returned home from seeing a client of mine, and I remember holding my hand up in front of my eyes better to see as well as the terror that ran through me at what I saw in the sky. Your group were still too far away at that point I couldn't see much, but I remember the flapping wings, and the sound of the neighbours dog barking continously in warning. I remember freezing over.

My mom came rushing towards me, shaking me out of it, and pushed me to make me run. She was so quick to react to the situation, as if she'd always been ready for that moment, like she'd always known it may happen. I was no noble knight or fierce warrior, I don't know how to swing a sword, so I ran for it, as fast as my body could carry me. Our house was in the outskirts near the forest so I found cover in no time and just kept running and running deep inside the forest. As I fled I heard when the screaming began, I heard the chaos I left behind,” he sighs sorrowfully, bitterly. “I regreted it ever since.”

Kyo didn't say anything, listening attentively to every word.

“If only-... If I'd just-... All of them-” but he doesn't continue, the regrets were too heavy to.

He pushes his thumb and forefinger into his forehead, then drives his hand through his hair in a hurried gesture.

“She would have come with me but not without dad. She went to find him first but they didn't make it. No one did. Just me. I went back after to search for them—for anyone. I still can't forget those screams I heard while running like a fucking useless coward. When I returned... all of it had been left to smoke and ashes. My home, my family, my friends, all gone, just like that. And I- I know they fought, they fought while I had done nothing.

So I walked home one last time, salvaged what I could that may help me survive what lay ahead me though most of it was burned, and abandoned my now blackened skeleton village for good.

I was on my own after that, wandering the earth. I spent weeks looking for other humans. Because I'd never traveled before and because I'd never learned much about hunting and surviving in the woods and things like that I didn't do well, as you very well know, I got weaker and weaker, slowly starving to death and the isolation was a huge blow on me. I was aware I wouldn't survive the oncoming winter and at the same time was plagued by what had happened. The loss. The shame of being the sole survivor.

During my wanderings I lost track fast and I didn't even know where I was in the world. I was so lost.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse and I was starting to accept that I wouldn't make it for much longer, I ran into you. I was sleeping when the smell of smoke woke me up. Long story short I made the insane choice to move closer to that fire to find out what was going on, I guess I was so desperate at that point that I couldn't not investigate, hoping to find humans and finally get the help I needed, they could show me to a village or town. Turns out when I slipped closer that I'd been camping close to a small human village without knowing it, and I couldn't believe what was happening when I got there – another attack.

It was a damn nightmare. The houses were burning, people were dead or dying or fighting for their lives. I kept myself hidden—too weak to go back—and witnessed some of the worst assaults and crimes known to man. I was so afraid, and so sick, vomiting my intestines at the sights and smells. I thought my body would give up then and for a while I hoped it would, with all that smoke I inhaled and how weak I was. And then he... him. The red one found me.”

He still can't speak the name of his old master, his throat grows tight remembering the roaring fire, and his voice wavers.

“He was right there in front of me, blocking my path leading back to my campsite. I couldn't take anymore of that poisionous smoke, the violence, I was going to crawl back if I had to, but he was there, so I froze again.

Then the rest of you came before me as well, cornering me. I felt the hate, the amusement, and I was utterly powerless. The crimes I'd been forced to witness repeated inside my head, the screams never stopped.

I made myself stand up. All I wanted was to give up but I made a decision that after all my cowering I would be strong in this last moment and greet my doom without fear. I was done with fear and I thought at that point death would be a blessing.

He closed in on me, toyed with me, humiliated me, loving how scared I was. I vaguely noticed the rest of you but mostly all my senses were fixed on him.

Instead of killing me he took me- he-... He locked me up, chained me to the wall like some fucking animal.”

Kyo gave him the time and space to tell him as much as he wanted to.

“I was just trash. I was nothing. I wasn't me anymore. There was nothing left of my old life or of me. My voice was gone, no one listened to my pleas or my screams. A filthy whore.” His voice hisses. “But you heard me. You came for me one day. I thought I was going to die on that fucking bed but you showed up and brought me out of there.

I don't even know how long I had been there or how long I was at your place before you started talking to me. When I found out about what you had done I wanted to kill you. I failed in that too, I failed at absolutely everything. I'm glad now that I didn't kill you but at the time it was just another failure.

I can't be sure about when I stopped hating you but I did, and when that happened the darkness I was in wasn't as penetrating anymore. I started to see something else. I had a chance at moments where I was brought out of it because you were there, you listened to me and took me outside and let me read your books. You didn't hurt me. You never hurt me directly, not even the first time we met. You were the only one who didn't.

I still feel ruined, like I shouldn't be alive, that I'm of no use to anyone, that I'm a revolting piece of shit, but I want to live because I want to stay with you.” His voice lowers to a whisper. _Do you want me?_

Kyo hadn't moved for a while, hadn't said anything. He could feel him close to him, their knees were almost touching.

He dared a look at him to find his eyes were downcast, he wasn't tense but looked rather heavy.

“Please say something.”

He almost jolts when the beast's hand delicately touch his and he stares down at their hands. Kyo's fingers traced over the back of his hand very gently, not as in afraid of breaking him but because Ruki deserved no less, causing a wave of goose bumps to trail up his arms and hope to flare in his chest even now, even after he's just relived his painful past that Kyo had played such a big role in bringing about. They were shyly moving to lift his hand off the surface of the dead tree, bringing Ruki's hand to his face and—amazingly—kissed it.

Kyo met his eyes then, keeping his hand over his mouth, making his stomach and even the palm of his hand tingle.

“Stay with me.”

Ruki's judgement warned him not to give himself to such a killer, his fears warned him not to believe him. To not trust. To not give him the power to destroy him.

“Be with me.”

Problem was Kyo already possessed those things, and something that ran much deeper than his judgement was walking on air right now from his words.

If Kyo truly wanted him he could do this.

“I want to.”

“You're not revolting, don't ever think such a thing. You're none of those things,” his lips brushed the back of his hand as he spoke. Then, Kyo moved it away so that he could kiss the inside of his wrist over his pulse, treating him so tenderly it felt extremly intimate and in that moment he took his words to heart and he hoped he would never doubt again.

“I could never have done this without you, you know. I mean it. I know I'm placing a huge weight on your shoulders, I know being with me won't be easy and simple...” He trails off, can't go on, was only burdening him and he was afraid it would push him away.

“You're not heavy, not a burden weighing me down. I think we accommodate each other perfectly, we're both too difficult, we carry too much bad history and too many scars for most other people to be able to handle and put up with us in a relationship, but together we'll do good, because we get it. I personally would only have been able to let someone in who were as fucked up as I am. I don't want easy and simple, I want you.”

Ruki's eyes flick to Kyo's. “Do you really mean that?”

Kyo's eyes were warm, safe, lulling.

“I mean it.”

“Doesn't it scare you off that I openly tell you how much I rely on you?”

“No. Not in the sense you think it might. We all need help in this world, all of us, yet it is always oneself—you—who does the real work, you who build yourself up. You'll know what I mean once you know me better. I want to be the one you can rely on for help, I like it that way.”

“Tell me who you are. I know some of you, I want to know more.”

He doesn't dare believe Kyo will actually tell him anything, that all history will be kept behind bars and steel, that he will rather just have Ruki in a relationship without exposing himself for it. He doesn't believe, right up until Kyo starts talking.

“I don't remember my parents, I don't know where I was born. I know they were there in my earliest years, I have memory of their presence, no faces, no voices, only their presence, but it might all be in my head. I've always imagined they were kind but I can't be sure. And I had a sister, she was two years younger than me.”

Ruki's mouth almost fell open.

“Our parents passed away, I don't know how or why, but after my sister and I were brought to a little town east of here and that's where my first real memories are from. The couple that took us in didn't treat us well, I don't know why they wanted us to begin with because they seemed to really hate us. There were many other kids in the house so despite the house being huge it was still crammed and they made the two of us sleep in the attic on a moldy mattress slung on the floor. It was dark and the wind always howled, all we had was one candle to keep away the ghosts, while the other kids shared decent warm lit rooms, with toys and beds.

We had to attend to our foster parents as well as guests like servants, work hard around the house to earn our food and clothes while the other kids played and mocked us. No matter how hard we worked we only got well-used clothes that were usually the wrong size that made us look weird, and since we were such obvious targets school was pretty rough too at times.

At summer my sister would collect wild flowers and place them in glass-jars around our room, she plucked an abundance of them even long after she ran out of jars so they just bloomed for a short while until they withered. But I loved them. I helped her sneak away sometimes inbetween chores to pick as many as we could carry.

The other kids in the house would always come up with some mischief and then blame it on either or both of us just to see us punished—which we always were. It was hard for us to make friends with other kids in town and those that did hang out with us stopped when I accidentaly hurt a boy – that one I mentioned to you. I didn't hurt him on purpose but I hurt him bad. After that we were completely alone, we did okay though as long as we had each other. They all hated us, the kids and the adults.

Not long after I hurt him I was on my way to the house after stepping by the shoemaker as I'd been assigned to, walking down the pavement, it was getting late and the shops were about to close and I got attacked by a bunch of young men and women. They did everything right, securing me before I was able to protect myself. They tied me to a pole in the square and did all kinds of things to me. Apparently two of them were sisters of the boy I'd hurt.

The few people in the street that saw what was happening didn't bother to help me. The atlennan culture is a rough one, your parents weren't entirely wrong about that, it is a brutish life, especially if one is different or lower in any way, even now that I'm a commander people still challenge me and disrespect me. After torturing me they threw buckets of ice water on me and left me to freeze to death but my sister found me on time. I ended up being punished for not being able to work for a while because of my injuries.

As a kid I thought the way we were treated was based on us being of lower rank but as I grew I realized how fearful people were of both me and her, even the adults, though I wasn't sure why. We were odd, I figured, not quite as everyone else, although I couldn't put my finger on how or why, then that incident with the boy happened and I began suspecting there was more to it.

When we had any free time we would run into the woods and the surrounding fields where others seldom bothered us and we didn't have to deal with angry glances. I taught my sister how to fly when she came of age for that, she loved flying.

Despite everything she was a humble person, our loneliness tore at her but she was strong and brave, mature for her years. She was my opposite. I wasn't kind or happy but very reserved and angry because of our treatment but she always gave everyone she met a chance before she judged their character. She really wanted to connect with and please other people. She was the only one who didn't see me as a monster.

As awful as life there was it got worse. I was 14 and she was 12 when we were taken away and locked up in a prison cell somewhere. I couldn't for the life of me understand why we were treated so cruelly—I mean why her? She was so good, she didn't deserve that.

She took life there really hard. She couldn't take being locked up, she needed people and sun and life. That's when I started to get really, really mad.

We were there for a long time. It was cold and damp and we were starving. I did everything I could to take care of her, I even attacked the guards several times. I was so, so violent and angry but I wasn't fully grown and in bad condition so my strength wasn't nearly as what I needed it to be, as it is today. Some of the men that went inside our cell never returned after my attacks, I broke a few limbs, tore flesh, I did everything I could, but we never got out.

One day they came for her, she was gone for a few hours before they returned her to me. They had clipped her so she wouldn't be able to fly again. I asked what she had seen during those hours, what they'd done to her, but she wouldn't tell me a thing.

My sister's health and spirit deterioated rapidly after that. She was ghostly pale and didn't speak as much to me. One day they took her again and this time she never returned. So I was on my own, thinking after a while that she might be dead, I had no one and nothing left in life but the one goal that I would somehow get out of there and take my revenge. I was living for the moment when I could unleash all that anger I carried to hurt and destroy. I had a lot of time to ponder on how I would find revenge if I ever got out.

After she disappeared they began taunting me. I was never brought outside but was kept in the cellar, sometimes they moved me between different rooms or brought me up to the finer rooms, either caged or tied up. People would come and...” he gazed at Ruki, “I was an attraction and a fighting dog. The caged freak. The abnormal monster.”

Oh lord. This was churning Ruki's stomach. He understood without needing more information.

“The heavy stench of their filthy cigars was disgusting. They'd bring other kids – most probably kidnapped ones from poor families with big litters I suspect, even a few humans too – inside my cage and I had no choice but to fight them. If I didn't fight I was punished. I don't know how many nights I spent with people's blood in my mouth and suffering through pain from my own wounds, I'm not sure I want to speak of that time in detail.”

“You don't have to,” Ruki whispers.

“The longer it went on the more ferocious and driven for revenge I became. Things started to look very bleak as the time went on though, I got sick and weaker by the day. I wasn't even sure how old I was, how many birthdays had come and gone, but instead of growing I felt like I was shrinking. Had absolutely no sense of how much time passed.

One day these particular men appeared, they were different from the other ones. Bore really fancy clothing gear and weapons and I knew that things was about to change. I couldn't know if it would be a bad or a good change.

They opened the doors and let me out.

They were Yutaka's men—the new king. He was merely 15 years old and very recently crowned and for some reason he had come across the place where I was kept and set me free. Eventually I came to court, gained some strength back, my health improved, and my anger was burning in my veins. I trained, I grew up, gained a position in the royal guard. I served him loyally, the one person who had treated me with kindness and had given me freedom. My job became my life. Killing humans to protect the King's realm meant everything to me. All that wrath I'd worked up all those years of abuse came in handy. I enjoyed my work, enjoyed hurting others and putting lights out and I never wanted to stop, it made me feel alive, gave me purpose.

The only thing on my mind aside my soldier life was finding my sister. I wasn't ready to give up on her, I tried so hard to find her but there was no trace of her. So I at last resigned to and presumed she was dead. She wasn't.

Some years later when I was a young man she arrived at court one day. It should've been a happy reunion but it was anything but. We had both changed, she was as cold as I was by then, her scent was different, I barely recognized her at all. When I-...” Kyo trailed off, lips scowling. “When I saw her, when first my eyes landed on her after so many years, I felt absolutely nothing. That moment has haunted me ever since and I've wished so many times that I could go back and be different, redo our reunion and how I treated her and maybe things would'nt have turned out the way they did.

She wouldn't tell me what had happened to her during all those years apart and I didn't push it. I wasn't there for her as I should've been, as I'd always promised her I would be. Instead of acting like a big brother and resume my care for her, try to bring her out of her shell, I let her be, and she didn't seek me out either. It seemed we had nothing in common but our unwillingness to sort things out. I think I wasn't me anymore, I wasn't able to care for anyone, not even my own sister. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made.

She wanted to be useful to the king but she couldn't fly so there was no place for her as a soldier. They didn't even want to train her and I never offered either which was another mistake of mine, despite her loss of wings she had so much potential, but more than that it was my duty as her brother to make her able to defend herself.

So she did things her own way, as well as she could manage. I think she was desperate to be accepted and to release some of her own anger and what better way than humans? Because of her inability as a flier the soldiers were unimpressed by her so she mostly found friends elsewehere, trying to gather a group to march south on their own and prove their worth—and she did find willing followers. But with a leader bound to walk the ground, it was disastrous.

The last time I saw her...”

Kyo paused.

Ruki waited patiently.

“I was informed that she'd been attacked south of the border. The worry that hit me as I came to know of it sent dread through my veins and I rushed to the location for they'd told me they couldn't move her. When I saw her she was my sister again. My sister that I'd known as a child, who had filled an icy attic with flowers, who held butterflies in her palms, who was faster than me at flying, and brave enough to fight despite anything that might stand in her way, and I was me again and I crouched down next to her tattered body.

She couldn't get up. She'd been torn to shreds and raped, several bones were cracked. The wounds were fatal.

It was difficult for her to speak. She smiled that smile I hadn't seen in years, looked at me with love and I realized she was the bigger one, stronger, and my heart broke. All that hurt and pain returned to me after I'd managed to shun them for several years. I told her I would save her, that she'd be alright again and we'd finally be happy together. Free. As I had always promised her when we were younger.

And she told me she was already dead and that I had to go on without her.

We spoke. Tried to find back to being siblings and catch up on lost time. I stayed with her, I tried everything to ease her pain but there was nothing I could do, no part of her I could touch that didn't make her cry out in agony but stroking her hair, speaking soothing words we both knew were untrue. I could do nothing but stay with her until she passed, watching my only person die in such pain before my eyes, knowing I could've prevented it.

She was in so much pain and with her last strength she only talked about me.” Kyo shook his head a couple of times, his voice thick. “I wanted to know her life but she would urge me instead to find happiness in mine, now I will never know what happened. After that I died again, for real this time, or so I thought.

My blind rage was back. I had failed her so I buried my heart, I would never care for anyone again, that way I would never fail another person. Because it was humans that had done this to her I was dead set on ending the human race, I spent over 15 years murdering them and burning down their homes, the king awarded me commander and a large unit of soldiers.” Kyo's eyes flicked to Ruki's face. “This is is why I've never kissed or held anyone, never loved anyone. I despised other people's desire because it made them lack focus on what truly mattered. To love is to hurt, I thought, it wasn't worth the pain of losing them. Besides, whom would love a monster? So I resigned to and embraced who I was.

When I met you. You were so surprisingly easy for me to like and I fought it at first. It wasn't as simple as me hating you, I was furious yes, but I was so conflicted from the start. I was and am so drawn to you. Despite your species there was no way I could let that bastard continue having you, that sort of abuse, it gets to me like nothing else. When I found you that night- I knew what it was like to be chained up but I can't even imagine being abused that way. There was something about you, you've always been different. I couldn't take your life. So I brought you to my home and I did everything to avoid you.

I couldn't avoid you forever though, you managed to breathe life into me again—the me from before, from out of that hollow evil shell I'd become. You had this air. You talked to me, you asked me questions, I couldn't avoid you when–, I felt like you gave me a chance at something more. That I could be something other than a killer. With you. Does that make sense? Like, even though you hated me I could be a person. I liked how open you were despite everything, you made me laugh and you made me think about you, I wanted to spend more time with you.

Somehow you weren't just a human enemy—you were not one of my own—but something inbetween I guess. Even though you came from the wrong side of the war I didn't see you the way I normally would have, it's hard to describe. It's no use denying I drew comparisons between you and her, I saw some similarities, you have that fighting spirit and mental will she had, but you need the acknowledgement and friendliness of others to move forward, unlike her though you still had a chance.

I could tell you were hurting so much, I saw you give up and when I tried to help you you instantly latched on to hope and fought on. You allowed me to help you instead of pushing me away, you gave me trust and I didn't want to let you down. I wanted to help you—not because I thought in doing so I would redeem my past mistakes because I can't—but because I wanted to, because I liked you.

You played with me, didn't treat me like a monster or a soldier but something more personal, like a friend, I've never had a friend before. I like how honest you are in your emotions, I like how you smile with your eyes, I like how freely you speak. I wanted to be around you more but I didn't know how. I wanted you closer, like I've never wanted anyone. Everything I knew about myself, about life, didn't seem like the whole picture anymore.

I was lost forever until you brought me back. You make my heart beat like crazy. I don't think you know how much your presence has done for me all this time. I want to be me again. With you. There are no more walls, not from you, I'm completely open.”

Kyo looks finally at his face and Ruki climbs onto his lap and wraps his arms tightly around his neck.

“Kyo.”

“Yesterday my fears and insecurities bubbled up and I took it out on you, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have done that, it was a defense mechanism. I didn't mean it.” Kyo holds him back, closing his eyes at his neck. “It won't happen again.”

“I understand why you did, it doesn't matter now.” Ruki says. “Oh god, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through, I wish I could've come to you sooner. Your sister, she sounds wonderful and couragious. I can't believe you guys were treated so badly.”

They hug for a while which gives Ruki time to take in all the information he's been given, processing it and completing a broader image of the man he was pressing himself against, understanding him better.

Nothing about the things he'd learned made him scared of Kyo, how could it?

“I see you,” he tells him, feeling Kyo's hand add more pressure to his back in a silent response.

He moves back enough to face him, his hands sliding from his shoulders to his chest, calming himself to focus on Kyo. His pale eyes had just the tiniest hint of water in them that made them glisten, it almost wasn't there but it was a clear visible sign of Kyo's emotions. No doubt his confession, putting his pained past into words, had stirred the most vulnerable and protected parts of him and right now he was being stubborn and trying to stay strong and not let it overpower him.

“I'm going to tell you something. Something true that is long overdue that you need to hear,” Ruki looks Kyo in the face. What no one else had told him all these years. This was going to hurt but he knew Kyo wasn't even aware of how desperately he needed it. “You didn't fail her.”

Kyo shakes his head, almost flinching while looking away but Ruki won't let him escape.

“Those other people failed you both, you are not at fault for how people treated you as children, you were both wounded—no, listen to me, you didn't fail her, you did everything you could.” He lays both hands on either side of Kyo's head, leaning his weight further onto him to make him stay put when the muscles in that body flexes, keeping his voice soft and gentle as he speaks, not wanting to push him too hard but hard enough to guide him the last bit. Sees him casting his head down so he can't see his eyes and he feels proud of him for sticking around despite that Kyo's instincts shouted at him right now to riot. “You were the best big brother she could've had, you took care of her, you loved her. You got split up, you didn't know how to find your ways back because you were in too much agony but in the end you did. You and her, you found back to each other and that's what matters. What happened to her wasn't your fault, you didn't fail her.”

Kyo's face was so grim, his mouth and chin pulled upwards, and his forehead and brows pulled downwards, every feature was drawn towards the center of his face.

“I could have done more.”

“You did everything you could.”

He keeps holding onto Kyo, weighing his body down with his own, ignoring the twitching that occurs a couple of times in those wings, hoping to urge him to let go.

Let it out, he thinks, just let it out.

“It's okay, Kyo.”

But Kyo refuses. So he gently and slowly threads his fingers through his hair.

He knows Kyo hasn't allowed himself to be this vulnerable, to truly let his guard down in front of anyone. It was clear to Ruki he'd bottled too much for too long and needed a good weeping but if Kyo wasn't willing then he can't force him any further, if this was as far as Kyo was allowing himself to go it was good enough.

“It's alright,” he whispers to him. “It's alright.”

Ruki holds him for a good while, stroking his hair slowly. If this was the only way that he could help him make it more endurable then he was glad to give him as much. He could swear Kyo was stifling occasional little sounds coming from his throat every once in a while of some of that terrible ache he carried but wouldn't let out.

“I always thought that if I hadn't been around maybe she wouldn't have had to go through all that when we were kids. I always blamed myself. How could anyone dislike her? I knew they hated me but why hate her? It made no sense. Perhaps if she hadn't been with me someone would have cared for her.”

“No Kyo, don't think like that.”

“It should have been only me. I'm the monster. Not her.”

“No, you're wrong. It shouldn't have been either of you. It doesn't matter what kind of person you are, the ones that hate and hurt will always hate and hurt, you deserved it no more than she did, and you didn't make it worse. I know you well enough, you did everything you could to protect her.”

He holds him until Kyo's face retreats from his neck. There was no moist but traces indeed of what he was going through, the brims of his eyes red. He brought a hand up to his face so that his thumb lay by the corner of his eye, giving the skin there the smoothest caress which caused the eye to blink not on reflex, but pleasance. This particular spot beside Kyo's eye was one of the soft parts framed by the hard angles. It warmed the palm of his hand, where the upper part of it was cold of winter.

“And you're not a monster. But even if you were it changes nothing.”

When pale irises look at him he gives him a smile. He knew now why Kyo was so insecure when Ruki did things for him, no one had taken care of him before.

Kyo smiles back albeit faintly.

Kyo's features flickered then by some woe, voice lacing with bitterness, “I've always liked you, since first I saw you. I should've– fuck– I should've done something! I could have! I should never have let him–!”

“Stop that,” Ruki cuts him off firmly, giving him another caress, “not that, okay? Don't do that.”

Reined in the older now spoke softly as ever, “I want you to be able to trust me. I want you to have no fear of me.”

Ruki thought that's what Kyo had wanted most all these years and probably never thought he'd find. He hadn't admited it to himself, ha locked himself away, but what he longed for truly was for someone to not think of him as a freakishly strong mean monster, someone he could be himself with, someone who didn't turn the other way, someone who genuinly liked him and trusted him. Kyo had always been abandoned, feared, even hated, from his parents disappearance to his evil foster family who mistreated him, to the people in the town he'd lived in, to being locked up and tortured, and losing his sister—not once but twice.

Ruki wanted with every fibre of his being to be that person to give him what he needed, finds himself ready to give Kyo everything. There was no doubt in his mind that Kyo was his, the one he wanted.

Like a drizzle of tingles shooting through him, a feeling like a pull from his insides reaching towards something on the outside, as when the body is hungry and craves food his body desperately craved something in that moment. His blood, kidneys, brain, skin, lungs, heart, all of it was reaching out. It made every hair on him stand up. It lasted only a few seconds and was almost painful but at the same time not.

When he speaks he does so clearly. He means every word. Fully. With all that he is.

“I'm not afraid of you and I do trust you. Completely.”

He can tell that Kyo believes him and how much his words meant to him. Kyo's head dipped down, his arms tentatively reaching around Ruki's lower waist, resting on his thighs as they held him. He seemed younger, as if 15 years of war and close to a lifetime of torture peeled off of him, baring a deprived soul. A child.

He was such a tender heart, how did no one see that? Perhaps that's just what they did. It was with a stab to his chest that Ruki came to know how very much they had in common and how protective of Kyo that made him.

“I promise to keep your trust and your heart and treat it with utmost care.” Kyo's breath tickled his neck.

Closing his eyes, Ruki leans his own face to the side until his cheek lightly connects with Kyo's, his hands resting on his shoulders close to the neck, thumbs caressing the skin. “I know.”

There was nothing between them now. The ease that had fallen over them after having disclosed both their darkest pasts, the way that it had brought them closer, was probably the calmest Ruki had felt in a long time, like the two of them had been enwrapped with silk.

“I didn't latch onto hope, I latched onto you,” he whispers at his ear, “what are you thinking about?”

“Kissing you,” came Kyo's careful answer so close.

“I'm not stopping you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we finally got some backstory and I think it's more clear now to both of them why they are able to relate to and somewhat understand each other. What happened to Kyo's parents though? Why were they treated so badly? What did his sister do all those years when they were apart? We only have Kyo's point of view here so there's still alot of blank spaces to be explained.  
> I really want to say thank you to everyone who's reading and everyone who leaves comments, it means so much to me, you guys are amazing! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last thing he was expecting was for the other to thoughtfully start drying his hair with some fabric, ruffling it gently on his head until it didn't drip on his neck anymore. He laughed lightly when the fabric was thrown away while his hands acted out of control and moved over Kyo's shoulders randomly. Was there no end to this sweetness? He hoped not.

For some people it may take years to get to know someone. For others it takes no more than a few weeks, or an hour of talking.

Ruki and Kyo were back to spending almost every minute of every day together. Quietly and uneventful, most of the time. Ruki with his notebook, sometimes accompanied by Kyo as he drew. One of them would break the comfortable silence to share some thought or whatever and the other would counter with something of their own. At one moment during one of those days Ruk had closed his book and laid his head without warning on the older's lap. Silently, Kyo had moved his fingers to his hair and Ruki had closed his eyes.

There were many moments like that, just the two of them. They had no obligations out here, no one to answer to. There was no reason to hide or to fake. Moments to explore and relish slowly in their new-found closeness.

Being with Kyo was different from any experiences Ruki had from the past, not because he was a man but because their relationship was different. He couldn't quite explain it to himself when he tried, it just was that way. 'Deeper', was the only word he could think of.

Only when the other hunted were they apart and when he arrived back Ruki was always waiting. During one of those times there was that one time when he strode up to Kyo who was preparing to do the gory work of hunting, and the beast had looked at him questioningly at the expectant and determined look on his face.

“Show me how it's done,” he'd said, because he was done with being helpless. Kyo hadn't questioned him again and shown him how.

The weather was surprisingly mild for the season. The mornings were crisp and frosty but the sun had shone for days now and the temperature was just where it kept the snow away, at least for now.

To any other person Kyo probably looked as grumpy as always but Ruki who knew him and paid attention to the small things saw the difference in him. He couldn't help the pride and warmth in his chest. Especially when Kyo's hands or eyes sought him out, wanting his attention, wanting to touch him. There was no denying he wanted the contact too.

He liked the way Kyo would look at him. Intensely, curiously, with a dash of question in the mix, as if he was always asking what to do and what Ruki wanted. Kyo saw him. Just as he'd always heard him when no one else had.

Each night when they went to bed Kyo would hold him and he was free to shamelessly hide his face against his neck, to tuck himself close without any excuse of needing to share bodyheat because of the cold. Kyo always welcomed him.

The beast was undoubtedly a very efficent source of heat as well, seemed hotter than was normal which might explain why he was able to dress too light for the season. Warm enough that Ruki didn't need his coat anymore now that they were so close at night, and with that wing always protecting him, it was perfect.

A couple of days after their talk during a moonless night Ruki was blind in the dark and craving to be closer. The helplessness of being robbed of his sight only enhanced his yearning. Despite all the attention he gave him, Kyo had been too passive for his liking since that morning of his confession, slow to initiate and explore and rather just settling with waiting for Ruki and so, he's finding himself yearning for him more and more as the days went by. Missing that kiss they'd shared after their talk. Wants to have that again.

“You're like a living furnace,” the only words he could think of leaves his mouth.

The wintry dark was so penetrating in the tent this night he wasn't far off from freaking out. There were sounds of wings coming from outside, much smaller wings belonging to much smaller bodies, drifting and flapping through the air.

In response there was a brush of lips to his brow and instantly his insides and his right palm tingled in delight. For some reason his right hand seemed to have a huge amount of nerves in it that always sparked and came alive at the smallest display of affection. There was a hot steady breath stroking him and a body he could just barely feel, tucked beneath the shared blankets, his own hand lying quietly against said body's chest.

He wants more than this.

His entire body was responding to their closeness, to the anticipation of rejoining with those lips he hadn't been connected with since that day. He could swear he felt the warmth of those kisses even now.

He almost resists the urge but if he didn't do something about this he might have to wait the rest of his life for something to happen. Finding himself grateful now that he can't see, allowing the dark to give him the courage to raise a hand to a rough-feeling unshaved cheek, he follows the shape by touch until placing his thumb across the chin, just barely touching the lower lip, letting it guide him so he can press their mouths together.

The connection of lips and the rediscovery of that same gentleness he remembers from before instantly causes fluttering and spreading of warmth and he allows it all to take over his senses, giving himself up completely to the wonderful experience, letting the scent and feel of the other consume him.

Kyo doesn't hesitate to answer no matter how carefully, stoking his courage enough to keep kissing him for a good while. Gods, he'd longed for this.

Kissing with Kyo was so easy, so enjoyable, so vastly different. Kissing with the right feelings involved. How tightly he wanted to bond with him and build something strong, how much he wanted to be his.

He has barely tasted him yet and although he's longing to do just that, for now he was more than content with his lips and the way that they pressed so heavenly against his own. Content with lying against him. Having that strong arm around his waist, holding him just tightly enough to tell him he's wanted. He shudders under his skin, and his scalp reacted too, in some way, just like the rest of him.

“I don't know what to do,” comes a whisper when they part, the uneven breathing onto his mouth further melting his insides.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you did nothing wrong. It's me. I don't know what to do,” Kyo repeats with a sigh. “I don't know these things, what's okay, what's expected, how to do things and when and how much. I'm so fucking ignorant.” He breathes out honestly. “I have these things- This is going to sound really strange, but it's like I'm hungry for you, I'm trying very hard to deal with it but- Did you just laugh?” Kyo stops abruptly.

“Of course not, why would I laugh,” Ruki answers, collecting himself from releasing another too fast exhale.

He wonders how much guts it took for Kyo to confess those things out loud, relieved at the effort he put into sharing rather than shoving it away to pretend like it didn't exist.

“What do you want to do?”

When there's no answer his voice is so quiet this time he half expects his words to go unheard.

“Do you want to be close to me?”

“Badly. All the time.”

There's a flood of excitement in him at the honest reply and this time he makes his voice low and smooth.

“So be close to me.”

He sighs when arms snake around his waist, accomodating gladly when that voice whispers to him to 'come here', settling himself snug against Kyo's body as he held him. Allowing himself to tuck his fingers inside the collar of Kyo's shirt to keep them warm (it might just've been an excuse to get inside his shirt), he kisses a strong jaw slowly, twice. And then once more.

As Kyo places an innocent kiss to his nose he's feeling like a calm mess, soothed and exstatic at the same time. He shifts lower to nuzzle his face against Kyo's neck, making a content sound at the comfortable position, fingering weakly the fabric over his collarbone.

“You smell really good,” he muses out loud against the skin.

Two days later when Ruki came back to the camp area after collecting firewood, a task he performs daily, appreciating the nice walks in solitude and sense of freedom, he let's said items go to fall to the ground. Sitting down by the fire close to his more-than-friend-person-but-he-wasn't-entirely-sure-what-they-were, rubbing his arms and hugging himself. It took him a few minutes but then he noticed.

Kyo was tense, staring at the ground close to his feet.

He raises his eyebrows in silent question, wondering what made him look so torn up.

The older's eyes drift to his face, not quite able to meet his eyes, and then he leans closer. Ruki probably stopped breathing.

Kyo's face continued to move closer and closer until there were lips pressing against his cheek close to his ear in the sweetest display of affection his insides exploded like fireworks.

When Kyo doesn't move away but hides his face against the skin right beneath his ear he instinctivly raises a hand to his black hair. Brushing soft strands between his fingers, relishing in the moment and the attention, trying not to burst out laughing in joy because he had a feeling doing so would shatter the man's ego.

“No exploring today?” Kyo asks, his voice so damn hushed and close to his ear.

“Not today.”

It was in the inbetween of night and sunrise, Kyo noted. The air outside was freezing, smelling like snow. While the inside of the tent was like a cocoon of Ruki's scent and perhaps not warmth, but their tightly wrapped bodies that was comfortable and pleasant—very pleasant. Each morning he stirred he felt warm on the inside.

Why he woke up now though, this early, was because the body inside his arm and wing moaned and squirmed in his sleep. Whimpering. Hands pushing flat against his chest as if desperate to be parted with him.

He's about to call the distressed being's name to wake him, calm him, but Ruki's eyes beat him to it. They open wide with a horrid gasp and at the same time uses more force into trying to get Kyo to get away from him with a yelp, so he grants him his wish, withdraws from touching him and scoofs to the opposite end of the tent. Waiting there. Drawing his wings close to his body while observing the human's frantic rolling as far away as he can get, eyes looking as if he doesn't know where he is, staring unblinking at him for a moment like someone cornered.

Thankfully it doesn't last long and he can tell Ruki fast recognizes him. It seems to bring him ease to find him there but he still gives him the space without questioning, without talking at all.

The younger pants, covering his face with his hand as if to steady himself, gradually relaxing his tensed body to let the fear from his nightmare wash off him. Kyo waits patiently as he buries his flushed face in the crook of his arm.

Eventually Ruki is calm enough to come out of hiding and meet his gaze. Looking a little apologetic and still affected by his nightmare so Kyo smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. In response Ruki extends his arm across the surface in his direction.

He doesn't waste a second to lay his own over the open hand, caressing the skin with his thumb and drawing random circles across the palm, the wrist, watching the other ease more and more.

“It was a bad one,” Ruki tells him, eyes resting on their joined hands, “so real.”

“Okay,” Kyo whispers back, still caressing his hand, nails gently grazing the sensitive skin.

“I hate them,” his voice is a whimper, “it hurts.”

Kyo entwines their fingers firmly. Squeezing his hand to keep his attention from slipping.

“Come back,” Ruki whispers carefully and so he comes to him. Wrapping his arm around his waist, a thing that still made him beyond giddy each time, made him feel wanted, because Ruki always reacted to it by snuggling up to him with a sigh. “Don't leave me.”

“I won't.”

Lying facing each other he draws soothing motions over his back. One of the things he'd re-learned how to do since meeting Ruki.

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay, nothing to apologize for. I'm just glad I was here.”

His gut makes a little dance when a little smile forms on that face while he moves to touch it with light caresses, letting him know to keep doing it. He can't get enough of touching him, of seeing him smile, of seeing his eyes flutter when he brushes his hair behind his ear.

“Just one person.” Ruki says after a while almost as if he wasn't aware himself of the words he spoke. “One person.”

“What do you mean?” Kyo asked, not sure that Ruki was even awake.

Ruki clung to him.

“One person.”

Ruki ventures deep inside the belly of the gigantic ruin and into the library. It was completely protected from the weathers and was everything one expected from a library. Dusty. High ceiling. The walls were made up of shelves that held endless rows and piles of books, the shelves being disrupted all around the room by statues, each one about twice the scale his own size and carved into soft features with flowing robes and large wings in different postures. Back in the day they'd been white, now they were aged and darkened and cracked here and there. They were the only art inside the room.

As he observed the statues one by one he saw that four of them represented each of the elements. There was one that held a goblet for water, one that made vivid gestures with their arms and strong strokes of their wings for air, one that stood among growing flowers for earth, and one that was stepping through fire. The rest appeared to him as only artistic, but then he knew little of the time and people before humans and atlennans and they might mean something much more than being mere art pieces. There was one thing he could say for sure and that's that the norgiynians must have valued beauty and purity aside from knowledge and being masters of war, the gargoyles outside were crude looking but still had an elegance to them, whereas these statues, the ones that were a mirror of themselves or at least their ideals, were more beautiful than any live person. But of course all of this was just his own interpretations. He wonders if the gargoyles represented something other, something nasty also alive in those days, or if they were only designed to be unsettling.

For one with a passion for the past and learning it was the ideal room to explore, perfect for reflecting and exploring curiosities. He'd found it a couple of days ago when he'd had nothing better to do. As he walks down a winding staircase of this huge historic room he's descending into the lower level for the first time and he can't wait to delve into some old books.

This level was even dirtier than the air was stale. It was partly underground with windows close to the ceiling to let light in. This room had regular walls as well aside shelving, decorated with frames. There's even a mirror and he stops before it, placing his palm on the glass and slowly wipes some of the dust off so that his face stared back at him. He then brushed the dust from his hands and stared at the trinkets on the table beneath it, just som valuable-looking vases, and turned away to a nearby desk that hadn't been cleared after its last user. To him this was evidence of another curious visitor that's passed through this place like himself not too long ago, perhaps they too had been digging for a journey into the past.

He traces the cover of one of the books piled on the desk, along the hard cover and embossed patterns of it. Aside it stood a bottle of ink and an old brass lamp. Opening the cover and flipping through the pages he sees text and a few images here and there. He closes it again and gazes at the one lying underneath it, this one has a symbol on it's cover, some sort of triangle and circle.

He moves on.

Curiosity drives him towards the shelves housing huge amounts of scrolls, instantly drawn to them rather than the books, wondering what old lore they held. He reaches for one of the closest ones, unrolling the tarnished old paper, dirt and dust spilling across them.

The scrolls weren't several hundreds or even a thousand years old, they'd been copied from the originals to keep their information from vanishing. He contonues to examine the scrolls one after the other, finding each one to have markings he can't decipher. Not one of the rolls he inspected was readable.

He sighs with disappointment, wonders if Kyo would be able to read these. He'd never encountered these anywhere inside his home though, this language might be much too old and he wasn't sure Kyo was educated in the old language.

As he continues rummaging through dust and parchment, accompanied by the chattering of small species of rodents, he finds some interesting images. Drawings of symbols, mathematical calculations, maps, stuff about astronomy, a lot of documentations that means nothing. Science stuff really, that was of no use to him. The images finally become more interesting when he scans the very old ones that were almost falling apart into dust themselves, and then something catches his eye that makes him still and look closer.

It may be nothing, he's not sure, but he can't let it go just yet and carefully not to break it, he lays the parchment on the desk, placing weights atop the corners so that it doesn't roll up.

Time passed while he stayed in this part of the library. He eventually moved on to the books after searching eagerly for more that seemed even remotely related to what that one particular scroll was about. He's bored at this point and done with these crawling animals and the fact that he can't find one piece of paper with a single letter on it that he can understand, and he's just about to climb back up the stairs. Before rising from the chair he'd occipied to do so, he grabs a last book from the pile next to it, opens it to a random page, and gasps.

“Where have you been?” Kyo asked, sitting down close beside him, their dinner roasting above the fire.

“Aw, did you miss me?”

Kyo doesn't answer but keeps his eyes firmly planted at the ground and there was no way he would let him be.

“You totally missed me, your face right now tells me you did.”

Ignoring his comment Kyo makes an effort to bland his face but he's completely lost the talent to hide from him. “Did you find something interesting this time?”

Ruki ponders telling him and decides not to, instead he chooses to keep teasing him.

“Don't change the subject.”

“But I'm interested.”

The things Kyo's words did to him.

“You're interested in me?”

“Of course I'm interested in you.”

He shrugs while his heart draws strength from those words, fueling it to beat stronger. “Went to the library. Got stuck there.”

“Oh. And?”

“I can't read them,” he sighs, “the writings were unfamiliar. Do you think you might be able to?”

“I wouldn't be able to either.”

“Mm. Too bad.”

“I was never taught the old language by my foster-family.”

“I understand. Though I wouldn't dignify those people by refering to them as anything remotely close to a 'family',” he mutters.

Whenever he thought about the way Kyo and his sister were treated as children it filled him with contempt. Contempt that might even be more intense than his anger over his own torments.

He couldn't make sense of the books and scrolls. He might return another time to try to find out more or maybe just stare at those pictures again. But whatever information they held it didn't change a thing. And right now he just wanted Kyo's body against his own, his breath close to his ear, and his eyes asking about him, missing him. His body was aching more and more with each day to break barriers, to touch and burn and feel and let go. The more time passed, the stronger the ache became.

“Well, I missed your grumpy face,” he says, jutting out his bottom lip. “I wish you felt the same way about me that I feel about you.”

Kyo looks thrown.

There's a pause between them while he fumbles with the sleeve of his shirt, knowing when those eyes land on him without needing to see them, and then Kyo's voice comes soft and light.

“I missed you.”

He turns toward Kyo's direction, “that wasn't so hard was it?”

Kyo's breath fled him in a nervous chuckle that revealed his too many teeth.

“You're cute.”

Chuckle swiftly turn into a groan.

“I thought I told you not to call me that.”

“I must. It makes your face get all hard and frowny and the way you draw your mouth into a thin line so happens to be something I need to see every once in a while because it makes you look vulnerable,” he explains, a nice-feeling giggle bubbling up from his chest when the older briefly drags a hand over his own face, that soft-looking mouth threatening to tug at the corners. _For me. Vulnerable for me._

Kyo always made him happy. He didn't care how silly he felt, scraping his boot at the gravel, knowing his cheeks were probably as pink as his tongue, because it was so damn good and easy.

How ridiculous they both were.

When they stare at each other his organs almost jumps through his prickling skin in Kyo's direction, muscles clenching in a silent roar. Calling out. He masks his gasp by clearing his throat. He had never before experienced a pull this strong, and the want, to belong to another person so fiercly as this.

“Do you know of any other winged species?” His voice was thicker than he had intended.

“No. Why?”

“Don't know, it was just a thought I had.”

“Oh.”

“Can we be more than friends?” He blurts out. _Nice one Ruki. Smooth change of subject, geez._

It was the first rain in days. It started with only a light drizzle. Drizzle turned to a downpour and thunder. But while it was still only drizzling lightly, a human and his beast wandered the grounds, unfazed by the weather.

“So. You must have a stash of kinky erotica in your library. Right?”

“What?” Kyo sounded like he gulped while attempting to swallow.

“Come on you can tell me, we're both adults. A 50-year old virgin has got to entertain himself with something.”

“Wha- I'm not 50! I told you!”

“You never told me your age. I'm right aren't I?”

“No you're not right.”

“Yes I am. Are you telling me you lived your mysterious amount of years without at least doing things to yourself? You need some inspiration at one point. I'm convinced you have stuff at home, you can't make it on imagination alone for that long and I mean, how much fun is it to imagine something you've never experienced or seen much of save for, I don't know, other men in the dressing-room?”

Kyo was silent for a whole minute.

“There's a conversation I never thought I'd have.”

Ruki smiled.

“I can ask just about anything to people. It annoys them sometimes.”

“I noticed.”

“So?”

“So what?”

“Are you annoyed?”

“No.”

“But you're very uncomfortable.”

“I don't know how to navigate these skies.”

Ruki chuckled, “I don't think you're as uncomfortable about this as you're letting on right now. Did you ever consider women?”

“Not really.”

“Do you know what women look like?”

Kyo threw him an unimpressed glance that Ruki met with a smirk.

They'd been walking aimlessly for quite a while, talking and not talking. The sky above them was so grey and dark it was only a matter of time before the storm blew out. When Ruki stepped around a pillar in what used to be a large garden that was now taken over by wilderness, not a flower or trimmed bush in sight, but naked frost-covered nature growing as it wished, a first raindrop falls on his hand. He was starting to think the subject had been dropped, until Kyo spoke again.

“I like this side of you. When you don't watch your words and behave freely.”

“It's not always good I can tell you.”

“I can imagine.”

“So back on the topic, if I searched your library when we get back I wouldn't find some stuff you'd rather keep hidden? I wonder what you like, I'm starting to think you prefer men.” He hums partly to himself, gazing at the fountain in the far off center of the garden.

“You know what I like.”

He couldn't help the flare of hope in his chest.

“If you mean me, I'm recent. You must have thought about other things long before you met me.” He barely had the courage to mention himself and even less to hint that Kyo might be thinking about him, just in case he was wrong.

“I'm not hiding anything from you.” Ruki shivered at the tone. “You can search my home if you want. And it's your home too. I know it doesn't feel like it to you, and I know my place holds anything but fond memories to you, but I want you to know that I consider it yours as much as mine.”

The raindrops fell more frequently now. He traced his fingers along one of the protruding patterns on a pillar, following the movements of his hand, “I have many fond memories from my time with you.”

“Yes. I mean you,” Kyo added when Ruki rounded the pillar and came close to him, his hand still on the stone and the vines that grew around it like a snare, but otherwise paying no mind to it any longer, meeting Kyo's eye. The staring that went on between them then was so intense and electric Ruki almost pulled away and at the same time was rooted. Kyo stood still before him. “Is that okay?”

Kyo's presence was so overwhelming and large he could barely get his “yeah” out.

“We should get out of here.”

“Why?” He had barely noticed how hard the rain was coming down now, not even the ones that rolled down his face.

“I don't want you to turn blue again.”

He watched those wings. They were so fascinating. He wants to touch them. “It's not so bad.”

But it was. The ends of his hairs was already dripping.

“Okay it's bad, fuck,” the tension between them broke as he brushed a hand over his face to get his hair out of the way and he shook his head, partly because of the water and partly in effort to clear his head from that tension they'd both been under. It didn't completely clear.

He jogged and ducked under a roof to find shelter with Kyo trailing just behind. It was useless though, they were already soaked.

Kyo was wearing that oversized white shirt he loved, with the frilly high collar hugging his neck, a black decorative harness adorning his chest, and black pants. The clothing was sticking to his torso in all the right places and he can just faintly see the dark circles of nipples through the fabric. He tried to be discreet about looking, averting his eyes with burning cheeks when Kyo caught his stare.

“Are you cold?”

Ruki shakes his head. He was a little cold but he didn't care. He wanted to ask how Kyo was not freezing in those clothes but perhaps he was and didn't care either.

He almost asks 'are you going to offer me bodyheat?' but his brain didn't function enough to make light conversation right this moment.

Eyes unable to stay away from that dear form, they flick back to defined chest despite that in doing so Kyo could see without any doubts what he wanted. There was something special about his torso and shoulders that always made him weak in the knees, being the place where he wanted to place himself the most, to be held. Before flicking up to his face. There was a droplet of water on Kyo's cheek, right beneath the eye, he follows its path as it trailed down to the corner of his mouth. The temptation was too great.

He might have leapt towards him, he's not sure, but the distance between them had diminished. Kyo's darkened eyes bore into his but his own was set now on those alluring lips. He knew his own mouth had opened to let a breath of air in, he knew his hand had found its way to Kyo's stomach. It was hard and bulgy and damp. He leans in. Tongue darting out, he probes lightly against the corner of the older's mouth, licking the moist. Kyo appeared petrified as he continues to trace the tip of his muscle along the full lower lip, making it even softer with his saliva, before pressing a soft kiss to it. Just a soft touch of lips. Lingering. Savoring the sensation. Sucking on it just a little to pull it between his lips.

Kyo didn't move anywhere except for his eyelids falling half closed and his stomach heaving one time against his hand. When he leaned back slightly Kyo gazed at him heavily and he felt hands on his hips going around his lower back, drawing him so close their bodies connected.

“Kiss me,” he tells him lowly, moving his hand from his stomach to clasp at the harness over Kyo's chest. The rain kept pouring heavily around them, splattering onto the pavement, drowning out his words.

Kyo pressed his mouth over his, closed mouthed but there was a small crack between his lips so he poked his tongue at the slim opening, licking his upper lip in the process and Kyo caught on, opening his mouth wider, slipping his own tongue out to meet him.

The moment Kyo's wet muscle sleakly makes a small caress on his, he's torn between weakness and a fervent desperation to cling to him by his clothes, gasping with need, responding eagerly to the kiss and new level of intimacy. His body even shakes. Overcome with the wonderful sensations coursing through it just from their tongues rubbing and playing together with such eager gentleness both of them find themselves unable to stop now that they've aquired that first taste.

When Kyo slips a moan of his own his heart nearly beats out of his chest and all blood rushes helplessly southwards and there's nothing he can do about it. Rendering him unthinking, burning, swelling between their glued-together bodies. He would pull away but he can't, and Kyo only holds him firmer.

He can feel one of Kyo's hands at the back of his head, entangled with his locks, and he wills himself to trust him. To not pull away.

Kyo holds his head in place as he keeps tormenting him so sweetly, while his other hand is still wrapped around his slim waist, supporting most of his weight. The thunder growls it's joy above them and Ruki's body was absolutely singing, the frantic flipping of the powerful muscle in the center of his chest was merciless.

Mouth pressed to mouth his eyes pry open and gaze back at Kyo's already opened eyes through thick lashes, as if he'd sensed him watching him and he knew what Kyo was looking out for. What a gentleman.

A need to properly fill lungs with air reluctantly forces them to part but only just; lips hover only a breath away and occasionally bump together lightly, yearning for more contact, with water dripping from both their chins.

Ruki shivers, mouth on ajar, waiting for more. His arousal evident along his body.

Just as he contemplates moving his hips away the two of them flinch together when a lightningbolt cleaves the sky. Kyo's face breaks into a carefree smile, tucking a few damp strands of his hair behind his ear and then resting the hand against his cheek, caressing it with his thumb and he thinks he's so beautiful like this. A dark angel. The roaring sky behind him. Droplets of water dripping from his hair. A serene expression on his face as he pants from the effect of their kiss.

Is himself really the cause for him to be that happy?

“I can't let you go,” Kyo pants.

“Kyo.”

Ruki plants their lips together anew and Kyo is more than happy to pick up where they left off, driven almost crazy by the tuneful note with which the own name had so lovingly dropped from those maddening lips.

The rain was trailing down his head, his face, down into the fabric of his clothing. Ruki was getting soaked. He felt it as he felt everything else in this moment, with such sharp clarity, as if his senses were much more heightened than usual, like he had so many nerves in his body, electrifying him with jolts wherever Kyo touched him. Pleasurable, wonderful jolts. More than anything he felt the strong sure presence of the man he was trying to mold himself into, his lips and his tongue that was timid at first but growing more confident in its caresses.

Kyo was so eager to learn, to please. Ruki's blood was gushing through his veins.

He refrains from grinding his hips against Kyo's ever present erection. The feel of it didn't scare him. At least not in a bad way. Only, he was afraid to be pushed away, that Kyo would freak out again, that they're moving too fast, that Kyo doesn't want him in that way. Afraid to let himself trust in _them_ completely. But oh, how much he wants to. He's absolutely ready to trust, to fall. So ready.

He lets his hand wander over Kyo's muscled chest. He hadn't realized until now how much he had wanted to touch every inch of him, every curve, every muscle. He could feel him vividly through his shirt but the fabric bothered him greatly.

He lets his mouth part reluctantly from Kyo's enough to whisper, “let's get inside.”

He shivers at the dark look in the other's eyes when their lids heavy with moist rise to look at him. There was a gnawing piece of self-counsiousness and worry in him then and he almost takes the words back. Kyo simply nodded and made to make his way back to their tent, intertwining their fingers. Silently, he let himself be led.

All the while his heart was thrashing in a mixture of excitement and apprehension, wondering what the change of location might mean to both of them. What Kyo was thinking right now. What Kyo made of this.

Kyo shielded him as he crawled inside. He hears him ruffle his wings of water before joining him.

He knew everything that was going on inside of him was showing in his posture and face as Kyo sat down across from him in the tent and wisely allowed some space between them and refrained from touching him, giving him the time he needed.

Silence.

He throws a glance at him, studying him. Feeling him in.

Safe. Kyo looked safe.

“I want to kiss you,” he confesses.

“I want to kiss you too.”

“I know you don't want to take things further and that's okay.”

“That was before I met you.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“I,” he tries not to look redden. “I just, I need to do this slow and, I can't promise I can continue.”

“If you want to stop we'll stop immediately, no questions asked. I won't be disappointed or angry, you know that. We don't have to take this any further than we already are, I'm very, very, happy with just kissing you—we don't have to kiss either, there are no expactations from my side and the last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable. We're absolutely not going to push things and move towards something we're not ready for. I really care about you.” His voice lowers slightly, “you have me enamoured. I am yours. I always was. Even before we met.”

Ruki's breath hitched soundlessly, heart skipping a beat before thrumming faster.

He crawls the short bit of distance, placing himself carefully on Kyo's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck, and indulged him in a tender kiss to show him how much his words meant and all the other positive feelings that had taken over him in that moment, smothering his insecurities. He gazed deeply into Kyo's warm eyes after parting with his mouth. His own words felt inadequate in comparison.

“And I'm yours. What about, if I wanted? What do you want?”

“Everything you want to give me.”

Kyo looked so earnest when he said it and he knew he could retreat right now. He could get off his lap and Kyo wouldn't treat him any differently. He wouldn't get mad or bug him or try to persuade him—of course he wouldn't.

The last thing he was expecting was for the other to thoughtfully start drying his hair with some fabric, ruffling it gently on his head until it didn't drip on his neck anymore. He laughed lightly when the fabric was thrown away while his hands acted out of control and moved over Kyo's shoulders randomly. Was there no end to this sweetness? He hoped not.

“You feel so right,” he says, gaze lowering to the collar around Kyo's neck. “Don't touch me,” he instructs, reaching to undo the top button, feeling Kyo's attention on him as he progresses to the next one. Sees his adam's apple bobbing as he swallows while he keeps going until they're all undone. The laughter in his chest became something thicker and made of desire.

While his heart pounds he separates the damp flaps of fabric, drawing them to the sides, revealing bare skin, letting the harness stay on. Kyo's chest was rising and falling, his breath slightly shallow as he allows him to do what he wants, and this time it wasn't from a struggle to keep himself from throwing him off of him. It made him mesmerized the way that Kyo was showing his enjoyment, as if Ruki was fulfilling a deep ache and yearning and the more he did it the more Kyo needed him to keep doing it.

He touches the lower abdomen of the heated skin, feeling the taut abs under his curious hands, the gentle movements of the muscles under the skin as he slowly trails higher, following the path of his own hands as he explores Kyo's torso, returning to the now naked pectoral muscle, palming it. The 'no future' rasped into his skin made more sense to him now that he knew him more and he thought they might be self-inflicted, but he wasn't about to ask or make assumptions. He moves the strap of the harness to the side, noting the not so subtle shiver when he grazes his nipple as he does so he keeps stimulating it with light touches of his finger for long enough to draw it into an almost torture on the poor bud, alternating his moves a little to not make it too much.

Kyo's breathing had changed. He got the impression that if he let his hand retreat just a little bit he would try to lean on him to search for more. He loved the way that his lids moved just a little heavier. The way Kyo responded.

He leans in to lick the bud with his tongue, using two fingers to tug lightly at the leather of the harness, drinking in the intake of air from Kyo. It was hard against his tongue. He keeps teasing the sensitive nipple for a moment and then moved on to give the other one the same loving treatment, all the while appreciating the naked skin with his hands.

So warm and smooth. Powerful.

His hands were all over Kyo on their own without him needing to really direct them. It all came so naturally.

Kyo didn't appear to be getting any second thoughts so he couldn't help himself from letting go just a little bit. He wanted to taste and feel all of him so when he was done teasing the nipples he kisses across his chest and slowly up to his neck, licking the vein there and moving up still, to nibble his ear, drawing the most erotic groan out of Kyo that he immediately wants to hear again.

Reaching blindly across his chest he pulls the black leather strap out of it's silver clasp, pulling the thing off him so that he can get rid of his shirt completely. He was beginning to feel more confident. His want to touch and taste, his search for deeper connection taking over him.

“Take my shirt off.”

Kyo follows his second instruction without hesitation, gently ridding him of his jacket and then takes his sweet time to unbutton his shirt. Pulling it down his arms until he's completely free of it.

He refused to compare himself to Kyo's much stronger body, his own being so much thinner and bearing those ugly marks that would never leave him. He didn't have much choice but to try to accept them. Wanted Kyo to see him and touch him more than he could ever be embarrassed. If he liked him he would too.

“Can I touch you?”

Ruki nods.

He trembles when Kyo's warm hand does the same thing he'd done and starts exploring him, the look on his face reassuring him that Kyo wasn't disgusted by his appearance and he feels a flood of relief. He had needed this. Needed the reassurance that he could still be desireable.

Kyo's inexperience showed. In a perfect kind of way. Hands moving into his hair, cupping his head and tangling in his hairs, running down the sides of his neck and splaying over his collarbone. He found it endearing and arousing the way he was so engaged in taking his time to explore the feel of him, wanting to get to know him, one part at a time.

“Can I kiss you?”

Again Ruki nods, closing his eyes when that mouth press a soft kiss over his collarbone before placing another directly on the spot where he knew he had bitemarks, giving the area of scarred skin such loving treatment. He shivers when his mouth finds a particularly sensitive spot on his neck.

Kyo uses his hands to explore more of his torso, more skin, caressing slowly and everywhere. Giving that sensitive spot on his neck licks and nibbles. Ruki holds Kyo by the waist, focusing on the feel of his mouth on him as it kissed every scar and every unmarred patch of skin he can reach in this position, almost as if he was apologizing for each and every one of his marks. Remorseful for having let Ruki into that situation a few months back instead of stopping it. For not having been there during the first few weeks after he'd taken him out of it. For not helping him and treating to his physical wounds as well as his psychological ones. Ruki didn't want Kyo to feel like that.

“You saved me.”

Kyo's only response is to sneak his arms around his back, feeling the area where his wings would have been if he'd had any, his tongue darting out to have a lick at his pink nipple with the old gash going through it, making him gasp low in his throat in pleasant surprise. Kyo kept teasing it, trying out nibbling and licking on it with care.

It felt so good. To have his mouth on him. His skin against his.

He knew of course that every part of his body was connected, but he hadn't quite experienced it fully or paid this much attention to it before. Now even the most distant pieces, the smallest and the largest, were all connected and awake. The soles of his feet tingled at the same time his tummy squeezed and his mouth opened on its own, and everything else that happned all at once, again and again.

One of his hands shifted to the hem of Kyo's pants, digging the fingers inside at the front as Kyo kept kissing his chest, discovering hints of hair. He then found his way around his back and up so the older couldn't reach his chest anymore and continued kissing his neck again, and stopped right beneath the area where skin met wing in a silent question. Heart doing a flip of excitement when Kyo told him 'go on'. And he did.

It was all muscle and he could feel the hardness of the bone and movement of the joint, the feathers on the other hand were so soft and didn't even appear wet despite the rain. He traced his hand over the feathers in fascination, finding that there were more of them than he had realized, and then he lets himself disappear inside them, marvelling at the soft feel engulfing his hand.

“Wow, this is so cool.” He feels Kyo's quiet chuckle against his neck as well as placing a small kiss on him, before moving up to meet his eyes. “I'm so excited you're letting me touch you.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

To emphasise his words Kyo brought him into a tight hug. The hard swell of his cock pressed against his lower abdomen but Kyo didn't seem to mind.

He smiles, resting his chin on Kyo's shoulder, “sap. What happens if I'd pull out one of your feathers?”

“Do it and you shall find out but I strongly advice against it and the privilige of touching them would be withdrawn.”

Despite his words Kyo's voice was light and void of threat and Ruki shivered. He pats the feathered limb gently, feeling insanely happy. He was so happy he could burst!

“I won't. I'd be so cold at night without them.”

He leaned back, Kyo's arms accomodating, loosening their hold just enough for him to be able to connect their foreheads together, with one hand inside Kyo's feathers and the other lying on his shoulder.

“I feel safe with you.” He speaks honestly, feeling Kyo's hands press against him just a little more firmly and he knows how much this meant to him. Kyo had been lonely for so long and he was determined to change that. “You know, I did find home again. It's not a place, it's you.”

“I'd call you a sap too but I'm too damn absorbed right now.” Kyo hugged him closer, pressing their stomachs together. “You have no idea how lucky you make me.”

He giggles, capturing Kyo's lips, licking into his mouth, rubbing his tongue, enjoying a few minutes of kissing while holding and being held by this playful loving man.

“We should get out of these wet clothes,” he moved off Kyo's lap with a quick last peck to his mouth, reaching for the front of his pants to open them when Kyo's voice stops him.

“Can I do it?”

He halts and meets his eyes, silently nodding his permission. Soon enough Kyo is kissing him again and nudging him to lie down so he does, finding himself on his back with the other leaning over him, still kissing his mouth.

Tongue tangling with tongue Kyo's fingers opens up his pants gently and without hurry. Despite their actions Kyo's hands weren't intrusive, their intention not prying or hurtful. He'd almost forgotten what this was like.

His pants were soaked from the knees down, the wet fabric stuck to his skin as they were pulled down, leaving him in nothing but his underwear. He was half hard in undegarments that didn't leave all that much for imagination and felt madly self-conscious, worry seeping into his mind that he's not good enough. His body was still connected but right now it was his brain, chest and genitals that was most awake and in a mixture of ways.

But soon Kyo's body was covering his. Distracting him with his mouth. Kissing him so softly and not stopping until his worries slowly dissolved. He wanted this so much he kissed him back ardently, pushing everything else to the sidelines.

Kyo's hand was placed over his hipbone, caressing down his thigh slowly and then up across his stomach, giving him time, warming him up. The air was cold but his blood ran hot and he could feel his cock continue to swell when the older didn't rush or push. The slow pace made him want him more. Kyo was safe. He was safe.

Still half clothed Kyo was straddling his thighs without touching him. It was annoying. He pulls his mouth away just enough to tell him, “take your damn pants off.”

Chuckling, Kyo's mouth disappeared as he got up to pull said items off, leaving him too with only his underwear on. His eyes fell automaticly to the obvious bulge in his underwear and then shifted up to his uncertain gaze.

“What do I do?” Kyo looked right into Ruki's eyes while semi standing awkwardly inside the tent's limited space.

He stood up on his knees. “Kiss me.”

Kyo mirrored his position and leaned forward to follow his direction. Being of the same height their bodies were perfectly aligned.

He was really heating up now, was getting drunk on the intense kissing he placed his hands on the older's lower waist, brushing his hips forward and gasping at the foreign feeling. Kyo met his movements with a few of his own and soon enough Ruki moaned and felt himself drip.

Kyo's hips showed immediate eagerness to press against him more but were easily guided and stopped when he signaled him to. He needs to touch him. While they kissed one of his hands curiously dipped lower to the front of his underwear, locating the shape of Kyo's cock, moving the palm of his hand along the length through the fabric, and in reaction Kyo's hands buried in his hair.

He liked the feel of it against his hand. How hard he was for him. He sneaked his hand below the waistband and hungrily wrapped it around him, finding him to be so warm and hard and silky he moaned right into Kyo's mouth. He felt like nothing he'd ever encountered.

Kyo's breath was quickening when he moved up to explore the head, feeling the shape with his thumb, gliding over the slit, coating with the drop of moist there and then continues to caress down to the spot beneath the head, eliciting a silent moan out of him and onto his own lip. He could tell Kyo was so aroused that it made him very receptive to his touches.

“Fuck,” Ruki cursed.

He payed close attention to him as he continued to explore him, quickly getting familiar with touching another man. It was surprisingly easy to get used to, was so turned on from feeling the hard flesh, the wet head. Something clicked. As if he'd waited to do this. Kyo wasn't very vocal but every breath he drew, the way that he looked at him, were so beautiful and sent waves of electricity down Ruki's body. His own cock twitched when Kyo leaned into him as he experimentally gave him a stroke.

He kept moving his hand along the arousal, only just finding a slow rhythm when Kyo grasps his lower arm. Ruki found his hand unwillingly outside of Kyo's underwear and that lock of mouths gone that left him a little disappointed, it was shortlived and replaced by excitement however, as Kyo hastily undressed, throwing the disturbing last piece of clothing away somewhere.

Oh damn.

What a sight he was, completely naked before him. So beautifully constructed. Shapely, strong proportions. His proud cock that was perfectly curved, the head purple and glistening where Ruki had smeared his precum, it didn't glue to his body but jutted out and up, long and majestic. His heavy wrinkled balls. The black bushy hair reaching only a very short distance down his inner thighs. His intimate skin looking so thin and delicate. A perfect specimen if ever there was one, Kyo was so aesthetically pleasing to look at.

“You're amazing,” his mouth slipped.

An arm snaked around his back before he could admire him for long, effortlessly lowering him down on his back with Kyo's heat lightly pressing down on him from above, his mouth ravaging his and he answered without hesitation, burning to be closer, fire flickering in his chest.

Kyo's hands found to his hips, pausing just long enough to give him room to protest if he wished, before tugging his underwear off. He didn't bother to feel insecure, and soon enough Kyo's hips gently collided with his own that made him break the kiss to tilt his head back, pleased by his actions, rolling his hips encouragingly.

“Okay?” Kyo leans down to place slow kisses on his neck and he notices how he can't refrain from slipping his tongue out repeatedly to taste him.

Their hips moved together. Kyo's equal parts causing wonderful sensations in his own, and the older's instinct to create friction that no guidelines needed to teach him urged Ruki to shiver and jolts of hightened sensitivity and pleasure to tingle inside his tender flesh, while Kyo was clearly getting more and more eager in his movements and explorations. His heart was racing so fast holding Kyo by the waist, mewling lowly each time their sensitive heads rub together.

“Okay,” he breathes back. His muscles quivered with tension so he tried to relax, the soft textured skin of Kyo's balls gently coming to rest on him in sync with his movements was comforting and erotic. His cock slipped down and moved along Ruki's stomach, leaving a wet trail and he wanted to capture it back inside his hand.

When Kyo's hips disappears from him as he lowers himself down the length of his body, teasing his nipples, Ruki's hips unconsciously arch up against his lower abdomen. As Kyo continues to move down until his face suddenly found itself in level with his most intimate area his head pounded in time with his heartbeats and he clutches at the other's ink-black hair.

It happened so fast. One moment their faces were on level and the next Kyo's was down there. He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling his eyes on him.

“You're so beautiful.” Kyo kisses the head of his length. “I want to know what you taste like.”

Ruki doesn't have time to register the words before Kyo's tongue laps at his head, tasting his leaking precum with a satisfied little noise and all he can do is gasp helplessly.

Kyo takes him inside his mouth, giving him an experimental suck and it felt so good. So good that the sudden clash of panic that struck him didn't make any sense and it hit him hard and he gave a shake, only staying in position and not scurrying away because some rational part of his brain still knew he was with Kyo. Nevertheless, he panicked.

He rises up on his arms, eyes seeing Kyo's mouth around his member.

“Kyo, stop!”

He didn't need to say it twice because the other was off him in an instant.

Without hesitation Kyo backs off and arrange his wings to sit away from him without trapping them in some way due to the small space, gazing at him warmly and that gaze alone makes his panic subside. But his heart was still racing as he drew his legs up to his torso to hide himself from view.

“It's okay,” Kyo says.

“It's not you,” he whispers, disappointed with himself.

“It's okay,” Kyo whispers back. “I got carried away. Was that too much?”

“It felt really good, it just sort of... washed over me and took me by surprise—panic, I mean. There's so much going on inside my head. I don't want it to ruin things but...”

“Shh, it's okay.”

Kyo's voice was so effective in calming him, his heart and nerves soothing from their harsh reaction seconds ago.

“It-it was a little sudden. I think I felt too exposed, insecure, I'm sorry.”

“Don't be sorry.”

“My head tells me I don't-.”

“Talk to me.”

“That I don't deserve to feel good.”

If Kyo laughed at him now. If he looked at him wrong. But he didn't.

“You do. You deserve it.”

“I ruined this.”

“You really didn't. I'm glad you told me off.”

“I'm a useless lover. I'm really mad at myself.”

“Don't be, you're wonderful.”

“How can you like me? How can you want me? You know what happened to me, you saw it with your own eyes for god's sake! How can you?” He searches Kyo's eyes for any sign, anything to confirm his fears that he can't possibly want him like this.

“With ease.” Kyo says calmly as ever. “Because I like you so much and you make me feel so good and I want to make you feel good too. All of me is so different with you near, my body feels different, I didn't understand it before but I do now. I want to be closer to you. Because I know who you are. I do know what happened, and what happened makes me furious beyond words but it can't alter my opinion about you nor change how I feel. If anything it hightens my regards because I know it takes a great deal of strength to survive what you survived—probably a lot more than I can comprehend. I have the highest esteem for you. What was done to you, it doesn't define you, that's not you.”

Kyo comes closer to lean their foreheads together.

“You're not ruined, not dirty or any other bad terms you think applies to you, none of it. You're so perfect, all of you, trust me on that and don't let your head fool you into thinking otherwise because of what was done to you. Don't let him win. If there's one thing I want more than anything it's for you to see yourself the way I see you, or at least accept and trust my feelings for you. Don't give anyone the power to stand in your way, I want you to be free, I want you to be happy, I will be with you every step of the way, always, in any way you want me. You're not alone.”

“Kyo...”

“You're safe. We can stop now and try another time—or never—it's up to you,” Kyo continues, “we won't go on unless we both want to. Don't feel pressured in any way.”

“You would do that for me?”

“Of course I would.”

Ruki's mouth tugged at the corners. “What would you get out of this relationship if we never did anything?”

Kyo trails the skin over his cheekbone softly with the tips of his fingers. “I don't like to refer to it as getting something out of you, but the answer is a hell lot. Your company, your trust, your kisses, to sleep next to you, the privilige of keeping you safe, not to mention the honor of being able to name us as in 'a relationship', I could make the list longer but you get my point.”

Ruki's hand lifts, placing itself plainly over Kyo's collarbone. “Oh my god you're such a romantic I don't know how to handle it.” '

He leans in longingly, not able to resist when Kyo's mouth was so close, sealing their lips in a simple yet so honest gesture; the only way he knew how to respond to and process all those big things he had spoken. Parting his lips he slips his tongue inside Kyo's already awaiting mouth that was tasting differently, bearing a tang of salt but not enough to be overwhelming.

“Mm.” Ruki sighs into the kiss.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No. Never is not an option for me.”

Kyo chuckles lightly, bringing him into another loving lock of mouths.

“Mm.” Ruki angles his his head to the side, deepening the kiss, tongue caressing Kyo's, his arm unwinding from around his legs. “I want this.”

“You felt really good in my mouth.” Kyo's hand finds his knee and slowly glides down and up his thigh.

Ruki was opening up to him again. Relaxing. Thighs spreading just a little, and when Kyo deemed him ready he encouraged them to spread fully, finding no resistance whatsover, until Ruki lied back down, pulling on Kyo to come with him so he settles back between the spread legs, supporting himself on his arms on either side of his head.

“Your body feels so good against mine,” he tells him inbetween kisses. Ruki's arms went around his back and his hips arched up against him. So good indeed.

He breaks the connection of their mouths momentarily to make Ruki look at him, touching his hair on either side of his head, rolling his hips one time and then another, watching the pleasure on the youth's face, the rosy tint on his cheeks and hazy eyes.

“Kyo.” He wraps his legs around him and it was so intimate, so close. This was where he wanted him. He truly wanted him. Kyo's skin and weight felt wonderful while pressing down on him. He reaches down between their bodies, wrapping his fingers around both their lengths, rubbing the undersides of their cocks back and forth to the sides, creating a wonderful friction to that sensitive nerve just below the head, watching Kyo's face before the older engaged him in a new, sloppier kiss.

The stimulation was incredible, the length of Kyo's shaft sliding against his own, so warm and good and leaking. He gathers the moist and uses it for lubricant, stroking his hand up and down their cocks simultaneously.

Kyo's eyes looked at him without faltering, a look that used to intimidate him but he'd now come to love and associate with warmth. They were glazed over with lust and he pumped harder up and down to make his lids fall shut in pleasure before rising back up to look at him again as if he needed the contact as much as Ruki did. The eyecontact made it all the more special. He wants to make him come. Wants to be the first to bring him over the edge of pleasure.

He focused on giving Kyo's cock more stimulation, applying more pressure to the tip which he seemed to enjoy because he rolled his hips down.

Oh, the delicious weight of his body.

Just as Ruki thinks how he won't be able to last long at all, Kyo breathes differently, telling him he's close so he keeps stroking, his own cock trembling for release when Kyo's eyes squeeze shut and his mouth opened in a silent hiss.

He tenses up, trembling in his whole body and even his wings with a rustle before Ruki can feel his release spurting. Kyo groans low in his throat, his breath a shudder on Ruki's skin. For a split second he almost loses his head again at the feeling of the warm cum on his stomach, immensely relieved that the feeling was shortlived. He wanted this so much and he wanted to watch and feel Kyo cum.

He lets go of his own erection to slowly stroke Kyo as he rode out his orgasm, spilling a few more white thick drops of cum dripping down on his cock, making him yearn for attention but Ruki ignored it. Kyo looked beautiful during orgasm, so out of control in those seconds of bliss. He gave everything to Ruki despite how unused he was to having his shields down. Wanted Ruki to have him, take him.

Kyo's eyes opened and he gave Ruki a deep kiss, slipping out of his hand, over-sensitive. Ruki placed his both hands instead on Kyo's hips, feeling the bone there, responding eagerly to the kiss.

With a final lock of mouths Kyo sat back between Ruki's spread thighs, seeing his own cum on his torso, his aching cock. The human breathed deeply when he took him in his hand, using his cum, easily gliding along his shaft with wet sounds, paying attention to his reactions to find out what he liked.

It didn't take long before Ruki felt that familiar pressure building. He was so close but wasn't sure he could let himself go and held himself back with sheer iron will. Frightened, he gripped the sheets, tense with the effort to control himself. He could barely hold it together, was falling apart.

Kyo leans back over him, placing a soft kiss to his chest and he almost comes right then, “love, I want you to stop fighting for a moment. There's no need to keep your guard up with me. I want you to let yourself go and let me catch you, you know I won't let you fall.”

Kyo traces his tongue over Ruki's bottom lip, drawing a helpless moan out of him and he can't suppress the urge to purse his lips against his, the stroking on his cock never ceasing, making it harder and harder to hold back, Kyo's other hand burying in his hair at the side of his head. If he hadn't been so caught up in his struggle he would've melted from Kyo calling him 'love'.

He looks at him through lust-hazed eyes, seeing Kyo with clarity for who he was. A man who had so much love to give and no one to give it to. Until now. He'd just needed the right person to unravel him and give him the chance.

Kyo cares.

And Ruki wants him.

The gentleness is his undoing. He releases his hold on the fabric and holds on to Kyo's waist, and lets himself go. In seconds he's coming hard in Kyo's arms with a silent moan stuck in his throat, thrusting into Kyo's hand, his cum spilling onto his own stomach and he instantly wants to do this again. The next time he opens his eyes Kyo is still there, still gazing at him lovingly, still holding him. Ruki breaks into a smile.

He pants while Kyo nuzzles his hair, making him feel all fuzzy and warm.

“Are you okay?”

“More than okay.” More like soaring. More like feeling five hundred pounds lighter. “And you?”

“That was amazing.”

“It was.”

Ruki is grateful when the other wipes him clean with some fabric, he doesn't care what, and when he turns back to him he gives him a small affectionate kiss to his temple.

Ruki stood up in front of the other, in plain view for his eyes, displaying himself for him just as he was. He wasn't half as brave as he made himself appear, wasn't even sure that he was still breathing.

Kyo's full attention was on him, pale eyes taking in all of him, adoring him, before reaching up to lock with his.

“Hold me when I'm naked,” he tells him, trying to ignore the fact that those eyes roamed his exposed self. Hold him with no barriers, either physical or mental. Hold him when they both were at their most vulnerable.

Kyo rises with a smile, standing in front of him so close they almost touch, keeping their lock of eyes steady and Ruki straightens himself, before closing the last bit of distance between them so that they touch everywhere, wrapping not his arms but his wings around him. Ruki closed his eyes. Feels his post-orgasm sensitive skin wrapped up in the softest feathery embrace, every part of Kyo touching him. Feels the tips of Kyo's fingers ghost over his palms before gently holding his hands as if to encourage him to go on.

He slips out of his hands to hold him around the neck, stomach fluttering when Kyo nuzzles his neck. Everything about Kyo was so safe and warm and soft. He wanted him forever just like this. His voice is hushed at Kyo's ear.

“There's so much that tears us apart.”

“Yes.”  
  
“There's so much that makes me want you I can't listen to reason. I've lost the ability to care. Because you're too familiar. You're mine. Reason is madness because it's not right, this is right.”  
  
The man against him squeezed his body inside arms and wings.  
  
“I'm in pieces, scattered, unwhole.”  
  
“I want you just the same. I want your broken pieces. I want to collect all your pieces and guard them with my soul.” Kyo's soft voice answers back as if he knew what Ruki was after.

“Despite my ugliness and flaws?”

“No, not 'despite', because of your ugliness and your flaws. To me they don't make you foul, they are your strength and your beauty. You are perfect to me. I wouldn't have you any other way.”

“Never betray me.”

“Never.”

“Then, whatever is left of me, it's all yours.”

He was open for the other to take. This wasn't a custom where he came from, he wasn't rationally aware of his actions but at the same time knew exactly what he was doing, acting purely and honestly on a deeply rooted instinct, a most primal and natural urge. A behaviour he hadn't been aware of until now. And he did so with utmost exhiliration and readiness.

No more words were needed and so, Kyo leaned in, claiming his lips as well as his soul.

It was a feeling like being disconnected from the very own body for a split second. Then there was tearing and stretching and his breath seemed to be pulled out of his lungs and snatched from his mouth. That feeling too was gone in an instant.

Everything snapped into place and the world tilted and he felt full, somehow. Filled to edges. It happened so fast he didn't even have time to sway from the dizziness, and thankfully the feeling that followed that he was going to be sick was fleeting and gone too in a flash, replaced by a pleasurable state of being, as if what had filled him instantly soothed and stabled him. That faint glowing ember inside him exploded into a raging fire.

He holds on to the other, desperately trying to stay awake but his head grows fuzzy and unclear, falling with a little bump against something hard. Just before he blacks out he perceives himself being held. His body and the back of his head, his being, his very soul. Supported. Entangled in thorns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Ruki is often set out to seduce Kyo and he's not necessarily aware of it at all times. He just acts from a need and drive to have Kyo, and also to be able to be himself. He really craves that feeling of confidence he gets to feel around Kyo, he wants so badly to feel safe and seen and confident.  
> I struggle a bit to not make things too cheesy or over the top, especially during sexual scenes. I hope you liked this chapter and thank you so much for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smiling, he cups the underside of Kyo's left wing that had lain across the surface of their poor excuse for a bed and gently steers its movement, making room for himself to dive under it and snuggle up to his inhuman warmth. The wing falls back and folds over him protectively. It felt amazing tucked around his bare skin, how he longed for all the nights to come where he could sleep like this. 
> 
> “How wicked, that I should feel this way.”

Ruki is slowly brought out of his peaceful sleep, his full lips making a smile, he realizes, and he knows someone is there watching him, before his head starts coming around. Soon he remembers where he was and what had transpired earlier. His hair had become dry, he noted. Inside him the center of his chest squeezed in a good way and then unfurled, spreading a light sensation through him, and he feels like cotton. Soft and weightless.

The protective blanket laid over his naked body was slipping off due to the hand that began to caress along his skin, pulling the fabric along with its touches so gloriously, so very slowly, caressing him from his shoulder to his waist, to his hips and down his thighs until he's completely bared, then reversed the same path with hand only. As he let the hand move along him it brought a clear memory inside his mind, a memory of feathers and heat and orgasmic pleasure, and also a duller memory of a change that had occurred after that was barely still within his collection of memories but was very much a part of his consciousness.

He's resting on his side, some rumpled fabric supporting his head as a make-shift pillow, facing towards the man he could now proudly call his. From this day forward they belonged to one another. Not in a master and slave-kind of way, but in an invisible way that only they knew of. He could feel the bond everywhere, as if a small piece of Kyo was inside him. He felt eased, tranquil, accompanied, there wasn't just him anymore. An immense sense of safety and also something else, something that wasn't Kyo. It was rather an enhanced sense of him, of himself, all that he was, and all that he could be.

His skin forms goose bumps from the touch and the chilly air he was exposed to, nipples stiffening. He doesn't open his eyes, doesn't move, focusing entirely on the sensations of being touched and the way his body reacted to it. Having an almost too high level of susceptibility, like, no matter how hard he tried to defy Kyo he wouldn't be able to resist him, like he'd always be pulled back by some magnetic force.

“Let's stay here. Live the rest of our lives in the ruins of the first civilisation. Make it our kingdom. And when we die let's turn to stone and watch over the river from the highest tower. Leave everything else. Just us.” He trembles from the gentle touches, just barely controlling himself from moving his body closer to the heat he can feel radiating off the man lying close to him.

“I like the sound of that.” Kyo places a kiss to his forehead. “Are you cold?”

A shiver runs through him because of the hot breath on his face. “A little—don't stop. How long was I out for?”

“Not long, an hour tops.”

“Mm. Did you watch over me?”

“I did. Couldn't let you freeze here on your own, could I?”

“Or, 'I'm so in love with you I can't be away from you', that would've worked too.”

He hears Kyo's smile before he feels him leaning in to kiss his mouth and he instantly parts his lips in invitation, moaning helplessly when Kyo's tongue flicks against his own, feeling the kiss reach between his legs. He was sensitive. So sensitive. The memories of feathers and pleasure grows stronger with each stroke of Kyo's tongue and each press of lips before their tongues meet again.

“I'm so in love with you I can't be away from you.”

Ruki giggles, cupping his nape to bring him back to his lips, a rush of wonderful electricity coursing through him and making his cock swell.

His body was responding so readily, bringing back the feeling that he'd waited his entire life for him to touch him. He felt horny beyond his limits, with an insatible appetite for pleasure, craving more and more of Kyo's touches.

“What did you do to me?” He moans the words inbetween kisses.

There was something odd going on, something like his hand reaching out for Kyo yet it was almost like it didn't happen physically, but inside his mind. He wasn't sure his hand had moved at all, and the oddest thing was that no matter if it was physical or imagined he still managed to grasp something of Kyo's. An answer. Kyo answered.

He raises his top leg when he feels Kyo's hand on his thigh in silent encouraging for him to slip between them, sighing when it slowly trails along the inside of his thigh, closer and closer to his most sensitive area, running over his healing scars and he's grateful he doesn't ask about them. Kyo fondles his balls and then form a circle with his fingers around the tip of his cock, barely enough to close around him and just enough for him to arch into it and find not quite the amount of friction he needs, but enough to make him desperate out of his mind.

He needs release already.

Kyo's mouth parts from his so that his eyes finally flutter opened to meet pale ones, before the older lowers his mouth on his throat in the softest kiss.

“You're mine,” Kyo says.

Not quite understanding, he still knew Kyo spoke true in the deepest way.

Kyo uses his thumb so that it very lightly glides over the underside of his cock, brushing his sensitive spot with each arch of his hips into his hand and Ruki is panting, shivering with want when Kyo's face hovers above his own, leaning in as if to kiss but then moves out of reach so he rolls onto his back and moans impatiently, needing their mouths to lock, his cock giving a little twitch.

Kyo was stark naked, shifting his position a little, leaning closer to him and brushing his lips in a feather-light touch, watching attentively Ruki's slow movements into his hand, seeing his parted lips red and swollen, his flushed cheeks and his heavy eyelids. Studying him.

It made him feel a little embarrassed but more than that he felt tingly.

He reacts with a violent shiver as Kyo nibbles his lips impossibly softly, sucking on his plump bottom lip while his hand gives him light strokes in perfect sync with his own movements, fast dissolving under his gentle ministrations.

“You like it soft and slow,” Kyo voices and Ruki confirms with a breathy 'yes'.

He was right, the softer he touched him the more he responded.

“Just a little tighter.”

“Like that?” Kyo tightened his grip around him slightly.

He'd feel embarrassed about how easy he was to please and be brought over the edge, but he couldn't be bothered right now and he figured he can't be truly ashamed with a man so loving and caring and that's why he gasped his approval as Kyo stroked him way too good.

“You're so sensitive.” With his free hand Kyo experimentally teases one of Ruki's nipples with the same amount of gentle softness and the responses were immediate.

He kept teasing him below the head because it made the younger pant and roll his hips. Leaning in to kiss him again he realizes with wonder that Ruki was close.

“You look so beautiful right now.”

“Kyo,” a whimper. He was rapidly nearing his end just from the soft kissing and Kyo's hand around him speeding up, and just like the first time he feels he must hold himself back. Like a door closing and locking right in his face so that he can't open it, that passing through that door wasn't permitted, not for him. No matter that he bangs on the door it doesn't open. “Kyo.”

There was an energy coiling inside him, caressing him from the inside out, lulling him into safety. No walls, no doors. He feels his orgasm coming and it's too late to hold it back—is drawn out of him. He's desperate for it in those last moments before it finally hits him.

Muscles contract, hips lifting from the surface, pushing against Kyo's hand with uncontrolled force, and Kyo's mouth takes his gasp as he spills for the second time. Thighs spasming, he digs his nails into Kyo's skin, holding on to him to make sure he was there to catch him, releasing another gasp that he couldn't have supressed if he'd tried.

Kyo doesn't cease kissing him until his climax comes down, feels his hand leaving his member and splaying over his belly. The older man breaks the kiss and it takes him a few hazy moments before he realizes what he's up to and instantly goes red.

“What are you doing?”

“What?” Kyo asks and Ruki, still panting from his high, can only stare in confused horror as he licks his mess from his hand.

“That's so embarrassing.”

“Why? I was curious. It's you.”

“Gross.”

Kyo's eyebrows rise, amused. “It's not gross. I like it.”

“You can't kiss me now.”

“But I really want to kiss you.”

Ruki smirks when Kyo's smile vanish without a trace. “Not happening. Having regrets?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Yes and no, because I really like this stuff too.”

“This stuff? You mean my sticky, icky, dirty mess? Ugh.”

“Icky?”

Ruki groans out loud and look away when Kyo's hand goes back to his stomach to wipe him clean, only to bring his hand back to his mouth. “I can't believe you!”

“There, all clean.”

“You actually did that.”

“I did.” The beast tries to snuggle against him, his nose nuzzling his neck. “Is it really so bad?”

Ruki turns to him, inclining his head lightly and Kyo kisses him carefully, parting his lips for him and Ruki licks past them timidly, and retreats with a face.

“I just know you're going to be a dirty lover, I'm right aren't I?”

“Probably, yeah. I want to try everything.” Kyo grins.

“What have I gotten myself into.”

Ruki who was panting from his orgasm was starting to see a pattern as Kyo held him and nuzzled his chest. “You're just the most harmless beast ever, arent you? I knew you were just a cuddly lovable soul seeking to be seen.”

“You're just as soft and cuddly and loveable, but on the inside,” the older traced a finger over his heart, “you're smoldering.”

Ruki dipped his face down to kiss Kyo's hair. “You're only harmless towards me.”

Kyo chuckled, “yeah.”

“Only me.”

With a breathy chuckle the older pressed a kiss on him.

“Because I'm special.”

“You're special,” Kyo says. “Ruki?”

“Yes?” He felt Kyo's hand over his stomach doing circles, lowering, and his eyes fluttered closed again.

“You're still hard.”

“It will go away.” Ruki mumbles.

Kyo gave him room to protest and he tried to but he couldn't. He moaned and rolled his hips when that hand came dangerously close to his sensitive organ—he can't help it. Wants Kyo to bring him over the edge and make him fall and catch him, over and over again.

“How many times can you reach conclusion?”

“I've never done more than three in a row but I can't always, I seem to be growing out of it these last couple of years.” He's fighting not to plea at this point, feeling Kyo's fingers in his hair then sliding down his inner thigh.

“Three? Fuck, you're incredible.”

Ruki pried his eyes opened. Kyo's cock was rock hard. So long and not too thick, the head perfectly shaped and swollen. Seeing it brought an urge that threw him off guard, an urge and a need to be filled, for that beautiful-looking member to connect their bodies and touch him inside until it spilled inside him. To see Kyo's hips thrust, desperate to feel Ruki around him. He never thought he'd feel that, at least not this early, he certainly wasn't ready, but fuck, how much he wanted it!

Moving his body lower so his hand could reach and wrap around that swollen flesh with confidence, throwing Kyo off guard, making him release one of those rare uncontained moans as he gives him a stroke, he keeps imagining how it would be. How Kyo would love it and lose himself.

Kyo leaked. He leaked heavily. As if he was overflowing and needed to release the pressure which was so damn hot. He collects the thick moist and uses it to easier glide over him. The slick sounds his wet hand made as he continued stroking him along with Kyo's little sounds and heavy breaths made him ache, so that when Kyo grasps his own member in a soft grip he inhales sharply.

He lets his hand leave Kyo's cock and run over the outside of his thigh, down first and then moving up and behind the smooth curve, relishing in how the older so openly shows his enjoyment at being touched by him. As if finally being touched the way he's always needed but never could have, and Ruki suspects Kyo hadn't been aware of this need. He wants to tell him through touches that Kyo can have this now, that he won't stop, that he'll give him as much as he wants. He reaches his smooth buttock and glances into his eyes. He's allowed. Gently, he squeezes the flesh, kneading it for a moment before his hand continues in its explorative path to the slight downward curve of his waist and tracing slowly over the ribs.

“You're so hot.” His attention lands at last on his neck.

There was something extremely sexy about his neck. It might be because of those frilly collars he always wears, the chokers and carelessly knotted bows, especially that stainlesss steel ring he'd seen on him many times, tempting him to tug on it. All of it had made him fascinated by Kyo's neck. It was just as alluring without any decorations.

He leans forward, lapping at the skin of the side of his neck to have a taste, appreciating what he finds, before sucking on a patch of skin over his vein, whimpering around it when Kyo teases the head of his cock—just happening to stroke him the way he always used to do to himself, and Kyo instantly caught on from his reaction.

He bites down on a new place, sucking to leave a mark, Kyo making a gruff noise in his throat and moving his head back to give him more access so he takes the opportunity to flick his tongue out and drag it along the arched throat from the dip above the collarbone to the adam's apple. He could feel the vibration against his tongue with that gruff noise. He was possessive, licking and kissing his way slowly towards the ear, sinking his teeth down to create a second mark, claiming. This neck was his.

Ruki smiles triumphantly upon reaching that ear, for Kyo's body told him without doubts that he too had found a sweet spot. He wraps his hand around Kyo once more, feeling him throbbing, leaking into his grip.

“Fuck.” He can't.

He moves enough to reach Kyo's mouth and press himself against his lips, Kyo eagerly kissing him back so he makes a little noise in his throat. Kyo's hand felt so good wrapped around him.

“Give me your fucking tongue,” he practically orders him.

Kyo grins, obeying, parting his lips, tongue darting out between them. Ruki touches it with the very tip of his own, sliding back and forth, moaning when the other responds, trying to get used to the lingering taste of himself, while increasing the speed and tightening his grip on his cock, flicking his wrist—slowing down again because he wants this to last so he can enjoy the intimacy of kissing him while touching his beautiful cock without rushing towards climax, and enjoy Kyo touching him back.

“Can I touch you?”

“You needen't ask me that everytime you know.”

“I don't want to hurt you.”

“You can't.”

So Kyo touched. Starting with one finger on the area between his eyebrows and moving down the arch of his nose, his lips, his chin, down his neck until he used the whole hand across his upper body, appearing fascinated by him. Ruki just rested his own attention on the man beside him while enjoying what he was doing to him.

Kyo touched him for a long while before his hand started playing with the hair between his legs. Ruki's breath slowed and his chest squeezed. Even more so when that hand touched him lower while he was soft. Kyo was such a hopelessly curious man, he thought, and he couldn't deny he was very attached to that curiosity.

“I love being with you,” Kyo says.

“Same here, beast.”

Ruki lies on his back, a black wing shielding his vision from above, curling and lowering towards him. Kyo was positioned on his stomach to his left, naked, head resting against his folded arms, when he raised his delicate bodypart over him like a cat asking for a pet.

The thunder outside roared and the rain fell heavily as he stretches his arm up, tracing the feathered limb gently with the tips of his fingers, following length of it in admiration. Inside the tent it didn't shift in color but was solid black, like the hair on his head, like the hair between his legs. When fully stretched Kyo's total wingspan was the length of his body multiplied by ten, perhaps more. In here, over Ruki, it was mostly retracted because there wasn't enough room for their insane length.

After he's touched the hard part a couple of times he goes on to follow a few of the largest feathers from the base and in the direction of the tips, hearing Kyo sigh. He tips his fingers so his nails runs along them. The feathers are as soft as he remembers from earlier, they even resembled how silky Kyo's dick felt.

“Feels good?”

“Mm,” is Kyo's low reply with closed eyes. “It's nice when you do it. Soothing.”

Ruki rolls his equally bare body onto his side in his direction so he can reach the very base of the limb on the man's back where it was thickest, following it until he feels the much thinner tip that leads him resting his spine back down on the surface again. He can understand why Kyo would be so uncomfortable with anyone coming close to his wings because of how valuable they were. Because Kyo had seen what losing them was like. Ruki didn't need a pair of wings of his own to understand that grief.

He keeps exploring and running his hands along feathers, delighting in the feel, happy, because the other was so relaxed with it. It made him so damned thrilled and excited, knowing what a privilige this was and how much trust he was being given by the man who had never let anyone remotely as close as himself now was. He's been allowed to touch his wings, his cock, his ass!

“What are you laughing about?”

“Oh nothing,” he smirks.

After a while, when the older appears sleeping or just about to fall, Ruki gets up to straddle his waist. Supporting himself with hands sprawled over shoulderblades he leans forward between the wings, rubbing his nose very lightly over Kyo's nape, kissing the skin before moving higher over the shorter hairs at the back of his head, just barely grazing it so that it tickles his nose, and to the longer, straight cut-off strands. They could both use a good proper washing by now but Kyo's hair wasn't gross at all. It didn't smell of soap but it was not dirty either. It smelled like him.

Ruki ruffles it playfully with his nose before dipping to place a kiss on the shell of Kyo's ear just because he can. And just because he can, he moves lower to nibble at the earring adorning his lobe, feeling him shiver beneath him in response.

He loved how Kyo let him do whatever he wanted, like an old dog bearing the playful energy of a pup, biting and tugging his ear and he doesn't even flinch. Only, Ruki too was out of energy right now, his body demanding rest which was so annoying now that he wanted to stay awake more than anything.

He sits back up, staring at the ugly scar on Kyo's back where he had mended him. It wasn't too bad for his first time stitching a person.

_“I think we accommodate each other perfectly, we're both too difficult, we carry too much bad history and too many scars for most other people to be able to handle and put up with us in a relationship, but together we'll do good, because we get it. I personally would only have been able to let someone in who were as fucked up as I am. I don't want easy and simple, I want you.”_

In deep thought as he recalls Kyo's words, he trails his fingers over the raised skin, following the length of it, agreeing, in his mind, with the meaning of them. He too can't imagine he would've been able to be with someone who couldn't begin to understand his pain. Even if Kyo didn't share his experiences and vice versa, he needed—required—someone with the ability to relate and not be scared off by the wounds and what they'd made him into. Because Kyo knew his history and the way his mind worked there was no need to hide which in the end would break any relationship he went into. Both their histories had altered them as people. He never would have trusted and opened up to Kyo if they hadn't had this shared crap and the connection they had found in the other as they slowly got to know each other.

As much as he detests that Kyo saw him like that back then it only strengthened his trust for him because if Kyo could see him at his absolutely horrid worst, shredded of everything, and still deemed him worthy of his protection, of his care. To still offer him everything. Still want him. There really were no words for how tightly that bound him to the winged man.

How far they've come since the day of the stitching, how scared he'd been when Kyo asked to hold his hand, how untrusting Kyo had been of him, and look at that beast now! Ruki sitting naked on his friggin' back and touching his delicate wings after they've made love! Soon Ruki would lose track of how many times they jerked each other off, they could barely keep their hands off each other now.

Smiling, he cups the underside of Kyo's left wing that had lain across the surface of their poor excuse for a bed and gently steers its movement, making room for himself to dive under it and snuggle up to his inhuman warmth. The wing falls back and folds over him protectively, feeling amazing tucked around his bare skin. How he longs for all the nights to come where he can sleep like this.

“How wicked, that I should feel this way.”

Leaning in he lays his mouth just barely on the outer shell of Kyo's ear, whispering very quietly.

“I am bound to you.”

What time of day was it? He had no idea. He was going to sleep.

Kyo's hand was on his scars. Turns out he didn't need to explain much for they pretty much spoke for themselves and Kyo knowing him so well explained all the rest.

“Do you think the scars make me gross and ugly? I'm really scared that you'll think that.”

“You're beathtaking, I love everything about you, and if ever you forget that or start doubting tell me, and I'll shower you with kisses everywhere.”

“Damn you, you always make me smile like a fool even in moments like these where you should be scolding me.”

“Good.”

Kyo indulged him in the sweetest kiss after that.

“But what kind of lover would I be if I scolded you for doing what you can to survive? You can come to me anytime you feel like that, you know that don't you?”

“I know, _my lover_.”

And that was all that was needed to be said on the subject.

“Ruki?”

“Hm?”

“How long have we been inside?”

He shrugs, throwing on a warm sweater, “don't know. It stopped raining a while ago, that's all I can tell you. It was dark at some point and I really, really need to piss so I'd say a good while.”

“If you're up for it I can give you an orgasm that would make you lose control.”

“Oh god, you dirty beast!” He pushes his bangs out of his face hastily and corrects the sweater around his hips before fastening the belt of his pants. “I'm going into the forest to pee right now before you make me soil the only bed we have!”

“It's already soiled,” Kyo says, still bare chested and clad only in black pants that made him look way too hot.

Ruki stopped briefly. “How can you make a face like that when you propose something like that even as a joke?” He breaks out laughing, too much and too loud.

“Like what?”

“I don't know, squishy.” He grabs himself through his pants, still laughing which threatened to make him lose control right then. “You're adorable- fuckfuck, I have to go, bye!” He hurls himself for the opening of the tent and runs outside.

Kyo snickers behind him. “Who said it was a joke?”

The rain had stopped, the skies had stilled, and the fire was back to life. Crackling. Roasting their breakfast/lunch/dinner – whatever, they'd missed a few meals. The storm had moved past them a while ago and the earth was no longer wet as the two sat on opposite sides of the fire, warmly clothed and bringing much needed satisfaction to their stomachs.

Ruki hadn't realized how hungry he was until he felt pain from those first mouthfuls of food, his stomach reprimanding him for neglecting it for so long. He wasn't sorry. Not in the least.

Kyo gazed at the human, the dancing flames obscuring parts of him. In the light of it his blonde hair had a more golden shine than usual, his skin was yellowed as opposed to his natural ivory coloring. He couldn't quite believe everything that had happened these last few days and especially the last 24 hours. Couldn't believe that cute creature across from him licking grease from his fingers and shoving some more meat into his mouth, unawares of being watched, was one he could refer to as his loved one.

The other didn't notice his stare at first and then he did. He chewed and swallowed while keeping their lock of eyes, and smirked.

Kyo was absolutely weakened.

The days molded together. There was day and night but neither of them cared to keep track. Ruki and Kyo followed each other around like they were attached by an invisible string. They roamed the surrounding grounds around the ruins as well as explored the old buildings themselves. Ruki tried to be interested in the stones, but all Kyo seemed to be doing was using the exploring as an excuse to kiss him someplace new.

“You're stalking me,” he commented.

“Yes,” Kyo murmured back.

“Go stand over there,” he pointed at a random spot in the corridor they were passing through and Kyo actually halted for a fraction of a second and stared at him. Instead of following his command though, the beast came at him.

Ruki groaned when Kyo's mouth attacked, pressing over different places around his mouth and on his lips and back to the skin of his face, hands tenderly landing on his waist and moving up and down his sides.

“You-,” but he didn't get the chance to speak because Kyo was too fast to capture his lips again, his tongue poking inside so his attempt at speech turned into gasps.

His lips was swollen. His heart never rested. Alive. He was so alive.

“You're a lousy commander.” He couldn't take all these sweet kisses, his body couldn't take it. So he grabbed Kyo by the shoulders and backed him up against the wall before sliding his hands into his hair and kissed him back with fire, grinding against his hips and Kyo held him back tightly to keep him close.

Because of his playful nature Ruki couldn't resist the opportunity at a few games from time to time when they presented themselves. Since the other was such a loser at this and so new to these sort of interactions, it was simply impossible not to and Kyo never let him down, always walking into his traps much to his amused delight. Like when Kyo was set to go hunting and Ruki pulled him into a make out session the other couldn't refuse, using his skillful tongue and moaning into his mouth, pulling on his jacket, until the older was holding him as close as possible and Ruki could clearly feel his excitement pressed against him. He disarmed his body then and hid the belt behind his back, expecting Kyo to notice such a lame and obvious move immediately. Kyo finally drew away, glancing at his mouth before straightening himself, backing away from him and sending Ruki a grin while readying his wings for takeoff on the spot, and lifted himself straight into the air.

He'd returned a while later, any trace of a grin gone from his face, walking with steady steps to their campsite, muttering, “forgot my fucking weapons. I had gotten so far by the time I realized and had to go back again,” he shook his head, reaching for said items from inside the tent where Ruki had put them in their usual place where Kyo would leave them while he sleeps. Keeps muttering inaudibly and Ruki has to clasp a hand over his mouth to stifle his grin.

For a hunter and warrior to not even notice the weightloss of his weapons in such long time was terribly amusing and flattering in Ruki's mind and at last he can't stop himself from laughing. Laughs even harder when the older turns to him with raised eyebrows.

“Funny is it? I have to go out there again. It's not bloody funny.”

“I find your grumpy face real funny.”

Kyo grunts.

“I thought you liked hunting. To be all on your own out in the forest with no one to bother your anti-social ass, killing animals like the beast you are.” Ruki sends him a smug grin when Kyo looks at him. “Or,” He walks over to him, “perhaps you don't like to be alone anymore?”

Kyo's full attention was instantly on him, pale eyes travelling to his mouth and back to his eyes, looking all conflicted, not knowing what to do with himself.

“Was your head preoccupied? Did you have something else on your mind? You gotta' keep your head in the game, my lover, or you'll be out hunting for hours. You know I can't sleep without you.”

Yes, Kyo was such a loser, his eyes flashing with part confusion, part curiosity, trying to understand what Ruki was doing. “Is this a game?”

“Mm, a game,” Ruki whispers, biting Kyo's lower lip. He could almost feel Kyo's bitterness roll off him, an excitement in his chest like his own. “You have teeth don't you?”

A light went alit inside Kyo's eyes. “Not sharp enough.”

“No? I bet you can take down a stag with that strength you have.”

Kyo's eyebrows rose. “Is that something you like to think about?”

“Mm. You attacking things turns me on. These turns me on,” he says and squeezes Kyo's bicep.

Once when Kyo was away he'd missed him so much he had to sneak inside the tent and get himself off to be rid of his freaking boner. The way Kyo pretty much attacked him in there later during the same day made him wonder if Kyo could smell it.

But their road was never going to be straight, no road was. At one point as Kyo was close to camp and Ruki was off in the forest he felt the shift clearly, inside. It wasn't his own mood that had darkened, it was Ruki, and he could feel it faintly at first despite the distance because of their connection.

Unsure weather he should wait for him to get back or if he better search for him, Kyo began pacing, drawing his hand through his hair as the minutes crept by and Ruki's anxiety kept growing and growing. With Ruki's anxiety in his chest his own worry was hard to bear, yet he didn't want to push, Ruki might want to deal with it on his own.

Deciding to give Ruki some more time before he goes after him, to kill some time and pent some of that anxiety out he practices throwing knives at a target near the forest, not that he needs practice but it kept his hands busy.

Before he's made his sixth throw the human makes his appearance much to his relief. He focuses on the tree and throws the knife one last time, leaving it buried to the hilt into the trunk and snap his full attention on Ruki. The younger walks towards him without any firewood, then stops a few paces away as if thats how far he got before his muscles stopped cooperating.

Ruki was slipping, he could easily tell. He could see it on his drawn mouth, the furrow in his brow, his shoulders. The other made an effort to keep them stout but was failing. And his eyes were clouded and distant, with a tint of hurt in them. Then his head hung down between his shoulders.

He was instantly by his side. It wasn't actually possible but he still tried to reach the other through their bond, to send his own strength through it and into Ruki to keep him up, to keep his legs from giving out, from his spirit to falter, from the man to question himself. At the same time he envelopes him in his arms, pressing him against his body with as much force as he dares without hurting him. Ruki was too low to even question his actions, his face just bumped down against his shoulder, not hugging him back but giving himself up entirely for Kyo to hold him up, and caves. Sobbing. Retching his heart out.

“It's okay, just let it out,” Kyo murmurs, kissing his hair. “I'm here. I'll always be here.”

He doesn't ask what happened, he's sure it was Ruki's own head messing things up for him again, afterall his trauma wasn't just going to go away. Was only grateful that Ruki had come to him for support.

The younger cries and cries and when he comes out of his heaviness enough to, he grips his jacket tightly with both hands. “I'm so angry I can't stand it,” he says inbetween sobs. “I'm so sick of being powerless and weak. To be run over and used. I have no voice. No one listens to me. When people look at me they see a small person, a weak person, whom they can do whatever they want to. They don't take me seriously. I'm just a fucking hole.”

“Oh, Ruki.” It stung to hear Ruki say that, it stung greatly. He presses another kiss to his head, eyes scrunching shut. “That's not how I see you, that's not what you are. They're wrong about you.”

“I feel like they are right.”

“I know. If only you could see what I see when I look at you. I'm so proud of you, you know that?”

“No.”

“I am. So proud. I want to raise you into the air and shout that you're mine so loud the entire world will know. I'm so proud of who you are. I swear you do have a voice, I hear you loud and clear. I hear you. And by god you're not a 'fucking hole'.”

“Don't be a sap right now,” Ruki says. “Do you really mean that?”

The hopeful tone in the Ruki's voice is heartbreaking because of course he means it and he wishes he would stop doubting, but if he didn't Kyo would reassure him tirelessly. “I mean it.”

“Thank you.”

“Don't thank me. I merely speak the truth.”

A second wave washes over him like an attack and Ruki gasps for air.

“Kyo!” He can't breathe properly. “I'm scared. Don't let them take me. Don't let them kill me.”

“Never. I won't let anyone hurt you.” He holds his blonde head, keeping his own voice hushed and calm. “You're not alone.”

“I am alone.” A whimper.

“You're not.”

“I am, you're not real.”

“I'm as real as you are and I'm not letting you give up.”

“I don't believe you.”

“I'm here aren't I? You know what's real, don't listen to your fears, don't doubt. Breathe. That's all you need to do.”

“Don't leave me,” Ruki whimpers. “Don't leave me alone.”

“Never.”

“Don't leave me.”

“I won't.” When Ruki keeps gasping and whimpering, thick salty tears rolling down his sweet cheeks, Kyo brings a hand to the side of his face, massaging his temple. “Breathe.”

“I can't do this. I don't think I can. I'm so tired.”

Kyo grasps the younger's body when he threatens to fall, experiencing that incredible weight to some extent, closing the own eyes. He was so intent on holding him up, on not letting him give up because he knew Ruki didn't truly want to. He whispers close to his ear, “it's okay to give up for a while if you let me help you. I'll steady you when you can't steady yourself. Okay? Give yourself up to me.”

He knew what was in Ruki. Exhaustion. Complete exhaustion. He was so tired he didn't have the energy to stay alive. But he didn't want to die. He was too burdened by the past and the loneliness, and reaching desperately, afraid and probably expecting Kyo to not take his hand. When he struggles to breathe more properly, deeper, Kyo draws soothing gestures on his back to aid him, respecting him so much for still trying. For still being recipient to help when it's offered to him, because he can tell the fact that he has help almost makes Ruki shut off in fear but fights not to. It makes him think he came to him just in time before he would have been lost forever.

The younger chokes a little on an intake of air. Keeping a steady arm around his midsection, Kyo moves the other back to his hair and cradles his body lightly, combing his fingers through his hair. “It's okay. I'm here.”

Kyo holds him through his hurt. Ruki finally calms down and utter an apology for his behaviour, able to support his own weight but Kyo wasn't ready to let him out of his arms just yet.

“Don't apologize. Never apologize. You can lean on me.”

Ruki takes half a step back, damp lashes fluttering open. Kyo can't hinder himself from drying his tears.

“My thoughts ran berserck,” he explains and Kyo's relieved at the new tone in his voice and the anxiety loosening its cruel grip on him. “I can't control them sometimes.”

“Okay.”

“I almost got lost. I was afraid I wouldn't see you again.”

“I would have come for you, you know that.”

Ruki was grateful the other didn't diminish his feelings. He knew them to be stupid but they still got ahold of him and out there on his own he'd been unable to keep his head up. “I'm so angry.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I'd listen.”

The human gazes at him reluctantly, like he half wants to. “I'm not sure I want you to know. I mean, I could tell you but, I don't know. I can't. No. I can't tell you.”

“That's okay, no pressure.”

“I can't tell you!”

“Okay.”

“I can't!”

“That's okay.”

“He raped me, okay?!” Ruki shouted. “He destroyed me and he used me and he- he took everything from me and I'm never going to be okay again!”

Stunned by his raw outburst Kyo couldn't bring himself to speak for a moment.

“Do you hear me?! I'm ruined because of him! He did that to me!” Ruki continued to raise his voice, his eyes red and wet, glaring.

Kyo cleared his throat. “You're not. You're not.”

Ruki made an effort to push him away, biting his wobbling lip inside his mouth. When Kyo didn't let him go he raised his hands on himself and started scratching his face. Kyo immediately caught them inside his own.

“Don't do that,” he spoke softly, continously taking Ruki's hands as they went on to pull at his own hair and punch himself.

Every move he directed at his own body Kyo tried to ease him to stop, bringing his hands down and letting them go until he didn't let them go anymore because Ruki only kept punishing himself every time he did. Ruki fought him hysterically then, letting out a scream that made Kyo completely cease touching him, and then Ruki's body gave out and went down and the tears just rolled. Kyo caught his waist anew.

“Kyo,” Ruki murmured weakly inside his arms.

“It's okay.”

“Kyo.” He whimpers. “I can't.”

He runs his hands gently through that abused hair, stroking his cheek. “Just stay with me. It's okay, do whatever you need, just let me help you.”

“I don't understand why. I don't- Why? Why did he do that to me? What had I done to deserve...” the younger snivels and Kyo is relieved he's given up on trying to harm himself.

“It wasn't you Ruki. It was him.”

There's a silent pause then and he can tell the other is analyzing in his head. When he looks at him all conflicted, on the verge of tears, he cups his cheek and press a lingering kiss right under his eye, and then a second kiss to his temple. Tightening his arm around his body encouragingly. He wouldn't coax Ruki to talk, only try to convince him to not keep it bottled up if he wanted to let it out.

Ruki parts his lips, breathing in and out a few times, choosing to lean on him. “The worst part of it was that I always knew it was going to happen again. He hated me so much. I didn't understand what I'd done to deserve it.”

 _Nothing. You did absolutely nothing._ But he doesn't say it. He was only there to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter of moments. I thought Ruki needed one more breakdown and then to open up and talk about everything that's happened because he really needs that and it marks a turning point for him. Things will really start to change from now on.  
> They're touching upon the bonding thing just a little bit here, it will be explained fully later on. Kyo felt that Ruki was his to bond with for the first time back in the fighting ring after Ruki had been kidnapped out of his home, which made him all the more curious and eager to get to know him after that. Ruki had the same experience in chapter 11 after their big talk. But the bond has been there all the time, waiting and pulling them together.  
> Thank you for reading!


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